CALOVELY Posted March 6, 2012 Share Posted March 6, 2012 You guys just don't understand the POWER OF LOVE!!!!! :love: Oh boy have I been waiting to comment to you. You are delusional and self absorbed. You don't have a damn clue what love is. Love isn't about a quiver in your genitals or a raunchy screw fest with somebody elses husband. Love is deeper than that but you I doubt you will know that with "Stud muffin" as all he cares about is a roll in the hay and a locket tossed your way from a pawn shop and yet you mock the wife. Amazing. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 6, 2012 Share Posted March 6, 2012 Daisy always pops in at just the right moment … She said she called her back and told her her name and "supposes" that the wife knows who she is since they co-authored a book together. This fictional tale gets lamer by the minute. If it is in fact true, then hide your rabbits and box cutters. No kidding. If this OP "co-authored" a book, I can only hope that it wasn't written in English. The writing on display here is not publish-worthy. Nor is the grasp on .. anything. Link to post Share on other sites
DonVee Posted March 6, 2012 Share Posted March 6, 2012 You guys are just jealous. :lmao: I enjoy my sanity and wouldn't trade it for none of this... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted March 6, 2012 Share Posted March 6, 2012 When I told her the news, she might have thought that now I am the problem. An old adage says "Don't kill the messenger". I'm not the problem. Well, you're like the glob of hair in the drain pipe. You can say that narrow pipes and someone's hair falling out, and the lack of a screen over the drain are the real problems and the hairball in the pipe is just a symptom of what needs to be solved elsewhere. And that's all well and good if we're having an academic discussion, but in the real world, the hairball is just one more crappy element of a big crappy situation that needs to be solved. I'm the symptom of their bigger underlying problem. You spend a LOT of time talking about them and what's going on with them. How about you and what you aspire to in life? Is being a "symptom" in someone else's marriage your vision for yourself? ...it all requires certain amount of energy. Why doesn't he invest that energy in improving the relationship with his wife? Mystifying, isn't it? But I wonder, again swinging the view around to your own situation: in your life, this all requires certain amount of energy. Why don't you invest that energy in improving your life in almost any other way? You claim this situation "works" for them. Really now: does it work for you? Is this all you aspire to, playing the part of a symptom in someone else's life? You guys just don't understand the POWER OF LOVE!!!!! :love: You guys are just jealous. Jealous at your collection of Huey Lewis and the News records, maybe... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CALOVELY Posted March 6, 2012 Share Posted March 6, 2012 Daisy always pops in at just the right moment … No kidding. If this OP "co-authored" a book, I can only hope that it wasn't written in English. The writing on display here is not publish-worthy. Nor is the grasp on .. anything. You mean the fragmented sentences, the non-sequitur, the fact that she used past and present tense interchangeably, not only in her "blog" but also in her post? If she's an "author", I'm Kate Middleton. Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted March 6, 2012 Share Posted March 6, 2012 If she's an "author", I'm Kate Middleton. Incidentally, your sister looked pretty hot in that dress at your wedding. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted March 6, 2012 Share Posted March 6, 2012 (edited) Okay.... I have to say, I understand being an OW in several contexts and ways. Some circumstances seem more understandable than others. However, the case of the OW who spends all her time analyzing the MM and his marriage and his wife's problems and chastises them for being codependent or having some other issue, yet is still in a "relationship" with him, playing his secret-psychologist andfeeling superior to the wife, no doubt....I'm sorry this is just very very strange to me. See the thread on the sad OW.... One IMO, has to have some kind of issue to gain pleasure or find the time to do this. One spends all their time and energy critiquing these other people, whose lives one has chosen to become an extra in, yet seem to have no sense of self-reflection on how it relates to one's own issues. It is like the focus on these other people allows one the freedom to never have to change one's own life or question one's own self and what is wrong with you. You therefore get a PhD in MM's marriage while completely oblivious to the fact that indeed you must have an issue as well to willfully become an ethnographer of this man's relationship while in an affair with him. Reminds me of when my ex and I broke up and I spent all this time researching his issues instead of focusing on me. It was such a waste of time and such a distraction from the REAL issues. Thankfully I woke up! Once I realized it didn't matter what his problem was, as that was not anything I could solve, I started focusing on my own issues that the breakup brought to the fore...then I started to heal rapidly. Yet all the time I spent engrossed in "his problem" and playing secret psychologist to him, I was stuck on a treadmill to nowhere. All the time I spent researching and knowing all about his issues was a handy way of avoiding myself....it was such a huge waste of time. The OP here has taken this kind of thing to another level and I hope she eventually sees this and devotes a blog to HERSELF and her own life and leave these people to theirs. Edited March 6, 2012 by MissBee 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted March 6, 2012 Share Posted March 6, 2012 I was stuck on a treadmill to nowhere. All the time I spent researching and knowing all about his issues was a handy way of avoiding myself.... It's not enough just to click the "Like" button on this point... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
spice4life Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 It's not enough just to click the "Like" button on this point... Completely agree! I used to be like that too until I realized the same. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alexandria35 Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 Reminds me of when my ex and I broke up and I spent all this time researching his issues instead of focusing on me. It was such a waste of time and such a distraction from the REAL issues. Thankfully I woke up! Once I realized it didn't matter what his problem was, as that was not anything I could solve, I started focusing on my own issues that the breakup brought to the fore...then I started to heal rapidly. Yet all the time I spent engrossed in "his problem" and playing secret psychologist to him, I was stuck on a treadmill to nowhere. All the time I spent researching and knowing all about his issues was a handy way of avoiding myself....it was such a huge waste of time. The OP here has taken this kind of thing to another level and I hope she eventually sees this and devotes a blog to HERSELF and her own life and leave these people to theirs. Okay I did click on the like button...lol. There is so much truth to this. I wasted so many years trying to fix men, thinking that if only they would listen to me I could finally be happy. Ha! I really thought that these guys and their issues were keeping me from my own personal happiness. It somehow never occured to me to think I didn't have to be with these guys if their problems were making me so unhappy. I could have walked away at any time I wanted to and therefore there must be something kind of twisted in me to want to hang onto these guys and fix them I'm getting that sorted out now but what I wouldn't give to get those years back that I spent focusing on the entirely wrong person. I should have been looking at myself all along. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
alexandria35 Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 Oh and another thing that gets me is how freaking delusional I was about myself. I thought I knew everything and I thought I had my sh*t together. I could spout all the current cliches and psycho babble about how happiness comes from within and we are all responsible for our own fullfillment, blah blah blah...lol. I didn't get it. I thought I did but I didn't. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 Okay I did click on the like button...lol. There is so much truth to this. I wasted so many years trying to fix men, thinking that if only they would listen to me I could finally be happy. Ha! I really thought that these guys and their issues were keeping me from my own personal happiness. It somehow never occured to me to think I didn't have to be with these guys if their problems were making me so unhappy. I could have walked away at any time I wanted to and therefore there must be something kind of twisted in me to want to hang onto these guys and fix them I'm getting that sorted out now but what I wouldn't give to get those years back that I spent focusing on the entirely wrong person. I should have been looking at myself all along. Ditto and ditto! It is so freeing when you get off that treadmill of foolishness and control your own life. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Adriana2012 Posted March 7, 2012 Author Share Posted March 7, 2012 ....................................... ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, Link to post Share on other sites
Author Adriana2012 Posted March 7, 2012 Author Share Posted March 7, 2012 OK, the excerpt that I posted here is just one of the 55 blog posts I have. Not all of them are focused on their “good” marriage. Even if everything he said about their own relationship was lies, at least she will know now how he spoke highly of her and the M. Other blog posts are depicting the moments we spent together, I now I can see that that kind of content would be too hard for some of you to digest. ….It goes from the stages when we were strictly friends, to the time we both noticed something is happening and our friendship was transforming into an intimate relationship, to our first kiss, to the way he was telling me that he loves me when he is close to orgasm, to the gifts we exchanged, to the little scars that he has on his bottom, to the trips we took, to the phone calls of his wife he was rejecting when spending the nights with me, to the picture that I have of their marriage… There’s too much bitterness in some of the posts here and I can clearly see that some folks have been burned really badly in the past. Sorry about that. Anyway, when I called her, I wanted to see if something will change. Such as… that he will stop the affair, and dedicate himself and start working on their marriage. That way, I though, I will see his “real face”. A part of me wanted him, the real him, to hate me for what I’ve done and then turn to his wife. Nothing like that happened. He contacted me again, and told me, by the way, that he is not happy that I revealed more details. We continued the online communication and now he is sending me kisses, telling me that he misses me… She has my number and can call me anytime. I doubt that she will ever tell me to stay away from her husband or that they are working on their marriage. She is too passive aggressive for that. She won’t budge an inch. I won’t budge an inch either. I have the blog out there. One thing I’m sure of, is that I’m not going to put my life on hold because of him. I refuse to be a victim. I replaced self-pity with self-preservance. I cannot afford to see myself as an OW of 10, or 5 years. First time I called his wife was 4 months after the affair has started. Two months later I called her again to tell her my name and reveal addition information. So, their “good” marriage, might be a textbook case, but definitely I’m not a typical OW. This is relatively short affair. We’ve been intimate for the last 6-7 months. I feel that now is the time to make it or break it. Besides, I don’t want to marry him, nor I want him divorced. Just wanted to show her that the power games she plays on him are useless. I want him to be a person of his own and be able to make his own decisions. Decisions such as going out, not like divorcing. Before the affair, we were communicating every day (and night) for two years. He is really somebody I can deeply connect with. So, even if we stop being intimate, I cannot just give up on our friendship. He is not giving up, either. My MM is struggling with his own limitations. But that’s his own choice. Their “good” marriage is their “good” marriage. Not mine. If he wants to do something about it, he will have to do his homework by himself. Of course, there will be a bumpy ride ahead of him, full of twists. By the time he is done (if ever) I might not be around waiting for him. Like I said, I’m not going to make him central in my life and spend years waiting for his calls. Recently I went out for a drink with a male friend. I was amazed how relatively easy it was for both of us to schedule this meeting. No pressure of choosing the place or wondering if somebody might see us. Then I couldn’t help but compare. He was recently divorced and I admire this decisiveness to put an end to something that is beyond repair. This guy is 15 years younger than the MM, and is extremely handsome. The MM is overweight, getting bald, has gray hair... Paradoxically, still I find myself more attracted and attached to the MM. Could be the scarcity and the secrecy of the moments we share. Another male friend of mine has invited me to join him on a trip to Rome for 10 days. I’m going! We were never romantically involved and this is not going to be a romantic getaway, though. He is on a rebound from his previous relationship, and I need some time for myself. I’m looking forward to sightseeing. This is going to be my 3rd trip abroad without the MM, ever since we started the affair. For now, I’m staying with the married guy and we’ll see how things will develop in the future. Forcing myself to NC, won’t work. If I want out, it will happen when the time comes when I want, at my own pace, the natural way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 (edited) Other blog posts are depicting the moments we spent together, I now I can see that that kind of content would be too hard for some of you to digest. Wow, that's awesomely snooty of you... ...to the way he was telling me that he loves me when he is close to orgasm... Uh, you do know that you can't take anything we say at that moment to have any credibility, right? We've got two heads, but only enough blood to operate one of them at a time... There’s too much bitterness in some of the posts here... Yeah, bitterness. Yep, there are some posts here that show some bitterness. My MM is struggling with his own limitations. But that’s his own choice. Their “good” marriage is their “good” marriage. Not mine. If he wants to do something about it, he will have to do his homework by himself. Really? Not your marriage? He needs to do it for himself? Then why all of this kind of stuff: Just wanted to show her that the power games she plays on him are useless. I want him to be a person of his own and be able to make his own decisions. Decisions such as going out, not like divorcing. You're not doing so well at letting him do his own homework, are you? Before the affair, we were communicating every day (and night) for two years. He is really somebody I can deeply connect with. So, even if we stop being intimate, I cannot just give up on our friendship. He is not giving up, either. Ewww.... Yecch. So you are actually planning to stay in their marriage then. OK. At least call it what it is. Paradoxically, still I find myself more attracted and attached to the MM. Could be the scarcity and the secrecy of the moments we share. Could be the power play between you and his wife that feeds some kind of need in you. For now, I’m staying with the married guy and we’ll see how things will develop in the future. Forcing myself to NC, won’t work. If I want out, it will happen when the time comes when I want, at my own pace, the natural way. You keep saying you won't be the typical OW, that he needs to stand on his own feet, and that you won't wait around forever, and then following it with, essentially "... I'm staying with him." Which is it? Edited March 7, 2012 by Trimmer 3 Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 Wow, that's awesomely snooty of you... Uh, you do know that you can't take anything we say at that moment to have any credibility, right? We've got two heads, but only enough blood to operate one of them at a time... Yeah, bitterness. Yep, there are some posts here that show some bitterness. Really? Not your marriage? He needs to do it for himself? Then why all of this kind of stuff: You're not doing so well at letting him do his own homework, are you? Ewww.... Yecch. So you are actually planning to stay in their marriage then. OK. At least call it what it is. Could be the power play between you and his wife that feeds some kind of need in you. You keep saying you won't be the typical OW, that he needs to stand on his own feet, and that you won't wait around forever, and then following it with, essentially "... I'm staying with him." Which is it? Agree with every point. And yes, there certainly are some bitter posts in this thread. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 (edited) She is too passive aggressive for that. She won’t budge an inch. I won’t budge an inch either. I am struck by how much the two of you have in common, in addition to the same man. It sounds like he is the doormat type, drawn to women who make decisions for him. Just wanted to show her that the power games she plays on him are useless. I want him to be a person of his own and be able to make his own decisions. I'm still not sure what your end goal is, esp since you don't want him to leave or divorce. You just want him to come and go as he pleases, but he lacks the backbone to do that. She isn't the reason he is weak, and a pushover. He comes that way naturally. Edited March 7, 2012 by xxoo 4 Link to post Share on other sites
PhoenixRise Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 OK, the excerpt that I posted here is just one of the 55 blog posts I have. Not all of them are focused on their “good” marriage. Even if everything he said about their own relationship was lies, at least she will know now how he spoke highly of her and the M. Other blog posts are depicting the moments we spent together, I now I can see that that kind of content would be too hard for some of you to digest. Nobody said their marriage was "good". I am just saying that what he tells you may not be their or her reality. AND just so you know, it is not uncommon for a MM to speak ill of the wife and the marriage to the OW during an affair. It happens all the time so the content you posted is not too hard for some of us to digest, we see it all the time. Since YOU are digesting it I suggest you take it all with a grain of salt. ….It goes from the stages when we were strictly friends, to the time we both noticed something is happening and our friendship was transforming into an intimate relationship, to our first kiss, to the way he was telling me that he loves me when he is close to orgasm, to the gifts we exchanged, to the little scars that he has on his bottom, to the trips we took, to the phone calls of his wife he was rejecting when spending the nights with me, to the picture that I have of their marriage… There’s too much bitterness in some of the posts here and I can clearly see that some folks have been burned really badly in the past. Sorry about that. Anyway, when I called her, I wanted to see if something will change. Such as… that he will stop the affair, and dedicate himself and start working on their marriage. That way, I though, I will see his “real face”. A part of me wanted him, the real him, to hate me for what I’ve done and then turn to his wife. Nothing like that happened. He contacted me again, and told me, by the way, that he is not happy that I revealed more details. We continued the online communication and now he is sending me kisses, telling me that he misses me… Right. He calmed her down. Probably told her you are crazy obsessed and making things up and she believed him. Then he went right back to the status quo. She has my number and can call me anytime. I doubt that she will ever tell me to stay away from her husband or that they are working on their marriage. She is too passive aggressive for that. She won’t budge an inch. I won’t budge an inch either. I have the blog out there. It is amazing to me that you can't see your OWN passive aggressive behavior. You say you wanted him to behave a certain way and do certain things, but instead of you being straightforward with HIM about that and taking actions for YOUR OWN life to make that happen, you passively aggressively called his wife and hoped she would do all the heavy lifting for both you and the MM. Pot meet kettle. One thing I’m sure of, is that I’m not going to put my life on hold because of him. I refuse to be a victim. I replaced self-pity with self-preservance. I cannot afford to see myself as an OW of 10, or 5 years. First time I called his wife was 4 months after the affair has started. Two months later I called her again to tell her my name and reveal addition information. So, their “good” marriage, might be a textbook case, but definitely I’m not a typical OW. This is relatively short affair. We’ve been intimate for the last 6-7 months. I feel that now is the time to make it or break it. Besides, I don’t want to marry him, nor I want him divorced. Just wanted to show her that the power games she plays on him are useless. I want him to be a person of his own and be able to make his own decisions. Decisions such as going out, not like divorcing. It seems like you have allowed your relationship with this MM and your competition with his wife to put your life on hold. You have a blog with over 50 posts on it dedicated to examining the minutiae of your affair. It is like a 13 year old girl writing in her diary about the football player she has has a crush on. Their marriage might be a textbook case. But (and I know you won't believe it) so is your affair. It really is pretty typical. Before the affair, we were communicating every day (and night) for two years. He is really somebody I can deeply connect with. So, even if we stop being intimate, I cannot just give up on our friendship. He is not giving up, either. My MM is struggling with his own limitations. But that’s his own choice. Their “good” marriage is their “good” marriage. Not mine. If he wants to do something about it, he will have to do his homework by himself. Of course, there will be a bumpy ride ahead of him, full of twists. By the time he is done (if ever) I might not be around waiting for him. Like I said, I’m not going to make him central in my life and spend years waiting for his calls. Recently I went out for a drink with a male friend. I was amazed how relatively easy it was for both of us to schedule this meeting. No pressure of choosing the place or wondering if somebody might see us. Then I couldn’t help but compare. He was recently divorced and I admire this decisiveness to put an end to something that is beyond repair. This guy is 15 years younger than the MM, and is extremely handsome. The MM is overweight, getting bald, has gray hair... Paradoxically, still I find myself more attracted and attached to the MM. Could be the scarcity and the secrecy of the moments we share. Another male friend of mine has invited me to join him on a trip to Rome for 10 days. I’m going! We were never romantically involved and this is not going to be a romantic getaway, though. He is on a rebound from his previous relationship, and I need some time for myself. I’m looking forward to sightseeing. This is going to be my 3rd trip abroad without the MM, ever since we started the affair. For now, I’m staying with the married guy and we’ll see how things will develop in the future. Forcing myself to NC, won’t work. If I want out, it will happen when the time comes when I want, at my own pace, the natural way. OP you seem really confused/conflicted. There are deep contradictions in everything you post and whether or not you realize it there are deep conflicts between what you say you think/feel/believe and what you actually do. Do you have anybody IRL that you can talk to about this relationship? Have you ever seen a counselor? Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 (edited) i once read an article about MMs and of the wife the article pointed out that "he picked her" so she may not be quite the mutual enemy that OW thinks she is, also he may decide his wife is not that bad, and so the OW should make sure she's a catch rather than be a bit-on-the-side because MMs leave home when the marriage is crap/unbearable, much to the chagrin of the OWs who wait four years + and who write to LS here about it Edited March 7, 2012 by darkmoon Link to post Share on other sites
alexandria35 Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 I am struck by how much the two of you have in common, in addition to the same man. It sounds like he is the doormat type, drawn to women who make decisions for him. I'm still not sure what your end goal is, esp since you don't want him to leave or divorce. You just want him to come and go as he pleases, but he lacks the backbone to do that. She isn't the reason he is weak, and a pushover. He comes that way naturally. Agree. When you talk about his wife it sounds like you are describing yourself. You say you want his wife to know that her power games on him are useless and that you want him to be his own person and make his own decisions. Yet calling his wife behind his back is you playing your own power game and making decisions for him. I think it's true that he likes a certain type of woman and you and his wife are the same type. I'm sure hes as happy as a pig in sh*t that the two of you are fighting over him. Especially since he a fat balding old man with poor integrity and morals. This has got to be freaking fantasy come true for him. Most of what you say sounds like contradictions and gibberish. It's time to make it or break it you say? But you don't want him to leave his marriage or divorce. Your not wasting your life on being the OW yet you spend time dissecting his marriage, his wife, blogging about his marriage, his wife, his orgasms, kisses and the scars on his fat aging butt (ewww) then you spend more time here and God knows where all else talking about the same crap. Your not going to be the typical OW but your not going to budge an inch? Sounds kind of typical to me. If you really think his marriage is his marriage then why are you trying so hard to participate in it? 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Angelina527 Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 Just wanted to show her that the power games she plays on him are useless. Wow. There are just no words for the kind of sick you are. No words. Seek help...perhaps of the religious kind. Or go slither under a rock. I'm truly sick that there are women out there who get off on this stuff. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
DonVee Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 Most of what you say sounds like contradictions and gibberish. It's time to make it or break it you say? But you don't want him to leave his marriage or divorce. Your not wasting your life on being the OW yet you spend time dissecting his marriage, his wife, blogging about his marriage, his wife, his orgasms, kisses and the scars on his fat aging butt (ewww) then you spend more time here and God knows where all else talking about the same crap. Your not going to be the typical OW but your not going to budge an inch? Sounds kind of typical to me. If you really think his marriage is his marriage then why are you trying so hard to participate in it? I totally agree... You don't know what you want and it seems to me as if your spending more time focused on the MM marriage and wife then that affair! Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 Anyway, when I called her, I wanted to see if something will change. Such as… that he will stop the affair, and dedicate himself and start working on their marriage. That way, I though, I will see his “real face”. A part of me wanted him, the real him, to hate me for what I’ve done and then turn to his wife. :sick: Truly, you seem like a very sick individual. Get help. Before you do something that lands you in a prison. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 :sick: Truly, you seem like a very sick individual. Get help. Before you do something that lands you in a prison. That thought crossed my mind when I read something to the effect of her wanting the W out of the way. <--- Sadly, on his way to the boiling pot. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 I think this is insane.... Not even slightly amusing stuff of the daisyish variety but very disturbing.... I'd rather be bitter everyday of the week than hopelessly blind and obsessed. I don't think anyone on LS can assist Adriana and I wish all involved luck with that situation. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
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