Karma...does it happen?

[BewitchedandBothered]

I would like to hear from people who's abusive ex's got their karma. I am hoping mine gets his but I doubt it as it's a year and a half now. But, just wondering if anyone out there has gotten to see justice getting served. I would settle for my ex getting golf ball sized hemorrhoids.

[Philosoraptor]

Wishing harm on others is a way to get some bad karma for yourself. If it's been a year and a half why are you still wishing wrongs on him? Peace comes from forgiveness and letting go. When you have found it, it won't matter what the world offers him.

 

 

"To be angry is to let others' mistakes punish yourself. To forgive others is to be good to yourself."

- Master ChengYen

 

"Our life is shaped by our mind; we become what we think. Suffering follows an evil thought as the wheels of a cart follow the oxen that draws it. Our life is shaped by our mind; we become what we think. Joy follows a pure thought like a shadow that never leaves."

- Buddha

 

"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one getting burned."

- Buddha

 

"We should not seek revenge on those who have committed crimes against us, or reply to their crimes with other crimes. We should reflect that by the law of karma, they are in danger of lowly and miserable lives to come, and that our duty to them, as to every being, is to help them to rise towards Nirvana, rather than let them sink to lower levels of rebirth."

- Dalai Lama

 

 

 

I have witnessed the suffering of my ex in terms of her aggressive actions towards myself and the dillusions she currently lives in. I pity her and take no joy in her suffering. I hope that she matures in a way that she can turn her life around. Once you've found peace with the situation, you will take no joy out of the suffering of others.

Edited March 6, 2012 by Philosoraptor

[Eve]

OP, my ex basically remained the same.. I think that is karma enough without wishing ill on someone.

 

H'mmm.. It's always about working on oneself methinks.

 

I found love.

 

My Hubby's ex wife also remained the same but even she has calmed right down nowadays. I don't think she is capable of love but is not hurting as many people currently.

 

We are only human. It is better to wish someone well, especially if they are **** ups. Just stay away from them... unless it is something criminal that needs to be reported etc.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[BewitchedandBothered]

Philo...that Dalai Lama quote really got to me. It's hard for me to forgive/let go of a grudge on someone who hurt me intentionally. I really want to let go, but those awful thoughts of his abuse keep swimming and swirling around my head. I hate that it's still on my mind. I guess the poison has to work its way out of my system.

[BewitchedandBothered]

OP, my ex basically remained the same.. I think that is karma enough without wishing ill on someone.

 

H'mmm.. It's always about working on oneself methinks.

 

I found love.

 

My Hubby's ex wife also remained the same but even she has calmed right down nowadays. I don't think she is capable of love but is not hurting as many people currently.

 

We are only human. It is better to wish someone well, especially if they are **** ups. Just stay away from them... unless it is something criminal that needs to be reported etc.

 

Take care,

Eve x

 

You are right--I've been working on myself in so many ways and do feel better, but...sigh; he was a jerk to me, and all his other ex's. I can say I wish him well, but my mind won't let me mean it, LOL, if that makes sense. i will just let it wear out of my system and pray that that happens soon.

[Philosoraptor]

Pity those who bring harm to us as just living as that vindictful of a person is karma enough.

[Eve]

You are right--I've been working on myself in so many ways and do feel better, but...sigh; he was a jerk to me, and all his other ex's. I can say I wish him well, but my mind won't let me mean it, LOL, if that makes sense. i will just let it wear out of my system and pray that that happens soon.

 

I think that entering into the fight is what matters most... H'mm.. have you seen those who just give up?

 

Don't beat yourself up... fight the good fight. It is a choice.

 

Choose wisely.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[BewitchedandBothered]

Pity those who bring harm to us as just living as that vindictful of a person is karma enough.

Hi, Philo:) You are very right and logical, but this fellow is a sociopath; he doesn't believe he is vindictive or anything like that. I do see what you are saying. His life is depressing, really--all about surface and image. He wants you to thinks things are a certain way and you find out that it's really not that way. It's very sad. But he seems to be happy with someone new as if those of us he hurt never existed.

 

I got dumped when I started putting pieces together; he had no use for me because I wasn't doing things as he wanted. He even wanted me to change my appearance. I can't help but wonder if he will always be this way.

[BewitchedandBothered]

I think that entering into the fight is what matters most... H'mm.. have you seen those who just give up?

 

Don't beat yourself up... fight the good fight. It is a choice.

 

Choose wisely.

 

Take care,

Eve x

 

Hi Eve:) I have never seen anyone just give up:) Like the song goes, Time is on my side:) I want to keep fighting out of this pathos and get into a place where I am no longer thinking of him.

[Eve]

Hi Eve:) I have never seen anyone just give up:) Like the song goes, Time is on my side:) I want to keep fighting out of this pathos and get into a place where I am no longer thinking of him.

 

You have a good spirit!

 

I have forgiven people who really probably were not very nice too and to be honest I could only say it but did not feel it.. that came later. Just sort of appeared.

 

From my experience I would say that you are on the right path although you may feel as though you are not doing so well. I did not feel like I was doing so well either for a while. It was only one day when I realised that the person/s were an after thought - that I found that the experience/s had become wisdom.

 

Glad you seem to have positive people around you, in that you have never seen anyone give up. That is good. I have not had that.

 

Me? I reasoned in the end that anything I had given I had given because I had wanted to and so it was pointless wishing otherwise.

 

Then I let them go.

 

This has served to ensure that I have not had my heart broken by a general relationship and remain quite happy considering all the drama that once came to my door.

 

Fight the good fight OP.

 

 

All the best,

Take care,

Eve x

[BewitchedandBothered]

You have a good spirit!

 

I have forgiven people who really probably were not very nice too and to be honest I could only say it but did not feel it.. that came later. Just sort of appeared.

 

From my experience I would say that you are on the right path although you may feel as though you are not doing so well. I did not feel like I was doing so well either for a while. It was only one day when I realised that the person/s were an after thought - that I found that the experience/s had become wisdom.

 

Glad you seem to have positive people around you, in that you have never seen anyone give up. That is good. I have not had that.

 

Me? I reasoned in the end that anything I had given I had given because I had wanted to and so it was pointless wishing otherwise.

 

Then I let them go.

 

This has served to ensure that I have not had my heart broken by a general relationship and remain quite happy considering all the drama that once came to my door.

 

Fight the good fight OP.

 

 

All the best,

Take care,

Eve x

 

it helps to look at past heartbreaks; the pain didn't last forever. Those fellows, however were decent men and it just didn't work out; breaking up was awful, but there was a peace and good terms about it. I ended up moving on from the sadness and one day I realized it would be okay.

 

But this situation really hit me hard and so it takes some working through. If I knew his current g/f, I often wondered if I should warn her...but I was also warned about him and didn't listen because I was so into him and brainwashed by him. Seeing a picture of them both together on a date didn't help; saw it on a friend's site. Kind of opened the wound....I had been replaced. Sucked to see that.

 

I asked a friend if she thought he stopped his cycle of abuse because of newbie. She said, very sarcastically "Oooooohhhh, sure, he stopped it all for the new girl." I couldn't stop laughing==the first time I was able to have a really good belly laugh in a long time:)

 

Going to the gym has been helping, started gardening and prepping for Springtime as well. The old me is coming back; just have to give the heart some mending time.

[CopingGal]

"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one getting burned."

- Buddha

 

I'm not there yet. But I'm not angry every day anymore. Still, you can tell by my entries in "Post here instead of contacting your ex" in the Coping forum, that I am still very, very angry. One day I won't be angry at all...but that day is not here and is far away from today.

[Feliciti]

Wishing harm on others is a way to get some bad karma for yourself. If it's been a year and a half why are you still wishing wrongs on him? Peace comes from forgiveness and letting go. When you have found it, it won't matter what the world offers him.

 

 

"To be angry is to let others' mistakes punish yourself. To forgive others is to be good to yourself."

- Master ChengYen

 

"Our life is shaped by our mind; we become what we think. Suffering follows an evil thought as the wheels of a cart follow the oxen that draws it. Our life is shaped by our mind; we become what we think. Joy follows a pure thought like a shadow that never leaves."

- Buddha

 

"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one getting burned."

- Buddha

 

"We should not seek revenge on those who have committed crimes against us, or reply to their crimes with other crimes. We should reflect that by the law of karma, they are in danger of lowly and miserable lives to come, and that our duty to them, as to every being, is to help them to rise towards Nirvana, rather than let them sink to lower levels of rebirth."

- Dalai Lama

 

 

 

I have witnessed the suffering of my ex in terms of her aggressive actions towards myself and the dillusions she currently lives in. I pity her and take no joy in her suffering. I hope that she matures in a way that she can turn her life around. Once you've found peace with the situation, you will take no joy out of the suffering of others.

 

I completely agree. I've moved on from my parents severe abusal of me, and I'd rather have nothing happen to them at all. Just let them live on with their life, but without me.

 

I also prefer to see it like this: If I just wish for their life to be like they prefer to live, I'll be able to live like I prefer to live.

 

Wishing harm on others is wrong. We are all humans, and we all make mistakes. Demonizing them is wrong, and is just a poor attempt at making yourself seem more innocent. We all contribute to what happens in some way, and throwing the blaming on someone else won't help the situation.

 

I've generally found, especially from working with children who act far more like this than adults, that being nice and, instead of putting all the blame on them, and instead taking some of the blame on yourself, you can actually often solve the situation far more peacefully, and come out of it on good terms.

 

Do anyone really, honestly, want to come out of discussions or relationships as enemies? Do you honestly feel better that way? I most certainly don't.

[Philosoraptor]

Hi, Philo:) You are very right and logical, but this fellow is a sociopath; he doesn't believe he is vindictive or anything like that. I do see what you are saying. His life is depressing, really--all about surface and image. He wants you to thinks things are a certain way and you find out that it's really not that way. It's very sad. But he seems to be happy with someone new as if those of us he hurt never existed.

 

I got dumped when I started putting pieces together; he had no use for me because I wasn't doing things as he wanted. He even wanted me to change my appearance. I can't help but wonder if he will always be this way.

What is expressed on the outside isn't always what is felt on the inside. The need to throw a patch on things rather than dealing with them is telling enough. If he matures and corrects his issues, then be glad for him. If not, then pity him and wish him the best.

[BewitchedandBothered]

What is expressed on the outside isn't always what is felt on the inside. The need to throw a patch on things rather than dealing with them is telling enough. If he matures and corrects his issues, then be glad for him. If not, then pity him and wish him the best.

 

I will never know what's happening to him; all I can do is pity him.

[TaraMaiden]

Don't - get - me - started.....!

 

Karma is not judgemental.

Karma is not punishment.

Karma is not revenge.

karma is not one-upmanship.

the literal translation of karma (sanskrit) or Kamma (Pali) is 'Action' or doing, or cause.

Karma is completely volitional. it's not accidental action, like squashing a bug b mistake, but it's premeditated and intentional.

 

Bandying terms around, which we believe we understand - but clearly don't - just leads us into more confusion.

Be clear on what you mean, before discussing the process....

 

Philosoraptor, great quotations... but the one about the mind following, as a cart the ox, is slightly off... it's a translation that has been rejected as mildly inaccurate by most buddhist schools and traditions...

 

Here is the "authorised" version, if you like:

 

Phenomena are preceded by the heart,

ruled by the heart, made of the heart.

If you speak or act with a corrupted heart,

then suffering follows you — as the wheel of the cart,

the track of the ox that pulls it.

 

Phenomena are preceded by the heart,

ruled by the heart, made of the heart.

If you speak or act with a calm, bright heart,

then happiness follows you, like a shadow that never leaves.

 

thank you for your input, you got here before I did....

[BewitchedandBothered]

I completely agree. I've moved on from my parents severe abusal of me, and I'd rather have nothing happen to them at all. Just let them live on with their life, but without me.

 

I also prefer to see it like this: If I just wish for their life to be like they prefer to live, I'll be able to live like I prefer to live.

 

Wishing harm on others is wrong. We are all humans, and we all make mistakes. Demonizing them is wrong, and is just a poor attempt at making yourself seem more innocent. We all contribute to what happens in some way, and throwing the blaming on someone else won't help the situation.

 

I've generally found, especially from working with children who act far more like this than adults, that being nice and, instead of putting all the blame on them, and instead taking some of the blame on yourself, you can actually often solve the situation far more peacefully, and come out of it on good terms.

 

Do anyone really, honestly, want to come out of discussions or relationships as enemies? Do you honestly feel better that way? I most certainly don't.

 

...so basically I am to blame for his abuse on me? you're right; I asked for it. He deserves to run around and be happy after all that. and he surely is friend material. maybe he can share his head game recipes with me.

 

It is perfectly natural to want someone to feel as their victim did and not get away with it and not want them to continue to do so with others. His behavior was intentional. It's different if we were simply incompatible/things didn't work out. This man is pure evil to the core. Being told it's 'wrong' to want some kind of comeuppance is wrong. I don't need anyone to be holier than thou. I pity him and I especially pity anyone who falls for his antics. I know what they will have to deal with and what he is capable of. And what he is incapable of is a normal and healthy relationship.

[Diamonds&Rust]

Being told it's 'wrong' to want some kind of comeuppance is wrong. I don't need anyone to be holier than thou.

I don't think people are being holier than thou. It seems compassionate, not condescending.

 

I think people are pointing out that festering in your negative fantasies of cosmic revenge is a way that his actions continue to hurt you.

[fallenenvy]

You're still angry so yes you wish bad things on him.. and i understand. I still have days when i wish bad things on my abusive ex. Not everyone is a saint that can wish evil people well... at least not right away.

 

My ex can now be found on the sex offenders list.....i more or less shrugged and thought.. huh.. well.. guess i saw that coming.. and i think about how that list and mugshot will affect his life.... and how all his friends are now ex friends.. i know hes miserable..i know hes a looser that cant hold a job or a relationship.. i know people look at him with disgust now (seeing everyone finally knows he has a thing for young young girls) and i really don't care hes miserable... for awhile i thrived on his misery..

 

I'm mostly to the point however where i just feel sorry for him cause i've moved on and i'm happy now and i don't think about him very much. I'll live a fulfilling life because i moved on and have bettered myself and my outlook on life and he probably never will. He doesn't see a need to change so he probably won't.

 

You'll get there.. out of the anger phase.. but hey.. doesn't the anger feel better than the sadness?????i know it did for me.. was like a huge weight was just gone...and honestly after the anger starts to dissipate you'll feel even better but it takes time.

[BewitchedandBothered]

I don't think people are being holier than thou. It seems compassionate, not condescending.

 

I think people are pointing out that festering in your negative fantasies of cosmic revenge is a way that his actions continue to hurt you.

 

it's a way to getting to the healing part; anger is part of the stages. One has to go through all the stages to heal and get to acceptance, you can't just jump to forgiveness and love and light.

[BewitchedandBothered]

You're still angry so yes you wish bad things on him.. and i understand. I still have days when i wish bad things on my abusive ex. Not everyone is a saint that can wish evil people well... at least not right away.

 

My ex can now be found on the sex offenders list.....i more or less shrugged and thought.. huh.. well.. guess i saw that coming.. and i think about how that list and mugshot will affect his life.... and how all his friends are now ex friends.. i know hes miserable..i know hes a looser that cant hold a job or a relationship.. i know people look at him with disgust now (seeing everyone finally knows he has a thing for young young girls) and i really don't care hes miserable... for awhile i thrived on his misery..

 

I'm mostly to the point however where i just feel sorry for him cause i've moved on and i'm happy now and i don't think about him very much. I'll live a fulfilling life because i moved on and have bettered myself and my outlook on life and he probably never will. He doesn't see a need to change so he probably won't.

 

You'll get there.. out of the anger phase.. but hey.. doesn't the anger feel better than the sadness?????i know it did for me.. was like a huge weight was just gone...and honestly after the anger starts to dissipate you'll feel even better but it takes time.

 

Thank you, FallenEnvy for totally getting me. Past experience has taught me that I will get through it, I just have to get through the steps; perfectly natural thing. I would rather feel anger than feel like crying over him. I feel sorry for him, but moreso the girl he is with. I wish I could save people from him; that is how I feel. People tried to save me and I did not listen; look where it got me. Wishing 'revenge' is a way for me to get through it; it's how I cope. Yes, I do wish he had golfball sized hemorrhoids, I do sometimes wish his boss would catch him hacking into people's accounts using the equipment at his work place, Yes, I do wish the new girl would see him for what he is.NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT; I am glad you get it.

 

I just have to go with the flow.Each day it does get a little better. I am angry that I have to reconstruct, if you will, and he just picks up where he left off, if that makes sense. All I know is I am going to feel this way until I don't feel this way anymore; and it will have to run it's course. Anyone who forces peace to happen is lying to themselves and they will end up regressing. I would like to grieve now and get it all done with, LOL.

[TaraMaiden]

...so basically I am to blame for his abuse on me? you're right; I asked for it. He deserves to run around and be happy after all that. and he surely is friend material. maybe he can share his head game recipes with me.

you're still playing the 'blame game' but as I said: Kamma isn't about blame, it's not about judgement and it's not about condemnation, one-upmanship or just desserts.

Unfortunately kamma is - what it is.

Actions.

but hey, yeah... Actions - all Actions - have consequences.

Our mistake is in believing that Kamma's consequences have to be, or are supposed to be immediate.

your bitterness is as a result of your anger and resentment.

Please try to look at it this way:

what he did will have consequences. absolutely no doubt of that.

He bears all blame for the way he has treated you...

but to carry bitterness, resentment and anger in your heart, is like deciding to pick up a glowing piece of coal in your bare hand, and hurl it at his head.

Guess who gets burned first?

 

.....This man is pure evil to the core. Being told it's 'wrong' to want some kind of comeuppance is wrong.

you may feel it's wrong, because of your emotional involvement, but truly - no person is completely evil, and to desire something negative to befall someone else, is not constructive or healing.

To passionately hate someone as you seem to do, is exactly the same as holding them to your heart, as if you loved them with every fibre of your being

 

you expend the same type of energy, and abdicate control of your senses...

the opposite to Love, is not Hate. The opposite to love is indifference....

cultivate indifference, for the person who is more indifferent, has more control....

 

I don't need anyone to be holier than thou. I pity him and I especially pity anyone who falls for his antics. I know what they will have to deal with and what he is capable of. And what he is incapable of is a normal and healthy relationship.

I have no intention of being holier-than-thou - that wasn't what i wanted to put over....but if you use terminology to explain a sentiment, and this term is central to my practice and calling, then I must in all fairness, illustrate its correct use and meaning. an awful lot of people think of kamma in this way. It is mistaken; but given that you used the term with such vehemence, I'm trying to illustrate a different - and more correct - way of approaching the sentiment....

 

If he is incapable of a normal healthy relationship - and you know this - and are convinced of this - can you not actually rejoice that you dodged the bullet, and feel compassion instead for his next victim?

 

it's a way to getting to the healing part; anger is part of the stages. One has to go through all the stages to heal and get to acceptance, you can't just jump to forgiveness and love and light.

 

Actually, difficult as it may be to believe - you can......

 

There are many stories of Buddhist monks from Tibet who were imprisoned and tortured by the Chinese after the invasion of 1959, but who nevertheless held a positive view of their Chinese torturers. One monk who was kept in prison for many years was tortured repeatedly with electric cattle prods that were inserted in his mouth, shattering all his teeth and causing unspeakable pain. he was beaten daily, suspended by his wrists with his arms tied behind him, and beaten around his genitals, and mutilated anally. he was blinded and had so many bones broken, that although when released he was in his 50's, he moved and behaved like a man in his 90's. When he later fled Tibet and went to India, he met the Dalai Lama, and was interviewed by a posse of journalists, eager to hear his story. One reporter asked him what he had most been afraid of, when he was in prison. The monk replied that there had been times when he had been very afraid:

 

He was most afraid that he might lose his compassion for the Chinese.

 

It boggles the mind to imagine having that much serenity and compassion and patience: it seems almost impossibly advanced in spiritual terms. Most of us would probably be eaten alive with anger and hatred of our oppressors in situations containing even a fraction of the horrors to which that monk was subjected. But as the example of such people shows, it is, in fact, possible to transform even the most difficult and negative situations into positive fuel

 

I'm not saying you should practice as this monk did, but for the sake of your poor shattered and pained heart, ease up, and relax.... to what end does this feeling manifest? How constructive and healing, is it?

What real good is it doing you?

 

(((hugs)))

Edited March 12, 2012 by TaraMaiden

[wuggle]

.. Kamma isn't about blame

 

That's Karma ?? (just joking, maybe I should have read the post properly before trying to poke fun at you, then I wouldn't look stupid, ho hum !)

Edited March 12, 2012 by wuggle

[TaraMaiden]

Oh, Wuggle, you silly boy....I mean, girl..... i mean....kitty!

[Diamonds&Rust]

it's a way to getting to the healing part; anger is part of the stages. One has to go through all the stages to heal and get to acceptance, you can't just jump to forgiveness and love and light.

That could be true, but it's not a rule.

 

People who are embodying a "forgiveness and love and light" perspective won't later be disappointed that they didn't feel enough anger.

 

It sounds like you're making excuses for feeling angry, as though it's a necessary component of healing. To that, I'll point out that you don't have to explain your feelings.

 

All I was saying is that people who are observing that your revenge fantasies do nothing positive for you are not being holier-than-thou; they're only trying to help.