i wish i woulda

[digger]

played no contact from day 1. But i just started. Begging et al was doing no good. From the day the D papers came shes been angry!!! My last 10 years have been hell she said. We had no more problems than other people--lafing at xmas--going on trips--remarried 4 years ago in Jamaica and she looked so happy.

Ive been to see her and shes a cold fish. I DONT LOVE YOU ANYMORE is her favorite statement. Then Ill mention something about reconciliation and she'll say "ill think about it". Ive brot her flowers on our engagement anniversary and she just as well had thrown them at me. All i got was how her last 10 yrs have been miserable on the porch then a door in my face. Not even so much as a thank you. The anger i've seen is sooo unlike her. If you knew her, youd never think she could ever be this way. There is NO ONE else--unless its my daughter. She says now she wants to put her all into her work. Ive begged that the lawyer money has been spent--and it makes no difference. We could start trying tomorrow, not 6 months from now but she refuses counseling. "you didnt go 10 years ago (actually went to 2 sessions) because you didnt want to hear the truth she says. Well honey, thats 2 more sessions than youve gone to now--maybe you dont either. "maybe i dont" she'll say. So i wrote her and said--dont contact me (she never has anyway) until the girl i know comes back. I love you and ill always be here for you but i cant stand the tears and pain.. The divorce has to be final in 3 weeks (June 28) and shes making no effort to push it along. My paperwork is in. Why is she stalling?? She wanted it--why doesnt she go get it?

I doubt the next 3 weeks will wake her up--but maybe. I told her i'd move her anywhere (she hates st louis) and do anything for her. Maybe she knows im in her hip pocket. But now Im staying away. I hope it makes a difference. Better late than never.

[digger]

and my mother says if i acknowledge her birthday this sunday--i should have my head examined