bf says he only loves you sometimes is this a bad sign?

[soozie86]

I've being going out with my bf for 3 and a bit years, we don't livetogether and he is 14 years older than me.

 

The problem is I'm quite an insecure person and he is very independent andnot very romantic. We are currently trying to get a place together but as wecan only afford a council flat it’s been a long time waiting on waiting lists for a place.

 

As we have been together so long I want to start thinking about our futuretogether eg. Marriage and maybe a child (especially as he is 40 this year) but he seems like he is not bothered about these things and does not discuss them.

 

I've explained to him my concerns and especially my insecurity over if heloves me and wants a future together. To this he is just non responsive and says I'm always going to be insecure.

 

Another thing which bugs me is he never says "I love you" any more and when I say "do you love me?" he says "sometimes". I'mso confused right now and I don't know what to do.

 

We get on really well and I want us to move in together, I'm just worried that he really does not love me. So what does everyone think??

Edited March 6, 2012 by soozie86

[xpaperxcutx]

He doesn't love you.

 

There could be a number of things why he's willing to move in with you the primary reason being sharing the rent.

 

But if marriage is not on his mind it wouldn't do you good to be with him for the long haul.

 

Men are simplistic creatures in terms of emotions- and often times, when they think about moving in with a girl, they do see marriage down the road. The fact your bf sees your questions as insecurity tells me he doesn't share your feelings.

 

You said the age difference is 14 years? that would make you 26?

 

Don't waste your eligible years on someone who is nearing midlfe crisis and doesn't have firm plans of starting a family. They are like the George CLooneys and Simon Cowells of the world- they want to be bachelors.

Edited March 6, 2012 by xpaperxcutx

[Lauriebell82]

I don't think you want the same things out of this relationship. He loves you "sometimes?" That's terrible. And the fact that he won't discuss marriage/children is a huge red flag as well.

 

Get out now BEFORE you move in together. It will be harder to break up with him after you are already living together. Good luck!

 

Oh, and I know you are insecure, but at age 26 you will DEF find someone.

[Diamonds&Rust]

He probably does love you, but he just has a different perspective on what love is. It's likely he's a bit more pragmatic in his thinking about this.

 

For you, what does love mean? I suspect there may be some magical thinking there.

 

when I say "do you love me?" he says "sometimes".

This is dark humor, not cruelty.

 

He's tired of you asking whether he loves you whenever you get insecure. He's aware that he can't say or do something which magically changes your self esteem.

 

At this point, he also probably doesn't want to marry you or have kids with you, but is aware that answering that question will make his life miserable.

[Eve]

OP, before meeting my Hubby I went out with someone kind of the same as the person you describe but to me he was more exciting, sexy and wealthy than you describe. I didn't mind him being reserved with his feelings as I felt that I understood him. It was just who he was.

 

Anyhow, he had been married before but his wife had left him for another man and from this he had a jaded view of marriage. To be honest she was clearly a bitch (just from looking at her picture you could see it in her) - no idea how he didn't see that one coming - like obvious. Anyhow, we went out for a few months but once I knew he had no faith in marriage, I let him go. He was lovely though. My girls adored him!

 

.. Cut a long story short he turned up on the morning of my wedding and asked me to marry him.

 

The answer was 'no'.

 

Moral of the story - make up your mind about what you want and do not compromise once you ..

 

. Have made up your mind

. Can authentically be what you are yourself looking for.

 

If you are not at this stage expect more of the same.

 

That's life.

 

So the main points are -

 

. Is there a reason why he does not want to get married?

 

. Are you actually sure that you want to get married and are you clear about what you expect of marriage?

 

. Could this be it for you, like are you even able to walk away?

 

. Could it be that he is more right for you than you realise but you are just insecure?

 

Take care,

Eve x