Have to start driving to the park as part of my therapy

[Ross MwcFan]

Okay, I didn't drive to the park today, I drove past it and went to town instead on my own, and walked around town and did some shopping.

 

I was kind of planning on visiting the park on my way back, but I kinda felt like I had done enough already, I was already tired from walking, and the weather wasn't that great. As I was driving towards the enterance, I was still trying to decide, and then before I knew it, it was too late and I had driven past.

 

So, I feel good about the fact that I had driven to town on my own, but a bit disappointed that I didn't actually go into the park.

 

No incidents, no crashes, no breakdown in the middle of heavy traffic, no one treated me badly, and I didn't embarass myself.

[donnamaybe]

Good for you hon!

[Ross MwcFan]

I'm going to try and do this once a week now.

 

But for some reason, (it started today when I was driving through town) I've got this fear of breaking down in the middle of heavy traffic (my car is old) in a lane that's far away from the pavement (which would mean I wouldn't be able to pull over to one side). I'd feel so awkward, as I don't think anyone would be able to get past me. And am I supposed to just stay sat in the car, or am I supposed to get out?

[donnamaybe]

I'm going to try and do this once a week now.

 

But for some reason, (it started today when I was driving through town) I've got this fear of breaking down in the middle of heavy traffic (my car is old) in a lane that's far away from the pavement (which would mean I wouldn't be able to pull over to one side). I'd feel so awkward, as I don't think anyone would be able to get past me. And am I supposed to just stay sat in the car, or am I supposed to get out?

Put your emergency flashers on and get out IF IT IS SAFE TO DO SO. Most people would come help you push the car to the side of the road in that case. I have done so many times. And always remember that this kind of thing has happened to probably everyone at one time in their lives, so try not to let it get you too upset. Yes, you'll feel a tad conspicuous, but who wouldn't? But you will live through it, and it will be a forgotten incident in no time. Life is FULL of situations like that. No one is immune to embarassment at one time or another. You'll be just fine! The best way to handle it is to have a sense of humor about yourself - be able to laugh at yourself. People find that a more admirable quality than to cower in fear over what someone else will think. Screw what others think!

[Ross MwcFan]

Put your emergency flashers on and get out IF IT IS SAFE TO DO SO. Most people would come help you push the car to the side of the road in that case. I have done so many times. And always remember that this kind of thing has happened to probably everyone at one time in their lives, so try not to let it get you too upset. Yes, you'll feel a tad conspicuous, but who wouldn't? But you will live through it, and it will be a forgotten incident in no time. Life is FULL of situations like that. No one is immune to embarassment at one time or another. You'll be just fine! The best way to handle it is to have a sense of humor about yourself - be able to laugh at yourself. People find that a more admirable quality than to cower in fear over what someone else will think. Screw what others think!

 

Hmmm, I've always imagined myself staying in the car for some reason, as I wasn't really able to see any reason to get out. Although there is something that would feel awkward about just staying sat in the car.

 

So, what is the actual reason for getting out? And do I just stand at the drivers side door of my car? Or do I walk over to the pavement/side walk?

[carhill]

Ross, what immersion will teach is the concept of insignificance. Not that you personally are insignificant, in a bad way, but rather that all those people you're immersed into are living their own lives, doing their own thing, worrying about their own problems and you're just not on their radar in any significant way. Even when you think you've screwed up (like, say, making a driving mistake), in the bigger picture it's insignificant. Yeah, someone might honk, but that's just one moment and then life goes on.

 

Hey, shopping trumps the park any day

 

Regarding the car and breaking down, no worries. If moving, use energy management to, if possible, glide to a safe position out of traffic. If unable, simply engage your emergency beacons and abandon the car to a safe position if possible. If impossible, stay with (inside) the vehicle. In any event, use your mobile to call for assistance, whether from law enforcement or road service.

 

Example: I was driving along and suddenly the engine quit. I was doing about 65mph at the time. I simply neutraled the trans and glided, looking for a safe and secure area to stop. Traffic was not an issue; the hot summer sun was. I found a safe position off the road under a tree that was easily accessible to the transporter. I then called AAA (my road service company) and requested a transporter. I remained in the vehicle with flashers operating until it arrived about 30 minutes later. Hooked up, hopped in the truck with the driver, he towed me home, backed the car into the shop and I replaced the broken cam belt, which I already had in stock. Car was operational again the next day. I, too, drive 'old' cars (that one is 27 years old) so understand that things wear out and break. Planning takes anxiety away. Always have a plan, even if it's not at the forefront.

 

Good luck

Edited March 8, 2012 by carhill

[jerbear]

Planning takes anxiety away. Always have a plan, even if it's not at the forefront.

 

"Plan for the worst and hope for the best" is a good motto I follow. For the other uncertainties, there is insurance!

[donnamaybe]

Hmmm, I've always imagined myself staying in the car for some reason, as I wasn't really able to see any reason to get out. Although there is something that would feel awkward about just staying sat in the car.

 

So, what is the actual reason for getting out? And do I just stand at the drivers side door of my car? Or do I walk over to the pavement/side walk?

Well, if you are standing beside a disabled car, folks will get a clue that you need help, and I think you will find that someone will come help you push the car out of traffic. It's just the right thing to do.

[cerridwen]

 

So, I feel good about the fact that I had driven to town on my own, but a bit disappointed that I didn't actually go into the park.

 

.

 

Good for you, Ross!

 

So, when do you plan to go to the park?

I bet you'll feel a great sense of accomplishment once you do.

[Ross MwcFan]

Good for you, Ross!

 

So, when do you plan to go to the park?

I bet you'll feel a great sense of accomplishment once you do.

 

I thought you was actually alpha male then.

 

Not sure when I'll go to the park, but I will do at some point.

[FitChick]

Take your camera with you to the park and ask an attractive woman to take your picture. If you can't find an attractive younger woman, find an older woman who might have a daughter your age. Say it's for your dating profile. She will be intrigued and helpful. Ask her what type of photos women might like and have her take a few. Then make one your avatar here as well.

[anne1707]

Take your camera with you to the park and ask an attractive woman to take your picture. If you can't find an attractive younger woman, find an older woman who might have a daughter your age. Say it's for your dating profile. She will be intrigued and helpful. Ask her what type of photos women might like and have her take a few. Then make one your avatar here as well.

 

 

Please, please, please don't do this Ross

[GorillaTheater]

Please, please, please don't do this Ross

 

Why not? I thought her advice was pretty interesting. A way to break the ice and engage with other people.

[anne1707]

Why not? I thought her advice was pretty interesting. A way to break the ice and engage with other people.

 

I think a lot of people would consider it very creepy if a man on his own approached a woman to take a photo of him. I know I would in a park in the UK when I was out for a quiet stroll.

[GorillaTheater]

I think a lot of people would consider it very creepy if a man on his own approached a woman to take a photo of him. I know I would in a park in the UK when I was out for a quiet stroll.

 

You Brits, such a reserved lot.

[anne1707]

You Brits, such a reserved lot.

 

We are definitely.

 

I remember something my father said a few years ago (he has spent a lot of time in the US):

 

Americans believe in people having the right to express themselves. The British believe in the right to live your life in "quiet enjoyment". It made a lot of sense to me in explaining differing attitudes - in the end, there is good and bad in both.

[cerridwen]

I thought you was actually alpha male then.

 

Not sure when I'll go to the park, but I will do at some point.

 

I say you go tomorrow in your short shorts when all the honeys are out.

 

No time like the present, Ross.

Less opportunity to psych yourself out.

[D-Lish]

I think a lot of people would consider it very creepy if a man on his own approached a woman to take a photo of him. I know I would in a park in the UK when I was out for a quiet stroll.

 

I agree with you 100%. I would find it incredibly creepy.

 

When I go to the dog park, random strangers will engage me and likewise- but the dogs are a common element amongst us.

 

I've also been approached to take a group photo of a bunch of strangers, and even offered... But if a random guy asked me to take a picture of him I'd think it was weird.

 

I think Ross needs to GET to the park first and foremost. Adding on extra challenges that include approaching women would make the task seem far too overwhelming for someone with his level of anxiety!

[Ross MwcFan]

I think a lot of people would consider it very creepy if a man on his own approached a woman to take a photo of him. I know I would in a park in the UK when I was out for a quiet stroll.

 

I see it in the same way too.

 

To be honest I'm not even sure if I'm interested in women anymore anyway.

[Ross MwcFan]

I say you go tomorrow in your short shorts when all the honeys are out.

 

No time like the present, Ross.

Less opportunity to psych yourself out.

 

Since I already went to town yesterday, I don't think I can afford the petrol to be going again today.

[whichwayisup]

Since I already went to town yesterday, I don't think I can afford the petrol to be going again today.

 

Respectfully, I'm calling you out on this because gas (petrol) isn't that expensive. I highly doubt you used a full tank of gas the other day when you were out. Even if you don't go to the park today, STILL GO OUT driving. Even in your neighbourhood. It's exposure therapy and you need to push yourself to gain that confidence back. Being pro-active is a good thing Ross.

 

Saying you can't afford paying for gas is an excuse not to go out and drive.

 

(I recognize this stuff because I've been where you are and used various excuses not to do something and my T, my husband, my close friends, other family members would CALL ME OUT on it..)

[anne1707]

Respectfully, I'm calling you out on this because gas (petrol) isn't that expensive.

 

WWIU

 

You need to remember that here in the UK we pay more for petrol. We pay about £1.38 per litre which if my conversions are right, equals £5.23 per US gallon. Turn that into dollars and you are paying over $8 per gallon. From what I have seen on web searches, you pay less than $4 per gallon in the US.

[tornangel]

Ross,

 

 

U have to do it... And listen to what I am about to say. I have panic attacks often and sometimes when I am just sitting at the stoplight I start freaking out. And guess what the best thing that works for me??? I talk to my panic, I say come on is that all ya got, bring it on.. I know this sounds nuts, but in a way I guess I accept it and stand up to it. As in I will not allow it to control my life. And instead of me thinking what if I have a panic attack, I say so what if I have one. Who cares. And I dont feed the boogeyman, so it doesnt grow. U have to accept fear and be ready to suffer the worst consequence it brings to move forward. No matter how damn irrational it is. So this is what works for me. Stop internalizing, and thinking negative. U are not the only one who suffers this, even tho it feels like it. But give urself some strength. U said u wish u could just die or whatever to not deal with it (anxiety) . STOP LETTING IT WIN. Ur better than that ....

[denise_xo]

Since I already went to town yesterday, I don't think I can afford the petrol to be going again today.

 

Maybe you can do something else instead that you find a bit challenging? To keep the momentum going

[Ross MwcFan]

Respectfully, I'm calling you out on this because gas (petrol) isn't that expensive. I highly doubt you used a full tank of gas the other day when you were out. Even if you don't go to the park today, STILL GO OUT driving. Even in your neighbourhood. It's exposure therapy and you need to push yourself to gain that confidence back. Being pro-active is a good thing Ross.

 

Saying you can't afford paying for gas is an excuse not to go out and drive.

 

(I recognize this stuff because I've been where you are and used various excuses not to do something and my T, my husband, my close friends, other family members would CALL ME OUT on it..)

 

No offense, but how on Earth can you know whether I can afford petrol or not?

 

I'm getting less than minimum wage.

 

The price of petrol in the UK is absurd.

 

The distance I would travel to the park or town isn't that short.

 

So, no, it's not an excuse, it's a legitamate reason. I'm not going to use up a lot or most of my savings on paying for petrol regulary, and then not be able to run my car anymore.

 

And that's all I'm going to say on the matter. I haven't got the desire or will to get into an argument about it.

 

I could go on shorter distances more often, maybe, if I can afford it. But I'm perfectly fine with driving shorter distances, so it wouldn't be any kind of therapy to me.

 

And the fact is, I never said that I wouldn't go on shorter distances more often.

Edited March 9, 2012 by Ross MwcFan