bolase Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 Guys? Surely a guy who calls the girl they are seeing 'a great playmate' means they are not looking for anything more than fun and sex, right? A guy I am seeing (7-8 times now, nothing too physically or emotionally full on yet) keep saying things like 'do you want to play tomorrow?' Last night we went on a date. He asked me to go away with him for the weekend soon, asking if that was too far. I said it was a cool idea, noncommittally. I asked him afterward what he meant by 'playing'. He said "being playful, trying new things, having adventures'. You're a great playmate". I cannot begin to express how much that rubs me the wrong way...it seems really disrespectful..I go into things with an open mind and heart and really, I'd like the guy to be equally. To me 'playmate' is the opposite of that - it translates to nothing serious and thats that I asked him if that meant he was seeing other people because that wasn't my game, though I was having fun seeing him. He called to say I'm the only girl he is seeing and wants to see - cool, but I still feel kind of dissed by this 'playmate' call when he could have easily clarified what he meant, or what this meant to him. Even if he'd said 'I am not looking for anything serious'. Should I walk away or explain this to him? I do like him and would like to get to know him better, but not if he's closed off the the possibility of a deeper something. Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 Hahah, guys actually talk like that...? Sounds like a keeper... Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 Don't have to be a guy to know that is totally disrespectful. No guy past age, like, 18 would think referring to a girl he wants to date/have a relationship with as "my playmate" is a good idea. Seriously. Link to post Share on other sites
silvermercy Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 Either he has a very limited dictionary or he's not very serious about it... I bet it's the latter... (Also, how convenient of him to choose to use this word when suggesting a weekend away. LOL. Yeah, I'm sure by "play" he meant hiking, kayaking and that kind of stuff... ) I wouldn't be surprised if he was also a "player" (pun intended). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SmileFace Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 I mean I can see a guy saying this if he only sees you as a friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bolase Posted March 7, 2012 Author Share Posted March 7, 2012 thanks. how can I make this clear to him, without ripping him to shreds over it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author bolase Posted March 7, 2012 Author Share Posted March 7, 2012 I mean I can see a guy saying this if he only sees you as a friend. definitely not just a friend! Link to post Share on other sites
silvermercy Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 definitely not just a friend! Yup. Friend with benefits. Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 thanks. how can I make this clear to him, without ripping him to shreds over it? "It feels disrespectful when you call me your playmate and say we are playing. What are you really looking for?" Link to post Share on other sites
SmileFace Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 definitely not just a friend! Yeah this probably the only time I will say let someone's actions speak for them. He probably just has a hard time expressing his self and we can chalk this up to "dumb ****" people say. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bolase Posted March 7, 2012 Author Share Posted March 7, 2012 "It feels disrespectful when you call me your playmate and say we are playing. What are you really looking for?" this is probably perfect but he just called saying he is only seeing me and not playing around or seeing anyone else, nor does he want to. Its just that 'playmate' stuck with me today! Link to post Share on other sites
silvermercy Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 this is probably perfect but he just called saying he is only seeing me and not playing around or seeing anyone else, nor does he want to. Its just that 'playmate' stuck with me today! He doesn't have to see anyone else to "play" you. He can do that single. And you can't possibly trust his words after what he said. He's now in "repair" mode. A slip of the tongue, yes, but it set your gut feeling into "pay attention to his actions" mode. Trust your gut feeling, always. Link to post Share on other sites
maybealone Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 I'll be the minority opinion here. "Playmate" sounds disrespectful, but he might not mean it that way. He might mean it more as a partner-in-crime kind of thing. To me, being in a relationship has always meant having someone I can act like a kid with and be playful with. It could just be a term he has always used, like this one guy I knew who used to refer a girlfriend as a best buddy. Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 "Surely a guy who calls the girl they are seeing 'a great playmate' means they are not looking for anything more than fun and sex, right?" = " I'm not looking for anything serious". Maybe he reads too much " playboy", too. Link to post Share on other sites
FrustratedStandards Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 Hmmm... I can't tell his intentions just by this thread, but the truth is, whenever a man refers to a woman as something that is degrading or has a negative connotation, it simply his own insecurity talking. They try to raise their own value by devaluing women; as if they are "too much of a man for someone like that". I don't know how he said it or his tone, it might be a joke. But if you feel he meant it negatively, just tell him you feel you are "too much of a playmate for him" and are "looking for someone who can handle it". Personally I wouldn't tolerate an attitude like that (if it was genuinely what he meant). The fact that it rubs you the wrong way tells me he didn't mean it in a fun, joking way. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 The fact that it rubs you the wrong way tells me he didn't mean it in a fun, joking way. Not necessarily. We've read enough posts on this forum to know that people with low self-esteem interpret the most innocent remarks in a detrimental way. I think I'd just brush off the reference next time with "What are we -- in third grade?" Make it more of a childish thing than the more loaded "disrespectful" scenario. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 I just shake my head at the silly things this guy does to shoot himself in the foot. So, he says he's not seeing anyone else and only wants to see you. That's nice. Now, let's see if he follows up with his actions. And don't do anything you might regret later until he does. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
dispatch3d Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 This is retarded. Just tell the guy not to call you his playmate. Link to post Share on other sites
kaylan Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 (edited) Wtf is wrong with women nowadays. He uses a dorky pet name and you want to bail on him? It simply means he has FUN spending time with you and going on adventures. Sure it sounds juvenile, but its a cute way of saying "I really connect with you and have a lot of fun with you...kind of like a best friend when I was kid" Id take all that as a compliment from a girl. It means we really click. I call bull crap on all this OP. It seems like you dont like him too much and are looking for reasons to launch him. If you were really into him, something as silly as this wouldnt even matter. Jeezus Christ. Im so glad Im not dating at the moment. EDIT: P.S. - He may very well be a good guy, but some of you women are so goddamn on guard all the time that you over think every little thing. So many threads like this pop up where women this something harmless a guy did or said, and transform it into something super horrible. You then end up pushing the guy away, and then hes the bad guy...even though your behavior caused his negative reactions to you. Hence, self fulfilling prophecy. Then we see women here lament about not finding good guys...Its so beyond me that this is so damn common. Cant people just relax, not take things so seriously, and just have fun with someone as good friends and then see where things lead? Sometimes you need to just chill the hell out and allow yourself to be a little vulnerable. I personally wish I could erase my need for female companionship and sex sometimes. Because the drama seems to far outweigh the good. Personally if I was the guy seeing the OP and she reacted this way to such a harmless comment, and actually contemplated dumped me over it, Id just bail myself. I dont need a woman who creates drama so easily...just imagine how messy things will be in the future when we face a real problem. /rant Edited March 7, 2012 by kaylan 1 Link to post Share on other sites
itsourchoice Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 When I am being playful with my guy, I say things like this all the time! "Hey baby, wanna play"? God, maybe he just thinks you are FUN. Stop writing so much into it. Disrespectful? What are we prudes? What ever happened to having dated someone 7-8 times, and it just being fun and light hearted? I am sure he didn't mean anything bad by it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ThaWholigan Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 May be in the minority with this but surely you're reading just a tad too much into this?? Link to post Share on other sites
snug.bunny Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 Haha @ Kaylan. There is truth within what he wrote. But, there could be truth to the 'do you want to play tomorrow?' comment, IF all your together time consists of sex. And let's face it... "Most" men, want to "play" with your naughty bits. Anyway, try to take his comment in stride. He did call you to say you're the only girl he is seeing and wants to take you away for the weekend (to play with your naughty bits of course...haha). Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 I'm not sure how many of you have read her other thread. She has had her doubts about this guy's intentions based on some other behaviors. Then he uses a pretty loaded word like 'playmate'... which he uses after he said to her before that they are just 'playing'... Seems to me he's just saying whatever he's gotta say to get his play-date weekend get away. If it were me, I'd push it out a few more weeks. Sure, continue to have fun. Continue to see if his words and actions coincide. No need to be stupid about it though. Like, oh, all he's gotta SAY is he's seeing noone but her and it's like, throw down time. nah. According to the OP, this guy has a history of being a 'ladies man'. He's got a higher bar to jump IMHO. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kaylan Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 I'm not sure how many of you have read her other thread. She has had her doubts about this guy's intentions based on some other behaviors. Then he uses a pretty loaded word like 'playmate'... which he uses after he said to her before that they are just 'playing'... Seems to me he's just saying whatever he's gotta say to get his play-date weekend get away. If it were me, I'd push it out a few more weeks. Sure, continue to have fun. Continue to see if his words and actions coincide. No need to be stupid about it though. Like, oh, all he's gotta SAY is he's seeing noone but her and it's like, throw down time. nah. According to the OP, this guy has a history of being a 'ladies man'. He's got a higher bar to jump IMHO. If the OP does not direct us to her other threads, nor mentions past behavior this guy has exhibited, how are we supposed to take those things into account? =/ Link to post Share on other sites
PlumPrincess Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 "Playing" sounds like "just having fun" sounds like "having sex with no strings attached." 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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