I'm new at this

[ChynaDoll]

I never thought I would be the other woman... smh

 

This has been going on for a few months. It started out as texting, then sexting, and then hanging out. I honestly had no intentions on sleeping with him even though I wanted to. Now I see him 2 - 3 times per week and we have awesome sex. We chat via text throughout day daily. I am not looking for anything from this man. I did try to resist but he was so damn persistent, and irresistible i decided to just give in and have fun. Besides I'm not the one who's married and I dont expect him to leave his wife or anything. I know I'm not the first or last A he will have. If it is not me he is sleeping with it will be somebody else. I have been in back to back relationships since I was 18 (im 32 now) and enjoy being able to have my physical needs met, have a little fun and not have to deal with any relationship drama or pain. No disappointment and no expectations. I don't want to ruin my fun and develop feelings or fall in love with this dude as it would never work out between us.

 

In my head I see him as a FWB. He is really hot and I am enjoying him physically. My plan is to have lots of fun riding this wave until either I meet someone else or until he decides to stop cheating on his wife. I will not allow myself to develop feelings for him and just want to enjoy the ride. I am posting because I would like to know how other's in similar situations ended up? Do you have any advice besides the obvious (stop now)? Am i setting myself up to be hurt?

[Emme]

I will not allow myself to develop feelings for him and just want to enjoy the ride.

 

Good luck to yah!

 

 

I am posting because I would like to know how other's in similar situations ended up? Do you have any advice besides the obvious (stop now)?

 

You might end up in love with this man. That's the risk you take when you ride. It's a fun ride... then you don't want to get off.

 

 

Am i setting myself up to be hurt?

 

Yes! Major heartache.

 

Honestly, being 32 is a great time for you to experience being single. You really should take this time to be free. No man in your life. You should learn how to be alone. It's just a suggestion. Think about it.

[alexandria35]

I never thought I would be the other woman... smh

 

This has been going on for a few months. It started out as texting, then sexting, and then hanging out. I honestly had no intentions on sleeping with him even though I wanted to. Now I see him 2 - 3 times per week and we have awesome sex. We chat via text throughout day daily. I am not looking for anything from this man. I did try to resist but he was so damn persistent, and irresistible i decided to just give in and have fun. Besides I'm not the one who's married and I dont expect him to leave his wife or anything. I know I'm not the first or last A he will have. If it is not me he is sleeping with it will be somebody else. I have been in back to back relationships since I was 18 (im 32 now) and enjoy being able to have my physical needs met, have a little fun and not have to deal with any relationship drama or pain. No disappointment and no expectations. I don't want to ruin my fun and develop feelings or fall in love with this dude as it would never work out between us.

 

In my head I see him as a FWB. He is really hot and I am enjoying him physically. My plan is to have lots of fun riding this wave until either I meet someone else or until he decides to stop cheating on his wife. I will not allow myself to develop feelings for him and just want to enjoy the ride. I am posting because I would like to know how other's in similar situations ended up? Do you have any advice besides the obvious (stop now)? Am i setting myself up to be hurt?

 

Affairs are deceptive that way. I think a lot of people go into them thinking it's just going to fun and games only to discover themselves in the most dramatic pain filled relationship of their life. It's pretty difficult to communicate with someone daily, have sex with them several times a week and not develop any feelings. I bet you are already more attached to him then you think you are. I bet if he just cut you off entirely tomorrow, didn't see you anymore, didn't respond to any of your calls or text messages, you would feel it and it would hurt. How could it not? You are being very naive and foolish to believe you can continue this and not experience any negative consequences.

[whichwayisup]

You joined LS in 2008 and now only posting?

 

I am posting because I would like to know how other's in similar situations ended up? Do you have any advice besides the obvious (stop now)? Am i setting myself up to be hurt?

 

Yes you are setting yourself up to be hurt. This isn't just a FWB situation. You are having an affair so just own your part in this.

 

I hope one day when married that you never experience the pain of betrayal.

[itsourchoice]

I am in a relationship that has been going on for about six months. It is the opposite of yours, because we have had feelings for one another for years, and only now took it physical. I am just having fun too, but I do have feelings. I don't know how you will fare having an intimate relationship and not develop feelings. I find myself feeling even more attached than I ever thought I would be and it is scary. The good thing about my relationship is that we live far away and have to make special plans to see one another.

 

I worry about hurting his family, even though I am not the married one and he is the cheater. I know that I am part of the issue. This is a first for both him and me and I don't know what the future holds. I don't want any more of a relationship than we have now, but I just don't know what will happen.

 

I think... nobody can tell you what to do but your own conscience. It becomes difficult to think with your head, and not your heart. Let us know how it goes.

[MissBee]

Chyna....you already know the answer.

 

I'm reading your story and can finish your sentences as I have seen it all too many times.

 

If you were not in danger of getting hurt you'd not give it a second thought That's the truth. If you care this much to post here about it...it's not as casual as you think it is.

 

You've also stated basically not being able to be without a relationship and your "physical needs" being met. This is a problem. You should probably focus on why you cannot be without a man and why the physical is so important that even though you thought you'd never be with a MM...you are....

 

There clearly is a conflict here from your post, from you being here and what you say about yourself and I think you serve yourself better by starting to worry about working those out. You're the second OW this week who has talked about not wanting drama of a relationship...yet is in an A...which often has more drama than a normal relationship. That is often a code for avoidance of intimacy and truly being vulnerable by having the illusion of a "casual" relationship with someone unsuitable as a way to get the fringe benefits of a relationship, the fake intimacy of sex, without supposedly being hurt or caught up emotionally...but sadly, most people end up getting hurt anyway as what they are saying and doing don't make sense and they themselves have no idea what they REALLY want or what they're really avoiding.

[nofool4u]

I never thought I would be the other woman... smh

 

This has been going on for a few months. It started out as texting, then sexting, and then hanging out. I honestly had no intentions on sleeping with him even though I wanted to. Now I see him 2 - 3 times per week and we have awesome sex.

 

Of course you do:rolleyes:

 

Its taboo, exciting. Especially for him because he is doing it with someone other than his wife.

 

Its like Eddie Murphy said, if you are starving and eat a cracker, thats the best damn cracker you had in your whole life. But if all you ever get is a cracker from then on, then its not so good anymore.

Some people can handle having sex with the same person for the rest of their lives, others can't.

 

So of course its exciting with you for him...for now.

 

 

We chat via text throughout day daily. I am not looking for anything from this man. I did try to resist but he was so damn persistent, and irresistible i decided to just give in and have fun.

 

At someone elses expense.

 

 

Besides I'm not the one who's married

 

You know, that tired old line is spouted way too much.

 

Although the brunt of responsibility to his wife lies with him, we as human being have a responsibility to not be a party to causing someone else pain or wrong doing.

 

 

and I dont expect him to leave his wife or anything. I know I'm not the first or last A he will have. If it is not me he is sleeping with it will be somebody else.

 

Oh well gee, that makes it all ok then:rolleyes:

 

 

I have been in back to back relationships since I was 18 (im 32 now) and enjoy being able to have my physical needs met, have a little fun and not have to deal with any relationship drama or pain. No disappointment and no expectations. I don't want to ruin my fun and develop feelings or fall in love with this dude as it would never work out between us.

 

Well here is just a thought, why not have your fun with someone who isn't married?

 

You don't want drama and pain, so how about not being an accomplice to doling it out to somebody's wife, suspecting or not?

 

Doesn't matter if he would be sleeping with someone else, it doesn't justify what you are doing.

 

 

 

In my head I see him as a FWB. He is really hot and I am enjoying him physically. My plan is to have lots of fun riding this wave until either I meet someone else or until he decides to stop cheating on his wife. I will not allow myself to develop feelings for him and just want to enjoy the ride. I am posting because I would like to know how other's in similar situations ended up? Do you have any advice besides the obvious (stop now)? Am i setting myself up to be hurt?

 

Why would you be setting yourself up for hurt? You already said you don't want anything from him or do not want him to leave his wife, and all you want is a FWB.

 

So methinks the real purpose of this thread you started is to rub BS's nose in crap.

[nofool4u]

I hope one day when married that you never experience the pain of betrayal.

 

Then how will she ever know how it feels?

[Angelina527]

I never thought I would be the other woman... smh

 

This has been going on for a few months. It started out as texting, then sexting, and then hanging out. I honestly had no intentions on sleeping with him even though I wanted to. Now I see him 2 - 3 times per week and we have awesome sex. We chat via text throughout day daily. I am not looking for anything from this man. I did try to resist but he was so damn persistent, and irresistible i decided to just give in and have fun. Besides I'm not the one who's married and I dont expect him to leave his wife or anything. I know I'm not the first or last A he will have. If it is not me he is sleeping with it will be somebody else. I have been in back to back relationships since I was 18 (im 32 now) and enjoy being able to have my physical needs met, have a little fun and not have to deal with any relationship drama or pain. No disappointment and no expectations. I don't want to ruin my fun and develop feelings or fall in love with this dude as it would never work out between us.

 

In my head I see him as a FWB. He is really hot and I am enjoying him physically. My plan is to have lots of fun riding this wave until either I meet someone else or until he decides to stop cheating on his wife. I will not allow myself to develop feelings for him and just want to enjoy the ride. I am posting because I would like to know how other's in similar situations ended up? Do you have any advice besides the obvious (stop now)? Am i setting myself up to be hurt?

 

Nice rationalizations. And yes, you are setting yourself up.

[Gentlegirl2]

I have read the same script so many times on here almost verbatim.

 

Go and find a sinlge guy to have fun with.

 

What made you pick this one?

 

You are definitely setting yourself up for disaster.

 

Most of us here have been there and done that already.

 

I for one would NEVER NEVER NEVER want to go back there.

 

I expect we will be hearing more from you along your journey.

 

GG

[Nancy B]

Although I have no personal experience in this, I can tell you with almost certainty that it will not end well.

 

My friend was recently involved in a 3 month relationship with a married guy. She described it the same as you have. She thought he was hot, fun and exciting, so why not have some fun until she meets someone else.

 

Problem was she was comparing everyone else to him and becoming more attached without realizing. He ended things abruptly and she's still reeling.

 

Don't do it to yourself.

[MissBee]

Although I have no personal experience in this, I can tell you with almost certainty that it will not end well.

 

My friend was recently involved in a 3 month relationship with a married guy. She described it the same as you have. She thought he was hot, fun and exciting, so why not have some fun until she meets someone else.

 

Problem was she was comparing everyone else to him and becoming more attached without realizing. He ended things abruptly and she's still reeling.

 

Don't do it to yourself.

 

Yepp...I've lived it.

 

Everytime I hear this kind of story, it's like watching one of those scary movies where the main character is saying "Hello hello...Tom is that you?" and starts heading down into the dark basement, quite oblivious, and we all are watching at home/in the theater, thinking OMG NOOOO are you stupid, of course it's not Tom, it's the killer! But the oblivious actress goes down into the basement anyway. This is what this story feels like to me....I see it so clearly that it is a mistake, while the person living it is still trying to believe that it really is Tom down there smh...except it's an OW knocking on "danger's" door with a MM and often she even acknowledges the huge likelihood of "danger", yet still continues down into the cellar of the A.

[ChynaDoll]

Thanks for all of your input.

 

I signed up on LS in 2008 when I was married. Since then I have been divorced, cheated on, abused, and more. At the end of the day the person responsible for these me and my ex's, not the women they were sleeping with. I was the wife that was cheated on, and feel the OW played a part but: I get that but he pursued me, i tried to resist but am at the point in my life where I feel like I am missing out on way too much always trying to do the right thing. Always taking care of everyone else putting their needs before mine. It has not gotten me very far either. I did not intend on this happening, but after I slept with him and enjoy having a man that I do not have to spend time with or answer to I'm good right now. If he did not come along, I would not be looking for any man. I am really enjoying my freedom right now. I have never been in a FWB or anything like this, but I do know that one party usually ends up developing feelings for the other party and someone will get hurt. I posted hoping there was somebody out there that can tell me it's possible to sleep with this person and just have fun. I know he is not available and will never be, so I will not let myself fall for him. I don't want to be with him. The fact that he is MM is quite a turn off, but he makes up for it in other ways I guess. I know this will never go anywhere but many relationships are not 'monomagamous' even though we think they are, so I see it as having a heads up on the situation.

 

I bet if he just cut you off entirely tomorrow, didn't see you anymore, didn't respond to any of your calls or text messages, you would feel it and it would hurt. How could it not? You are being very naive and foolish to believe you can continue this and not experience any negative consequences.

 

Yes Alexandria35 you hit the nail on the head. I think I may be more attached than I will let myself believe. I am expecting him to cease all communication one day and hoping that since I expect it won't hurt as bad i suppose.

 

What starts out as fun can quickly turn into a relationship that is emotionally draining, stressful, full of longing, etc. I personally wouldn't do it again because there are TOOOO many single, healthy people out there.

 

I believe if he was single I would have expectations and this situation would already be more complicated. I'm not advocatig this but it has a few benefits that suit my needs right at this point in my life.

 

I don't get it. If you're looking for a roll in the hay, why not find a single guy looking for NSA? Guys willing to drop their drawers for anything willing to lift its skirt are a dime a dozen. Why help some dbag be unfaithful to his wife?

 

I am not looking for a roll in the hay. I could find a jump off that was single no problem. This is something i found myself in after too much sexting i guess. Again, I'm single and am enjoying being single. It is not possible for us to be together and that part appeals to me i guess. I know I will not get sucked into another unhealthy relationship because he is not available for that. I did not pick this guy, he picked me. I did try to resist because it's "wrong". I do not condone sleeping with married people, but that is between him and his wife. Not my problem.

 

It becomes difficult to think with your head, and not your heart. Let us know how it goes.

 

I was hoping it was possible for me to think with my head, leave my heart and emotions out of it and just have fun.

 

Of course you are setting yourself up to be hurt......you already know it, or else you wouldn't be here asking. You just want someone to tell you that you won't get hurt. lol

 

good one LadyGrey, i was thinking that since I already know he is not available it would be foolish to develop feelings for him. I've been scorned and burnt so many times I 'think' I can have no problem having sex with no strings attached (although I've never had the opportunity to do so before). (I must sound silly to you guys)

 

I do take ownership for my choice, and acknowledge that women like me make it possible for men to not hide being married and still have a side chic. But at the end of the day MM that cheat are going to cheat regardless. So I dont care. I just do not care at this point in my life. I know its 'wrong', foolish, stupid, etc, because I may end up falling in love.

 

Chyna....you already know the answer.

 

I'm reading your story and can finish your sentences as I have seen it all too many times.

 

If you were not in danger of getting hurt you'd not give it a second thought That's the truth. If you care this much to post here about it...it's not as casual as you think it is.

 

You've also stated basically not being able to be without a relationship and your "physical needs" being met. This is a problem. You should probably focus on why you cannot be without a man and why the physical is so important that even though you thought you'd never be with a MM...you are....

 

There clearly is a conflict here from your post, from you being here and what you say about yourself and I think you serve yourself better by starting to worry about working those out. You're the second OW this week who has talked about not wanting drama of a relationship...yet is in an A...which often has more drama than a normal relationship. That is often a code for avoidance of intimacy and truly being vulnerable by having the illusion of a "casual" relationship with someone unsuitable as a way to get the fringe benefits of a relationship, the fake intimacy of sex, without supposedly being hurt or caught up emotionally...but sadly, most people end up getting hurt anyway as what they are saying and doing don't make sense and they themselves have no idea what they REALLY want or what they're really avoiding.

 

I can be without a relationship, my life has not turned out that way because I wasted my entire 20s being married. yes I am avoiding intimacy and do not want to be vulnerable. Since it happens to 'most' people I'm thinking I will be one of the lucky few that get don't get hurt. Yes I am avoiding an intimate relationship, being vulnerable, and all the drama that comes after "I Love You".... or so I thought.

 

Sounds like I may be in for a wake up call Love Shack, but I'm thinking it won't happen to me and if it does it won't be so bad. My logic is reminding me of a person who is trying drugs knowing it is habit forming and addicting yet thinking they have the will power to stop when they want...

 

I know I may be taking a risk of falling in love and getting hurt and I guess I posted hoping somebody would co-sign or tell me how to not get hurt. I mean people have FWB all the time don't they? It couldnt be so common if it was such a disastrous thing right? I feel like since I "need" to be single for a while this situation suits me because I could not be with him even if I wanted which is what i need. To be single.

[ChynaDoll]

You need to learn boundaries. There's no reason for you to be texting, calling, emailing a married or attached man.

 

I admit my part but like I said he pursued me. He is the one that is on lock down, and has to set boundaries to protect his marriage, not me. I'm single and free to do what I want.

[nofool4u]

I admit my part but like I said he pursued me. He is the one that is on lock down, and has to set boundaries to protect his marriage, not me. I'm single and free to do what I want.

 

Then by all means, keep helping him betray and hurt another woman. Justify it to yourself every way to Sunday and stay with him.

 

And if you get hurt, then you brought it on yourself, and I don't think anyone here will want to hear it.

[MissBee]

You need to learn boundaries. There's no reason for you to be texting, calling, emailing a married or attached man.

 

Ditto.

 

It amazes me when someone says an "A" just happened. No, if you are driving and someone runs a red light and slams into your side, that "just happened", an A, not the same. You had to make certain conscious decisions that lead up to it. You didn't go from zero to an A out of nowhere! Sorry...doesn't happen. You start making choices and breaking boundaries and increasing these until it becomes an A.

 

Texting and sexting is where it started...as you said, if this person is attached, you shouldn't have been doing that. If you started doing that...you put yourself in the perfect position to start an A. It did not "just happen".

[MissBee]

I admit my part but like I said he pursued me. He is the one that is on lock down, and has to set boundaries to protect his marriage, not me. I'm single and free to do what I want.

 

This doesn't make sense Chyna....

 

It's still a form of cop out. Free and single to do what you want doesn't need to include following up on his pursuit. You can of course choose to do so...as you have....but that doesn't make you any less culpable.

 

If a friend of mine shoplifted some jewelry from a store...that was her choice....but if she tells me this and then asks if I want to wear some, if I agree, I am culpable as well! Why would I agree? She can steal if she chooses to...her bad choice....but why do I need to also implicate myself? Since I am free and since I didn't go to the store and choose to steal it? The best thing to do is let people make their OWN bad choices...and not have the mentality that we'll take part in the spoils since we technically didn't initiate or weren't the ones who actually went to the store etc. Once you agree to participate, it matters not who started it or who made what vow or who actually stole it...you knew the reality and chose to do so, with that as a very fickle excuse.

[MissBee]

I can be without a relationship, my life has not turned out that way because I wasted my entire 20s being married. yes I am avoiding intimacy and do not want to be vulnerable. Since it happens to 'most' people I'm thinking I will be one of the lucky few that get don't get hurt. Yes I am avoiding an intimate relationship, being vulnerable, and all the drama that comes after "I Love You".... or so I thought.

Sounds like I may be in for a wake up call Love Shack, but I'm thinking it won't happen to me and if it does it won't be so bad. My logic is reminding me of a person who is trying drugs knowing it is habit forming and addicting yet thinking they have the will power to stop when they want...

 

I know I may be taking a risk of falling in love and getting hurt and I guess I posted hoping somebody would co-sign or tell me how to not get hurt. I mean people have FWB all the time don't they? It couldnt be so common if it was such a disastrous thing right? I feel like since I "need" to be single for a while this situation suits me because I could not be with him even if I wanted which is what i need. To be single.

 

Well there is not much to be said...you have already admitted the truth and already are in rationalization mode.

 

As I already said, those who try to avoid intimacy of a real relationship and so called drama by having an A....usually didn't avoid anything and added more drama to their life.

 

If you want a FWB...maybe you should find a situation that won't lead you to a forum. I do believe most FWBs situations are very ridiculous, even when single and also do not work. I only believe you can have acquaintances with benefits successfully. i.e. it is only sex. You are not friends. You do not hang out, you do not share your deep feelings, you do not constantly communicate etc. There is a clear "out of sight, out of mind" mentality.

 

If you want to be single....be single! I don't understand someone wanting to be single yet trying to be in an affair or "FWB". Just find a booty call with an unmarried, non-friend. That will be less complicated.

 

I think you should be focused not on a married man or any man but how to be okay with intimacy and not associating real relationships with "drama" etc. I think most people dive into As or other relationships to avoid themselves and the true work they need to do....filling their lives with fruitless distractions...that eventually wear away anyway. I'd take the time to truly be single and learn about me and learn how to build a healthy relationship and let go of fear and the fear of hurt versus embark foolishly upon a situation that is exactly what you're running from...in disguise. That's the sad part...these A scenarios that people run to as somehow "better" are usually the exact same thing they believed they were escaping from but worse!

 

I wish you luck. I hope you rethink it...but even if you don't, you're right, you'll be able to handle it if it comes crashing down. Sometimes we learn by experience and not by any amount of other people telling us. No one could have talked me out of my A probably, but then again I sought no advice about it...but once you already are seeking advice and support about your relationship....it most likely is a mistake waiting to happen.

[alexandria35]

Thanks for all of your input.

 

i tried to resist but am at the point in my life where I feel like I am missing out on way too much always trying to do the right thing. Always taking care of everyone else putting their needs before mine. It has not gotten me very far either.

hoping it was possible for me to think with my head, leave my heart and emotions out of it and just have fun.

 

 

Okay well first of all partaking in an affair is not taking care of yourself or putting your needs first. You are sabatoging yourself by engaging in risky and reckless behaviour. Any number of things could go wrong here. What if his wife finds out and decides to make your life a living hell? Decides to tell everyone that knows you that you are sleeping with her husband? I don't know much about you but how would that affect you? What would your family think? How would your employers feel? Do you have a good reputation that you want to keep intact? Do you have children that could be affected or that would be disappointed to find this out about their mother? If you feel that it's time to start taking care of yourself for a change don't you think you should aim a little higher than sleeping with a married man? Can't you be more creative or think beyond good sex?

 

Also I have heard the sentiment before from people stating they are tired of doing the right thing because it's never gotten them anything. They are barking up the wrong tree. If you think doing the right thing entitles you to a better easier life then you don't get it. Life is hard sometimes, for everyone, but that doesn't mean there is no merit in doing things the right way. Doing the right thing is something we do for ourselves as it heightens our sense of integrity, self worth, peace of mind, self esteem. The rewards are internal and personal. Nobody is going to throw a party in your honor because your a honest upstanding person, nobody is going promise you a painless problem free life because you have integrity and morals. All you get from doing the right thing is your own sense of inner peace. Doesn't sound like much but it's priceless and it can't be obtained through dishonest immoral behaviour.

 

I am always amazed by how many BW's go on to become the OW. I don't believe this is coincidence or by accident. There must be some hidden psycological reasons behind this. I believe that a BW who goes on to become an OW is trying to take some power back in a misguided way. I vaguely recall an experiment I read about many years ago. It involved teenagers who had been bullied and picked on by other children throughout most of their years. In this study they placed these bullied teenagers in a situation where they could witness another peer being taunted and picked on. It was somewhat expected that these teenagers woiuld have compassion and sympathy for the picked on kid, having experienced it themselves and knowing how bad it felt. To everyones surprise not only did these previously bullied teenagers not defend or feel any compassion for their peer, they actually partook in the taunting and bullying themselves, some were even downright brutal. It was surmised that these teens must of felt by victimizing someone else they were actually distancing themselves from their own state of victim hood. They were taking their power back by inflicting emotional pain rather than receiving pain. Now they were the strong ones not the weak ones. I wonder how much of this can be applied to BW's who become OW's. BW's not only feel the hurt of being betrayed by their husbands, I think many also feel stripped of their power and their self worth. They feel like they have been made a fool off and turned into the butt of a terrible joke. By becoming the OW themselves they get a do over off the whole awful scenario but this time they feel like they are in the stronger better position because nobody is getting one over on them. Now they are the one who is so special that a married man is willing to risk his marriage and the well being of his family to be with.

[stillafool]

 

. I don't want to ruin my fun and develop feelings

or fall in love with this dude as it would never work out between us.

 

 

Yeah why ruin your fun when it is so much easier to ruin his wife and kids fun.

 

 

I will not allow myself to develop feelings for him and just want to enjoy

the ride. Am i setting myself up to be hurt?

 

 

I don't believe for a minute that you haven't developed feelings for this guy. If you hadn't you wouldn't be here asking these questions.

[MissBee]

@alexandria.....every time a woman says she's going to take care of herself then she pulls some man out of the wings...*face palm* it's usually a bad plan and has nothing to do with truly taking care of self but using men as a soothing band-aid to avoid self.

 

Men have their place....relationships too....but if one has been badly burned and has admitted to marrying too soon or being scared of vulnerability, love and intimacy....how is finding a man, married, single, divorced or dead helpful??? I would think that would be the last thing you need to do right now!

 

Truly focus on you and building yourself up....not sabotage, as you rightfully said, as an affair, I doubt will help you to become better and less afraid of intimacy and build you up to be a better woman to continue life's journey. It will probably erode you more.

 

Healthy relationships are one thing....they can be healing, but even in those cases, you need a time out for a while after relationship trauma to gather yourself before you can contribute to and be in a healthy, healing relationship. Much less getting into a dubious relationship....

[nofool4u]

Her justifications are like saying that its ok to take money from a bank robber, because afterall, he robbed the bank, not her.

[flutterbykiss]

many women who are mistresses say the same thing as you did in the paragraph above ^ that being an ow suits them, yet they then end up falling for the man and spending years waiting for the mm to leave and end up wasting years of their life.

 

Amen to that!

 

Chyna, I suggest doing a bit of research on oxytocin. Mentally, many of women are strong and independent and can control themselves and their emotions in many aspects of life. But biologically, we are set up to become chemically addicted to the man we are intimate with. I would suggest that what you're doing is like shooting up heroin when you know you have the addictive personality gene. You might get lucky and not get hooked but it's really, really not likely.

 

Furthermore, as many here will point out to you, A's are designed to suck the OW in emotionally. The secretive nature of them makes everything seem so much more intimate - makes it seem like you know a part of MM that no-one else does, makes it seem like you are valued because MM goes to such effort to see or communicate with you. That's flattering and being flattered feels good and then the good feelings become associated with MM and voila! Affair fog.

 

It's a rare OW who can stay detached and rational in the face of the many, many ways an A sucks us in so I'd have to say that yes, being involved in an A at all is setting yourself up to get hurt. It's playing with fire and expecting to not get burnt (because you'll be very, very careful, right?). Fire has a life of it's own, as do A's, and there is no predicting or controlling what might happen unless it's totally, irrevocably extinguished.

 

I wish you all the luck in the world, Chyna, no matter what you choose to do. I just hope you believe the advice you are getting here and make an informed decision.

[Radagast]

In my head I see him as a FWB. He is really hot and I am enjoying him physically. My plan is to have lots of fun riding this wave until either I meet someone else or until he decides to stop cheating on his wife. I will not allow myself to develop feelings for him and just want to enjoy the ride. I am posting because I would like to know how other's in similar situations ended up? Do you have any advice besides the obvious (stop now)? Am i setting myself up to be hurt?

 

Married, in my wife's case.

[MissBee]

Amen to that!

 

Chyna, I suggest doing a bit of research on oxytocin. Mentally, many of women are strong and independent and can control themselves and their emotions in many aspects of life. But biologically, we are set up to become chemically addicted to the man we are intimate with. I would suggest that what you're doing is like shooting up heroin when you know you have the addictive personality gene. You might get lucky and not get hooked but it's really, really not likely.

 

Furthermore, as many here will point out to you, A's are designed to suck the OW in emotionally. The secretive nature of them makes everything seem so much more intimate - makes it seem like you know a part of MM that no-one else does, makes it seem like you are valued because MM goes to such effort to see or communicate with you. That's flattering and being flattered feels good and then the good feelings become associated with MM and voila! Affair fog.

It's a rare OW who can stay detached and rational in the face of the many, many ways an A sucks us in so I'd have to say that yes, being involved in an A at all is setting yourself up to get hurt. It's playing with fire and expecting to not get burnt (because you'll be very, very careful, right?). Fire has a life of it's own, as do A's, and there is no predicting or controlling what might happen unless it's totally, irrevocably extinguished.

 

I wish you all the luck in the world, Chyna, no matter what you choose to do. I just hope you believe the advice you are getting here and make an informed decision.

 

Excellent post!

 

Hopefully Chyna considers it....

 

But I wish her well as well. I do think if one is hellbent on going down a certain path, we just have to let the person go down it for themselves unfortunately, and then see for themselves. If we're wrong, then great for Chyna, if we're right then she obviously had to learn through her own experience.