Living with Boyfriend and his baby

[blindingaddison]

 

Well first I will start off with some background: I'm 20 yrs old I have been divorced for a year and I am currently living with my boyfriend of 7 months who is 24 and his daughter that just turned a year old. I am having trouble adjusting to this new living arrangement. I am now a 24/7 mother all of a sudden and some thought have now made their way into my head:

 

I feel like I am taking responsibility for my boyfriend past he is at work all the time. I have been on the pill since 15 to prevent a child yet I am doing all the work for one that is not mine.

 

How is he going to feel if I do have a child? It will be this whole big experience for me but he has already been through it all so where this baby come into the picture.

 

Ever since we moved in together I don't even exist to him I'm constantly number 2 and I understand that Skylar will come first but does that mean I should feel completely neglected in the mean while?

 

Don't get me wrong I love Skylar and Jacob but this whole transition thing has my whole world upside down and I just don't know what to do. Please don't write anything hateful I just need some support and helpful advise.

 

Thank you.

[pretty_petal]

couldn't he arrange some care for the kid? what about the mother...why doesn't she look after her?? It doesn't seem right to take on that responabilty... i would want my life back. maybe he should get a different job... the baby is his responsability after all...

 

that probably doesn't help... x

[Debster]

You are twenty years old and have already been divorced for a year.

You are living with a guy you've been dating for seven months.

He's not treating you well.

He assumes that you will be the 'mom' to his kid.

 

You have had tons of experience at a very young age - and I am not saying that is a good thing. I think you got married very early - probably just to get out of your parent's house and you couldn't stand being alone so you've moved in with this guy.

 

I don't think you are going to like my advice but here it is:

Decide your likes / dislikes.

Be comfortable being alone.

Stop going from one 'sheltered' situation to another.

Discover who you are.

[ziggue]

I remember being in a similar situation last year. The only difference was we weren't living together and it wasn't a serious relationship.

 

Still he had two kids. 5 and 6. I felt like a house wife every time I went and visited him. He lived in Sydney. An hour and a half away. Had the kids every second week end. Always seemed to get me to come over every time he had the kids on the weekend.

 

I would be stuck cleaning the house, entertaining his kids (got along with them like a house on fire) even making them dinner. No wonder his Ex (their mother) left him. She probably felt like a prisoner, a mum from the 50's.

 

The mother of his kids would still come during the week and help get the kids ready for school. I never wanted to face her. A couple of times I was over on School/Weekdays I would leave at around 5:30am, 6am just to avoid the awkwardness of bumping into the mother. Even though they broke up like 4 years ago. She was still pretty much in the kids lives. Seeing them everyday before school and every second weekend.

 

After a while I just couldn't take it anymore. I knew that I didn't want that life for myself. That's when I left him.

 

You were divorced before 20? How old were you when you got married before.

 

I agree with Debster he is not treating you well. Even you are feeling the pressure of a life that you probably don't want. Don't put yourself through that and get out like I did. If you want too. I mean. It's your choice in the end.

 

I also agree with the alone thing. You've got to learn to get more independent. Discover who you are. You will also have a lot of freedom and no worries but your own on your hands then!