Woggle Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 My point is that marriage, unlike things we generally buy, should be expected to last forever. It should be but how often does it? If you had a computer system or anything else that failed to do what it was supposed to do at least 50% of the time how many people would take a risk with it? If I wanted a new HDTV and I read reviews that said it broke half of the time I would never but it. I am not anti-marriage because I did it myself but if people don't want it to die then it needs some serious fixing. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 It should be but how often does it? If you had a computer system or anything else that failed to do what it was supposed to do at least 50% of the time how many people would take a risk with it? If I wanted a new HDTV and I read reviews that said it broke half of the time I would never but it. I am not anti-marriage because I did it myself but if people don't want it to die then it needs some serious fixing. But Wog, some marriages in the failure column lasted 10, 15, 20+ years before failing. Most people would be very pleased with a computer or tv lasting that long. Since marriages are supposed to be forever, we count them as failures if they fall apart at year 1, or year 30. (very few divorce after that) How often does it last forever? Apparently, 50% of the time. As many marriages succeed as fail. So if 50% failure is considered very high, then 50% success could be considered very high, as well. That would be the "glass half full" interpretation Link to post Share on other sites
standtall Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 (edited) parenting is for ` a limited time ` ?? really? when does it end?? Coopster, I have read your story, your response here is throwing a curve ball at me...is it a serious question? Either way, I'll leave the same answer when I thought you were one of the angry, sensitive chicks. When it is supposed to end. When they move out onto their own as adults. Just like I did when I went in the military, just like my children will when they get married, move out after/during college, join the military...etc. Or, you can have over parenting and a un-employed, weed smoking, 25 year old mama's boy living in the basement because the parents enabled him to do nothing. I am 40 now, and I have not been "parented" since I was 18, and I will expect the same out of my boys/girls as I will show them and give them the tools to be grown adults. With that out of the way, the point is that eventually the children will grow up and move out, and then the spouses will be left with each other. Edited March 12, 2012 by standtall Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 (edited) With that out of the way, the point is that eventually the children will grow up and move out, and then the spouses will be left with each other. While I agree with your greater points (couples need to keep the relationship healthy while parenting, and children should be taught the skills they need to be independent adults), I still think the decision to become a parent is a greater commitment. There is an escape clause to marriage (divorce), and for good reason. There is no escape clause to parenting. If the child is born with special needs, and will never be independent, there is no escape clause. We all expect to have healthy, able children, but should be prepared for other possibilities when making the decision to become a parent. Even healthy, able children provide parents with a lifetime of concern. When an independent 40-year old man battles cancer, you can bet that his 65 year old parents worry and suffer terribly. The parent-child connection is for life. More on topic--having a child with a person has no escape clause. Weddings, births, baptisms, birthdays...for the rest of your life, you will be sharing with this person one way or another. Edited March 12, 2012 by xxoo 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 But Wog, some marriages in the failure column lasted 10, 15, 20+ years before failing. Most people would be very pleased with a computer or tv lasting that long. Since marriages are supposed to be forever, we count them as failures if they fall apart at year 1, or year 30. (very few divorce after that) How often does it last forever? Apparently, 50% of the time. As many marriages succeed as fail. So if 50% failure is considered very high, then 50% success could be considered very high, as well. That would be the "glass half full" interpretation Maybe you are just a bigger optimist than me but if something fails 50% of the time and is pretty crappy in half the instances where it doesn't fail those are some pretty dismal statistics. I agree with who said that it is not marriage itself but the people in it who are the problem but marriages are made up of people and if most people these days do not have what it takes to make a marriage work it makes it very risky for the few that do. Even if a person is willing to make a marriage work and be a good spouse they don't know if the other person will be. It is simply a very risky thing and if we as a society want to save marriage we need to make it less risky for good and honest people who don't want to play Russian roulette with their life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author imajerk Posted March 12, 2012 Author Share Posted March 12, 2012 That's true. Parents and children are forever. Spouses can be disposed of. Link to post Share on other sites
standtall Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 When an independent 40-year old man battles cancer, you can bet that his 65 year old parents worry and suffer terribly. I said parenting not worrying. I base my definition of marriage on the bible and my wedding vows. I made one promise to to my wife, and one to God that day and they back each other.That will be the day when I put my 21 year old son in front of my wife. It it exactly the self and kid centrist behavior that you described in your post as to why the divorce rate is what it is today. Thank you for serendipitously re-enforcing what I said about marriage and religion. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 It it exactly the self and kid centrist behavior that you described in your post as to why the divorce rate is what it is today. If you read kid centric in my post, you were reading into my words things I don't mean. My marriage is stronger after kids than it was before. YMMV. But my marriage is not a religious one... Link to post Share on other sites
OliveOyl Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 Marriage isn't the problem. It's the person you marry and the reasons you marry. True and I agree. I would like to add though, that the person you marry may not end up being the same person ten or twenty years later. People change, and circumstances change. The thing to keep in mind is there is no way to guarantee a long-lasting, happy marriage, even if you have selected someone who is very compatible, seemingly mature, etc. This is not meant in a negative way, just more an observation. It's not a bad thing. It just is what it is. Link to post Share on other sites
GKM Posted March 14, 2012 Share Posted March 14, 2012 True and I agree. I would like to add though, that the person you marry may not end up being the same person ten or twenty years later. People change, and circumstances change. The thing to keep in mind is there is no way to guarantee a long-lasting, happy marriage, even if you have selected someone who is very compatible, seemingly mature, etc. This is not meant in a negative way, just more an observation. It's not a bad thing. It just is what it is. Ive accepted that fact. What is the solution then? Esepcially as a women (and even more so if you earn less than ur partner/or stay home to raise the kids) Is it about a very detailed pre-nup? Is it about always looking out for yourself above and beyond everybody, so if it comes to divorce you arent left broke etc? Link to post Share on other sites
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