Redbean Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 My boyfriend just dumped me 2 weeks ago (we took a break almost 3 weeks before). He is 28 and I am 22. We were together for 4 years. I did whatever I could to make him feel better since he has a very stressful job. I cooked and did all his housework. We lived together. We were happy most of the time. Sometimes we would argued over small little thing but nothing really harmful. We always talked about marriage and the night before he wanted a break, I cooked a big meal for him and he said he would love to marry me since I am his type (housewife type). I guess he wants some space and freedom. Since he doesn't have friend so I became his everything. He liked to be alone sometimes to do his hobby and stuff. But this year since there is a lot of stress he started to change a lil bit. Not as gentle and nice as before. The day we broke up, He told me sometimes he wishes we were just friend so he didn't have to be responsible for my feeling. He said he felt like he wasn't a good enough boyfriend to me. He even said he didn't love as much as before. He said he wasn't ready in a relationship. I begged a little bit and I stopped. I felt tired of that. I felt like he knew I loved him so much so he could get me whenever he wanted. He told me to keep his key so i could come teach piano. But I returned my key and took the piano with me. I left a note said here is the key and thanks for being with me these past years. He replied me next day said thank you for being with him too. I bought a flight ticket just want to get out the country. Right before my plane took off I got his text. Ever since i turned it off. Couple days later he asked my friend see if I am out of town since my phone is off. He said he couldn't find our dog paperwork (which I am pretty sure he knows where is it) so he needed to reach me. My friend told him I am not here anymore. And he never said anything to my friend ever since. Do you guys think he will come back? All my friend said he is going to regret. They had seen I treated him very nice. Link to post Share on other sites
dwf40 Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 (edited) i think you are doing all the right things, like moving on with your life and doing what you have to for yourself. he probably did not expect you to walk away and move on like that. likely it was a reality check. do you want him back? i think you might have to be the one to initiate things...not in a big way, but maybe turn your phone back on and send him a short text saying something like. hi, hope you're well. and see what happens? at least you are opening the door for him. but maybe wait another couple of weeks...its only been two weeks and that's not really enough time for either of you to figure out your feelings. Edited March 9, 2012 by dwf40 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Redbean Posted March 9, 2012 Author Share Posted March 9, 2012 Thanks for reply.=) I wanted him back but not who he is right now. I kinda feel like this break up is good for us since I can see he didn't put a lot of effort in this relationship lately. And he even said no matter what he did I will always be with him. He had huge ego that makes me don't wanna turn on my phone (besides it might be freaking expensive since I am oversea now lol). He knows my email so I feel like if he cares and loves me enough he would find his way to contact me. I just wanna make sure I am doing to right thing. I wonder what he would think when he knew I left US already....(I still can't believe I am in some other country now lol) I was crazy crying last month. However, once I left I am so calm. Link to post Share on other sites
tornangel Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 sadly , even if he comes crying back and saying it was the most mistake he ever made. He will treat u the same way. He just wants what he cant have. And its not about you loving him so much or being good to him. Until he realizes ( not from u or anyone else) that he deserves love then ur screwed. Sorry but coming from experience... He said he was with u out of guilt if he left. That says so much.... Link to post Share on other sites
tornangel Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 He said he felt like he wasn't a good enough boyfriend to me. He even said he didn't love as much as before. He said he wasn't ready in a relationship. I begged a little bit and I stopped................... He is the one who has to get some help for his commitment/intamacy issues. He doesnt like himself , and he is projecting it onto you or anyone. He has to love himself first to accept love Link to post Share on other sites
Author Redbean Posted March 9, 2012 Author Share Posted March 9, 2012 I agree. He had some signs of depression. He had a very rough childhood so maybe my love toward him he just doesn't understand i guess. I don't even know if that is truth from him. But I let time to tell me if he really loves me or not, or maybe he is just stress out of everything. Link to post Share on other sites
tornangel Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 Sadly time will only tell if he goes thru therapy and learns to love himself first. And u seem healthy that u loved urself enuf to leave. Good for you : ) He is unhealthy and he will only bring u down or make u unhealthy. He cant love you ... : ( So u did the best by letting him go... Link to post Share on other sites
tornangel Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 When someone is incapable of loving us (because they hate themselves) , we want a reason and we try to blame ourselves or stress or any excuse . But sooner or later we HAVE to realize they were not capable of loving us because of their own demons inside.... Sorry Link to post Share on other sites
Author Redbean Posted March 9, 2012 Author Share Posted March 9, 2012 He was healthy and happy in our first 3 years. Ever since he bought the house and his job is not stable due to crazy lay off. He stressed out. He said he cannot handle everything now. I just pray he will find his way out. He is not a bad person at all. He treated me like a queen haha. I miss those moment. Link to post Share on other sites
tornangel Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 Stress is not a reason to end a relationship. Stress is part of life. Why would u want him back if he walks out cause of stress over a house, what if something really stressful happened, does that means he can abandon you ? dont u think u deserve better ? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Redbean Posted March 9, 2012 Author Share Posted March 9, 2012 That's why after I read my post again i feel like it is a good break up. I don't want the old him but I hope some point he will come back since he told me he wants to fix himself. I left the country for six months. I will see what happen when I returned. If he is still the same, i will move on, besides I am trying to move on now. Link to post Share on other sites
tornangel Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 I honestly wish you the best with him, I started going to therapy about 4 months ago to help me with my issues of abuse from others and my own issues of insecurities, etc. At the time I was with my ex still who I loved so much, way more than myself unfortuantely. When I started getting healthier and demanding respect from him he was great in the beginning but then he became insecure and it drove me away. In th eend, I had to choose between loving myself or him. And as hard as it was, I chose ME : ))))) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Redbean Posted March 10, 2012 Author Share Posted March 10, 2012 Thank you very much. I wish I can be with him in a healthy way. He just found out I am not in the states anymore. I wonder what he feels like now. I use to be needy and always to one who apologize of everything. This time, I choose to leave and be silent. Link to post Share on other sites
lemonade57 Posted March 10, 2012 Share Posted March 10, 2012 wow, ur story sounds very similar to mine. seems like ur ex and my ex reallly need time to think. they both couldnt take all the stress and with all the arguments, it just made their stress worse and had to end it. i hope they realize soon that what we shared was way to precious to throw away before its too late. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Redbean Posted March 11, 2012 Author Share Posted March 11, 2012 Yea. If they want time, we give it to them. I begged him for like a week and I stopped. There is no use. Just only couple day with NC, he already asked my fd where am I. Even thought maybe he just needed my help, but at least I know he did wonder where am I. I believed if they truly love us, they will be back. If not, then we can see their true color. I feel so much better even since I left the States. I feel pain but I don't want how he is right now. If he ever came back, I hope it will a much better relationship. So i think this break up maybe good for me. I hope you feel the same way. <3 Link to post Share on other sites
offcloudnine Posted March 11, 2012 Share Posted March 11, 2012 I'm in a similar situation with my girlfriend, now ex. She left me due to a number of factors that most likely stemmed from her insecurities and lack of self-confidence. We were long distance when she broke up with me, and still are, it's been 2 weeks since we broke up. It has been a hell of a ride for me ever since, I'm finding it very hard to find the optimistic side of myself in this light. Hope things work out for the better for you Redbean. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Redbean Posted March 11, 2012 Author Share Posted March 11, 2012 I am sorry about that offcloudnine =( We are all going through tough time. It is only two weeks so I am sure it is awful. But if you ask yourself you have treat her nice enough (but the force yourself to be prefect cos no one is), and she didn't appreciate it, it is her problem. Let try to see this time is a test for you guys. If this is love, she will be back. If it is lust, let her go cos I am sure you don't want it anyway. Because we don't want to be dumper again. I hope you feel better and thanks for your support =) Link to post Share on other sites
offcloudnine Posted March 11, 2012 Share Posted March 11, 2012 Thank you Redbean, I hope we both get through this with or without our partners... You're fortunate that you can go to another country and try to forget about things, I'm stuck in a place where almost everything reminds me of her. Link to post Share on other sites
lemonade57 Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 I believe this break up can either make it or break it with us as well. Just last nite I told him lets give it a try wen it ready. He said he didn't want me to wait for even, if we're Kent to be then we'll end up together again. I think it was bs. So im don't apologizing and the pleading. After all I gave it a last shot and won't regret anything. I cried so much this morning but I thot to myself if he wants me, he'll chase me like how he once did. I'm really moving on. U did an incredible choice by moving on and leaving. I'm so proud of u. I once was a very tough person and got everything my way and never let any guy get their way with me. That's why it hurts so bad seeing myself now. I'll get back on track and continue being the strong and confident person I once was to prove to myself this isn't worth anymore of my tears. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Redbean Posted March 13, 2012 Author Share Posted March 13, 2012 =) They left us no choice besides moving on. If I felt I did something wrong I would be regret, But I really don't think so. I cared about him so much. I am surprise I can do so well so far. I guess my heart is broken until the point to complete disappointed. Until the point I don't feel like it worth my time and tear anymore. I heard from his roommate he acts little weird lately. I guess the break up hurts him too. NC does work! Hope everyone heal quickly and really know what they want in life. I am sure I want a family in the future and I want to be with someone at the same page =) Link to post Share on other sites
rickys Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 Sadly time will only tell if he goes thru therapy and learns to love himself first. And u seem healthy that u loved urself enuf to leave. Good for you : ) He is unhealthy and he will only bring u down or make u unhealthy. He cant love you ... : ( So u did the best by letting him go... Yeah.....you are right. If he will be back to you, he will treat you in the same way. But she did the right thing by moving on, because it is essential to forget the past and focus on future......... Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts