I did something really terriable..

[TurningTables]

Hi everyone. Just some background info: Had an EA with my best friend of 20+ years, last two were an EA, close to a PA. I ended things back in June/July with a couple of breaks of NC. I really need to vent on recent events so here it goes:

 

Anyways, xMM and I recently have had alot of contact. Before you jump on me, it was quiet by accident. He had finally left me alone after the ordeal with me threatening to tell his W. I ended up dropping my class with him just to avoid the whole situation.

 

Two weeks later, a mutual friend of ours died. She just happen to be the one who originally introduced xMM and I in high school. I was really close to this person, so naturally, I went to the funeral. xMM was there of course. He ignored me the whole time, acted like he didnt know me in front of all of our other mutual friends. To tell the truth, it stung, but I was grateful that I had finally gotten my message across: that we are over, done, finished and whatever other word that means the same. We all went to lunch/dinner afterwards, where as I had to listen to him tell about his life and his W, how they met, etc. I wanted to puke. I thought, wow, you sure do put on a good "show" for everyone.

 

Anyways, few days afterwards, I start getting texts and emails. Saying he was sorry and he thought I heard him address me...blah blah. Same old same old. He even laughed and mocked me for saying things about my chosen profession after I get out of school. It was to say the least appalling.

 

I decided to end this once and for all. xMM asked for a lunch. I texted back with a "yes" and we set up a date. I then, emailed the text to my email address and forwarded it to his W's email at work. I have not heard back from him since. I thought that things are finally at an end, I can finish healing and go on with my life.

 

Here is the really bad part, I found out yesterday that xMM's W is pregnant. I feel terriable. I go from feeling like a total sleeze bag to thinking I may have done her favor. I know that they have had alot of infertility problems and that before their one child was born, she had lost many, many babies.

 

I feel like total and complete crap.

[TigerCub]

I don't think you should feel bad.

 

You didn't know she was pregnant, and you tried to do the right thing - by letting her know what he husband is upto.

 

Furthermore, if they have been trying so damn hard to get pregnant and she finally is, why the hell is he still trying to get with you - guess that pregnancy isn't all that important to him. Don't beat yourself up over that.

 

Although I would never wish for what the wife is going through on anyone and I do feel bad for her, you tried to do the right thing, you just didn't know that she was pregnant, and maybe if she knows now what a sleaze her husband is, she can make choices with open eyes.

 

Don't feel bad.

***HUGS***

[whichwayisup]

I don't know what to say? You didn't think things through.

 

This situation of the death of your friend brought you two together but it wasn't done by him. You were/are jealous hurt that he was talking about his wife in the group setting (what else was he to do? Not say a word about his wife, and marriage?)..

 

He still wasn't very nice to you, so maybe you just reacted too much..

 

Anyway, there isn't much you can do now. I'd leave this alone and try to let go completely..What's done is done..Though be prepared for some fallout to come your way.

[donnamaybe]

I don't think you should feel bad.

 

You didn't know she was pregnant, and you tried to do the right thing - by letting her know what he husband is upto.

 

Furthermore, if they have been trying so damn hard to get pregnant and she finally is, why the hell is he still trying to get with you - guess that pregnancy isn't all that important to him. Don't beat yourself up over that.

 

Although I would never wish for what the wife is going through on anyone and I do feel bad for her, you tried to do the right thing, you just didn't know that she was pregnant, and maybe if she knows now what a sleaze her husband is, she can make choices with open eyes.

 

Don't feel bad.

***HUGS***

I agree with this post 100%.

 

TT, you only did what you told him you would do. HE should have been the one to protect his W from any possible e-mail from you by NOT contacting you like you asked him to. He would have if he gave a damn about anyone but himself. You had no idea about her condition. Try not to beat yourself up about it. And, like TC said, you may have done her a favor.

[Stellar Wench]

What do you feel bad about?

 

You shouldn't worry. He probably made you out to be a crazy that has wanted him since high school. The lunch was innocent and can be explained.

 

Mission accomplished. Get on with your life!

[alexandria35]

I agree with TigerCub. You didn't know she was pregnant and now what's done is done. He sounds like a total ass and deserves whatever hell his wife gives him although it is sad that he has put her in this position. Maybe you did react without thinking it through but you're not the one causing her pain anymore, now it's just him and she deserves to know what two faced lying prick she is married to.

[2sunny]

Best to stay no contact from here moving forward.

 

He's an a$$clown!

[TurningTables]

Hi guys. Thanks for replying. I feel bad because I wouldnt want to hurt an unborn child or his W. I know, I know, It kinda too late because I already hurt her( his W) by knowingly let the EA go on for as long as I did.

 

I just wanted him gone so I can move on with my life.

[2sunny]

Hi guys. Thanks for replying. I feel bad because I wouldnt want to hurt an unborn child or his W. I know, I know, It kinda too late because I already hurt her( his W) by knowingly let the EA go on for as long as I did.

 

I just wanted him gone so I can move on with my life.

 

So even if he contacts in ANY way - do not respond!

[jwi71]

TT,

 

Please don't interpret this as attacking.

 

Why do you feel like crap specifically?

 

This is a woman you have "hurt" for years, which must necessarily include, all

The lost pregnancies. The eventual birth of their child. A D-day even.

 

Why do you NOW feel like crap? After two decades of treating her like crap, why do you feel bad now? Specifically ask yourself that question.

 

There is a real window for growth here, I hope you take it.

 

And of course, I am focusing on the BS because her pregnancy is the trigger.

 

I hope you examine this. It won't be fun but ultimately rewarding.

[TurningTables]

TT,

 

Please don't interpret this as attacking.

 

Why do you feel like crap specifically?

 

This is a woman you have "hurt" for years, which must necessarily include, all

The lost pregnancies. The eventual birth of their child. A D-day even.

 

Why do you NOW feel like crap? After two decades of treating her like crap, why do you feel bad now? Specifically ask yourself that question.

 

There is a real window for growth here, I hope you take it.

 

And of course, I am focusing on the BS because her pregnancy is the trigger.

 

I hope you examine this. It won't be fun but ultimately rewarding.

 

Hi Jwi.

 

No, I dont see it as attacking at all. I take full responsability for what I did. We didnt have a EA for two decades. I had been good friends with him for a long long time, but I never had any romantic feelings for him. It was only until I started going through my D that I became very close and attached to him and vice versa. This went on for about two years. In the end of the EA, I fully realized what I was doing and told him to make a decision. We even had been joking how long it was going to be until we "went there". I knew I was wrong the whole time. I couldnt stand the pain or the guilt any longer. I felt bad, tried to break things off and then someone outed us to my family. Its been hell ever since.

Im ready for some peace.

[TigerCub]

Hi guys. Thanks for replying. I feel bad because I wouldnt want to hurt an unborn child or his W. I know, I know, It kinda too late because I already hurt her( his W) by knowingly let the EA go on for as long as I did.

 

But that's exactly it TT. If she was finally pregnant - again and you were out lunching with him and sending emails and texts all day - that is purposefully hurting her.

 

You're not that person anymore and you don't want to be in that position, so much so that you actually did what you warned him you'd do, when he called your bluff.

 

Sure, what you did in the past hurt her, but what you did right now, is something you shouldn't feel bad about, because your intention was not to hurt her (at least that's the impression I get from your post).

 

You were to blame for your part in the past, but you didn't do anything wrong this time.

 

Stay strong and keep NC for sure now.

[TurningTables]

But that's exactly it TT. If she was finally pregnant - again and you were out lunching with him and sending emails and texts all day - that is purposefully hurting her.

 

You're not that person anymore and you don't want to be in that position, so much so that you actually did what you warned him you'd do, when he called your bluff.

 

Sure, what you did in the past hurt her, but what you did right now, is something you shouldn't feel bad about, because your intention was not to hurt her (at least that's the impression I get from your post).

 

You were to blame for your part in the past, but you didn't do anything wrong this time.

 

Stay strong and keep NC for sure now.

 

Tc. Thanks. I didnt respond to his emails or texts. Only when he asked if he could see me for lunch because he missed me, etc, did I respond. I on purpose did so because I was fed up. I set him up with the intention of forwarding it to his W.

[TigerCub]

Tc. Thanks. I didnt respond to his emails or texts. Only when he asked if he could see me for lunch because he missed me, etc, did I respond. I on purpose did so because I was fed up. I set him up with the intention of forwarding it to his W.

 

That's good TT, and now that what's done is done, and he knows that you'll follow through with what you warned him about, I doubt that he'll contact you again.

 

You released yourself, it sucks about all the other circumstances, but you're free now and you should be a little happy about that at least.

[donnamaybe]

Sure, what you did in the past hurt her, but what you did right now, is something you shouldn't feel bad about, because your intention was not to hurt her (at least that's the impression I get from your post)

Again, 100% agree. Intentions count for a lot. Your intentions were honorable, and you had no idea about her pregnancy. You just wanted to be free of this whole mess.

 

Fly free, little bird!

[Gentlegirl2]

I think the pregnancy makes no difference. You have give her the gift of the truth.

 

He certainly sounds like a condescending bastard. How rude to ignore you and then have the gall to invite you out to lunch.

 

God knows what he has told his wife. If you never hear from him again, that will be grand for you.

 

Anybody who treats you like that is not worth knowing.

 

Get on with it girl.

 

GG

[TurningTables]

Again, 100% agree. Intentions count for a lot. Your intentions were honorable, and you had no idea about her pregnancy. You just wanted to be free of this whole mess.

 

Fly free, little bird!

 

 

LOL! Thank you Donna! Im flapping my arms as hard as they can go!

[TurningTables]

I don't agree with your "sting operation" as being honorable. If you were "fed up," then why didn't you just block your email, which should have been blocked in the first place.

 

My school email address cannot be blocked. We change teachers/classmates every semester, so therefore, we do not have the option of blocking. I have him blocked from everything else though.

 

I am being honorable. I have lived with what I did and the choices I made every day.

[TurningTables]

I think the pregnancy makes no difference. You have give her the gift of the truth.

 

He certainly sounds like a condescending bastard. How rude to ignore you and then have the gall to invite you out to lunch.

 

God knows what he has told his wife. If you never hear from him again, that will be grand for you.

 

Anybody who treats you like that is not worth knowing.

 

Get on with it girl.

 

GG

 

Thank you GG.

[whichwayisup]

My school email address cannot be blocked. We change teachers/classmates every semester, so therefore, we do not have the option of blocking. I have him blocked from everything else though.

 

I am being honorable. I have lived with what I did and the choices I made every day.

 

It is possible for them to change your work email address. I know because my friend who is a teacher needed to change her email address was able to.

 

Look into that TT.

[nofool4u]

Hi everyone. Just some background info: Had an EA with my best friend of 20+ years, last two were an EA, close to a PA. I ended things back in June/July with a couple of breaks of NC. I really need to vent on recent events so here it goes:

 

Anyways, xMM and I recently have had alot of contact. Before you jump on me, it was quiet by accident. He had finally left me alone after the ordeal with me threatening to tell his W. I ended up dropping my class with him just to avoid the whole situation.

 

Two weeks later, a mutual friend of ours died. She just happen to be the one who originally introduced xMM and I in high school. I was really close to this person, so naturally, I went to the funeral. xMM was there of course. He ignored me the whole time, acted like he didnt know me in front of all of our other mutual friends. To tell the truth, it stung, but I was grateful that I had finally gotten my message across: that we are over, done, finished and whatever other word that means the same. We all went to lunch/dinner afterwards, where as I had to listen to him tell about his life and his W, how they met, etc. I wanted to puke. I thought, wow, you sure do put on a good "show" for everyone.

 

Anyways, few days afterwards, I start getting texts and emails. Saying he was sorry and he thought I heard him address me...blah blah. Same old same old. He even laughed and mocked me for saying things about my chosen profession after I get out of school. It was to say the least appalling.

 

I decided to end this once and for all. xMM asked for a lunch. I texted back with a "yes" and we set up a date. I then, emailed the text to my email address and forwarded it to his W's email at work. I have not heard back from him since. I thought that things are finally at an end, I can finish healing and go on with my life.

 

Here is the really bad part, I found out yesterday that xMM's W is pregnant. I feel terriable. I go from feeling like a total sleeze bag to thinking I may have done her favor. I know that they have had alot of infertility problems and that before their one child was born, she had lost many, many babies.

 

I feel like total and complete crap.

 

You said that YOU had an affair. So you are married yourself?

 

If so, I notice you don't say a word about him or what you are doing to him.

[TurningTables]

It is possible for them to change your work email address. I know because my friend who is a teacher needed to change her email address was able to.

 

Look into that TT.

 

WWIU,

 

It was my school (college) email address. If I wanted to change it, I would have had to report him. Then, a formal request would have been made and investigation..and so on. At the time when I checked all this out, I didnt want to go that far.

Youre right thought, I didnt think this all the way through. But what's done is done now. I cannot turn back. I am hoping that its over with.

[TurningTables]

You said that YOU had an affair. So you are married yourself?

 

If so, I notice you don't say a word about him or what you are doing to him.

 

 

At the time of the EA, I was separated and since then D. My M has been over for a very very long long time.

 

And I dont understand your last statement? What do you mean by me not saying a word about him or what Im doing to him?

[TurningTables]

How is xMM sending you text messages?

 

 

Without getting into too much details or information on a public message board, I have a child that has medical and special needs. My cell is connected to schools, doctors,emergency contacts, etc. I would change it if I could.

 

I will not make everyone else pay for my mistake.

[TurningTables]

You said that YOU had an affair. So you are married yourself?

 

If so, I notice you don't say a word about him or what you are doing to him.

 

 

Sorry..wouldnt let me edit but I wanted to add that Yes, I did have an EA. I am not like some OW who go around blaming the MM because he is the one whose M. Its just as much my fault as it his.