Author SierraMist Posted June 9, 2004 Author Share Posted June 9, 2004 Heres the problem: Ive been seeing this girl for like a year and a half, we werent officially going out, but we would act like we were. She told me several times that she loves me. It never occured to me that i should've asked her out to make if official but, we were doing exactly what "Dating" people did, and it didnt bother me at all. I trusted her and she trusted me, it was like the perfect couple, we could hang out and watch tv up on the attic and have fun or we could just sit down on the porch and talk about stuff and still have fun. I tried to be the best for her, when she needed me i was always there for her, I tried my best to just make her laugh and smile. Year and half pass by and she hasnt been calling me as much. I thought to myself that maybe shes just been busy and that she just wants to spend more time with her friends. It was definately cool with me, i trusted her and that she wouldnt do anything stupid. I called one of my close friends, which btw is her close friend too. He tells me that he saw her making out with another guy and that she has been doin it everynight. Hearing this, i shut down...i didnt know what to do. She didnt even tell me about it and would call me and act like nothing happened. So on July 1st i grew some balls and called her. I told her that she shouldnt call me anymore and that forget about everything that we had and she can go make out with that guy whenever she wants. Did i do the right thing here?? Im hurting soooooooo much, im thinking about her everynight and whenever im around my friends i wonder what shes doing. the thought of her making out with another guy possibly sex drills a hole through my chest. I keep looking at my caller id to see if shes called. I dont know what to do, im so confused and dont know if i did the right thing or not. Could i please get some feedback? Thanks Mike Link to post Share on other sites
shamen Posted June 9, 2004 Share Posted June 9, 2004 SierraMist, It sounds like you did do the right thing by breaking it off with her. If she's making out with other guys, there's obviously something wrong with that scenario. However, you might want to talk to her about what happened to finalize it in your head. Sounds like you were a little angry with her when you talked to her on the phone. It doesn't sound like you two were very clear on what your expectations were of the other. Maybe call her and explain what's going on in your head so you two don't have to end it under such unfun circumstances? Link to post Share on other sites
Author SierraMist Posted June 9, 2004 Author Share Posted June 9, 2004 I want to, but also i dont...its been 9 days since i last talked to her, she hasnt even bothered calling me either. I just dont see why she would do that. I havent done anything at all to make her mad, if anything i was there for her. Whenever she was down, i would lift her up. if i were to call her what would i say? Wouldnt that make me like her again? just hearing her voice?. Link to post Share on other sites
shamen Posted June 13, 2004 Share Posted June 13, 2004 Sorry that's it's taken so long to get back to you. Somehow I missed your post in there. Anyway, I'd just call her and tell her that you feel bad about the way that things ended up. That you didn't mean to be so mean. I'm sure that she's hurting too. Ask her why she didn't tell you about what was going on. And be really objective about it. Keep your voice at a normal level. Ask for some honest opinions. You might get some answers that you don't like, so it'll be up to you keep your chin up. Try not to get angry. If you call her to apologize for what you said, then you are being the better person. It doesn't sound like you have the closure that you need. Keep in mind that it doesn't sound like you two should be together if she is making out with other guys. She's obviously not the girl for you if she would do that to you. Link to post Share on other sites
diplomacy2004 Posted June 13, 2004 Share Posted June 13, 2004 Of course you did the right thing. Be a man and forget about calling this girl again under any circumstances. She disrespected you, abused your trust, and humiliated you and you're still wondering if you did the right thing by telling her to forget it? Come on now. If anything, she should be calling you night and day to beg your forgiveness and appeal to your mercy. The good news is, you got away with your balls and your self-respect intact. If you do anything else now you will end up making a fool out of yourself and you will regret it in the future. "Dating" or otherwise, if it was clear you had a connection, she should not have violated your trust in such a reckless and disgraceful manner. If there was a genuine misunderstanding and she, in fact, valued your friendship, she would be chasing you all over town to explain. Link to post Share on other sites
shamen Posted June 13, 2004 Share Posted June 13, 2004 Diplomacy, the reason that I suggested that he call her was for closure. He said some really mean things to her on the phone. Relationships should not end this way. I did say that they should not be together... Link to post Share on other sites
Miss_Prolixity Posted June 13, 2004 Share Posted June 13, 2004 Hi SierraMist, I am going to have to respectfully disagree with the two other posters. From reading your story, these are the reasons why. You had mentioned that "you were going out with this girl, but you two were never official." Obviously there was miscommunication between you two. I don't think it's fair to assume what the status of your relationship was/is, unless you both communicated the terms. Even if the behavior reflected that you two were an item. You had stated that she declared her love to you on several occasions. But perhaps since you never took the intiative to declare your status, she assumed that you didn't want a commited relationship. Therefore she started "dating" other men. Also you mentioned that a year and a half passes by and she starts to seem distant. She doesn't phone you as frequently as she once did. So you decide to assume (thinking maybe she's just busy and such) instead of communicating with her and ask why she is seems to be withdrawing. See what happens when people miscommunicate (or lack-of-communication) and start to assume? You assumed you were an item (even though it was never made official) and maybe she assumed you weren't because it wasn't made official. So instead of waiting around, she decides to explore other options. This is what happens when we have preconceived notions and we're not going directly to the source. I am sorry that you're hurting and I can understand why you lashed out (on the phone) but if you truly love this girl, you both need to communicate better and understand where each other is coming from. No more assuming things, but communicate. If you want her in your life, you both need to have a serious talk and discuss what direction you want the relationship to take. Link to post Share on other sites
shamen Posted June 14, 2004 Share Posted June 14, 2004 Good points, Miss Prolixity! Link to post Share on other sites
Author SierraMist Posted June 14, 2004 Author Share Posted June 14, 2004 Miss_Prolixity We both knew what was going on...communicating was perfect for both of us..she was the one told me that we were both going out but just official. I also told her that i loved her, and no we werent both assuming about our relationship, we had talked about it many times. We also talked about cheating and how we would never do it to each other. Thats the reason why i "assumed" she was busy with doing something else coz i totally trusted her. To find out from a close friend that shes been making out with another guy kinda got me mad coz she basically broke the trust i had for her. Link to post Share on other sites
Phelly Posted June 14, 2004 Share Posted June 14, 2004 Just curiuos but did you ask her if she cheated on you?(thereby betraying your trust) And why she did so? What I mean is did you confront her about it and try to have a conversation.... or did you just skip that and went directly to the end of the relationship? hehe Because your post didn't really mention that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SierraMist Posted June 14, 2004 Author Share Posted June 14, 2004 i straight out ended the relationship, coz whats there to talk about? she made out with the same guy for 4 nights in a row Link to post Share on other sites
Phelly Posted June 15, 2004 Share Posted June 15, 2004 I can understand that. But if that is the way you feel, I can't figure out why you're wondering if you did the right thing. But yea, if she did, indeed, cheat on you, then I suppose you deserve better. Perhaps someone who actually cares about how you feel If that's the case then you did the right thing to break it off. The only complication would be if she came running to explain herself, which obviously didn't happen. Sad story, but you made the right decision. If you came for support, then there it is. But if what you need is closure, you can only get that from one person. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SierraMist Posted June 15, 2004 Author Share Posted June 15, 2004 Update: Please Read She recently called me, and was wondering how i was doing. Shes also acting differently now, i guess u could say that shes "trying" to be my friend. But i know that she wants me to be her friend again so i could start liking her again, coz our conversations consisted of the good times we had and the times we had sex. Shes also asking about this new girl ive been hanging out with alot "Allison" Is her name, and shes been asking if i like her and what not. What does this mean? I am so confused please some advice? Link to post Share on other sites
lydiamarie Posted June 15, 2004 Share Posted June 15, 2004 she either wants you back or she wants you as a backup. you need to decide if you're willing to be hurt by this girl again. i think that if you like allison at all, you should go for her and forget about the last girl (i know, easier said than done) Link to post Share on other sites
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