9 cold approaches past week, result in nothing

[counterman]

Hi all

 

I have been making an effort to approach more girls recently and have it a goal of mine to approach about 6 girls each week. I'm studying at the moment, so it's not a problem at all. I started this past week and approached 9 girls all up, excluding some girls I helped with directions to class, and none of them have really resulting in anything... Don't get me wrong, the approaches and the conversations themselves were fun but I thought I would at least get a hang out or date. Plus in the past, I've at least had a date after my first few interactions.

 

This is how the approaches went:

 

1st - I saw her sitting by herself on the steps in front of a class. I went up to her and said "hi, I thought I would keep you company why I waited for class :)". Interaction went well, but I wasn't really attracted to her. I ended it with "so, I would love to keep in touch with you, what's the best way to make that happen?" She offered me her email. I emailed her the next day and nothing happened.

 

2nd - I approached this girl who looked a little lost. I complimented her on her dress and introduced myself. Turns out she was indeed lost (she's a first year student) and looking for classroom. Since the class was close, I walked her to her class and then asked her out for coffee. She said sorry.

 

3rd - I saw this girl sitting outside waiting for class. I sat next to her, complimented her and introduced myself. We spoke about animals and whatnot. It went well, there were smiles and laughter and a lot of teasing. I got her phone number and texted her a little but she seemed to loose interests after the texting and when I asked her to hang out she said she was 'busy'.

 

4th - I was walking past a park, and I saw this girl sitting by herself. I walked up to her and told her I thought she was cute and wanted to say hi. We laughed heaps and spoke about all kinds of things. Then I asked her to hang out and she told me she had a boyfriend. I ended up getting her email and emailed her that night, but no response.

 

5th - I met this girl waiting at a bus stop. I complimented her on her hair, as it really caught my eye. We spoke about sports, what she did for fun, etc. Turns out she's in first year as well and needed help getting to class. I showed her where her classroom was and got her fb. I wasn't really attracted to her.

 

6th - I met this girl she was walking up the stairs to class. I walked up to her and said hi. She said "why am I talking to you?" and followed it up with "I have a boyfriend". She was gorgeous but very cold. We spoke about what I was studying and whatnot.

 

7th - I met this cute girl waiting for a bus. She's actually from overseas. When I complimented her, she bursted out laughing and smiled and she introduced herself first. She clicked really well and I suggested we should hang out and I'll show her a great place to eat. She was enthusiastic and gave me her number. I texted her, she didn't reply. The next day I called her and left her voice mail and she didn't get back to me. I think she changed her mind.

 

8th - I saw sitting on the train and there was this girl reading a book sitting next to me. I noticed it was a fantasy book so decided to make a comment about it. We spoke for about half and hour and then I added her on fb, which she hasn't accepted.

 

9th - There was this girl sitting on the seats outside in the sun. I thought I would go up to her and talk. We spoke for a bit, but I wasn't really attracted to her. Turns out she has a boyfriend anyway. Pretty much left it at that.

 

In all these interactions, I thought I spoke really well. I was really enjoying it and it was fun. I was comfortable in my own skin, making good eye contact, smiling a lot and bantered. With a couple of the girls, I thought they were really interested, and those are the girls I got numbers from. The others were touch and go. Some I'm guessing were not attracted to me and I wasn't really attracted to some of them as well. As for my appearance, I thought I've been looking pretty great lately. I've been making a decent effort.

 

Though, I would say most of these girls I have met are in their first year of university.

 

I don't know if there's something I need to work on or if it's just the nature of the game.

 

Any tips from the ladies on what I could work on and how you would like to be approached would be much appreciated

 

Any tips from the gents on what I could do to mix things up or what you have done that has worked for me would be much appreciated

 

Thanks

[sid3]

You just have to keep at it. I give you lots of credit for having a pair and not being afraid of rejection. It's impossible to say what your needing to improve on, the only vibe I get from your post is that you may be coming across as a little too eager by emailing/texting/calling so quickly. Maybe in some instances you should throw out an invite on the spot, IDk about college age women, I'd say in general, keeping the first meeting more casual than date like is probably best.

[Raya1234]

Hey, good on you for approaching it the way you do. You seem nice enough and it would be hard for me to know exactly what you could be doing better without witnessing these interactions. You also seem like a nice guy, which, unfortunately women don't always go for.

 

Tip 1 - Don't ever get an email. Get a phone number. Period. Email makes us feel like you only give half a ****.

 

Tip 2 - Try to notice if there is a pattern in the type of woman you are going for, and if so, what in particular is related to the rejection?

 

Tip 3 - Keep at it! I appreciate the nice guy approach. I was a model for a while and consider myself to be relatively attractive. What I look for is confidence, genuine intentions, and a good sense of humor. Perhaps you come on too strong?

 

Whatever you do, please don't let this turn you into an *******! It may get you to pull, but will leave you bitter and unhappy in the long run.

[RedRobin]

I'm going to agree with what sid3 said... give it a little time to follow up.

 

I wouldn't necessarily give up on all of them either... give it a bit more time now...

 

then try once more... but only once. Twice is my rule. If you push it to three without a response, that would be wierd and very stalkerish.

 

of the two or three you got contact information from, invite them to something totally inoccuous that doesn't involve one-on-one time with you. A volunteer event, or some other group outing. Since you are on campus, you could say something like... hey, I'm going to such-in-such... maybe I'll see you there??

 

oh, and the girls you weren't initially attracted to? You might want to follow up with them too. Guys are always bitching about how women make snap decisions about men. Men are guilty of doing the same thing about women.

[somedude81]

"I don't know if there's something I need to work on or if it's just the nature of the game."

 

But heck, if you keep at it, maybe you'll get lucky.

 

Good luck

[Lobouspo]

Kudos for trying, dont let the rejection discourage you. Remember, it only takes one

[Jynxx]

Awesome that you try.

 

There's a ton of good advice on how to approach and attract strangers out for free on the interweb. A relationshipforum is far from ideal to get any decent and usefull advice, like you'll notice a couple pages in .

[Imajerk17]

Nice job man!

 

You have to keep on cold approaching. But you got to keep this in mind too: Cold approaching is ultimately a low-percentage game. Many girls have boyfriends, and of those that are single, you won't be interested in some and some won't be interested in you. And a couple don't want to be bothered--bad day, preoccupied with something else, boyfriend issues, and so on.

 

So how did you follow up with the girls? What was your first text/email?

[FitChick]

There is nothing wrong with being friendly. Most people of both sexes are afraid to talk to strangers. I had a "lightbulb" moment when I was in my twenties at a big party where there were famous actors and public figures. I noticed that many of those people seemed ill at ease but they had to attend for business reasons. I started talking to many of them just to say something like, "If you like (food) you've got to try the (food), it's fantastic. I wonder who the caterer is." They'd have a look of relief, as if to say "Thanks for talking to me so I don't have to stand here looking awkward." Ever since then I haven't been afraid to talk to anyone.

 

As you talk to more and more people in a nonthreatening way, at the very least you will become friends. As you walk around campus, those people will notice you again. All you have to do is say "Hi" and smile and walk on unless they talk to you. Those friends will invite you to parties and functions where you might wind up meeting someone great. If she asks other people about you they will only have good things to say.

 

Well done!

[Bob_Funk]

Cold approaching only works when the guy approaching is much better looking than the girl. You should be utilising your social network instead. Join student clubs if you have to.

 

Also keep in mind college-aged girls are notoriously picky. Unless your last name's Lautner, it's going to be an uphill battle.

Edited March 10, 2012 by Bob_Funk
Typo

[starla33]

Counterman I was very active in the PUA community a few years back (yes I know I'm a girl). Anyway these guys would approach tons of girls a night and maybe get one or 2 phone numbers. It's really a numbers game, the more you do it the better you get at it.

[sid3]

 

That being said, what is it with guys hitting on girls they're not attracted to lately here on Loveshack?

 

I'd like to think its because some men have figured out that there is a huge difference between flirting with women and hitting on them. Maybe that's only relevant for a particular age group, IDK. Attraction can be a tricky word, there are plenty of women that I find may find extremely sexy even though I'm not so called "attracted" to.

[fishtaco]

Good job. I think it's great you're doing this. Practice makes perfect.

[somedude81]

Here's what's missing from my perspective.

 

1. None of these girls blew your mind.

 

2. You didn't have any sort of connection with the girls before you approached. No staring into each other's eyes, no smile from her, no signals from her.

 

Also read the parts you wrote that I bolded for you.

 

That being said, what is it with guys hitting on girls they're not attracted to lately here on Loveshack?

If guys waited for any sort of a connection first before they'd approach, they wouldn't approach at all...

[counterman]

You just have to keep at it. I give you lots of credit for having a pair and not being afraid of rejection. It's impossible to say what your needing to improve on, the only vibe I get from your post is that you may be coming across as a little too eager by emailing/texting/calling so quickly. Maybe in some instances you should throw out an invite on the spot, IDk about college age women, I'd say in general, keeping the first meeting more casual than date like is probably best.

 

Thanks I might be coming across as eager, but I would say I'm more enthusiastic. It's just the way I am, really high energy and friendly. As for emailing/texting, I think with a one of the girl's I texted I probably replied 'too soon'. The emails I kept really casual. In saying that, I don't really like texting or emailing in this type of situation.

 

Thanks for the tip on throwing up invites out on the spot. I've had some success with that in the past and come to think of it, no girl has every flaked on me when I have done that. So I'll definitely give that a go.

 

As for keeping things more casual, I agree. A date, even for me, seems a bit too 'serious'. I like to keep it casual and pretty fun.

 

Hey, good on you for approaching it the way you do. You seem nice enough and it would be hard for me to know exactly what you could be doing better without witnessing these interactions. You also seem like a nice guy, which, unfortunately women don't always go for.

 

Tip 1 - Don't ever get an email. Get a phone number. Period. Email makes us feel like you only give half a ****.

 

Tip 2 - Try to notice if there is a pattern in the type of woman you are going for, and if so, what in particular is related to the rejection?

 

Tip 3 - Keep at it! I appreciate the nice guy approach. I was a model for a while and consider myself to be relatively attractive. What I look for is confidence, genuine intentions, and a good sense of humor. Perhaps you come on too strong?

 

Whatever you do, please don't let this turn you into an *******! It may get you to pull, but will leave you bitter and unhappy in the long run.

 

I would definitely say I'm a nice guy. Not 'nice' as in doormat, but just polite, genuine and friendly. I have a friend who is a self-described dickhead and he does really well with girls, though mostly one night stands.

 

I hate getting the email. From now on, I'm just going to go for the number. Reason why I've been getting emails is because I've been asking "I would love to catch up with you again, what would be the best way to make that happen?" From now on, I'm just going to get numbers, no facebook or emails.

 

The girls I'm going for... Most of them, surprisingly, are 18, some have just started university. I'm in my early 20s. I might not be the ideal look for them, as far as what most girls date on my campus, to be honest, are douchebags... and I don't look or dress like those guys. As for why they're rejecting me, I guess I'll have to say they're just not attracted.

 

As for coming on too strong, maybe. I think it'll depend more on the girl and how she perceives it. Generally, I am pretty upfront. I'm pretty confident in myself to keep at it, so it shouldn't be a problem and I definitely won't turn into a douchebag.

 

I'm going to agree with what sid3 said... give it a little time to follow up.

 

I wouldn't necessarily give up on all of them either... give it a bit more time now...

 

then try once more... but only once. Twice is my rule. If you push it to three without a response, that would be wierd and very stalkerish.

 

of the two or three you got contact information from, invite them to something totally inoccuous that doesn't involve one-on-one time with you. A volunteer event, or some other group outing. Since you are on campus, you could say something like... hey, I'm going to such-in-such... maybe I'll see you there??

 

oh, and the girls you weren't initially attracted to? You might want to follow up with them too. Guys are always bitching about how women make snap decisions about men. Men are guilty of doing the same thing about women.

 

I've tried twice (with a text and a VM) with one of the girls... I don't think I'll push for a third there, even though I clicked with her best. With the others, I'm a little reluctant. I don't want to rule them out fast but from the little interaction we had, I'm not really willing to try again.

 

I could throw out an invite to a uni event though, which could be fun. So I'll hold on to that thought for the future.

 

"I don't know if there's something I need to work on or if it's just the nature of the game."

 

But heck, if you keep at it, maybe you'll get lucky.

 

Good luck

 

Thanks, I'll definitely keep at it. But as things get busy, I can't spend as much time on it.

 

Kudos for trying, dont let the rejection discourage you. Remember, it only takes one

 

Yep, I won't take the rejections to heart. I'm all for improving myself and being the best that I can be though. And it'll only take one to changes things up a little

 

Awesome that you try.

 

There's a ton of good advice on how to approach and attract strangers out for free on the interweb. A relationshipforum is far from ideal to get any decent and usefull advice, like you'll notice a couple pages in .

 

I've checked some of them out. A lot of the PUA stuff, I don't particularly like. I prefer to be natural, though I do take into account stuff like body language, vocal projection,eye contact, etc. In regards to what I say, I'm pretty happy with the conversations I have.

 

Nice job man!

 

You have to keep on cold approaching. But you got to keep this in mind too: Cold approaching is ultimately a low-percentage game. Many girls have boyfriends, and of those that are single, you won't be interested in some and some won't be interested in you. And a couple don't want to be bothered--bad day, preoccupied with something else, boyfriend issues, and so on.

 

So how did you follow up with the girls? What was your first text/email?

 

Thanks! I'll keep on going. The numbers of girls I approached last week was more than the number of girls I approached last year... so yeah. It's a welcomed changed. I agree, and I'll always remember that it's a low percentage game. So I'm not too bummed out.

 

With the girl who's from overseas, I sent her a text saying "Hi [Girl's Name], save me as VIP #1 on your phone - Counterman". She didn't reply to that. What I'm baffled about it she gave me her phone to call my number and she seemed excited. In the voicemail the next day, I said "Hi [Girl's Name], how's it going? I'm going to be busy this weekend but would love to catch up with you, say, Monday at 1pm? Just let me know if that's cool! Bye!" No reply to that.

 

With the girl I was sending texts back and forth with, I think I know where I went wrong. It started lame with the first text. Because she had an unusual name, I texted her "swetha? Serwrt?? Maybe it is better to have a common name Hope you have better luck with mine" -- this linked back to a joke i had with her when she introduced herself. I told her I liked different names in girls and was glad she didn't have a common name. She laughed and said "so, what if I told you my name was Jessica? ;)" I think I continued with the names texts too long, and by the end of it, I could tell she just lost all interest.

 

With the emails, they were extremely casual. For example, "Hi Chelsea, it's counterman -- hope that law lecture wasn't a pain! (linking back to what we talked about earlier). Anyways, I came across this video earlier and thought it was pretty cool, let me know what you think!" With these, I would have to say, one of the girls I wasn't that attracted to. The other girl has a boyfriend. Really, I just sent those emails to really be their friends and was not planning on getting a date or anything out of it.

 

There is nothing wrong with being friendly. Most people of both sexes are afraid to talk to strangers. I had a "lightbulb" moment when I was in my twenties at a big party where there were famous actors and public figures. I noticed that many of those people seemed ill at ease but they had to attend for business reasons. I started talking to many of them just to say something like, "If you like (food) you've got to try the (food), it's fantastic. I wonder who the caterer is." They'd have a look of relief, as if to say "Thanks for talking to me so I don't have to stand here looking awkward." Ever since then I haven't been afraid to talk to anyone.

 

As you talk to more and more people in a nonthreatening way, at the very least you will become friends. As you walk around campus, those people will notice you again. All you have to do is say "Hi" and smile and walk on unless they talk to you. Those friends will invite you to parties and functions where you might wind up meeting someone great. If she asks other people about you they will only have good things to say.

 

Well done!

 

Thanks for sharing that! I agree, a lot of the people I have met seemed really happy to have someone talk to them, most of them seemed a little tentative about talking to people they haven't met before. With all the girls I've approached, all, but one, seemed receptive to conversation. And you're right, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being friendly. As far as I know it, I'm not being threatening or intimidating, I'm not being abusive. On the contrary, just friendly, polite and talkative.

 

I don't even care if no dates originate from it, I'm cool with being friends, if I had fun talking to them. One great thing is that I've been meeting these girls from different parts of the campus, so if I do see them again, I won't be mean or anything but just smile and say hi, and as you said, could lead to being invited to events, to hang out and to possibly meet other people. Really no downside!

 

Cold approaching only works when the guy approaching is much better looking than the girl. You should be utilising your social network instead. Join student clubs if you have to.

 

Also keep in mind college-aged girls are notoriously picky. Unless your last name's Lautner, it's going to be an uphill battle.

 

I've tried joining clubs, and haven't really met any girls I've been interested in through the clubs I have joined. So the ones I go to now are purely for interests and not for girls. As for social network, my closest friends all play computer games and rarely go out... I'm cold-approaching because it allows me to talk to girls that I'm attracted to whenever I want and to perhaps make friends along the way. In saying that, I would never close off meeting girls through friends... its just the girls I have met through friends and acquaintances, I wasn't really interested in.

 

I've heard college-aged girls are picky...That probably doesn't help me, ey?

 

Here's what's missing from my perspective.

 

1. None of these girls blew your mind.

 

2. You didn't have any sort of connection with the girls before you approached. No staring into each other's eyes, no smile from her, no signals from her.

 

Also read the parts you wrote that I bolded for you.

 

That being said, what is it with guys hitting on girls they're not attracted to lately here on Loveshack?

 

I would say I thought they were attractive initially, but after approaching them, they weren't that attractive to me up close. Or the other reason was, they might be good-looking but after talking to them, I just lose that feeling. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I'm approaching girls I'm not attracted to initially. In saying that, even if the girls weren't attractive to me, I wouldn't mind being friends.

 

With the first point, I would agree to an extent. There were only a couple of girls there I could I say I was really attracted to and would describe as 'my type'.

 

With your second point, I don't tend to look for any signs or anything... I more or less assume she is interested unless proven otherwise. But if I were given a smile or eye contact in my direction, that's more than enough for me to approach.

 

Counterman I was very active in the PUA community a few years back (yes I know I'm a girl). Anyway these guys would approach tons of girls a night and maybe get one or 2 phone numbers. It's really a numbers game, the more you do it the better you get at it.

 

That's awesome that you were active in the community! I only thought it was a guy thing. I'll keep that mind and keep approaching

 

Good job. I think it's great you're doing this. Practice makes perfect.

 

Thanks, it's great to have some support! None of my friends know i do this... mainly because they're discouraging and are afraid to try themselves.

 

I've had it happen to me. And I didn't wait for it, it just happened spontaneously.

 

Look girls/women deeply into their eyes and hold your gaze. Don't do it in a creepy way, but with desire. The latter should be very subtle, since you're a man.

 

Watch her reaction, watch for smiles, for turning heads, for gazes longer than 3 seconds, for repeated gazes. Watch how deeply she looks back into your eyes.

 

You're a man, that very masculine quality should emanate from you. In that moment you should be fearless and carry yourself as if you're watching a prey you're about to devour. Like a lion.

 

That's something I would need to develop. By the way, if that you in the the avatar, then you could easily pull that off!

 

Just to let you know how one of the interactions went. I'll share with you what I said

 

Girl is sitting near bus stop.

 

[ME]: This is kind of random, but I thought you were cute and wanted to say hi

[GIRL]: *giggles and smiles* Hi! I'm Jess!

[ME]: Oh, I detect a bit of accent, you're from....

[GIRL]: France

[ME]: I love it! I've always wanted to go there. How are you finding this place by the way? Hope the weather hasn't left a bad impression!

[GIRL]: Oh yes, I'm loving it, we went to the beach last week when it was sunny and it was fantastic. I went to Germany for exchange and the people there were... cold and aggressive. But here, the people are really friendly

[ME]: I can be cold and aggressive if you prefer that

[GIRL]: *laughs hard* no no, just say the way you are

[ME]: Let me guess, you study Business, don't you

[GIRL]: Yes! How did you know? I'm majoring in International Business and it's been awesome.

--- Skip a bit of talk about what we do---

[ME]: So, have you see much of this place yet?

[GIRL]: No actually, I've only know [A] bar and bar.

[ME]: [A] and bars? You must be a party girl

[GIRL]: haha, no, that's the only places I've been shown!

[ME]: Well, there are heaps of exciting places to check out and I would love to show you a few.

[GIRL]: Sure! *Takes out her phone* Hang on, I don't know my number...

[ME]: Here, I'll type mine in and call, that way, I'll get it. *She hands me her phone*

[GIRL]: Great!

--- Talk a bit more about uni and lectures---

And when I left, I gave her a quick hug and goodbye.

[Els]

If you really want to go the cold approach way, you just have to do more of it and work on your appearance. Those are probably the two biggest factors; I think the chances of a direct acceptance would be incredibly low for cold approaching, so you need a large sample size to make up for that, and some women would probably be more inclined to accept it from a guy whom they are attracted to. You can't make a huge personality or intelligence impression in 5 minutes, so looking 'hot' is probably your best bet.

 

That being said, I personally have never accepted a cold approach. I would respond in a friendly manner and assume that the guy is just being friendly, but if it gets to the exchanging phone numbers stage or arranging for a meetup stage, I would politely decline. Granted, most of those approaches have occurred when I was in a relationship, but even when I was single I turned down a few.

[counterman]

If you really want to go the cold approach way, you just have to do more of it and work on your appearance. Those are probably the two biggest factors; I think the chances of a direct acceptance would be incredibly low for cold approaching, so you need a large sample size to make up for that, and some women would probably be more inclined to accept it from a guy whom they are attracted to. You can't make a huge personality or intelligence impression in 5 minutes, so looking 'hot' is probably your best bet.

 

That being said, I personally have never accepted a cold approach. I would respond in a friendly manner and assume that the guy is just being friendly, but if it gets to the exchanging phone numbers stage or arranging for a meetup stage, I would politely decline. Granted, most of those approaches have occurred when I was in a relationship, but even when I was single I turned down a few.

 

I agree with you that a girl is more inclined to accept from a guy they're attracted to. The cold approaches I've gotten dates out of, I'm pretty sure the girls were attracted to me before I even said a word. One girl I asked out in like a minute and she said yes. Another girl told me I was her type during the date.

 

I guess I could keep working on my appearance. There can always improvement there. One thing I would say is that I look pretty slim. I've been meaning to work out so all good. As for hairstyle, I could choose something trendier. For clothes, I'm pretty happy with what I'm wearing at the moment.

 

As for the numbers, I'll definitely be keeping it up. I'll let you all know how it goes... hopefully I would have approached over 100 by the end of semester, and I'll have the percentages of how many dates I've gotten, how many rejections etc. With cold approaching, it's something I never thought of doing a few years ago. I was in a relationship and had my heart torn apart. It changed my views on things... Sure I had some girls interested in me from my social circle, but I really wasn't interested in them. As for meeting other girls from clubs and societies, most of the girls I wasn't attracted to... I wish I had a group of friends, who would go out often and I wish I had closer female friends who i can hang out with, but none of that exists unfortunately. With cold approaching, I get to meet the girls I find attractive, even though it's low percentage something would eventuate.

 

Most of my friends are dating girls they've been friends with. But I feel a lot of them have settled because they haven't met any other girls, and some of them are in unhappy relationships but choose to remain in a relationship rather than be single. I want to meet that 'perfect' girl, who accepts me for who I am, with all my flaws and all my strengths, who I can just talk about anything with, who I can share great moments with. Although it is unlikely I'll meet a girl like that cold approaching, it'll better my chances if I do something rather that nothing. At the moment, I just wish there was a better way. In saying that, I am feeling much more comfortable talking to random girls.

[Els]

I agree with you that a girl is more inclined to accept from a guy they're attracted to. The cold approaches I've gotten dates out of, I'm pretty sure the girls were attracted to me before I even said a word. One girl I asked out in like a minute and she said yes. Another girl told me I was her type during the date.

 

I guess I could keep working on my appearance. There can always improvement there. One thing I would say is that I look pretty slim. I've been meaning to work out so all good. As for hairstyle, I could choose something trendier. For clothes, I'm pretty happy with what I'm wearing at the moment.

 

As for the numbers, I'll definitely be keeping it up. I'll let you all know how it goes... hopefully I would have approached over 100 by the end of semester, and I'll have the percentages of how many dates I've gotten, how many rejections etc. With cold approaching, it's something I never thought of doing a few years ago. I was in a relationship and had my heart torn apart. It changed my views on things... Sure I had some girls interested in me from my social circle, but I really wasn't interested in them. As for meeting other girls from clubs and societies, most of the girls I wasn't attracted to... I wish I had a group of friends, who would go out often and I wish I had closer female friends who i can hang out with, but none of that exists unfortunately. With cold approaching, I get to meet the girls I find attractive, even though it's low percentage something would eventuate.

 

Most of my friends are dating girls they've been friends with. But I feel a lot of them have settled because they haven't met any other girls, and some of them are in unhappy relationships but choose to remain in a relationship rather than be single. I want to meet that 'perfect' girl, who accepts me for who I am, with all my flaws and all my strengths, who I can just talk about anything with, who I can share great moments with. Although it is unlikely I'll meet a girl like that cold approaching, it'll better my chances if I do something rather that nothing. At the moment, I just wish there was a better way. In saying that, I am feeling much more comfortable talking to random girls.

 

Hey, whatever works for you. I'm sure it's still a valid method, and especially if you don't have any girls you're interested in in your circle of friends, this seems to be the next most logical solution.

 

Definitely work on getting buff, and your manner of speech. I know women who swoon for a well-spoken guy.

[PlumPrincess]

I'm always wary of guys who approach me out of the blue and are too charming. They're either hustlers (not really where I live, but in other countries) or kind of superficial with their feelings, with a strong focus on sex/having sex early (pick-up artists). There's a difference between a guy who is single and open about meeting women and a guy who tries to get phone numbers every time he talks to a girl whether he is attracted to her or not.

Edited March 11, 2012 by PlumPrincess

[dispatch3d]

You need to go to a pickup forum for feedback honestly. Talking to some random chick and getting her to pickup the phone after you meet her is not easy. I would steer away from emails. I mean I would either say "no thats okay" or just take the email but not email them. I would guess you aren't creating enough of a connection and that's why they aren't responding to text/calls when you get their number.

[counterman]

Hey, whatever works for you. I'm sure it's still a valid method, and especially if you don't have any girls you're interested in in your circle of friends, this seems to be the next most logical solution.

 

Definitely work on getting buff, and your manner of speech.

 

I agree with you and what you said that 5 minutes isn't enough to make a huge impression on personality and intelligence. Most of the girls that were interested in me knew me first. However, all I know is, if I don't cold approach, it's pretty much guarantee I won't meet any girls. I wish there was a better way to channel my energy though because I really have to put myself out there.

 

My manner of speech is down pat, but I'll definitely need to work out.

 

I'm always wary of guys who approach me out of the blue and are too charming. They're either hustlers (not really where I live, but in other countries) or kind of superficial with their feelings, with a strong focus on sex/having sex early (pick-up artists). There's a difference between a guy who is single and open about meeting women and a guy who tries to get phone numbers every time he talks to a girl whether he is attracted to her or not.

 

I think that's fair and there are guys out there who are like that. I'm not one of them but I wouldn't be surprised with some girls thought I was. I, personally, don't like getting phone numbers off girls who I'm not attracted to... but if I had fun talking to her, I would like to keep in contact in some way, because I don't mind being friends. In any other case, I would just walk away.

 

You need to go to a pickup forum for feedback honestly. Talking to some random chick and getting her to pickup the phone after you meet her is not easy. I would steer away from emails. I mean I would either say "no thats okay" or just take the email but not email them. I would guess you aren't creating enough of a connection and that's why they aren't responding to text/calls when you get their number.

 

I've been to a pickup forum and apparently I'm not doing much 'wrong', I just have to approach more. I'm not going take emails or Facebook. If a girl offers anyone of those, I'll just say "no thanks" Unless I want to be her friend. That might be it, and sometimes I don't feel a connection with them. I'll keep at it for the next couple of weeks and see how it goes.

[dispatch3d]

Well, if I were you I would try to talk longer rather than get a number early. The numbers are nice and everything, but they usually aren't worth anything (at least in my experience). Like I can get a lot of girls numbers, but getting them not to give me the cold shoulder afterwards is the hard part. The farther you can proceed down relationship talk/dating talk the better off your doing...

[FitChick]

Counterman, I don't think you need any advice and certainly not from the people on here who either don't date or only seem to have dating disasters. If your French girl experience is how you operate, it seems you are doing everything right. The conversation flowed naturally. If you plan and overthink it, you will come off as stilted and phony.

 

It never hurts to be physically fit and to develop a lifelong exercise habit but that has more to do with your own personal health but with the added bonus of making you more attractive.

 

If any of these women like you just as a friend, remember that they have female friends. I've fixed up men I wasn't attracted to with my female friends. Good dating karma!

[Mr. Savage]

PROPS Man. You made more effort in one week than many on here will make in a year.

 

You have already won half the battle by just being able to cold approach!!

 

Really discerning to hear from some of the ladies here that cold approaching freaks them out and that they dismiss the guy as a player? Pretty small minded thinking there.

[counterman]

Well, if I were you I would try to talk longer rather than get a number early. The numbers are nice and everything, but they usually aren't worth anything (at least in my experience). Like I can get a lot of girls numbers, but getting them not to give me the cold shoulder afterwards is the hard part. The farther you can proceed down relationship talk/dating talk the better off your doing...

 

I agree with you, they're not really worth much. A lot of guys I find try to get the girl's number to get an ego boost but really, it doesn't mean much. It could be a fake, she might ignore you, she may respond and then flake, etc. I usually talk for 15 minutes to half an hour and when I hit a pretty comfortable stage and I feel like I want to talk to her again, I'll ask for her number or set up a hang out or date on the spot. The only time I'll ask for her number early is if I really have to go or she had to go.

 

Counterman, I don't think you need any advice and certainly not from the people on here who either don't date or only seem to have dating disasters. If your French girl experience is how you operate, it seems you are doing everything right. The conversation flowed naturally. If you plan and overthink it, you will come off as stilted and phony.

 

It never hurts to be physically fit and to develop a lifelong exercise habit but that has more to do with your own personal health but with the added bonus of making you more attractive.

 

If any of these women like you just as a friend, remember that they have female friends. I've fixed up men I wasn't attracted to with my female friends. Good dating karma!

 

Yeah, I don't like to plan what I say or overthink things... I did say some stupids things in some of the conversations I've had, though, and I have stumbled over my words a few times but I've noticed I've been more comfortable with talking the more girls I talk to.

 

As for your physical fitness, you're right. I've been meaning to work out because I haven't been feeling 100%. I have a very soft belly area, that just feels weird. So I'll try to get into a routine. I'll feel better and I'll look better

 

That's the idea! It's always nice to have another friend, with the added bonus that she might introduce me to her friends

 

PROPS Man. You made more effort in one week than many on here will make in a year.

 

You have already won half the battle by just being able to cold approach!!

 

Really discerning to hear from some of the ladies here that cold approaching freaks them out and that they dismiss the guy as a player? Pretty small minded thinking there.

 

Thanks man! The biggest step for me was deciding that I wanted to do, I wanted to stop talking myself out of meeting girls or trying.

 

I think the girls don't know what to expect. To each his or her own. I personally know I'm not a player, douchebag or whatever and I'm not after sex, but I guess the ladies wouldn't know that, even if I am polite and friendly. Oh well, some don't mind and that's all that matters to me.

 

UPDATE:

Today I approached a couple of girls. One I approached in the morning. The only issue was...I had low energy with only 5 hours of sleep. Everything felt lackluster, I spoke with her anyways but my mind was half asleep. Turns out she has a boyfriend but I got her number and hopefully we'll be meeting up for coffee, just as friends, though I doubt it'll happen.

 

Another girl I approached, I spoke with her for half hour. She was waiting outside for a friend and I was waiting too, so I thought I would talk to her. We spoke about all kinds of things, even dating. I wasn't really attracted to her but she was very cool. I asked her for coffee just as friends but she told me she wasn't really looking for anything but thank me for having an interesting conversation with her. I gave her number in case she changed her mind but I don't think she will.

 

Overall, it was fun talking to these girls. So I'm pretty happy with today.