9 cold approaches past week, result in nothing

[zengirl]

I'm still trying to figure out where that is, because it is what I need to focus on.

 

So far I've apparently been getting too close to girls before I asked them out and they already friend-zoned me because I waited too long. Sigh.

 

Too many rules for this game.

 

You need to think less and act more. There aren't really any firm and clear rules to dating --- there are generalizations we can make, and many have, but there are no, "This always works," and "This never works." Also everyone finds different things work better or worse for them. You want things to be cut and dry, but they aren't. That's a HUGE issue --- along with your avoidance of rejection --- that feeds all the other issues and keep you where you are. Life is not transactional. There is no, "Do this, get that" formula.

 

As to "where" the spectrum between 'friends' and 'total strangers' is. . . it's in socialization. Most of us have friends, and most of us see people we've never met, but we also have acquaintances or people we see around or people our friends know but we don't know yet or whatnot. You don't have a fully realized social circle -- you have no friends! -- so that's going to hinder you in finding anything but fairly cold approaches. Stop befriending women you might want to sleep with and start making some actual friends and just talking to people and socializing more, and you might build a better social life, which will (in turn, eventually, potentially -- no guarantees) improve your dating life.

[Els]

That I have such an acute sense of touch that I find it uncomfortable to wear certain clothes or even be touched on a bad day.

 

Whoa, cool. I have this problem too, and you're the only other person I know who has it.

[ThaWholigan]

Whoa, cool. I have this problem too, and you're the only other person I know who has it.

Ah cool lol. It can be disrupting, but I can bare it. It causes me to flinch a lot. Light touch is worse than a firm touch.

 

My hearing is more acute than my touch though, as is my sight, although years of beating them up in front of screens is harming them.

 

I can see how that could be problems in terms of dating though, but I accept that really.

[Els]

Ah cool lol. It can be disrupting, but I can bare it. It causes me to flinch a lot. Light touch is worse than a firm touch.

 

My hearing is more acute than my touch though, as is my sight, although years of beating them up in front of screens is harming them.

 

I can see how that could be problems in terms of dating though, but I accept that really.

 

Yeah, that's a good attitude to have. We all have only one life, and one set of innate characteristics, we can choose to either make the best of it or curl up miserable for the rest of our lives.

 

Seriously, though, thank your lucky stars you're a guy. If you're sensitive to clothing and touch, finding comfy women's clothing is tougher than the Monty Hall problem!

[ScreamingTrees]

There is nothing wrong with being friendly. Most people of both sexes are afraid to talk to strangers. I had a "lightbulb" moment when I was in my twenties at a big party where there were famous actors and public figures. I noticed that many of those people seemed ill at ease but they had to attend for business reasons. I started talking to many of them just to say something like, "If you like (food) you've got to try the (food), it's fantastic. I wonder who the caterer is." They'd have a look of relief, as if to say "Thanks for talking to me so I don't have to stand here looking awkward." Ever since then I haven't been afraid to talk to anyone.

 

As you talk to more and more people in a nonthreatening way, at the very least you will become friends. As you walk around campus, those people will notice you again. All you have to do is say "Hi" and smile and walk on unless they talk to you. Those friends will invite you to parties and functions where you might wind up meeting someone great. If she asks other people about you they will only have good things to say.

 

Well done!

 

Ha. This is the sort of advice my immediate family gives me.. This is great and all, but it doesn't help if the people you "befriend" don't actually invite you anywhere or really bother with you past a superficial "hey, how's life? oh, that's cool, see ya later" sort of level.. I must have a very large tumor somewhere I can't see on my head or something.

[Nightsky]

Your confidence seems to be up, so don't be all results in nothing about your interactions.

 

 

Hi all

 

I have been making an effort to approach more girls recently and have it a goal of mine to approach about 6 girls each week. I'm studying at the moment, so it's not a problem at all. I started this past week and approached 9 girls all up, excluding some girls I helped with directions to class, and none of them have really resulting in anything... Don't get me wrong, the approaches and the conversations themselves were fun but I thought I would at least get a hang out or date. Plus in the past, I've at least had a date after my first few interactions.

 

It's all about the fun. Just keep having fun.

 

This is how the approaches went:

 

1st - I saw her sitting by herself on the steps in front of a class. I went up to her and said "hi, I thought I would keep you company why I waited for class :)". Interaction went well, but I wasn't really attracted to her. I ended it with "so, I would love to keep in touch with you, what's the best way to make that happen?" She offered me her email. I emailed her the next day and nothing happened.

 

Why wern't you attracted to her? I mean if you didn't like the way she looked why did you even go talk to her? Go after girls you are in no question attracted to and you will do better with girls. If you go after girls who you may or may not be attracted to only because you have low self esteem you're doing yourself and teh girl no favors. If you see a girl who you think is the hottest girl you ever saw that is exactly the type of girl you should be going after.

 

If you are attracted to the girl but then you go over and she is quiet and shy realize girls are afraid. She'll open up more if you date her. So don't lose attraction for a girl you found pretty just because she didn't smile or laugh a lot when you came over. She might just be shy.

 

But if you are hitting on women you don't find that pretty because you think they will be easier to get you are dead wrong. The more you like the girl the easier she will be to get because your body and heart will be in it.

 

2nd - I approached this girl who looked a little lost. I complimented her on her dress and introduced myself. Turns out she was indeed lost (she's a first year student) and looking for classroom. Since the class was close' date=' I walked her to her class and then asked her out for coffee. She said sorry.[/quote']

 

You should have asked her out for something else. She might have only been saying no to coffee. Girls will be scared so don't read to much into the no. Just say something like "how about dinner tonight?" if at that point shes like "yes" than its good you asked if she says "no I don't want coffee and I don't want dinner leave me alone" than oh well. But if she just says "no" to that than say "I liked talking with you let me get your number and we'll do something when you're free."

 

You gave up to easy by just asking for coffee and taking that as a no to all things including her number. Just ask her out to something that night if she says no to doing something right then. Than ask if she is free some other time that week. Then just ask for the number if all else fails.

 

3rd - I saw this girl sitting outside waiting for class. I sat next to her' date=' complimented her and introduced myself. We spoke about animals and whatnot. It went well, there were smiles and laughter and a lot of teasing. I got her phone number and texted her a little but she seemed to loose interests after the texting and when I asked her to hang out she said she was 'busy'.[/quote']

 

What were you texting her? You should have just asked her out while things were going good and the smiles and laughter were hapening. That was the time to ask her out. Not just get her number and txt her more small talk.

 

4th - I was walking past a park' date=' and I saw this girl sitting by herself. I walked up to her and told her I thought she was cute and wanted to say hi. We laughed heaps and spoke about all kinds of things. Then I asked her to hang out and she told me she had a boyfriend. I ended up getting her email and emailed her that night, but no response. [/quote']

 

You should have got her number. Also she might be lieing about the bf. Don't ever accuse them of it. But if they say they have a bf its hard to now what that means. I mean could be a guy she lives with and been dating years. Could be some dude she is on again off again with a lot and just started dating again yesterday.

 

You shouldn't expect a response from getting some random girls email and emailing her "Hey had fun joking with you."

 

Also watch it with telling random girls they are cute. Thats more first date kind of stuff. "You look pretty" when you pick them up for the date. But when you just meet them for the first time just let the fact you are paying attention them speak toward their attractiveness. Not necesarily a good idea to comment on it makes you seem unrestrained. Which could be good but I advise against it. Like I said telling them how good they look/smell what ever is first date stuff.

 

5th - I met this girl waiting at a bus stop. I complimented her on her hair' date=' as it really caught my eye. We spoke about sports, what she did for fun, etc. Turns out she's in first year as well and needed help getting to class. I showed her where her classroom was and got her fb. I wasn't really attracted to her. [/quote']

 

Nothings wrong with just telling a girl who's hair you like that its cool. I mean girls really apreciate that kind of thing. BUT why are you paying so much attention to girls you arn't into. Why wern't you into her? I just don't get it. Was she fat?

 

I'm just going to say this again you arn't doing yourself any favors thinking girls you don't like are easier to get. You'll have better chances with girls you genuinely like. Nothing scares girls worse than a guy just using them for sex or what ever. Do yourself an everyone else a favor and go after girls you really like its all in your head if you think you don't have a chance with them. You have the greatest chance with girls you like.

 

6th - I met this girl she was walking up the stairs to class. I walked up to her and said hi. She said "why am I talking to you?" and followed it up with "I have a boyfriend". She was gorgeous but very cold. We spoke about what I was studying and whatnot.

 

Forgive any girl on being cold they really are very afraid of strange men. Your job to warm her up. I mean when she said "why am I talking to you" that was a great opening to be funny. Thats a strange question to ask some one haha. Good job going up to some one who ou found gorgeous. All the women you shoud be going after should be women you find gorgeous. I mean are you going to marry a woman you just find meh.

 

7th - I met this cute girl waiting for a bus. She's actually from overseas. When I complimented her' date=' she bursted out laughing and smiled and she introduced herself first. She clicked really well and I suggested we should hang out and I'll show her a great place to eat. She was enthusiastic and gave me her number. I texted her, she didn't reply. The next day I called her and left her voice mail and she didn't get back to me. I think she changed her mind. [/quote']

 

Don't give up on this one or other ones. You should have set a time and place and not called until it was time to confirm like the day of or the day before at earliest. Set the time and place not to far in the future. So asking her out for that night or the next night would have been ideal. That weekend at the latest.

 

I'd suggest calling her a few more times. Not just giving up yet if you liked her. She's from overseas so you could have a good time showing her around maybe taking her on a roadtrip to see other sights.

 

8th - I saw sitting on the train and there was this girl reading a book sitting next to me. I noticed it was a fantasy book so decided to make a comment about it. We spoke for about half and hour and then I added her on fb' date=' which she hasn't accepted. [/quote']

 

You should have asked out and got her number. Not just her name so you could facebook add her. It's weak.

 

9th - There was this girl sitting on the seats outside in the sun. I thought I would go up to her and talk. We spoke for a bit' date=' but I wasn't really attracted to her. Turns out she has a boyfriend anyway. Pretty much left it at that. [/quote']

 

Again why are you going out of your way to talk to girls you arn't really attracted too?

 

In all these interactions' date=' I thought I spoke really well. I was really enjoying it and it was fun. I was comfortable in my own skin, making good eye contact, smiling a lot and bantered. With a couple of the girls, I thought they were really interested, and those are the girls I got numbers from. The others were touch and go. Some I'm guessing were not attracted to me and I wasn't really attracted to some of them as well. As for my appearance, I thought I've been looking pretty great lately. I've been making a decent effort. [/quote']

 

Good job. Most important keep having fun, girls want to have fun too and can't if a guy treats talking to them as life or death.

 

 

Cold approaching only works when the guy approaching is much better looking than the girl. You should be utilising your social network instead. Join student clubs if you have to.

 

Also keep in mind college-aged girls are notoriously picky. Unless your last name's Lautner, it's going to be an uphill battle.

 

Everything works when some one is much better looking. Still I see plenty of balding, out of shape guys who get pretty girls just by being cool enough to go talk to them.

 

I also see plenty of cool in shape guys to afraid to talk to girls get no where.

 

Here's what's missing from my perspective.

 

1. None of these girls blew your mind.

 

2. You didn't have any sort of connection with the girls before you approached. No staring into each other's eyes, no smile from her, no signals from her.

 

Also read the parts you wrote that I bolded for you.

 

That being said, what is it with guys hitting on girls they're not attracted to lately here on Loveshack?

 

My guess is guys hit on girls they arn't into because they are to afraid to hit on the girls they really like. Back when I used to have trouble with girls I would freeze up if I decided I liked a girl. I mean if I didn't like the girl I could be normal, but say I decided I liked her than I became paralyzed.

 

Also these guys seem to think that by going after girls that arn't as attractive to them it will be easier for them to get...

 

Its all bad thinking. Your best bet is to go after a girl you like because that gives you the best chance of getting the girl. Also it give the relationship the best chance at working out.

 

As for having a signal. I don't think you need one. Of course having a girl smile at you before you decide to approach would be great. But I'd cross a room just to talk to the right girl I spotted. Can't always wait for a signal or introdution. Some times you have to make it happen. Women love that when it works out.

 

Counterman I was very active in the PUA community a few years back (yes I know I'm a girl). Anyway these guys would approach tons of girls a night and maybe get one or 2 phone numbers. It's really a numbers game, the more you do it the better you get at it.

 

Life is a keep on doing it till you get it game. Any one who tries then just stops before making it does themselves no favors. Not just a PUA thing.

 

Good job. I think it's great you're doing this. Practice makes perfect.

 

In this case there is no practice. He's doing it! I agree great job!

 

As for keeping things more casual, I agree. A date, even for me, seems a bit too 'serious'. I like to keep it casual and pretty fun.

 

Don't think of it as a date than. You're just trying to get to know them. Thing is you have to be romantic. Don't approach it as a friendship.

 

I hate getting the email. From now on' date=' I'm just going to go for the number. Reason why I've been getting emails is because I've been asking "I would love to catch up with you again, what would be the best way to make that happen?" From now on, I'm just going to get numbers, no facebook or emails. [/quote']

 

A number doesn't mean anything either. Thing is its much better for communication purposes than an email. Put your focus on getting to know the girls whether through dinner or other means.

 

The girls I'm going for... Most of them' date=' surprisingly, are 18, some have just started university. I'm in my early 20s. I might not be the ideal look for them, as far as what most girls date on my campus, to be honest, are douchebags... and I don't look or dress like those guys. As for why they're rejecting me, I guess I'll have to say they're just not attracted. [/quote']

 

Nothing wrong with them being 18. Being attracted to them is the most important thing so stop flirting with all these girls you're not into. Also realize that very few men have the power to just walk up to a girl and only hear "yes." Some times its a simple as the day you asked them out. One day they would have said "yes" and the next "no." So feel free to ask them out again... and never let a window of oportunity disapear like when you had that one girl laughing and didn't ask her out or anything just got her number.

 

As for coming on too strong' date=' maybe. I think it'll depend more on the girl and how she perceives it. Generally, I am pretty upfront. I'm pretty confident in myself to keep at it, so it shouldn't be a problem and I definitely won't turn into a douchebag. [/quote']

 

Just mind your manners and don't worr yabout coming on too strong. Upfront and confident is good.

 

 

 

I've tried twice (with a text and a VM) with one of the girls... I don't think I'll push for a third there, even though I clicked with her best. With the others, I'm a little reluctant. I don't want to rule them out fast but from the little interaction we had, I'm not really willing to try again.

 

I could throw out an invite to a uni event though, which could be fun. So I'll hold on to that thought for the future.

 

Keep trying if you think there is still a chance. Better yet if you spot these girls in person again go up and be friendly and try again in person.

 

I've checked some of them out. A lot of the PUA stuff' date=' I don't particularly like. I prefer to be natural, though I do take into account stuff like body language, vocal projection,eye contact, etc. In regards to what I say, I'm pretty happy with the conversations I have. [/quote']

 

The PUA stuff that works is just common sense. Stuff like ask girls out, be confident, be funny, flirt etc. I would certainly stay away from scripts and seminars from men are trying to take advantage of other men.

 

 

 

Thanks! I'll keep on going. The numbers of girls I approached last week was more than the number of girls I approached last year... so yeah. It's a welcomed changed. I agree' date=' and I'll always remember that it's a low percentage game. So I'm not too bummed out. [/quote']

 

Great job! Its more than a lot of guys who are having trouble on here have approached in their lives. Keep having fun.

 

With the girl who's from overseas' date=' I sent her a text saying "Hi [Girl's Name'], save me as VIP #1 on your phone - Counterman". She didn't reply to that. What I'm baffled about it she gave me her phone to call my number and she seemed excited. In the voicemail the next day, I said "Hi [Girl's Name], how's it going? I'm going to be busy this weekend but would love to catch up with you, say, Monday at 1pm? Just let me know if that's cool! Bye!" No reply to that.

 

I don't really enjoy the joke. She might have got confused VIP #1 or turned off. You should have asked her out in person and used phone calls more to confirm the date you already set a time and place for. This VIP #1 may have made her think you were spam.

 

Try again with something a little more straightfoward. "Hi its _______ we met at _______. Lets get dinner tonight"

 

 

 

With the girl I was sending texts back and forth with' date=' I think I know where I went wrong. It started lame with the first text. Because she had an unusual name, I texted her "swetha? Serwrt?? Maybe it is better to have a common name Hope you have better luck with mine" -- this linked back to a joke i had with her when she introduced herself. I told her I liked different names in girls and was glad she didn't have a common name. She laughed and said "so, what if I told you my name was Jessica? ;)" I think I continued with the names texts too long, and by the end of it, I could tell she just lost all interest. [/quote']

 

Don't worry about that. Its best to flirt in person and ask out in person. Don't try to be to chatty with txts and phone calls.

 

 

Thanks for sharing that! I agree' date=' a lot of the people I have met seemed really happy to have someone talk to them, most of them seemed a little tentative about talking to people they haven't met before. With all the girls I've approached, all, but one, seemed receptive to conversation. And you're right, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being friendly. As far as I know it, I'm not being threatening or intimidating, I'm not being abusive. On the contrary, just friendly, polite and talkative. [/quote']

 

Some guys are abusive. They'll call a girl names or be confrontational if a things don't go the way they want while talking to a girl. For the most part guys arn't like this. Girls are just scared some times. I wouldn't worry about if they are happy or not. I'm happy for you that they enjoyed your company though. But have fun no matter what.

 

I don't even care if no dates originate from it' date=' I'm cool with being friends, if I had fun talking to them. One great thing is that I've been meeting these girls from different parts of the campus, so if I do see them again, I won't be mean or anything but just smile and say hi, and as you said, could lead to being invited to events, to hang out and to possibly meet other people. Really no downside! [/quote']

 

Great attitude about not caring. Girls love that.

 

I've heard college-aged girls are picky...That probably doesn't help me, ey?

 

I don't know if thats true. I mean some old maids are so picky the refuse to date. If anything I feel college age girls are more open to dating.

 

I would say I thought they were attractive initially' date=' but after approaching them, they weren't that attractive to me up close. Or the other reason was, they might be good-looking but after talking to them, I just lose that feeling. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I'm approaching girls I'm not attracted to initially. In saying that, even if the girls weren't attractive to me, I wouldn't mind being friends. [/quote']

 

Well thinking they were attractive from a distance then changing your mind when you see them up close is one thing. But I wouldn't lose attaction from a conversation. I mean unless they say death to all white people or something. Although thats kind of funny. I mean girls are nervouse and scared. If you like the way they look might be a good idea to try and get to know them.

 

With the first point, I would agree to an extent. There were only a couple of girls there I could I say I was really attracted to and would describe as 'my type'.

 

With your second point, I don't tend to look for any signs or anything... I more or less assume she is interested unless proven otherwise. But if I were given a smile or eye contact in my direction, that's more than enough for me to approach.

 

Just assume they are interested until proven wrong.

 

Thanks' date=' it's great to have some support! None of my friends know i do this... mainly because they're discouraging and are afraid to try themselves. [/quote']

 

Guys are notorious cock blocks. I do not believe in the wing man. Dating should not be a group activity don't worry about them. They'll give you the high five when you get laid if you need it.

 

Just to let you know how one of the interactions went. I'll share with you what I said

 

Girl is sitting near bus stop.

 

[ME]: This is kind of random, but I thought you were cute and wanted to say hi

[GIRL]: *giggles and smiles* Hi! I'm Jess!

[ME]: Oh, I detect a bit of accent, you're from....

[GIRL]: France

[ME]: I love it! I've always wanted to go there. How are you finding this place by the way? Hope the weather hasn't left a bad impression!

[GIRL]: Oh yes, I'm loving it, we went to the beach last week when it was sunny and it was fantastic. I went to Germany for exchange and the people there were... cold and aggressive. But here, the people are really friendly

[ME]: I can be cold and aggressive if you prefer that

[GIRL]: *laughs hard* no no, just say the way you are

[ME]: Let me guess, you study Business, don't you

[GIRL]: Yes! How did you know? I'm majoring in International Business and it's been awesome.

--- Skip a bit of talk about what we do---

[ME]: So, have you see much of this place yet?

[GIRL]: No actually, I've only know [A] bar and bar.

[ME]: [A] and bars? You must be a party girl

[GIRL]: haha, no, that's the only places I've been shown!

[ME]: Well, there are heaps of exciting places to check out and I would love to show you a few.

[GIRL]: Sure! *Takes out her phone* Hang on, I don't know my number...

[ME]: Here, I'll type mine in and call, that way, I'll get it. *She hands me her phone*

[GIRL]: Great!

--- Talk a bit more about uni and lectures---

And when I left, I gave her a quick hug and goodbye.

 

You should have asked her out to do a specific fun thing she would have had a hard time saying no to. Otherwise great. But you really should have asked her to do something specific that night or in the near future there and then.

 

If you really want to go the cold approach way, you just have to do more of it and work on your appearance. Those are probably the two biggest factors; I think the chances of a direct acceptance would be incredibly low for cold approaching, so you need a large sample size to make up for that, and some women would probably be more inclined to accept it from a guy whom they are attracted to. You can't make a huge personality or intelligence impression in 5 minutes, so looking 'hot' is probably your best bet.

 

I think he's on the right track if he doesn't give up. He could also do more but he's already done more than he did all last year just this month. Just cause he is cold aproaching doesn't close him out from meeting a girl in class or through friends. So he shouldn't relly on it but really its just another fun thing to do.

 

That being said, I personally have never accepted a cold approach. I would respond in a friendly manner and assume that the guy is just being friendly, but if it gets to the exchanging phone numbers stage or arranging for a meetup stage, I would politely decline. Granted, most of those approaches have occurred when I was in a relationship, but even when I was single I turned down a few.

 

Well unless you've been cold approached by over 100 guys in a non bar/night club setting it makes sense you don't accept the cold approach. Its more for the guys favor then the girls.

 

I'm always wary of guys who approach me out of the blue and are too charming. They're either hustlers (not really where I live, but in other countries) or kind of superficial with their feelings, with a strong focus on sex/having sex early (pick-up artists). There's a difference between a guy who is single and open about meeting women and a guy who tries to get phone numbers every time he talks to a girl whether he is attracted to her or not.

 

You should be warry.

 

I agree with you, they're not really worth much. A lot of guys I find try to get the girl's number to get an ego boost but really, it doesn't mean much. It could be a fake, she might ignore you, she may respond and then flake, etc. I usually talk for 15 minutes to half an hour and when I hit a pretty comfortable stage and I feel like I want to talk to her again, I'll ask for her number or set up a hang out or date on the spot. The only time I'll ask for her number early is if I really have to go or she had to go.

 

Sounds good but I don't know if you followed this.

 

 

 

 

Yeah, I don't like to plan what I say or overthink things... I did say some stupids things in some of the conversations I've had, though, and I have stumbled over my words a few times but I've noticed I've been more comfortable with talking the more girls I talk to.

 

Just say what comes to mind. Don't worry about stuttering or saying something silly girls like that.

 

That's the idea! It's always nice to have another friend, with the added bonus that she might introduce me to her friends

 

Well more friends you have more people you can meet at all the parties and gatherings you get invited to. I wouldn't outright say "let me meet your good looking friends" its more like if they have a dinner and invite you and other friends out you get to meet them. Then you introduce yourself and they already feel at ease because how bad of a guy can you be if you have a mutual friend. But DONT be asking them to set you up. Thats anoying.

 

I think the girls don't know what to expect. To each his or her own. I personally know I'm not a player, douchebag or whatever and I'm not after sex, but I guess the ladies wouldn't know that, even if I am polite and friendly. Oh well, some don't mind and that's all that matters to me.

 

Nothing is wrong with wanting sex as long as you don't treat a person like a peace of meat. It's like yeah I want to have sex and pull your hair and what ever else... but I also like getting to know you and respect you as a person.

UPDATE:

Today I approached a couple of girls. One I approached in the morning. The only issue was...I had low energy with only 5 hours of sleep. Everything felt lackluster, I spoke with her anyways but my mind was half asleep. Turns out she has a boyfriend but I got her number and hopefully we'll be meeting up for coffee, just as friends, though I doubt it'll happen.

 

Sounds good. I like how you don't just back off of them as if they are no longer human if they have a boyfirend gasp. Like I said before may or may not have a boyfriend. Plus boyfriend might be a guy she just started dating last week who she's about to break up with or a guy she has dated years and lives with. You don't know. So good job.

 

Another girl I approached, I spoke with her for half hour. She was waiting outside for a friend and I was waiting too, so I thought I would talk to her. We spoke about all kinds of things, even dating. I wasn't really attracted to her but she was very cool. I asked her for coffee just as friends but she told me she wasn't really looking for anything but thank me for having an interesting conversation with her. I gave her number in case she changed her mind but I don't think she will.

 

Overall, it was fun talking to these girls. So I'm pretty happy with today.

 

It is fun talking to girls. Different then talking to guys. Better then just txting on your phone while you wait for your friend. You should have asked for her number instead of just giving her yours.

 

I'm loving all the girls saying that cold approaches never worked on them.

 

Yes cause they speak for all women.

 

Also what they are really saying is it has never worked for them in the past and don't see it working in the future hypotheticaly.

 

 

If something works only 5% of the time, can you really say it works?

 

Well its pretty much 100% gauranteed to get you a date with some one if you ask enough people out.

 

I mean if you have a 5% chance at doing something have unlimited tries and it doesn't cost you any real time or money your gauranteed to do it. Asking a girl out while you take a walk around your school doesn't take up any time or any money.

 

UPDATE:

I approached a girl sitting on the bench waiting for class today. We spoke about modern history, which was pretty cool. It was great talking to her and all but I just wasn't feeling it. So I bid her a good day and went to class.

 

The point is, at least I'm doing something and I agree, if you don't try at all, you've already failed.

 

Just wern't feeling it? You get scared... so you bid her good day? haha sounds insulting actualy.. "I bid you good day!"

 

Should have asked out. She caught your attention and it was great talking to her. You're making to much of a big deal of just asking a girl out.

[counterman]

I originally started doing this with a results-oriented mindset but that quickly changed. Just getting over the anxiety of talking to girls I found attractive was huge for me and now I'm improving my conversational skills and im having fun just talking, whether leads to anything or not. My confidence is high and at the moment I feel really comfortable approaching and talking to women.

 

As for the girls I wasn't attracted to, it was because I thought they were attractive from a distant but when I got up close, I realize I wasn't really attracted to them. I would never approach a girl I thought was unattractive and 'easy' -- that would be an insult to her. With the girls I've found more attractive, I tend to have more fun and the dynamic is different in a great way. And you're right, some girls are shy or nervous, so I wouldn't rule them out just from the one conversation.

 

With some of those conversations Ive had, I definitely would have done some things differently. Theres some things i normally wouldnt do but i did...In saying that, the beauty of this is that I'm improving myself and learning and having fun. There's plenty of upsides and zero downsides. I'm not the smoothest guy nor am I the best looking, but I certainly don't let that stop me from being the best that I can be.

 

As for the latest girl I spoke to, although it was fun talking to her, I didn't want to ask her out because I just wasnt attracted to her. I had to get to class anyways and so did she, so it ended in a pretty good note. I saw her later that day from a distance as she was walking with a friend. She waved and smiled at me.

 

Im enjoying it and that's all that matters:)

 

Oh and thanks Johan! I agree completely, it feels great to talk to a girl i was intimidated by or thought was 'out of my league' and find out she's really friendly and pretty cool. It is also an important lesson to learn not to put attractive girls on a pedestal.

Edited March 13, 2012 by counterman

[Cracker Jack]

Keep it up, counterman. At least you're out there approaching. I think you're only going to continue to get better with this.

[counterman]

Keep it up, counterman. At least you're out there approaching. I think you're only going to continue to get better with this.

 

Thanks Cracker Jack! I think I'll get better too

 

UPDATE:

I had 10 minutes before my first class and notice this girl sitting by herself at a cafe. I complimented her on her dress as it was very colourful and bright. She seemed preoccupied though and didn't seem interested in talking. Again, up close, I didn't really find her attractive... so when she told me she had to go to class, I said the exact same thing and went to class.

 

I was walking to my next class and I saw this girl crossing the road. She was really cute so I walked up to her and told her I had to say hi. She was really receptive and we sat down at a nearby place to chat. We spoke about her interests, my interests, what we studied etc. I was surprised about how into the conversation she was. Oh and I sang a short verse to her just for a bit of fun. Anyways, I set up a coffee date with her for next week! Question: I said I would confirm with her the date and place to meet. Currently it's set next Thursday, should I try to arrange for an earlier meet?

 

I was on my way home when I noticed this cute girl sitting on the seats listening to music. I decided I might as well talk to her cause I was in the mood. She was really energetic and we spoke a bit about psychology, social media, and of course a bit about ourselves. We have a date set up next Monday!

 

Not a bad day today, not at all.

Edited March 14, 2012 by counterman

[Mr. Savage]

Ok, just a question. From your personal experience it seems like it is becoming easier and easier for you just make these cold approaches.

 

Is that the case? Do you even feel any pre talk jitters anymore? It doesnt seem so. You are becoming a smooth mofo. Keep it up!! I'm jealous of you.

[counterman]

Ok, just a question. From your personal experience it seems like it is becoming easier and easier for you just make these cold approaches.

 

Is that the case? Do you even feel any pre talk jitters anymore? It doesnt seem so. You are becoming a smooth mofo. Keep it up!! I'm jealous of you.

 

Definitely, it becomes easier after each approach. My first two approaches took me two hours even though the conversations were really short because I was so nervous that I kept talking myself out of it. I found myself mustering the courage to even walk towards a girl; basically it was an internal struggle with my mind, and it wasted a lot of my time. Now, the anxiety is almost completely gone, it's more of an excitement feeling now. I do still get jitters, but I'm not over-thinking it as much, and just trying to enjoy the interaction and not put so much pressure on myself. As for the approaching, I still hesitate but only just a little Not every conversation is going to go well, some girls might blow me off right there and then, it's just the way things are; not everyone is going to be interested. I guess it becomes harder for a person who expects a result everytime and doesn't get it; if anyone adopts that mindset, it's very easy to become bitter and frustrated. I'm just trying to take it as it comes, I guess and not taking any rejection personally. Even if these two dates don't follow through, I won't take it personally, some girls have a change of mind/heart and they're totally entitled to that. And today was the first date I actually sang to a girl, which was heaps fun

 

Thanks for the support man, it means heaps. I sure hope I'm becoming smoother, my conversations sure have been getting better. Nothing to be jealous about! But thanks!

[Els]

I think he's on the right track if he doesn't give up. He could also do more but he's already done more than he did all last year just this month. Just cause he is cold aproaching doesn't close him out from meeting a girl in class or through friends. So he shouldn't relly on it but really its just another fun thing to do.

 

 

Well unless you've been cold approached by over 100 guys in a non bar/night club setting it makes sense you don't accept the cold approach. Its more for the guys favor then the girls.

 

Well, yes, 'not giving up' would equate to 'doing it more', as I suggested, no? I wasn't suggesting that he needs to up his rate or whatever, just, keep doing it, because the success odds are low. I think you misinterpreted what I said - I think it's great that he's taking a step in a direction that he finds enjoyable and beneficial. I talked about me not accepting any, as an example that the odds are just naturally low, and that it's not necessarily anything that he's doing wrong that's the problem. It's just the nature of the entire thing.

[ThaWholigan]

Like this thread, giving me a much needed boost (even if it's a small one )

 

Keep it up!

[Emilia]

Definitely, it becomes easier after each approach. My first two approaches took me two hours even though the conversations were really short because I was so nervous that I kept talking myself out of it. I found myself mustering the courage to even walk towards a girl; basically it was an internal struggle with my mind, and it wasted a lot of my time. Now, the anxiety is almost completely gone, it's more of an excitement feeling now. I do still get jitters, but I'm not over-thinking it as much, and just trying to enjoy the interaction and not put so much pressure on myself. As for the approaching, I still hesitate but only just a little Not every conversation is going to go well, some girls might blow me off right there and then, it's just the way things are; not everyone is going to be interested. I guess it becomes harder for a person who expects a result everytime and doesn't get it; if anyone adopts that mindset, it's very easy to become bitter and frustrated. I'm just trying to take it as it comes, I guess and not taking any rejection personally. Even if these two dates don't follow through, I won't take it personally, some girls have a change of mind/heart and they're totally entitled to that. And today was the first date I actually sang to a girl, which was heaps fun

 

I think you are enjoying pushing the boundaries of your comfort zone and that's how it should be! Well done

[counterman]

Like this thread, giving me a much needed boost (even if it's a small one )

 

Keep it up!

 

Glad to help in any way Thanks for the support, ThaWholigan.

 

I think you are enjoying pushing the boundaries of your comfort zone and that's how it should be! Well done

 

I could easily be comfortable in my own shell but I'll get nowhere. By pushing my the boundaries, I'm becoming more comfortable with myself around others. Thanks!

 

Question:

Since I have two dates lined up next week, should I continue approaching other women?

 

One of the dates is about a week away, should I try to schedule it earlier?

 

What are some tips to make it a little more special? I haven't been on a date in a while

[somedude81]

Glad to help in any way Thanks for the support, ThaWholigan.

 

 

 

I could easily be comfortable in my own shell but I'll get nowhere. By pushing my the boundaries, I'm becoming more comfortable with myself around others. Thanks!

 

Question:

Since I have two dates lined up next week, should I continue approaching other women?

 

One of the dates is about a week away, should I try to schedule it earlier?

 

What are some tips to make it a little more special? I haven't been on a date in a while

Dates?!

 

Back up a second here.

 

Did one of your approaches actually result in you getting a date?

[counterman]

Dates?!

 

Back up a second here.

 

Did one of your approaches actually result in you getting a date?

 

Two of them! I have two dates next week... I think I wrote about it in my 1st or 2nd post on this page.

[somedude81]

Two of them! I have two dates next week... I think I wrote about it in my 1st or 2nd post on this page.

Ah, I missed the post you made last night where you got the dates.

 

How did you get those conversations going?

[counterman]

Ah, I missed the post you made last night where you got the dates.

 

How did you get those conversations going?

 

First I complimented them, just a small one, which shows, I guess, that I am interested, or I might make an observation about what they might be doing, what they're wearing, an event or I say straight out I have some time before class and just wanted to talk. Then I guess what they're studying, as opposed to asking them straight out. It becomes fun that way and I'll make her guess what I'm doing and turns it into a little game; not every girl may be receptive to this but I like it. Usually, I have some input into what they're studying... sometimes it's just so random that I have to ask them what it's about. All the time I'm talking, I am listening intently and am really interested in what they have to say, and that's key... It's not so much about waiting for them to finish talking so I can talk, it's really listening and picking up on things and using the information they share to further the conversation; basically, from one piece of info it can lead to a whole avenue of topics. I found that by approaching I am further developing this skill. I personally love to know what they do for fun, what hobbies they have, so again I might guess what they do for fun, instead of just asking and I offer information about what I do for fun. When I talk about my passions and what I like, I'm very enthusiastic about it. One more thing is that when I am really curious about something, I would actually ask for their opinion on what they think and they're almost always willing to share. That's about it and it pretty much flows from there. I guess I've improved my body language as well, as I was a little uneasy talking to girls I found attractive before I started approaching.

[sid3]

You can never go wrong by asking for their opinion. Probably one of the easiest conversation starters. You shouldnt move up the date, a week isn't that far off IMO. As far as whether or not to keep approaching, I'd say yeah, why not. Be aware though that too much of just about anything can get a bit old. Your not anywhere near that yet it seems.

[dispatch3d]

lol yeah generally if you start asking out girls some will hit and you'll get dates. It isn't that surprising really. Anyhow keep hitting on girls until you have a girlfriend. These dates can peter out lots and you really are just wasting time not attempting to get farther with other women.

 

Really I think of dating and job hunting as two similar things. I have an interview next friday that was scheduled like 3 weeks ago. I think I'd have to be crazy not to spend at least some of that 3 weeks applying for jobs. I have such a low precentage on the whole, that even though I may be 50% to get the job I'm interviewing for I still have to keep banging on as many doors as possible. Cause in the 50% case where I don't get the job, I will have regretted not using these 3 weeks to potentially find another lead.

[fishtaco]

Really I think of dating and job hunting as two similar things. I have an interview next friday that was scheduled like 3 weeks ago. I think I'd have to be crazy not to spend at least some of that 3 weeks applying for jobs. I have such a low precentage on the whole, that even though I may be 50% to get the job I'm interviewing for I still have to keep banging on as many doors as possible. Cause in the 50% case where I don't get the job, I will have regretted not using these 3 weeks to potentially find another lead.

 

Haha, I'm doing the same thing. I got laid off late last year. But I'm in the software engineering industry. For better or for worse, we don't have unions. And Corporate America likes to lay people off to play number games and boost the exec team's quarterly bonus. So it's an inevitability I have to live with, since that's my career choice. So I'm always ready to be unemployed. Not a big deal really. But I job hunt the same way I date. Shotgun method.

 

Last time I was looking I really made a Japanese company mad. They tend to be more conservative thinking. I went though the interview process, they made an offer, but I decided to go with a different company, so I declined. They were mad that I was being a job slut. They think when you look for a job you should do it one at a time. Well, if Corporate America actually treat their employees with a bit more respect and loyalty, then I'd be inclined to return the same. But as it is, I'm just someone that will get some work done for now, then sacrificed for their accounting/politics games at their convenience. I kind of find it difficult to agree with the conservative views. Shotgun it is!

[counterman]

You guys are right, I should keep approaching. I just cancelled one of my 'dates'. She wanted to bring a friend along to make her boyfriend comfortable... First, I flirted with her HEAPS and made it pretty clear I was interested. Maybe it was a 'test', maybe it wasn't -- doesn't matter, I'm moving on. I'm disappointed though. We really clicked and I really thought she was interested. Do you guys think I should still meet up with her and her friend some other time? I could do with more friends too I'm meeting the other girl tomorrow, we'll see how that goes.

 

I'm getting less and less motivation for approaching girls with my workload increasing heaps over the past week. I have so many things due over the next few weeks, and it's killing my energy but I'll try my best to keep it going.

 

UPDATE:

On Friday, I saw this cute girl in the library. As she was leaving, I decided to walk up to her and say hi. Turns out she has a boyfriend but she was very flattered. I helped her look for the class her boyfriend was in, whilst flirting with her (not with any serious intentions). She said I was fun and nice but she's been with her boyfriend for 2 years and intends to stay with him forever. All good!

[dispatch3d]

I'd probably steer clear of flirting with girls with boyfriends in general. It can get you in fights, give you a bad reputation, I could go on and on. The upside of maybe getting a positive reaction is weighed with wayyyyyy too many negatives.

[lino]

I'm not a fan of cold approaching but I must commend the effort you've been putting into it. Well done