9 cold approaches past week, result in nothing

[counterman]

I'd probably steer clear of flirting with girls with boyfriends in general. It can get you in fights, give you a bad reputation, I could go on and on. The upside of maybe getting a positive reaction is weighed with wayyyyyy too many negatives.

 

Point taken, I'll watch myself around girls that have boyfriends. You're right -- way too many negatives. Don't really want to get a black eye or broken anythings

 

I'm not a fan of cold approaching but I must commend the effort you've been putting into it. Well done

 

Thanks! I wasn't really a fan either, at first but it fits in with my schedule and I guess I'm enjoying it.

 

UPDATE:

Went on a date today with one of the girls...and it was pretty bland. She didn't seem like she wanted to be there at all. On top of that, she made it very clear that she was had a lot of work to do and was stressed. I tried to make the date as fun and I was really energetic, but she just wasn't interested in me. She didn't ask anything about me, kept looking at her watch. The very slight attraction I had just diminished and I was left feeling empty. She spoke a lot about herself, has a bit of an 'I'm-too-good-for-you' attitude and her personality can best be described as... abrasive. We were just too different. Don't think I will be seeing her again.

 

Lack of sleep is bad for anything. I had only 4 hours of sleep and I was just too drained to do anything, let alone cold approach. I need to start taking better care of myself and tune in on my hobbies and other interests. Meeting attractive girls is well good and all but you definitely need other things going on in my life. I'm at the stage where things are getting really busy, so I hope I have the energy to do everything I want!

[counterman]

UPDATE

I approached 3 girls today and it was fun!

 

The first girl was sitting on the bench reading her course material. I flirted with her a little and we spoke about what she does for fun and what she studies. I was a little uncertain about setting up a date with her. When I spoke to her she didn't have much going on in her life. What she does for fun is 'hang out with friends' and we had very little in common but I didn't want to rule it out based on a half-hour conversation, so I set up a date on the spot. She seemed a little reluctant and then agreed. I got her number and she later texted me that she didn't want to be more than friends, which was fine by me! It is really refreshing when a girl just tells me straight up.

 

The second girl I approached said she had a boyfriend but really appreciated me coming over and approaching her. She went further to say that very few guys have the confidence to do that, which gave me a bit of a boost I gave her my number and she said she'll send me a text to hang out as friends, which is very awesome of her because I thought she was pretty cool

 

The last girl I approached studies the same course as me! It's so wonderful being able to talk comfortably about what I do and have someone share their in-depth thoughts on it. I didn't ask her out though, because I wasn't attracted to her and told her if I see her around, we should definitely talk again

What I'm learning

Every interaction doesn't have to amount to something. The very least is I get a conversation with someone and improve my communication skills. I don't feel the need to ask all the girls I approach out and will only ask out those I'm still interested in after talking to them. I feel great knowing that I can walk away from the approach after just having a conversation and nothing more. Furthermore, I am beginning to see what kind of girls I'm attracted to and what kind of girls I'm not, physically and personality-wise and because of that I don't feel any pressure to ask girls out, especially if I don't think we're compatible (and believe me after 30 minutes of talking, with some girls, you just know).

 

I now see that the fear of approaching a girl was completely irrational. As far as I'm concerned, nothing bad has happened. I don't take the rejections personally and I'm actually just enjoying bantering and talking. I'm usually a hands on kind of guy around my friends. It's just who I am and I'm feeling more and more comfortable expressing that side of me to girls I approach. No, nothing extreme, just light touching, hi fives etc.

 

My aim is to fine tune my girl picker. I have approached girls who looked attractive but I wasn't necessarily attracted to her. And although the conversations were fine, it's just not the same as talking to a girl that I'm really attracted to. There's no goal in having dates or anything, just having fun but eventually I would love to just enjoy dating a girl who I can share a meaningful conversation with and perhaps more.

[zengirl]

I'd probably steer clear of flirting with girls with boyfriends in general. It can get you in fights, give you a bad reputation, I could go on and on. The upside of maybe getting a positive reaction is weighed with wayyyyyy too many negatives.

 

Very true. But OP don't swing the pendulum too far and try to worry about whether or not a girl has a BF if she's not saying she does (or walking arm in arm with him at that very moment -- even if that's not her BF, probably not a good time for an approach ) because that'll just leave you paralyzed.

[counterman]

Very true. But OP don't swing the pendulum too far and try to worry about whether or not a girl has a BF if she's not saying she does (or walking arm in arm with him at that very moment -- even if that's not her BF, probably not a good time for an approach ) because that'll just leave you paralyzed.

 

You're totally right. I remember when I use to talk myself out of meeting a girl I was interested in because I thought she had a boyfriend. I approach assuming she doesn't have a boyfriend and if she says she does, I'll back off, though I might still be friends.

[FitChick]

You're totally right. I remember when I use to talk myself out of meeting a girl I was interested in because I thought she had a boyfriend. I approach assuming she doesn't have a boyfriend and if she says she does, I'll back off, though I might still be friends.

 

 

And you never know if a girl might be thinking about dumping her boyfriend but is looking around for a new prospect.

[MrNate 2.0]

Counterman is winning!

[Feelsgoodman]

Read my thread on why cold approaches are a waste of time. They only thing you are going to accomplish is stroking the female ego. Find a more efficient way of meeting females.

[Imajerk17]

Read my thread on why cold approaches are a waste of time. They only thing you are going to accomplish is stroking the female ego. Find a more efficient way of meeting females.

 

And you're a qualified expert on this topic, because... why? Or is it because you yourself can't go up to women and talk to them so they'd want to see you again, so you're playing "sour grapes" and say that it's impossible for ANY guy to do so.

 

Just as you claim to know the *real* reason why men don't want to commit. How do you know? Did you poll people?

 

Or are you just talking out of your azz?

Edited March 20, 2012 by Imajerk17

[borkus]

Read my thread on why cold approaches are a waste of time. They only thing you are going to accomplish is stroking the female ego. Find a more efficient way of meeting females.

 

I'm still waiting for your posts on how to interact with women in your social circle. Judging by your previous threads, I notice that you like to complain about women. I got to give props to the OP who is getting outside of his comfort zone instead of complaining about things he has no control over. If you want to complain about women, that is your business. But I have a problem when you are trying to bring down guys who are taking responsiblity for themselves.

 

I can't wait for Feelsgoodman's next thread - The Defenitive Guide to Social Sircle Game.

[Feelsgoodman]

I can't wait for Feelsgoodman's next thread - The Defenitive Guide to Social Sircle Game.

You are not going to see one because it's really not that complicated to write a "definitive guide" about. Step 1: become part fo a social circle. Step 2: partake in various activities that include females. Step 3: if a particular girl catches your fancy and you know she's single, start talking to her and if she's seems keen, ask her out on a date. There you go.

[counterman]

FitChick, a lot of the girls I meet are in their first year and the ones that have boyfriends have been in a relationship from high school. Many of my girl friends broke up with their high school boyfriends after starting university because they grew and started meeting people more compatible, started realising that there are more interesting people out there. It's probably a very new experience for a lot of the girls I approach and you never know what's going to happen

 

Thanks Mr Nate for the support!

 

With regards to my social circle, a lot of my friends have never had girlfriends or have never dated; for many years I felt limited by the people I hung around. Everytime I wanted to do something, they were always reluctant. So, last year, I decided to try a lot of things. I joined a lot of clubs and societies. I went out with new friends that I made. I will say that I did meet a few girls I was interested in, but not many. It was fun partaking in the various social activities but my dating life didn't improve. Why? Well, although I did meet a few girls I was interested in, they weren't interested in me. And the ones that were interested in me, I wasn't interested in. But that's the thing isn't it, there's no guarantee of success in any 'method', nor should one limit themselves to just one way of doing things.

 

Many of my friends who do have great social lives have never dated. In saying that, I do have friends who are currently dating their friends. In fact that's how many of my friends' relationships form. I'm not ruling out meeting girls through my friends but I just don't want to limit myself. I am so happy that now if I see a girl that catches my eye, I know I'm able to approach her and perhaps leave an impression. And if I do meet a girl through my friends, I'm also better for it, after learning to be comfortable with myself around women I'm attracted to. Again, I'm not advocating cold approaching, in fact if you know a fool proof way of meeting a lot of women and getting a lot of dates with little effort, I, and I'm sure many, would love to hear it. At the moment, I'm just enjoying what I'm doing

[Nightsky]

Keep up the good work time for me to pick this apart because I know thats what you're here for haaaaa.

 

UPDATE

I approached 3 girls today and it was fun!

 

Of course it was fun! They were music to your ears and candy for your eyes.

 

The first girl was sitting on the bench reading her course material. I flirted with her a little and we spoke about what she does for fun and what she studies. I was a little uncertain about setting up a date with her. When I spoke to her she didn't have much going on in her life. What she does for fun is 'hang out with friends' and we had very little in common but I didn't want to rule it out based on a half-hour conversation' date=' so I set up a date on the spot. She seemed a little reluctant and then agreed. I got her number and she later texted me that she didn't want to be more than friends, which was fine by me! It is really refreshing when a girl just tells me straight up. [/quote']

 

I'm glad you didn't rule her out based on a half hour conversation if you found her pretty. Basicly the only reason I'd rule out a girl is if she was rue or other drama. Not for just being quiet or into collecting beanie babies or something...

 

When she said she just wants to be friends you should have still tried to get her to meet with you on the date. Like "hey thats cool that you just want to be friends, lets still go out to dinner and just have fun I don't care where this leads no pressure." Then that would have given you an oportunity to win her over a little. You know guys used to really try to win over a girl. I like that. These days guys just want a girl who "likes" them. But I think thats a little unatural. So if you still liked her after saying that you should have still told her to come out with you.

 

Good job playing it cool when she told you that. To me I don't care if a girl just flakes as a way of rejecting. I expect a flake as possible so it doesn't catch me by suprise. Never would I just run out without confirming the date.

 

The second girl I approached said she had a boyfriend but really appreciated me coming over and approaching her. She went further to say that very few guys have the confidence to do that' date=' which gave me a bit of a boost I gave her my number and she said she'll send me a text to hang out as friends, which is very awesome of her because I thought she was pretty cool [/quote']

 

I really apreciate girls that are complimentary like that. A rejection that makes you feel good is something and I've experienced it myself.

 

You should have just asked her for her number. Giving her yours and ask her to call you is a lame move.

 

The last girl I approached studies the same course as me! It's so wonderful being able to talk comfortably about what I do and have someone share their in-depth thoughts on it. I didn't ask her out though' date=' because I wasn't attracted to her and told her if I see her around, we should definitely talk again [/quote']

 

Thats nice. Did she look good at first and when you saw her close were completely not into her. Or you're just having a good time meeting people so you were like what the heck.

 

My aim is to fine tune my girl picker. I have approached girls who looked attractive but I wasn't necessarily attracted to her. And although the conversations were fine, it's just not the same as talking to a girl that I'm really attracted to. There's no goal in having dates or anything, just having fun but eventually I would love to just enjoy dating a girl who I can share a meaningful conversation with and perhaps more.

 

I agree the conversation and interactioin in itself is rewaring whether it leads to anything or not. Only good things can come of interacting with people you want to interact with. I mean worse case scenario they attack you or get some one to attack you and that would be a great story. Very unlikely to happen though.

 

Your aim of fine tuning your people picker is a good one. The thing is you have to actualy date a person to get to know them. Just having a 30 minute conversation or a date or two and you're not seeing the real person. All you need at this stage is to pick people you are attracted to.

 

If I spot a girl who I find beautiful as long as she doesn't seem anoying or like major drama I'll be happy and want her. Don't overthink this stuff. You'll know if you're attracted then proceed to dating where you'll really get to know them as time passes.

 

Very true. But OP don't swing the pendulum too far and try to worry about whether or not a girl has a BF if she's not saying she does (or walking arm in arm with him at that very moment -- even if that's not her BF, probably not a good time for an approach ) because that'll just leave you paralyzed.

 

I wouldn't worry about it at all from the perspective of should I ask this girl out. Let the girl tell you she has a bf and doesn't want to date.

 

And you never know if a girl might be thinking about dumping her boyfriend but is looking around for a new prospect.

 

In college at 19 most girls are about to dump their bf lol. It's not exactly like dating people in their 30's.

 

Read my thread on why cold approaches are a waste of time. They only thing you are going to accomplish is stroking the female ego. Find a more efficient way of meeting females.

 

He feels good man why try to kill his buzz. He's high on life and you're all obsessed with your campeign against meeting people in what you consider unorthodox. You stick to OLD and being introduced to people. He can do this if he wants. It's not about working or not working. If you have the attitude "I'm going to talk to that girl and she will say yes" of course it might not work or won't work. This isn't about finding a full proof method for starting a camp fire.

 

I am so happy that now if I see a girl that catches my eye, I know I'm able to approach her and perhaps leave an impression. And if I do meet a girl through my friends, I'm also better for it, after learning to be comfortable with myself around women I'm attracted to. Again, I'm not advocating cold approaching, in fact if you know a fool proof way of meeting a lot of women and getting a lot of dates with little effort, I, and I'm sure many, would love to hear it. At the moment, I'm just enjoying what I'm doing

 

Thats a great first step. When you get your date I hope you're bold enough to break the physical barrier. Be the same way on your dates just enjoy them. Knowing that you do have the ability to just meet women on your own will also make your relationships better. A guy who feels boy I'm lucky I met this girl I better just put up and shut up will have a crappier relationship then a guy who feels lucky to be with his girl but knows he's good at meeting girls if things go wrong. That person is in a relationship less out of fear more out of love.

 

As for whether cold aproaches work its not an issue. It's like arguing whether eating with some one "works." It's not about what "works" its about living your life and having fun. Frankly if you're saying meeting new people (girls) in the real world doesn't work... what does. I mean do you have to be introduced?

[irc333]

FitChick, a lot of the girls I meet are in their first year and the ones that have boyfriends have been in a relationship from high school. Many of my girl friends broke up with their high school boyfriends after starting university because they grew and started meeting people more compatible, started realising that there are more interesting people out there. It's probably a very new experience for a lot of the girls I approach and you never know what's going to happen

 

That's great you're doing this....thing is though, it sounds like you'r in a college environment, so it's easier to approach those you have in common with.

 

Being simply a college student allows for this level of reason for appraoching.

 

I had a 24/7 computer lab, and there were people there always studying. Or there would be a "commons" area of the school, cute girls were abundant, and even I would approach them with "What are you studying for?" or "I see you might have a big test coming up?"

 

Something like that. And with me being a student, studying int he same environment, well, our reasons for being there are the same.

 

But, after college, the opportunities to meet women go down significantly and you're doing the social circles thing.

 

So approaching some attractive woman at a grocery store or a drug store might appear a bit more TOO random or shady for a woman.

 

Though I don't discourage you from this like some others here.

[Chicago_Guy]

Are you randomly approaching women and trying to ask them out if they seem friendly? This strategy seems destined for failure and may kill your confidence unless you start getting some success with women. I bet that some women might give you a phone number just because they feel pressured to do so if they think you put them on the spot.

 

Ideally you would selectively approach women who have given you some sign that they might be interested in you. If you are reasonably attractive, there probably are woman who are giving you subtle signs of interest, although you probably aren't picking up on them.

[counterman]

Nightsky, thanks for the encouragement. It was a chump move giving that girl my phone number. I should have gotten hers and set up something. Lesson learnt! With the girl I approached and decided not to ask out, it was because I thought she was attractive from a distance and then when I went up close, she wasn't really my type. But also, I just felt in the mood to talk I guess and didn't really care who I spoke to. And for the girl who said she didn't want to me more than friends, well, I wasn't that into her... so that's why I didn't follow up with anything when she said she just wanted to be friends. Though if I was really interested in a girl and she said that, I would still hang out with her. Most girls have been interested in me in the past once they've gotten to know me. And I am feeling good about this

 

irc333, that's the thing I'm worried about. I won't be in university forever and don't think I'll meet many women afterwards. However, I guess I would still be approaching them at the mall, clubs, etc, but ideally I would like to make the most of my time left at university. I agree, it is easier to approach those you have something in common with.

 

Chicago_Guy, I am randomly approaching women and only asking them out if I'm still interested and attracted to them after I talk to them, or if I want to be friends. I doubt it will kill my confidence, maybe it will dent it if I get rejected 1000 times... And I agree, some women may give me their number because they feel a little pressured but I'm not harassing them, I'm not being aggressive and I'm not being rude or harming them in any sort of way. If they're not interested, I leave them alone and move on.

 

Ideally, I would approach women who show me signs of interest...but most women that do show me signs of interests, I'm not attracted to. And I guess I have missed signs from women. That's the thing though, I approach assuming that they're interested and if they're not, I'll just move on.

[Nightsky]

But, after college, the opportunities to meet women go down significantly and you're doing the social circles thing.

 

So approaching some attractive woman at a grocery store or a drug store might appear a bit more TOO random or shady for a woman.

 

Though I don't discourage you from this like some others here.

 

I agree what he is doing is great and more over inspirational to himself and others here.

 

I disagree that after college opportunities to meet women go down. This is a false reality for me.

 

Approaching an attractive woman at a store isn't to random. Not to mention you can easily go to a college near you and use their librarya and hit on the college girls if you feel its the only safe environment to meet women. They'd probably be more impressed to find out you wern't a student had a life and were just using the research library. The libraries even at most private schools are open to the public.

 

But thats beside the point, for me and many others getting women became much more easy after college.

 

Are you randomly approaching women and trying to ask them out if they seem friendly? This strategy seems destined for failure and may kill your confidence unless you start getting some success with women. I bet that some women might give you a phone number just because they feel pressured to do so if they think you put them on the spot.

 

Ideally you would selectively approach women who have given you some sign that they might be interested in you. If you are reasonably attractive, there probably are woman who are giving you subtle signs of interest, although you probably aren't picking up on them.

 

This entire I don't want to pressure women approach is weak at best. Then worrying about your confidence aka ego if to many girls in a row say "no" to you... c'mon this is weak. You can't avoid pressure anyways. Say you give a girl your number and ask her to call you, now you've put the pressure in the wrong direction. She now feels pressured to just lose your number because now she would have to go through the uncomfortable situation of being the agressor and facing rejection. You want to be the one braving the rejection and let her feel the pressure by being cool and making it hard to say no. Confidence can grow with rejection if you view it under the light of that wasn't bad at all I don't even feel rejected.

 

I believe women become interested in men through actions. I mean sure they spot a man they like but the real test is a man interacting with them. So this entire "I can only ask out preselected women who are scientificaly proven to say yes" mumbo jumbo helps no one. The guy must like the women, and they will be in the position to accept or reject. Follow that logic and you will have the most fun being a guy.

 

Nightsky, thanks for the encouragement. It was a chump move giving that girl my phone number. I should have gotten hers and set up something. Lesson learnt! With the girl I approached and decided not to ask out, it was because I thought she was attractive from a distance and then when I went up close, she wasn't really my type. But also, I just felt in the mood to talk I guess and didn't really care who I spoke to. And for the girl who said she didn't want to me more than friends, well, I wasn't that into her... so that's why I didn't follow up with anything when she said she just wanted to be friends. Though if I was really interested in a girl and she said that, I would still hang out with her. Most girls have been interested in me in the past once they've gotten to know me. And I am feeling good about this

 

You're doing good! Don't worry about the chump move every one does them now and then. I know I have and probably still will! Just wanted to point it out. You're no chump what ever that is lol.

 

Just be sure you're asking out girls you are really into. Don't be going after girls you think are barely attractive because you think they are more likely to say yes. It's just faulty logic that doesn't hold up. Girls also hate the though that you're going after them because they look easy or what ever. They want a guy who's really into them.

 

irc333' date=' that's the thing I'm worried about. I won't be in university forever and don't think I'll meet many women afterwards. However, I guess I would still be approaching them at the mall, clubs, etc, but ideally I would like to make the most of my time left at university. I agree, it is easier to approach those you have something in common with.[/quote']

 

I disagree. For me and many men getting women of all ages even the ones still in college became much easier the older we got. I too was worried about not being in college anymore. It's a false reality though asking girls out on a college campus is nescesarily a porno like the movies and hype would love you to believe.

 

Enjoy your time in college. But please look foward to the future to because its good.

 

Chicago_Guy, I am randomly approaching women and only asking them out if I'm still interested and attracted to them after I talk to them, or if I want to be friends. I doubt it will kill my confidence, maybe it will dent it if I get rejected 1000 times... And I agree, some women may give me their number because they feel a little pressured but I'm not harassing them, I'm not being aggressive and I'm not being rude or harming them in any sort of way. If they're not interested, I leave them alone and move on.

 

Ideally, I would approach women who show me signs of interest...but most women that do show me signs of interests, I'm not attracted to. And I guess I have missed signs from women. That's the thing though, I approach assuming that they're interested and if they're not, I'll just move on.

 

Don't be afraid to pressure a girl its actualy romantic. All this non pressure talk is never about the girl its about the guy to afraid to stand infront of a girl and ask her out. The same guy who is more likely to blow up and cause a scene when some one says no. Act like his day/week or what ever just got ruined by such a non issue.

 

If you spend all day debating whether some one is interested in you nothing happens. You know that, I know that. Keep up what you are doing but please make sure you're going after girls you're really into. It's great you're just talking to people but if you're into them it doesn't count. That was just you enjoying some ones company... I mean technicaly nothing counts... but I'm saying if you go an just talk to a girl you're not attracted to that doesn't qualify as you trying to ask a girl you want to date. Think about that. Because all these girls you constantly say "I'm not feeling it" that bring you down to mayb 1 or 3 approaches.

 

Don't be afraid to double approach. Meaning if you see a girl you liked who already shot you down be all friendly and unphased and ask her out again haha.

 

Ok keep having fun and just treating people like people. Not these magical entities with the power to crush you with their rejection.

[dispatch3d]

Yeah I couldn't agree more with you just being the type of person that talks to random people. Like the girl you talked to but had no interest. You kind of have to be that way for this to work better in my opinion. That way it still seems like you're a challenge, rather than just some dude whose trying to get a number. It's hard to describe.l