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He's left me

HeavenOrHell

By HeavenOrHell,
in Long-Distance Relationships

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denise_xo

denise_xo

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Oh no :eek::eek::eek:

 

HoH, I'm so sorry :(:mad:

 

I don't know what to say. Big, warm hugs and strength to you.

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wildgeese

wildgeese

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I'm so sorry to hear that, HoH. :( You have all of my positive thoughts and support right now - and I'm sure from the rest of us here at LS.

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HeavenOrHell

HeavenOrHell

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I don't really understand what happened, I've got brain dead :(

I'll try and explain soon though, thank you.

I didn't want this at all :(

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Forever Learning

Forever Learning

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I'm so sorry HoH. Try to keep busy and keep moving, along with talking about things with trusted friends. God bless.

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folieadeux

folieadeux

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Oh my goodness, I'm just coming across this post now. I'm so sorry hun, I don't even know what to say. We're all here for you when you're ready to talk about it.

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johan

johan

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I'm sorry, too. I checked your thread history and got the impression that this relationship was on thin ice much of the time. Maybe it won't take you long to decide that this is for the best.

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Els

Els

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I'm so terribly sorry to hear that, HoH. {{{hugs}}} Know that we'll be here for you if you need support, and if you feel like sharing - hope you're feeling better!

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HeavenOrHell

HeavenOrHell

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It's horrible when the person you want to turn to when you're in pain, is the one causing it, so you can't.

 

Bottom line;

He's not sure if it's work stressing him out or if he doesn't love me enough, he said he feels like we're just FWB's lately, and knows that's down to him.

 

So I was right when I felt he was becoming distant months ago after the job transfer fell through, which coincided with his job becoming very busy and stressful. it wasn't just that he'd become comfortable with us.

 

Maybe he never loved me enough to look for a job over here. That's painful. He seemed so happy with me, he was. It's like he was so full on the first year he burnt his feelings out.

 

He sounded confused last night, he wasn't sure what he felt, but said he wanted a break, he said he felt like we're just fwb's lately, but that he's NOT unhappy, :confused: (even though fwb's isn't his thing at all). He said he loves me but not sure it's enough, that he worries he can't give me enough attention/energy cos of work. I said I've felt better about it lately, as I knew it was cos he was stressed, and also that he's just not a demonstrative person, so I've been non pressuring and very understanding of his energies being elsewhere. I've been so supportive, tried so hard.

 

I came close to breaking up with him a few weeks ago because of him not being demonstrative, but it felt wrong to split up. I guess it wasn't that he was being undemonstrative, he just wasn't showing it anymore as he didn't feel so strongly anymore. He was very demonstrative the first year and a half, until the job fell through.

 

He went full pelt into this r/ship and caught me up in his excitement, talking early on about moving over, and hinting I move there, so much enthusiasm. Now I've been left behind.

 

I finally felt we were solid the last few weeks, especially after the last visit, like we'd faced the fact we might never live closer and wanting to carry on anyway.

 

I said you're not in love then I guess, and he said obviously not enough if we're having this discussion.

 

I don't get why he was so loving in his last visit 3 weeks ago.

But then he's like a clam as he puts up, so didn't say he was confused, I guess.

So, I stopped contact, as that's easier for me. I said I hoped to be friends in time, and I truly do, he is a wonderful person.

 

Silly me, I thought we had something special. Doh!

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Lil1

Lil1

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It's so sad to have to let go of someone you love so much. HOH, like many of us on this forum I'm sure you know the drill by now. Focus on your healing, establish NC during this time, and love yourself. Reach out when you need support. The next few weeks or months will be tough and I'm sorry you have to go through this HOH. We are here for you.((((Hugs!))))

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LittleTiger

LittleTiger

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I am so, so sorry HOH.

 

This must have been a terrible shock for you - I hope you are ok.

 

(((((HUGS)))))

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Forever Learning

Forever Learning

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HoH, I have no doubt that you will meet someone wonderful in the future, because you are a wonderful person. Its just a matter of time, and getting yourself out there and finding opportunities to meet people. Of course, healing comes first. And that may take some time. But you are a strong and balanced person, your future is a bright, happy and fulfilling one, I am sure of this. Hang in there through the healing!

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pettie

pettie

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I am so sorry to read about this, but I got the impression that you are a strong person and will be able to handle this difficult moment. Stiff upper lip, girl. Better times will come.

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olivec

olivec

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Sorry for what happend to you HOH. My last relationship was long distance then ended badly for me also. All I can tell you is you gotta stay strong and focus on yourself. You will heal in time I promise.

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HeavenOrHell

HeavenOrHell

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Thank you everyone, much appreciated. My friends are being amazing, and also keeping as busy as possible is helping.

 

Still not exactly sure what happened, but that was part of the problem, and he knew it, him not expressing how he felt :(

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Leigh 87

Leigh 87

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I have heard, that as terrible as it feels, when the right man comes along, you will feel like " ahh... this is right:)"

 

You sound like u need a guy who shows his feelings, and although u feel sic at the thought of other men at this point, just think how great it will feel when u are in love again, with a man who really shows u all of the time:)

 

 

I am so sorry to hear your hurting so much. Why not use this as a chance to work out heaps and get sexier for a self esteem boost? That is what I would do if it was me hehe:)

 

Ya know, there will come a point where u find a guy, where u do not HAVE many doubts: it will just flow properly, and u will fall into a reliable pattern of love, where u both are equally as demonstrative ( almost equal haha it is rarely 50/50) but ya know - the right guy will make u not doubt things.

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HeavenOrHell

HeavenOrHell

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We spoke last night, and he opened up, and was very apologetic about being so closed, and about not giving me attention, he said breaking up was the last thing he wanted and he'd been feeling down since we split, and it hadn't been about him loving me less, and that he doesn't, it was more about his work stress and worrying he wasn't devoting enough time to us, and whether he was in the right place to be in a r/ship, he was worried he's f*cked up something beautiful. He was so sweet.

I felt so much better for talking, he did too.

He said he'd been pressuring himself rather then it being me pressuring him.

I said let's take the pressure off and just see what happens.

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