John1 Posted June 9, 2004 Share Posted June 9, 2004 Hello, Ive written a long post b4. basically i was with my ex for 4 years and 12 months ago we split as i kissed another girl.. we split up.... ever since then Ive been trying to get her back, but she has been very very very resistant... I never did the "no contact " thing.. she was my 1st serious girlfriend, so this was my/our first breakup... i would call her a lot begging for 2nd chance.. she then changed her number.... I would then message her sister to talk to her sister for me... stupidly i would then write her letters explaining everything and begging for a 2nd chance... We used to speak 3-4 times a day.. we had serious plans for the future .. we were on the verge of moving intogether.. its just over a year since the split... we are just barely back on speaking terms again... i saw her last weekend and stupidly asked her can we hang out , go to the beach or go to the funfair( which we always did when we were together) she said no.. I asked her could we meet up maybe every few weeks for coffee, she said no, that we wouldnt be arranging anytime to meet up, if we see each other in the street or out with friends then we will say hello and maybe talk to each other but we wont be arranging anything to meet up... I then asked her to consider maybe giving me a 2nd chance, that we were great together for 4 years and it was just 1 stupid drunken mistake.. I was stupid.. and on saturday i was stupid as I shouldnt have pushed it..... As I said we used speak 3-4 times a day.. in the 12 months we have split we have spoken maybe 10-12 times and many of those occasions were tears mostly from me so wasnt helpful I know I hurt her badly... we were planning on moving in together and spending the rest of our lives together... now saturday talking to rachel was like old times.. it was great except for the bit when she still wouldnt give me a 2nd chance...we were asking each other how we were and what we were up to .. now people are saying that I have to show her that I can be trusted... Thats going to be difficult now as we never see each other.. Now Ive only seen her 5 times this year and 3 of them have been in the last 4 weks so its great to see her. Shes put on a lot of weight since we split although she still looks stunning to me. She hasnt had sex since me ( i dont know if that means anything)and i havent been with anybody since her, she said to me shes not looking for a boyfriend) she said why would she want to get back with me. shes having a great time... But If I can someway gain her trust again then maybe we can talk and maybe clear the air... like last weekend she lifted my shirt sleeve to see my new tattoo.. she showed me her newly pedicured feet and telling me all her news.. I know we may never get back together again.. its just great to be able to speak to each other again ( without the tears) I hurt her badly and maybe its too late for a reconciliation. Now I know I cant push her anymore as shes only going farther away ... I messaged her sister last night.. her sister is starting her exams today so i just messaged her saying best of luck with the exams and her sister messaged back saying thanks... I met her father last weekend and we said hello to each other... Its good to be on at least speaking terms with her family again though.. anyway sorry for the long post Thanks John Link to post Share on other sites
sid3 Posted June 9, 2004 Share Posted June 9, 2004 I think you should do the no contact, seeing as you said you didn't do it before. I appreciate the advice you gave me awhile back. There is nothing you can do to get her to come back to you, she has to want to on her own. I have learned at least that much from this forum. good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author John1 Posted June 10, 2004 Author Share Posted June 10, 2004 thanks Sid, Its great that people on this forum can give each other advice like this.. who knows if I found this site a lot earlier.. anyway... Ya I will just have to back off and do the no contact.. I did it for about 4 months... (weve been apart for 12 months), as I said ,she was my 1st serious g/f so Ive never been through a breakup b4 neither has she ... so i just didnt know , all i did was get hammered every night and decide to call her. .she would never answer her phone...I was stupid... Alcohol only makes things worse... Its only short term solution for long term problems... I will keep my distance now....If i see her in the street obviously i will say hello to her , She knows how i feel about her.... I dont think im ready to date other girls though... maybe need to clear my head over the next few weeks... thanks sid and you hang in there too... John Link to post Share on other sites
beautiful Posted June 10, 2004 Share Posted June 10, 2004 (your writing) I then asked her to consider maybe giving me a 2nd chance, that we were great together for 4 years and it was just 1 stupid drunken mistake.. I was stupid.. and on saturday i was stupid as I shouldnt have pushed it..... As I said we used speak 3-4 times a day.. in the 12 months we have split we have spoken maybe 10-12 times and many of those occasions were tears mostly from me so wasnt helpful You can't blame kissing another girl on being drunk.........that is an excuse! Am I understanding that you got drunk and kissed another girl and your ex saw that? Please correct me if I am wrong.... A healthy and happy 4 year relationship does not break up over one kiss. There is much more going on here, maybe more then you want to admit to yourself. The bottom line is that you should respect her space and wishes and leave it alone completely. Take this time to find out why you so desperately "need" to be with this girl. Take care of yourself and live a happy life and make new friends. Hanging on to someone who does not want to be with you is not a healthy behavior and will bring you self pain that is not necessary. She has a right to her life just as you have. If you truly ever loved this girl you give her the respect to honor her space and wishes. Learn to let go! Sometimes when we let go, fantastic things happen:-) and we may get what we want. Good Luck P.S. If my bf would kiss another girl........I would have left as well , for good! Link to post Share on other sites
jw32802 Posted July 13, 2004 Share Posted July 13, 2004 Beautiful..... you contradicted yourself, you said that no good relationship should break up over a kiss and then at the bottom you said you would have left your bf for good if he kissed someone Link to post Share on other sites
mr pitt Posted July 14, 2004 Share Posted July 14, 2004 john, I reply in your post because of the exceptional advice and thought you gave to me in my situation a couple of days ago. The first thing everyone should realize before they tell you about whats wrong in your relationship is this: we are all human beings which means no one is without flaws or mistakes. everyone makes a bad decision now and then and even the most admirable relationship has some skeletons in the closet. you and I are in similar situations in which we both made not a mistake, but a horrible decision. I dont know where you are in getting over it but I have decided to stop beating myself up over it and to forgive myself. My friend, you sound as sincere as they come with your regret and willingness to make the future great. NO RELATIONSHIP CAN LAST WITHOUT FORGIVENESS! trust is a hard thing to gain back, and for some it may never happen, but that chance is lost forever if you cannot open your heart to forgive. My experience if nothing else has tought me that in future relationships ( if i cannot mend my own) if possible try to forgive, and try to realize that a person can be as sorry as I was and really learn a lesson and become a better person. john, give it time, leave her alone for atleast another month, its hard, Im having to do it. If she truly loves you the fire will not go out. she will wonder and think about you. It will work out in the end I promise you. Everything happens for a reason. but have failure in mind so that succeeding is all the more better if it happens. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author John1 Posted July 14, 2004 Author Share Posted July 14, 2004 mr pitt thank you for your kind words.. well its 13 months since the split... upto a few months ago i was very bad... at xmas i decided enough was enough... around the xmas holidays it was tough..that used to be me and rachels best times together.. doing the shopping.. enjoying the festivities.. .and if what happened last year didnt happen it would have been mine and rachels 1st xmas living together as we were due to move in together... a ring would have been on the way too.. at xmas i decided to cut down on the alcohol..i cant really use alcohol as an excuse but it led to a lot of my downfalls... i remember been in pub on new years eve... drinking pints on diet coke... rachel one end of the bar , me at the other and she wouldnt come over to say hello.. i went down to her to see if we could talk.. i apologised for everything and she burst into tears and i left and i went back to my friends and burst into tears..Im not a guy who cries at all , but over the last year you could fill a lake with what came from my eyes ha ha... I love her so so much and yes i have decided that No Contact is best... its 38 days now.. If theres contact to be made from now on ... it will have to come from her end.. I hurt her and hurt her badly.. I didnt know i was capable of hurting a person as bad as i hurt rachel My friends tell me to move on , they are trying to help but dont know whats its like to be in this position... I think of her every day... im ok though these days but as i said.. 6 months ago i was still devastated on the loss of my g/f Even if we dont get back together.. I would still LOVE to remain friends with Rachel and in time that may happen... But yes I will leave her alone... And hopefully things will work out.. Thanks again mr pitt and i hope things work out for you too... its a huge pity relationships end over 1 stupid isolated incident... take care John Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts