My MM wants to leave her wife, IM FREAKING OUT

[whichwayisup]

HIs marriage could actually be quite good - He just doesn't realize it. And, chances are, he's broken inside and quite good at hiding this.. From you and from his wife. Don't assume he's absolutely miserable and his marriage sucks.

 

You owe him the truth since he wants to leave his wife, kids and life that he knows all for you.

 

Also, don't be soooo concerned about him fixing his marriage. that's HIS business to look after and take care of. You can't and shouldn't control what he does in his marriage with his wife.

 

**You may not 'love' him but you are quite attached to him.

[LovelyLaura]

HIs marriage could actually be quite good - He just doesn't realize it. And, chances are, he's broken inside and quite good at hiding this.. From you and from his wife. Don't assume he's absolutely miserable and his marriage sucks.

 

You owe him the truth since he wants to leave his wife, kids and life that he knows all for you.

 

Also, don't be soooo concerned about him fixing his marriage. that's HIS business to look after and take care of. You can't and shouldn't control what he does in his marriage with his wife.

 

**You may not 'love' him but you are quite attached to him.

Yea, we never know the truth about him. But still, i owe him the truth. I will tell him exactly how i feel for him. As you said, yes im not falling in love with this man. I am not ready to be his W, to take care of him 24/7. No i am not..

I just really care about him, and yeah quite attached because we spend so many good times together, but still it doesnt change the fact that i dont love him.

 

I will tell him the truth. Encourage him to work on his marriage (if its true that his M is sooo bad right now), and end this A.

 

Its all that i can do for now. But i know, my guilty wont just fade away. I will keep this guilty to the day that i close my eyes forever.

[Kcelleste]

Yea, we never know the truth about him. But still, i owe him the truth. I will tell him exactly how i feel for him. As you said, yes im not falling in love with this man. I am not ready to be his W, to take care of him 24/7. No i am not..

I just really care about him, and yeah quite attached because we spend so many good times together, but still it doesnt change the fact that i dont love him.

 

I will tell him the truth. Encourage him to work on his marriage (if its true that his M is sooo bad right now), and end this A.

 

Its all that i can do for now. But i know, my guilty wont just fade away. I will keep this guilty to the day that i close my eyes forever.

 

 

I've been in your shoes before. I was with a married man who planned on leaving his wife without my idea of knowing. I told him the truth as well. That I was uncomfortable about the whole thing because I feel that he would treat me like his wife. He did not want to end our affair and really did want to divorce. After you tell him the truth it's possible he may still pursue you and "try" to change your mind about wanting a future with him like my xMM did. He won't divorce feeling you won't be by his side when it's over but it doesn't mean this man won't try to change how you feel. You working with him will make things more difficult for you two. Be strong and try your hardest to do the right thing. It's so much harder when feelings are involved.

[TinaniT]

Tell him the truth and hope that gives him motivation to work on his marriage and have it succeed or fail on its own right.

 

If you do anything else, you are helping a marriage fall apart for a man you don't even want and that is just scary.

 

Then CUT contact. Completely.

 

I see where it could be appealing to have a relationship that takes almost no time but has a false sense of intimacy to enjoy when it is on. (You don't normally have a romantic Hawaii trip with a FWB) But it's definitely not worth the damage to everyone, including you. Good luck!

[skylarblue]

You say you don’t want to tell him to get lost, so if you don’t think he’s serious then say nothing. If brings it up again just say “you know, if you get divorced that doesn’t mean you and I are going to be together. I’m not in love with you. I’m not it for that. We can still (fill in the blank. examples: be friends, see each other, continue), but I’m not going to be your girlfriend". Clear and succinct.

[nofool4u]

The part that i consider "fun" is actually causing pain to others.

 

How despicable

 

 

And it has to end now. I will tell him the truth, i do care about him, but i dont want him to leave his wife. I will end this A, because it wont help him fix his M.

 

Like you give a rats ass about him fixing his marriage. You are just scared he will want you full time. Call it what it is and sure, end the A because his wife shouldn't have to put up with this.

 

But please don't insult our intelligence by pretending you want him to fix his M.

[LovelyLaura]

Thank you all for your support.

 

I've finally told my MM not to separate with his wife. I send him a very long email, telling him to stay with his family and its for the best. He has a little daughter and i know that he adores her very much, and couldnt live without her. So i just stress the fact that he should fix his marriage, maybe not for him, not for his wife, but at least do that for the little girl.

And sorry guys, i didnt tell this man that im not in love with him, that i dont want to spend the rest of my life with him. yes, i didnt tell him the truth about my feeling. and its not because i dont have the heart. yes at first, i dont have the heart to hurt him, to tell him just get lost. but after read all of your opinion here, i know its the best for me to just let him know the truth. but since he is my coworker and u can say that he is somehow a very powerful man in my office (we have a same level job but he is the owner's son) i think that i shouldnt mess with him.

 

yah i know, i know. i shouldnt mess with him from the very first time. but it happened and i have my own regret. so i think the proper way to end this is to make sure that he wont divorce his wife by telling him about the potential damage he would do to his daughter if it actually happens.

 

And I dont know whether its my email or his cowardness, he then decide to stay in his marriage (typical story of MM), he and his wife will try to work on his marriage, u know seeing counselor, and that kind of things.

 

and im glad he does that. we have no hard feeling for each other, and continue our professional relationship. it seems like a happy ending for both of us.

 

but happy ending wont last long.

now the problem is i think this man genuinly love me. tell me im too naive, but i just knew it. so after like 3 days of very professional relationship, he started to text me again with his love confession. he said that its too hard for him to let me go. he really2 loves me, etc etc etc..

 

and as ussual i remind him that he has made his decision, he choose his marriage, he choose to stay with them, so he has to live with that..

he said he knows.. but still its too difficult for him.. i know this man wants to have a very best of both worlds. i know it very well. but still, we are a good friend before and our conversation is amazing. so when he texted me, yah i warned him, but then we continue the texting.

 

most of it, we just teasing each other, say that we miss each other. bla bla bla.. but everytime he got too serious, i remind him that he made his choice, and he has to focus on it.. i know this texting is not a good thing, but i couldnt really cut him out of my life. i try to, but like him, i think its hard for me to really2 let him go. i enjoy the conversation with him. he cheers me on, give me spirit, and i do that for him too. so i think we are using each other here.

but please dont get me wrong, we dont resume our relationship. we do not see each other outside the office and i will not allow it to happen.

 

i know keeping contact with him, eventhough its just texting, is not a good thing.

so i decide to go out with someone else. lets see how it works..

 

Wish me luck frend..

Edited March 22, 2012 by LovelyLaura

[findingnemo]

You may have just made MM more determined to leave his W now. By not telling him you don't love him, he could interpret your mail as sacrificing yourself for the sake of his M and child. You may have become his "hero". After all, you must obviously love his child very much or you're family values are very strong. Basically he could have completely misunderstood things because youre not being clear. Sometimes it's just better to do what you think is harsh and get it over with.

 

Tell the man that you don't love him and will not especially if he abandons his W. Spin it however you want but make sure he understands that the feelings are not there. Otherwise he'll just keep chasing you - the one that seems to be getting away kind of thing. ::sigh::

[PhoenixRise]

You may have just made MM more determined to leave his W now. By not telling him you don't love him, he could interpret your mail as sacrificing yourself for the sake of his M and child. You may have become his "hero". After all, you must obviously love his child very much or you're family values are very strong. Basically he could have completely misunderstood things because youre not being clear. Sometimes it's just better to do what you think is harsh and get it over with.

 

Tell the man that you don't love him and will not especially if he abandons his W. Spin it however you want but make sure he understands that the feelings are not there. Otherwise he'll just keep chasing you - the one that seems to be getting away kind of thing. ::sigh::

 

 

Laura won't tell MM that she doesn't love him because she DOES love all the attention she is getting from him. IF she tells him the truth all that attention and ego stroking goes away.

 

So MM gets to continue to flatter himself believing that Laura loves him soooo much she is willing to sacrifice her own feelings (that he doesn't know don't exist) for the good of him and his child/family.

 

While Laura gets to continue to get the benefits of MM's high regard. She gets his time and attention, and her ego stroked because even though she TOLD him to go back and work on his marriage, he finds her so irresistible he just can't let go.

 

None of it is based on reality.

 

But they both are going to keep playing with fire until it all blows up in their (mostly Laura's) face.

 

Laura....what do you think will happen if MM's wife discovers the affair? And yes, with the nature of your continued interactions with MM the affair is still ongoing.

 

Who do you think will feel the fallout the most considering that MM's father is the owner of the business you both work for?

[LovelyLaura]

Laura won't tell MM that she doesn't love him because she DOES love all the attention she is getting from him. IF she tells him the truth all that attention and ego stroking goes away.

 

So MM gets to continue to flatter himself believing that Laura loves him soooo much she is willing to sacrifice her own feelings (that he doesn't know don't exist) for the good of him and his child/family.

 

While Laura gets to continue to get the benefits of MM's high regard. She gets his time and attention, and her ego stroked because even though she TOLD him to go back and work on his marriage, he finds her so irresistible he just can't let go.

 

None of it is based on reality.

 

But they both are going to keep playing with fire until it all blows up in their (mostly Laura's) face.

 

Laura....what do you think will happen if MM's wife discovers the affair? And yes, with the nature of your continued interactions with MM the affair is still ongoing.

 

Who do you think will feel the fallout the most considering that MM's father is the owner of the business you both work for?

 

PhoenixRise,

 

I think what u said there is a cold hard fact,

yeah i was enjoying his attention, his humor, his conversation,

and i didnt want it to end.

Thats why i didnt tell him the truth.

 

The last few days for me is very confusing.

Everything is spinning out of my hand.

My MM told me he wanted to be with me,

asked me to wait for him for 3 years or less.

he convinced me that 3 years from now he would be single

and ready to start a life with me.

 

And because i didnt want to end the shower of attention from him,

i just simply say yes, that he is worth the wait.

(yet the waiting could be another lie from him, so i dont take this too serious, im just like, yeah i will wait and cross my finger behind my back)

 

so, we continue our affair. the sneaking, the texting, everything.

until one day, in the middle of the night he called me, and said

"Laura, we have to end our relationship"

I was shock, but thx to LS, i just knew right there that his wife found out about our affair, and asked him to call me to end everything. So i just calmly answered yes and hung up the phone.

 

The next day, he immediately called me, apologized and told me that his wife made him do it. he claimed that his wife threatened to hurt herself if he didnt make the phone call, so he had to do it.

 

I dont care whether this story is true or not.

but seeing things like that, i just knew that its time for us to end everything.

and then at the same telephone conversation, i said that i considered his last phone call as something serious, and maybe its the best for everyone.

 

he then said he didnt want to talk about this over the phone. so i suggest a text or email, still, he said that he wanted to talk to me face to face about this problem.

 

so now, im just waiting for the time for him to see me..

we are coworker, but he is in different department and since the project already done, we rarely see each other at office now. and it doesnt help with the fact that we cant discuss such a thing in office.

 

meanwhile, he keep texting me, emailing me, and i keep replying it.

i know its bad, i really2 want to commit NC with him.

but he keep reach me, and i have to reply it.

as i mentioned earlier, he is the owner's son, so i dont want to piss him.

but honestly, i also feel happy when i reply it.

so i guess its the combination between happy to chat again and a responsibility to survive in the office.

we act like nothings happened, but sometime i remind him that we have to talk about what happened last time and he said ok, he will try to find a time for us. but its a little bit difficult now bcos his wife is very protective to him since the dday.

 

so yeah now im waiting..

 

i dont know what to say to him if i meet him again.

i want to end this, but i also want to keep him there..

i dont want to hurt his wife, but i already did that..

i feel so horrible,

 

i know the right things to do is to end this,

but why is it so hard?

[LovelyLaura]

When i browsed in LS, i stumbled on to this post (i forget which post is it)

telling that her MM and W came to see her at the office (outside the building) to end the A. After hearing that, this poor woman just too shock to move, she just stood there, and feeling so empty.

And 5 minutes after that, this woman still standing there, way too shock to move a muscle, and then the MM run to her, told her that its his wife that made him do it, he was so sorry, and he would contact her tomorrow to explain everything.

 

when my MM called me and said those things, it rings the bell and remind me of this post. i want to know, what happened to the poor woman after that shocking visit?

 

could someone help me and give me the link to that post?

thx..

[findingnemo]

Laura,

 

I just saw your last posts and I don't know how to make it clear that you are playing with fire. Why is that? You don't love the man. You just like his attention... Is attention worth losing your job, worth hurting the BW for nothing, NOTHING. Are you really that callous??? On the one hand you admit to playing games and on the other you expect other people to try help you understand why it is so hard for you to do what you need to do?

 

Please get a grip RIGHT NOW. Either accept that you are the kind of person who craves the attention of a MM...any MM since there's no love involved here or realize that this is a painful thing for innocent people and STOP IT! Look in the mirror and decide who you want to be. It is not about MM anymore. This is about who you are!

[LovelyLaura]

Thank you findingnemo,

 

Yes im not in love with this man, yet i care about him a lot.

But, I also know that he is not what I want in a longterm relationship.

 

And after overnight thinking, i guess its not worth losing my job for this fling,

and sure i do not want to hurt his BS for nothing.

 

So i send him a goodbye email, told him that his last call was like a wake up call to me. he is married, he is unavailable. period. there's no justification for that one. I should not got involve with him. And i cant bear the thought that im causing his wife that much pain. We should end this. For the sake of everyone.

 

And i told him to limit our contact strictly to business. NC is not an option, since he is my coworker, so i guess business only will do best.

 

He then called me, i decided to pick it up as a last goodbye call.

And then he said that everything that i wrote in the email is painfully true,

so he will respect my wish.

and then i hang up.

 

This morning, he texted me "good morning"

i didnt reply..

he keep texting me like 2 or 3 times,

but still no reply from me, i decide to it is time to make it real..

 

before this, everytime i decided to end everything,

he will say ok, but then keep coming back

and i got weak, so i let him enter my life again.

 

not this time..

 

i will never fall again in the same hole,

i will never let him use me, as a filler of what he doesnt get from his marriage.

 

so, this is day 1 of BUSINESS ONLY with him.

its hard, trust me, but i keep reminding myself that this man just use me for his own good, and i dont want to be anyone's doormats.

 

i hope i can get through this..

[PhoenixRise]

Thank you findingnemo,

 

Yes im not in love with this man, yet i care about him a lot.

But, I also know that he is not what I want in a longterm relationship.

 

And after overnight thinking, i guess its not worth losing my job for this fling,

and sure i do not want to hurt his BS for nothing.

 

So i send him a goodbye email, told him that his last call was like a wake up call to me. he is married, he is unavailable. period. there's no justification for that one. I should not got involve with him. And i cant bear the thought that im causing his wife that much pain. We should end this. For the sake of everyone.

 

And i told him to limit our contact strictly to business. NC is not an option, since he is my coworker, so i guess business only will do best.

 

He then called me, i decided to pick it up as a last goodbye call.

And then he said that everything that i wrote in the email is painfully true,

so he will respect my wish.

and then i hang up.

 

This morning, he texted me "good morning"

i didnt reply..

he keep texting me like 2 or 3 times,

but still no reply from me, i decide to it is time to make it real..

 

before this, everytime i decided to end everything,

he will say ok, but then keep coming back

and i got weak, so i let him enter my life again.

 

not this time..

 

i will never fall again in the same hole,

i will never let him use me, as a filler of what he doesnt get from his marriage.

 

so, this is day 1 of BUSINESS ONLY with him.

its hard, trust me, but i keep reminding myself that this man just use me for his own good, and i dont want to be anyone's doormats.

 

i hope i can get through this..

 

Laura

 

I hope for your sake you mean what you say here. Because his wife knows and she is not going to just forget what she discovered. She will be on high alert and she will be looking for any sign that you are still perusing her husband (you realize MM probably told her it was you chasing him)

 

Think what will happen if she finds more evidence of contact between you and him. If her father in law (your boss) loves her, sees her as part of the family, and has any interest in not seeing his son's marriage break up, YOU will be out of a job. Right or wrong, YOU will be seen as the problem and YOU will bear the majority of the fallout.

[nofool4u]

Laura won't tell MM that she doesn't love him because she DOES love all the attention she is getting from him.

 

And since she said part of the "fun" was hurting his wife, I'd say she enjoys thinking she has some sort of victory over the wife.

[findingnemo]

Thank you findingnemo,

 

Yes im not in love with this man, yet i care about him a lot.

But, I also know that he is not what I want in a longterm relationship.

 

And after overnight thinking, i guess its not worth losing my job for this fling,

and sure i do not want to hurt his BS for nothing.

 

So i send him a goodbye email, told him that his last call was like a wake up call to me. he is married, he is unavailable. period. there's no justification for that one. I should not got involve with him. And i cant bear the thought that im causing his wife that much pain. We should end this. For the sake of everyone.

 

And i told him to limit our contact strictly to business. NC is not an option, since he is my coworker, so i guess business only will do best.

 

He then called me, i decided to pick it up as a last goodbye call.

And then he said that everything that i wrote in the email is painfully true,

so he will respect my wish.

and then i hang up.

 

This morning, he texted me "good morning"

i didnt reply..

he keep texting me like 2 or 3 times,

but still no reply from me, i decide to it is time to make it real..

 

before this, everytime i decided to end everything,

he will say ok, but then keep coming back

and i got weak, so i let him enter my life again.

 

not this time..

 

i will never fall again in the same hole,

i will never let him use me, as a filler of what he doesnt get from his marriage.

 

so, this is day 1 of BUSINESS ONLY with him.

its hard, trust me, but i keep reminding myself that this man just use me for his own good, and i dont want to be anyone's doormats.

 

i hope i can get through this..

 

This is a good start, Laura. Everything you say is true. Now you need to remember all this whenever you feel tempted to reverse things. He has agreed with you but he's already changing his mind. Remain firm.

 

Keep posting, keep reading posts here so that people can support you in this decision.

[LovelyLaura]

Today i met him, he came over to our department for some important meeting. After the meeting, everyone left the room, and finally its only the 2 of us there.

 

We started to talk, he said that he was so miserable. Everytime he missed me, he would read my goodbye email to him (its a lovely warming goodbye email) to cheer him up. I said, i was sorry, but its for the best.

 

He admited it too, that its for the best, we had to end everything, but he would miss me so much.. And i said, me too, i would miss him badly, but there's a lot of but in our relationship and its not healthy.

 

I suggest him to remove all our previous contact, email, text, etc. Because as you said there PhoenixRise, her wife wouldnt forget about what she discovered. She will become more and more suspicious about his husband and tries to dig deeper. He agreed to clean everything.

 

So basically, i handle my self pretty good. It was a nice conversation, no hard feeling left. We just thanked each other for all the beautiful time and memory that we created. And wish each other the best on this life.

 

So i guess this is the end..

Pretty sad actually,

but this relationship is not healthy, it causes too much pain for everyone.

 

Thanks all for your support.

 

Just one question, what do i have to do to distract my mind from thinking of him?

It becomes a habit, texting everyday. So when it suddenly stop like this, i just feel empty. I know in time I will get used to this, but meanwhile what do i have to do to make it easier?

[whichwayisup]

Just one question, what do i have to do to distract my mind from thinking of him?

It becomes a habit, texting everyday. So when it suddenly stop like this, i just feel empty. I know in time I will get used to this, but meanwhile what do i have to do to make it easier?

 

You keep yourself busy by being with friends and family. You let yourself grieve the loss and cry it out when you need to. It's a habit, and all habits can be broken by distraction, being busy and not letting yourself reminise or fantasize about what you once shared with him. Remember, much of this is about your ego - Focus on the fact that you've said you aren't in love with him nor wanted a real relationship or marriage with him.

 

Hope this helps.

[LovelyLaura]

Yes dear, it helps..

 

When i think that he is not the future husband that i dream of, it actually makes me feel better.

 

But the selfish part of me, keep coming back too, saying awful things, like..

"yeah its exactly why u have to continue this A. U dont love him, but he makes u happy. Resume the A, u'll be happy, and he doesnt need to leave his marriage for you because after all u dont want it to happen"

 

And the logic thinking of mine says :

"No, u stupid bitch. Yup, u will be happy now. But what if u get caught, u will lose everything just for what u call "happiness" there..

The worse thing is what if u fall in love with this bastard"

 

So, this is what happening inside my head all day...

[findingnemo]

Yes dear, it helps..

 

When i think that he is not the future husband that i dream of, it actually makes me feel better.

 

But the selfish part of me, keep coming back too, saying awful things, like..

"yeah its exactly why u have to continue this A. U dont love him, but he makes u happy. Resume the A, u'll be happy, and he doesnt need to leave his marriage for you because after all u dont want it to happen"

 

And the logic thinking of mine says :

"No, u stupid bitch. Yup, u will be happy now. But what if u get caught, u will lose everything just for what u call "happiness" there..

The worse thing is what if u fall in love with this bastard"

 

So, this is what happening inside my head all day...

 

Good, Laura. Now let logic win every time. It's hard to change how you think. But you must decide to use the brain you have. Always remember to check your thoughts against logic the way you're doing in the post above.

[MissBee]

Yes dear, it helps..

 

When i think that he is not the future husband that i dream of, it actually makes me feel better.

 

But the selfish part of me, keep coming back too, saying awful things, like..

"yeah its exactly why u have to continue this A. U dont love him, but he makes u happy. Resume the A, u'll be happy, and he doesnt need to leave his marriage for you because after all u dont want it to happen"

 

And the logic thinking of mine says :

"No, u stupid bitch. Yup, u will be happy now. But what if u get caught, u will lose everything just for what u call "happiness" there..

The worse thing is what if u fall in love with this bastard"

 

So, this is what happening inside my head all day...

 

 

Hey Laura,

 

I can definitely relate. We know the truth and what we need to do...but often need steps on the day to day process, as it can seem very daunting to consider healing when it seems indefinite and like a large expanse of time ahead where we don't know when we'll feel better. So breaking it up into the day by day helps a lot.

 

When that negative self talk pops into your head, I find that writing it down or even talking aloud to myself or posting on a forum helps. As I went about my day for example at home, all these thoughts about my former relationship, me missing him, "maybe this and that" went through my head and I'd talk out loud about it, sometimes as if I were addressing him or as if I were explaining to someone else why the relationship and situation were no good. This outlet really helped! Putting it "out there" whether saying it aloud, writing it down etc helps you to not go crazy by having the thoughts be on spin cycle in your mind. It's like putting the thoughts out to dry when you voice them or write them down and it helped me to see things a lot clearer and feel more resolved to move on. I'd even have a good cry, as sometimes the truth was indeed sad, that yes this person was not my future husband but after I kept admitting it and crying over it...I started to get over it.

 

So that is one suggestion for when you're faced with the back and forth thoughts. I would also write down all the qualities I disliked and reasons the relationship was bad and then write another list of the person I DID want in my life. That helped me to focus on my future and boundaries and just imagining more for myself. I would think who do I deserve, what do I want? What do I bring to the table? What kind of relationship can I have? And I'd write that down and focus on that and believing it was out there versus acting like this other person was my last chance. That helped me to be more positive and happy and determined to move on.

 

Hope some of these suggestions/thoughts help

[wannabdone]

Yes dear, it helps..

 

When i think that he is not the future husband that i dream of, it actually makes me feel better.

 

But the selfish part of me, keep coming back too, saying awful things, like..

"yeah its exactly why u have to continue this A. U dont love him, but he makes u happy. Resume the A, u'll be happy, and he doesnt need to leave his marriage for you because after all u dont want it to happen"

 

And the logic thinking of mine says :

"No, u stupid bitch. Yup, u will be happy now. But what if u get caught, u will lose everything just for what u call "happiness" there..

The worse thing is what if u fall in love with this bastard"

 

So, this is what happening inside my head all day...

 

 

This is so true. I have often joked that by the time this is over I will have multiple personalities, with all the arguing I do back and forth with myself.

 

One person described this as "waves" and that was the perfect example.

 

I have been doing really well, however the last two days have been miserable. Idk why, but been sad...missing him. So I started asking myself what do I miss about him? And then asked myself what do I not miss about him?

 

The biggest thing (and the hardest) is to allow yourself to grieve. If you don't, you leave yourself open to it again. I have done that before. Started to grieve, it hurt too bad, so I compartmentalized... then when he did come back, I was wide open.

[nofool4u]

Just one question, what do i have to do to distract my mind from thinking of him?

 

Go on dates with good SINGLE men.

[LovelyLaura]

Today he came to my department again. Another meeting to attend.

 

We didnt spend time alone. I was so busy, and so was him..

I didnt know whether its genuine busy, or he just tried to avoid me (bcos its looked like that)

I know i shouldnt let my mind wondered about that, but i just couldnt help myself..

 

But afterall, i guess today was pretty good...

Its not a nice feeling, i have better day than this..

But its not like i was so depressed..

its just like i dont know how to explain it..

its like i look at my favorite ice cream, but im on a very tight diet..

im not gonna die because i cant eat it..

but this ice cream will taunt my dream...

 

sorry for this nonsense..

i just need a place to vent this all..

fyuuuh...

[LovelyLaura]

I hate this feeling...

 

Last weekend was actually pretty nice, i went out with friends and family,

and felt good about myself.

 

My friend posted a pict of me and them on facebook, tagged me, and everything was smooth.

 

I still though a lot about him, but not in a depressing way.

I just missed him, just it. No more and no less..

 

And out of the blue, he texted me.

Telling that i looked so happy in the picture (couldnt unfriend him from FB, he is my coworker and my company has a group on FB where special event is arranged and invite everybody)

And silly me, i replied that.. Telling that yes, i try to be happy. i try to move on with my life, i try to let him go.

We then texted back and forth for that day, at the end of the night he called me, i answered and we had an 1 hour amazing conversation.

He told me that he was so miserable, he got through the day without any spirit, like a walking dead. no taste for food, no will to live.

I tried to cheer him up, said that in time everything will be better. Told him that he will forget me, and will continue his life without me. And it was best for us to end this. I insisted to have business only relationship with him. That we have to face the truth that he cant be mine, and i cant be his.

 

I know i shouldnt reply it, i shouldnt get his call.

But i missed him a loooot,

And i was just so happy when he contacted me again.

 

But now, im feeling more depressed.

Yesterday and today he didnt contact me at all.

Maybe he has accepted what i told him, that it will be strictly business.

Im glad, but yet it hurts like hell..

 

I know i have to stop analyze everything.

But i just couldnt help my self.

He told me that he was so miserable, but why didnt he contact me these past 2 days?

In the other hand, im glad that he didnt.

Argh, im confuse with my self.

And i dont even want this man to be my future husband.

 

I know what the right things to do..

I care a lot about this man, but i dont love him, and i dont want any long term serious relationship with him.

I have to end this NOW. Its not worth to lose my job or even hurt his family just for some "fun" with this man. But i do care about him.. And i miss him a lot..

 

Its so hard to get through these last 2 days..

Edited April 9, 2012 by LovelyLaura