ryandxtreme Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 Coming back to the website ,which i consider, as the bible of information about love after a long time... Last week my ex-gf with whom i had a relation of 4 yrs texted me after 10 months of no-contact....soon it transitioned to her calling me up... It was a very bitter break-up and she had dumped me for another guy..It was by the way the second time she did something like that..The first time after I caught her she was really very apologetic and cried a lot...and even came over to my place banging the door..i trusted her and had given her a second chance...she cheated after 1 yr again and this time she kept it a secret but dumped me instead... She treated me very roughly post-breakup while i did all the mistakes like crying and begging to have her back...in the end i switched to no-contact mode as per the advices i had received on this site... I have now recovered tremendously...have a great new job and a new caring gf who loves me a lot...but here she is(my ex), contacting me when I don't need her anymore...next day she calls me up and tells that for the last 1 year she has been very repentful of what she had done with me...she said she thought of me every night and day...and missed me like hell during this period...she felt she wanted to say sorry to me a long time ago but she didn't have the courage to face me again after all she did...she by the way has a new bf and i have also let her known about my new-gf... Yesterday she pleaded with me to meet her up..i obliged(honestly i wanted to say no but finally i couldn't) and we went for a walk together.. she held my hand..i initially refused but later went on with it...we chatted and laughed and it was fun since i didn't have much of that old-wound..while leaving she suddenly kissed me .. She asked me if i could come back to her and i was like "no way i can leave my gf..or trust u again"..but she contined to call after reaching home and i couldn't hang-up the phone... I think I still have a soft-corner for her..I'm 22 and she's 21..and we both were each other's first love.. Friends , I really need advise on this one..as to how to come out of it unhurt because I really don't wanna get hurt by her again Link to post Share on other sites
69ways Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 m8 my ex still contacts me 14 months after the break up. I learned one thing only. It only opens up wounds and creates new. Ignore the f... out of her, you dont need her in your life why disturb your psychological balance........ 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Falcon25 Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 Too bad, so sad. The ship has sailed. Tell her to find a life boat. There's a reasonable time frame when someone can come BACK into your life. And i think 10 months is not it........ Stop being weak and stop picking up her phone calls. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ryandxtreme Posted March 12, 2012 Author Share Posted March 12, 2012 thanks for your advice friends... yeah it's kinda disturbing my peace of mind..I know I shouldn't be talking to her anymore but I am falling for the temptations...I have to put a firm foot... but is the confusion I'm having normal ??? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ryandxtreme Posted March 12, 2012 Author Share Posted March 12, 2012 m8 my ex still contacts me 14 months after the break up. I learned one thing only. It only opens up wounds and creates new. Ignore the f... out of her, you dont need her in your life why disturb your psychological balance........ I remember reading your posts last year,really nice to see u again ...how is life these days bro??? Link to post Share on other sites
69ways Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 I remember reading your posts last year,really nice to see u again ...how is life these days bro??? Hei man, not well she keeps calling and now she is not sure if she took the right decision about us when she left me and she is going to therapy for her depression...pretty f..... up...she forgets things we spoke about....but said she wants to see when she is ready psychologically So i am trying to move on but can go completely NC as we have unfinished economic differences between us....... Link to post Share on other sites
stimson554 Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 I'd say have nothing to do with her at this point in time. her words and actions might seem sincere, but I get the feeling she's just trying to use you, you mentioned she cheated on you twice before the breakup, and obviously now she has no problem showing physical affection for you even though she has a new guy, do you honestly think you could trust her intentions? whatever your decision may be, I wish you the best of luck, take care mate. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ryandxtreme Posted March 12, 2012 Author Share Posted March 12, 2012 Hei man, not well she keeps calling and now she is not sure if she took the right decision about us when she left me and she is going to therapy for her depression...pretty f..... up...she forgets things we spoke about....but said she wants to see when she is ready psychologically So i am trying to move on but can go completely NC as we have unfinished economic differences between us....... I can understand what u are talking about bro... coming in touch with my ex last week has messed up my mind to some extent too... May be you are trying to be beside your ex when she needs you(keping in mind her illness) but don't forget taking care of yourself too man... the best thing I have learned in LS is taking care of myself and following no-contact,though the later one is really difficult ! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ryandxtreme Posted March 12, 2012 Author Share Posted March 12, 2012 (edited) I'd say have nothing to do with her at this point in time. her words and actions might seem sincere, but I get the feeling she's just trying to use you, you mentioned she cheated on you twice before the breakup, and obviously now she has no problem showing physical affection for you even though she has a new guy, do you honestly think you could trust her intentions? whatever your decision may be, I wish you the best of luck, take care mate. Thanks for such a great reply mate,I don't know why I became so soft after she initiated the contact ...yeah, I guess u are right..she is trying to lure me physically maybe... she hasn't changed surely,otherwise why kiss me out of the blues when she is in a relation ?? ... Edited March 12, 2012 by ryandxtreme Link to post Share on other sites
69ways Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 thanks for your advice friends... yeah it's kinda disturbing my peace of mind..I know I shouldn't be talking to her anymore but I am falling for the temptations...I have to put a firm foot... but is the confusion I'm having normal ??? just look int the mirror and ask:Is it really worth it, worth to mess me up again? Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 If she wanted you to be on good terms, then maybe she should've thought of that before screwing you over? Not to mention leaving on bitter terms. Bad luck to her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ryandxtreme Posted March 12, 2012 Author Share Posted March 12, 2012 (edited) If she wanted you to be on good terms, then maybe she should've thought of that before screwing you over? Not to mention leaving on bitter terms. Bad luck to her. Yeah she literally did everything to crush me at that time.. abused me verbally(gosh! she said stuff that were real painful) .. when I tried to go no-contact she used to send me these insane emails in which she would allege me that I was a curse in her life and she didn't even care if i was alive or dead ...she would flake on me if i contacted her and she would flake on me if i did not ! she vowed never to return to me even if she didn't find a suitable bf ever...all i used to do at that time was cry silently and that was the time i realised what's the meaning of the term "heart-wrenching pain"... and u know what she is saying now about her behavior of those days??? that she was only trying to do good to me by intentionally telling me painful things so that i would find solace and go away..wowwww ! what goes around, does really come around ! Edited March 12, 2012 by ryandxtreme Link to post Share on other sites
freetolove Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 block her calls. she sounds like an awful person. your new GF who's treating you better loves you. your ex had her change. don't play with fire and ruin your new relationship. that's exactly what she wants. she's going to cheat on you again Link to post Share on other sites
freetolove Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 not to mention, i would be pretty upset with you if my bf was holding his ex's hands. how would you feel if your current gf did the same thing? Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 The next time she texts you or the next time she e-mails you or the next time the phone rings and it's her number. I want you to stop and make yourself remember the time she cheated on you and the time she dumped you for someone she was cheating on you with for the second time. I want you to remember how she valued the OM more than you. I want you to remember how she treated you post break up. THEN, I want you to think of your current girlfriend. Did she do any of that to you? If the answer is, no, then, I think you should be calling her and telling her how awesome she is. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Ajax Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 This situation makes me uneasy. If what you say is true, she really did treat you pretty badly after your breakup. I'm also skeptical that she's actually repented, as she claims, and has matured. I don't know about everyone else here, but I consider holding hands and kissing to be cheating, if you're in a relationship with someone else. So beyond the obvious fact that you've disrespected your own girlfriend during your meetup with your ex, that ex is clearly still willing do go behind a boyfriend's back and cheat on him as she did to you. If you did take her back, how could you ever be confident that she wasn't still meeting up with other guys and feeding them the same lines she's now feeding you? She hasn't matured. She hasn't grown. And she's certainly not remorseful for having treated you badly because she's still treating others badly. It's likely that her renewed interest in you comes from the fact that you're "unavailable," and she's looking for a challenge. I also think you need to take a good hard look at your current relationship. You put yourself in a situation in which you could cheat on your girlfriend. You're still hung up on your ex. Is this really fair to your girlfriend? It doesn't sound like it to me. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CaliBabe Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 I'm going to have to agree with the other posters. I would also be pretty upset knowing that my boyfriend is holding hands with his ex after I have treated him so well. Have you stopped to think about your girlfriend now? How innocent she is in this whole thing. She would probably be crushed to know that you held your ex's hand and that a kiss was exchanged. You allowed this can of worms to be opened by meeting with your ex. You BOTH are in relationships. Stop this now. It will only get worse and mess with your head more than it already has. Your ex had a chance to be with you and look what she did. How she crushed you... Have you forgotten after 10 months? She is dangling a carrot in front of you to see if you will bite. To see if she still has you like that. Don't fall for it again man. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mike588 Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 Yeah it can really mess with your head when an ex. contacts you. Mine has contacted me several times after about 7 months of N.C. saying she's sorry..regrets what she did blah blah blah. So she cheated on you twice!! Don't pay her any attention...you have a new g/f who loves you now....stick with her. How do you think your new g/f would feel if knew you held her hand? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
windmask Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 hi man well i contacted my ex gf who dumped afer like a year she decided not to respond to me which upset me further. oh well i guess but i think u got so much going on for urself do u really think its wise to go talking to her again i mean she cheated on you but then again i should take my own advice. because i think my ex gf cheated on me as well thats why she broke up with me cant be 100% sure but i feel its the same case for me. yet i contacted her stupid i should not have. theres nothing good that will come out it so i think now atleast. its stupid i was humiliated by my ex gf even after a year post break up i dont feel myself thats how much pain was given to me by her and she didnt even care to stop for a second. so i say forget it its not worth it to go over that again man. if u got things going on for urself u shouldnt care about her again. esp if u have a new gf i mean if ur happy with her shouldnt that mean everything. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ryandxtreme Posted March 13, 2012 Author Share Posted March 13, 2012 hi man so i say forget it its not worth it to go over that again man. if u got things going on for urself u shouldnt care about her again. esp if u have a new gf i mean if ur happy with her shouldnt that mean everything. thanx man for such an inspiring post ! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ryandxtreme Posted March 13, 2012 Author Share Posted March 13, 2012 (edited) chi townD, calibabe, ajax, mike588 i used to read posts of u all last year..really learned a lot from those threads... To everyone else thanks a lot for ur help here ...yeah I have really let down my gf bigtime here.I should have been thanking my stars for getting someone like her in my life after what happened last year...you know she is like an angel..so beautiful,so caring,so understanding,so loving yet so modest... she will make any guy feel over the moon..but here I'm ...I have let her down..I'm really remorseful for what happened.. I know I have let down U people too but if it can be of any significance I really had no role in the kissing..I know it sounds like a cliche but she kissed me all of a sudden before i could react..I jerked her off from me immediately as soon as I realised..but yeah I did hold her hands and this makes me feel like sh** now.. I should have been stronger...my ex-gf hasn't really changed ,it's only that she regrets losing me.. I fell for her pretentions..I am really gonna make it up for my new-gf in some way !!! Edited March 13, 2012 by ryandxtreme Link to post Share on other sites
Ajax Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 I should have been stronger...my ex-gf hasn't really changed ,it's only that she regrets losing me.. I fell for her pretentions..I am really gonna make it up for my new-gf in some way !!! To address the bold... I get the impression that your ex girlfriend would regret losing anyone. She lost you, regrets it. If she got back together with you and lost her current boyfriend, she'd regret that. If a cute waiter flirted with her at Chili's and she went home without getting a date with him, she'd regret that. She just seems like such a regrettable person. I get the sense that she's the type of person always longing for the road not taken. Which to me is sad. Either that or she just likes keeping as many guys strung along as she can I hope you do right by your current girlfriend. She sounds like a keeper, so keep her. Link to post Share on other sites
leesahlo Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 Your ex sounds mentally unbalanced. She is in a relationship now, and she tells you she really regrets cheating as she kisses you and holds your hand? She is only after her own self gratification. You are not asking, but begging for heartbreak to come back into your life if you go back to that kind of mind f***ery. I bet she gets off on the power she has to confuse and disrupt your life. That is not healthy for either of you! Link to post Share on other sites
CaliBabe Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 chi townD, calibabe, ajax, mike588 i used to read posts of u all last year..really learned a lot from those threads... To everyone else thanks a lot for ur help here ...yeah I have really let down my gf bigtime here.I should have been thanking my stars for getting someone like her in my life after what happened last year...you know she is like an angel..so beautiful,so caring,so understanding,so loving yet so modest... she will make any guy feel over the moon..but here I'm ...I have let her down..I'm really remorseful for what happened.. I know I have let down U people too but if it can be of any significance I really had no role in the kissing..I know it sounds like a cliche but she kissed me all of a sudden before i could react..I jerked her off from me immediately as soon as I realised..but yeah I did hold her hands and this makes me feel like sh** now.. I should have been stronger...my ex-gf hasn't really changed ,it's only that she regrets losing me.. I fell for her pretentions..I am really gonna make it up for my new-gf in some way !!! I'm glad you have some sense... Move on from the ex. Your new gf does sound like a keeper. Good luck and I hope things work out in your favor. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 I know I have let down U people too but if it can be of any significance I really had no role in the kissing..I know it sounds like a cliche but she kissed me all of a sudden before i could react..I jerked her off from me immediately as soon as I realised..but yeah I did hold her hands and this makes me feel like sh** now.. I should have been stronger...my ex-gf hasn't really changed ,it's only that she regrets losing me.. I fell for her pretentions..I am really gonna make it up for my new-gf in some way !!! You didn't let us down....but you did need to get hit with a 2x4 to realize your falling into a very dangerous trap. AND you're damn right you need to make it up to your current girlfriend. So, here's what you do. Go on google and do a search for a B&B somewhere not too far from you. Scope out the general area for things to do and places to eat. Book a reservation to this B&B, book a reservation to a nice little Bistro in the area. Tell her to pack an overnight bag but don't tell her where you two are going. Surprise her with a romantic get-away weekend. She'll love you for it! And if she asks why? Just tell her that she deserves it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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