nofool4u Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 I think the point is she was remorseful before the affair happened; it didn't make the sudden shock to her. She realized it was wrong. So it's not suddenly not wrong because some twisted idea she deserves it. Nor did I say she deserves it. What she doesn't get to do is look upon the WAY someone else engages in an affair as more "cheap" than the way she did it. She cheated on her x-husband, and it was cheap. She is now being cheated on by her new husband, and it is cheap. There is no "more" to the latter. Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 Tinani, I think you are exactly right about it hurting more when it was all just for fun! This kind of OW gives no thought to who they might hurt, families they might destroy, no sympathy at all, they are only out for themselves, at the expense of everyone else, all for a little fun. Its sick no matter HOW or for what reason they are engaging in an affair with a married person. Matters not one bit. The ONLY time it matters, is when the OM/OW in question does not know of their new found partner's marital status. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Angelina527 Posted March 20, 2012 Author Share Posted March 20, 2012 Nor did I say she deserves it. What she doesn't get to do is look upon the WAY someone else engages in an affair as more "cheap" than the way she did it. She cheated on her x-husband, and it was cheap. She is now being cheated on by her new husband, and it is cheap. There is no "more" to the latter. You obviously don't know my story very well so back off. I have NEVER cheated on anyone... Have you not read the posts by other BW who agree with me?? You're going on ignore from here on out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 You obviously don't know my story very well so back off. I have NEVER cheated on anyone... Yes, you were the OW. Still, another OW's actions aren't any more cheap than yours. Thats the point. You have a right to be upset, but you don't have a right to sit on a higher horse. Have you not read the posts by other BW who agree with me?? Sure, and I don't care. You're going on ignore from here on out. Fine with me. That way you can claim to be more of a moral superior than those OW who sleep with other women's husbands for different reasons than you did, without hearing the truth about it:rolleyes: 1 Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 Some of your posts I like and agree with but on the other hand, you hammer away at people with saying the same thing, just in different ways and it gets really old and you do it in almost every thread. Thats because they don't get it. Just like Angelina. She doesn't get that she doesn't have the right to look down more so on the way someone else conducts their affair just because she had different reasons for having hers. She wants to hammer that point, I'll hammer back. If you want people to take you seriously, perhaps you should stop hammering. And someone that has slept with someone elses husband, yet thinks that someone sleeping with hers is worse should be taken seriously? I think you've beat up on Angelina enough, don't you? And you don't have your facts straight either. Oh please, I said she cheated. Sorry, she was the OW. But not many degrees of separation between the two. I have my facts straight, just type and think too fast most of the time. The fact are, she was an OW. She now has an OW, but the OW in her situation now is worse than she was. I get it, its different somehow:rolleyes: 1 Link to post Share on other sites
skylarblue Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 I always shudder to hear people say they are having an affair because they're just "having fun." My husband's OW said those things. "But we're just friends and we were just HAVING FUN, so what's the big deal." Well, it may be nothing to you, but remember that some day the wife WILL find out and it's not fun for her. It's not fun at all. I'm the one left with the pain and hurt...I'm not having any fun....not one little bit. If you just want to have fun, then find someone who is of the same mindset, but single! When I started the A with xMM, it was just for fun. It was just something I liked to do, the challenge/thrill of getting a respected, faithful, good husband/father to go astray just because I wanted to and to prove I could. I had all intentions of only having a fling with xMM, but it turned into a LTA. Still for 5 out of 7yrs, I considered it all for fun. Yes, I could have easily been with a SG, but there would have been no fun in it for me. I wasn’t in it for sex. I was in it for sex with a MM. I thought of his W as just the unlucky, necessary casualty. Regardless of whether fun or love, neither would be pleasant and come with so many how coulds and what ifs. If I had to choose though I think I’d rather hear my H did it for fun. If it was for love, I would feel like he simple settled for me rather than loved me. I couldn’t get pass thinking in his heart and mind he’d rather be with someone else. If it was fun, I could convince myself that he used her, she was a mistake, and he choose me over her out of love, regret, and his desire to want to a stronger and better M. Although I’m not sure I could get pass knowing for years it was for “fun”. Link to post Share on other sites
beenburned Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 sky, Thank you for your brutal honesty. It sounds like total narcissistic behavior. I sure hope you don't have to reap what you sow! How old are you? Link to post Share on other sites
findingnemo Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 Skylar, Thank you for posting. It's not easy to post something that you know may cause...errrr...negative feedback. I'm curious though. Yes you started the A for fun but how can it have gone on for so long if you're not attached to MM? There must be some form of emotional connection you get from this. Isn't there? Link to post Share on other sites
skylarblue Posted March 22, 2012 Share Posted March 22, 2012 sky, Thank you for your brutal honesty. It sounds like total narcissistic behavior. I sure hope you don't have to reap what you sow! How old are you? Narcissistic behavior…I agree, on both of our parts. I’m 30. I started seeing xMM when I was 23. Skylar, Thank you for posting. It's not easy to post something that you know may cause...errrr...negative feedback. I'm curious though. Yes you started the A for fun but how can it have gone on for so long if you're not attached to MM? There must be some form of emotional connection you get from this. Isn't there? I can honestly say I didn’t feel as if I had any emotionally attachment to xMM the first 5yrs. We talked all the time and met all the time, but our personal lives weren’t interwoven. I was attached to the mental gratification of sleeping around with him. As bad as it sounds, the combination of his job, his ring, and his lack of boundaries as it related to his M (and of course my warped ego) is what kept me around all that time. It wasn’t until the pregnancy that I developed feelings for xMM. We had crossed the line of “fun” and it was now serious for me. IDK…I suddenly just had all of these emotions for him, like we belonged together. So, for our last 2yrs, I did stay with xMM because I was emotionally involved. It was still “fun” but not in the same way. What was considered fun, I felt more kinda like I was entitled to because we were a “couple”. Link to post Share on other sites
BrighterWashing Posted March 22, 2012 Share Posted March 22, 2012 I honestly do not want anyone to think I am bashing anyone. But for me as a BS it makes no difference whatsoever what the motivation was. It matters to me that she was predatory and that she knew I was pregnant and used that. Link to post Share on other sites
findingnemo Posted March 22, 2012 Share Posted March 22, 2012 Narcissistic behavior…I agree, on both of our parts. I’m 30. I started seeing xMM when I was 23. I can honestly say I didn’t feel as if I had any emotionally attachment to xMM the first 5yrs. We talked all the time and met all the time, but our personal lives weren’t interwoven. I was attached to the mental gratification of sleeping around with him. As bad as it sounds, the combination of his job, his ring, and his lack of boundaries as it related to his M (and of course my warped ego) is what kept me around all that time. It wasn’t until the pregnancy that I developed feelings for xMM. We had crossed the line of “fun” and it was now serious for me. IDK…I suddenly just had all of these emotions for him, like we belonged together. So, for our last 2yrs, I did stay with xMM because I was emotionally involved. It was still “fun” but not in the same way. What was considered fun, I felt more kinda like I was entitled to because we were a “couple”. So you're pregnant now, or you had the baby? Maybe I should read your back story since you are speaking in past tense. Thanks for elaborating. It sounds like you're being honest about the feelings and motivations you had. Many times we do things thinking we are in control. Such as being with an unavailable man believing that we can stop anytime. But life has a funny way of changing things. Even those who sincerely get into As with MPs because they love them end up with rude awakenings. A friend of mine once gave me some good advice. He told me that we should guard our hearts and not allow ourselves to get into obviously complicated situations. Once your heart breaks, it's damn hard to mend it. Most times, you never heal completely. Link to post Share on other sites
BrighterWashing Posted March 22, 2012 Share Posted March 22, 2012 Findingnemo I think you might be confused? I'm a wife not a mistress, I was pregnant when the OW went out looking for the affair. Link to post Share on other sites
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