imperfectangel Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 Its been awhile since i posted, for those following my story i never did tell his wife and stopped myself "finding her" online But hes disappeared and i dont know why. Around six weeks ago that was that. He didnt even say bye just cut contact deep down i know its for the best but it hurts i miss him so much Our baby which he did not know about was due next month and its hard to cope with alone i feel like my friends dont wanna hear it anymore which bought me back to ls Link to post Share on other sites
Gentlegirl2 Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 It must be awful for you angel. You are better off out of their mess. GG x 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author imperfectangel Posted March 12, 2012 Author Share Posted March 12, 2012 Last i heard he was ill i asked him if he was ok and he just text back its a long term thing - in other words f off At least thats how i took it anyway if he'd of meant otherwise im sure i wouldve heard by now Link to post Share on other sites
Barrsitter Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 oh my dear...what a pickle. I am very sorry for the predicament you are in. I have no words of wisdom except try to love yourself as much as possible, for your baby's sake. Pray for God's comfort and wisdom. Link to post Share on other sites
wannabdone Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 Its been awhile since i posted, for those following my story i never did tell his wife and stopped myself "finding her" online But hes disappeared and i dont know why. Around six weeks ago that was that. He didnt even say bye just cut contact deep down i know its for the best but it hurts i miss him so much Our baby which he did not know about was due next month and its hard to cope with alone i feel like my friends dont wanna hear it anymore which bought me back to ls That is what drives you crazy...the not knowing. What happened? Why does he not respect me or love me enough to at least tell me? Is he thinking of me? I've been through that so many times, and I know the toll it takes on you. You probably don't get the answers you want and deserve because he wants to leave the door open. Not telling you anything is still leaving it without closure. I am so sorry your dealing with this. Link to post Share on other sites
FightClub Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 Imperfectangel, Something that I found useful when I wanted closure in the past with exMW, the realization that it didn't matter what or why, what mattered was where I was in my life and where I had to journey in order to feel empowered beyond anything else in the world. The interesting thing is, when a 'response' to the disappearance came several months later, it took some processing and understanding in my own mind but I came to the point that what I had perceived above was the reality; Only my life matters, in terms of what's best for me. With that in mind, I'm sure you're going to feel a wide range of emotions, ride them out and really improve and better yourself with the understanding of where those feelings are coming from and I know you'll feel whole when everything is over. You're not a victim of 'love', you are an individual like so many others that had a 'future' in mind that was imagined with the wrong individual for that future. Be strong, hold your head up high and be thankful for everyday that's ahead of you, my dear! Godspeed, -FC 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author imperfectangel Posted March 13, 2012 Author Share Posted March 13, 2012 Thanks for the replies im not trying to 'play the victim' but i just dont get it i know it may sound stupid but how can someone that 'loves' me treat me like that? To just disappear seems so strange. I wonder if she found out he would ALWAYS reply to emails this time? Nope. I havent botheted for a week whats the point. Sometimes i do alright but ive been dreaming about him a lot recently or like last night i couldnt sleep for thinking of him I want to be strong enough to tell him where to go id/when he gets in touch but i know ill be devesrated if he DOESNT try So confused Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 I don't mean to be rude, IA, but your raise the right question to consider. If he "loved" you...truly...then he couldn't have done this. Which means that he DIDN'T love you in the fashion that he led you to believe that he did. That's what you should recognize...that's what helps you get angry with what he's done, and let him go. And that's how you become strong enough to take measures to PREVENT him from contacting you again in the future. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
wannabdone Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 Thanks for the replies im not trying to 'play the victim' but i just dont get it i know it may sound stupid but how can someone that 'loves' me treat me like that? To just disappear seems so strange. I wonder if she found out he would ALWAYS reply to emails this time? Nope. I havent botheted for a week whats the point. Sometimes i do alright but ive been dreaming about him a lot recently or like last night i couldnt sleep for thinking of him I want to be strong enough to tell him where to go id/when he gets in touch but i know ill be devesrated if he DOESNT try So confused IA... I understand EXACTLY what you are saying. This man says "i'm perfect", "he adores me", "he needs me", "he loves me more than anything"..... so why with all of those things being said can he not give me the respect (which is love essentially) to tell me what has happened or why. Here is something that maybe will help...... I had to come to reality that maybe my xMM loved me..... but it wasn't enough. It wasn't the same love and respect I had for him. And although that hurt like hell, it was okay. None of us in life are entitled and promised that things will go along as we hope or wish they would. Many times we love others more than they love us, and vice versa. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you, doesn't mean he doesn't miss you, it just means that the love he has for you is obviously not enough to make you feel whole and complete. I completely understand what Owl is saying....use it to get mad. I was told the same thing, however I don't work that way. Anger doesn't work well for me, I am a very tender hearted person and when I love, I love with every single ounce in me. Trying to do things that way only made it harder for me. Find what works for you. Does it work better for you to get angry? Or does it work better for you to accept that the love he has or had to offer is not enough for you? You will never get the answers you want or DESERVE with this. It will drive you crazy, as you will get consumed with the "whys". There are just times in life that you have to take a step back and realize that this is something you can't control, and you can not process all of it as you will never be given the explaination you need. So you can only process the information you have. Does that make sense? I have been deeply in love with xMM for years. I have been hurt over and over again. I have believed him every time he came back, because I hoped that this time was different. I felt like this relationship would make all the wrongs in my life right, he was like the knight in shining armour. What I have realize now is that I held onto this man for 1/4 of my life, and I caused myself so much pain and agony. He didn't, I did. He just like everyone else did what he was allowed to do, enter and exit my life as suited him, and fit his need for the time. No one else put me in that position but myself, and no one could get me out but myself. The only thing is....when is it enough? How much hurt does it take before you stand up for you? How many times do you have to be abandoned and rejected before you have to say I can do this to myself any longer? When are you ready to go out and really find someone who is emotionally and physically available for you? When do you realize that you are deserving of someone that can be available for you? The fact is MM/MW are simply not available. No matter how wonderful they are, no matter how much you get along, no matter how much it seems that God has placed the perfect person in your life....they are not available. And I don't think the "perfect person" is given to us by God if they are not avaiable. Maybe you should try to think of this way (if you can).... You will no longer be the OW, ever again. You can not put yourself in that position. Doesn't mean that you will not be with him....just means that right now you won't be. If and when he decides to d his W, then you two can see about maybe moving forward with a relationship. Remember, sometimes all you can do is baby steps. If you set up goals that you can no obtain, you are setting yourself up for failure and then you might find your self getting sucked back into this entirely. Find what you can accept....a baby step that will take you on the path of reclaiming your life. I know its not easy. Lord do I know, but I know you are worth it. And I know you are deserving of it. Peace is a wonderful place to live in. And you have not had peace for a long time. We almost forget what it is to live in peace. Try and find your peace. I am praying for you. Please keep posting. I will promise, it will get better. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author imperfectangel Posted March 13, 2012 Author Share Posted March 13, 2012 Thank you wannabdone i feel like we're in the same place right now For awhile i was very tempted to tell his w but im not sure id be doing it for the right reasons and im not sure i could deal with the fallout esp as they have a child Its hard to realize that someone isnt who you thought they were and that youll never have what you felt you were working towards Link to post Share on other sites
wannabdone Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 Thank you wannabdone i feel like we're in the same place right now For awhile i was very tempted to tell his w but im not sure id be doing it for the right reasons and im not sure i could deal with the fallout esp as they have a child Its hard to realize that someone isnt who you thought they were and that youll never have what you felt you were working towards Yes it is very hard. You are a wonderful person. The heart wants what the heart wants, and often times we are just wrapped up into that. Its not saying that he isn't who you felt he was, he probably is. But there are some flaws you didn't see in him, or maybe you did, but thought he could over come. Hoped he could over come is probably more like it. Hope is key to it all when you are dealing with an A. Link to post Share on other sites
SunsetRed Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 Imperfectangel, Something that I found useful when I wanted closure in the past with exMW, the realization that it didn't matter what or why, what mattered was where I was in my life and where I had to journey in order to feel empowered beyond anything else in the world. The interesting thing is, when a 'response' to the disappearance came several months later, it took some processing and understanding in my own mind but I came to the point that what I had perceived above was the reality; Only my life matters, in terms of what's best for me. With that in mind, I'm sure you're going to feel a wide range of emotions, ride them out and really improve and better yourself with the understanding of where those feelings are coming from and I know you'll feel whole when everything is over. You're not a victim of 'love', you are an individual like so many others that had a 'future' in mind that was imagined with the wrong individual for that future. Be strong, hold your head up high and be thankful for everyday that's ahead of you, my dear! Godspeed, -FC I'm copying this quote as well, as it's that good. I'm so sorry you were disappeared on. That does hurt. No one can deal out as much good sounding BS as an MM and when you hear and believe everything they say and then they disappear as if to say you are not even a human worth acknowledging, it hurts. It hurts even more to know that they are with the wife they said they didnt share "a real marriage with" but in fact they are having a real marriage. When my xMM disappeared on me, I thought about suicide. I then ended up on antidepressants and anti anxiety meds which screwed with my brain and made functioning at work impossible. I became ill with stress and actually felt like I could see new wrinkles and age spots forming. Probably my imagination, but I'm sure wrinkles could develop with a constant frown. Now enough time has passed and I am over it. He is so worthless to me now and I wouldnt even go back if he showed up w divorce papers and a ring. Dont take it personally that your MM disappeared on you. It has nothing to do with you at all. The majority of us here have been disappeared on and its all about the MM being an *******. He'll probably end up calling you in about 6 months to a year if he hasnt heard from you. Just plan to never take him back, because you dont ever want to be in this dark place again. Your life is the only one that matters and your life will be good and your MM will continue to live out his own BS. Link to post Share on other sites
Author imperfectangel Posted March 15, 2012 Author Share Posted March 15, 2012 thanks everyonei know deep down ive had a lucky escape but i just wish hed said he didnt/couldnt see me again its like im not even worth 2 minutes for him to give me a explaination thats what really hurts Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 I'd hazard a guess he was caught by his wife, and she gave him the ultimatum...NC with the OW (you), or you're out the door. That's pretty much BAU in these things very often. He wasn't given the chance or opportunity to give you closure without risking his marriage further. All of which also tell you where his priorities lay. At this point, you stop, recognize and admit to yourself that it's OVER...and you pick up the pieces, drive on, and focus on healing. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lostinlife4now Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 I'd hazard a guess he was caught by his wife, and she gave him the ultimatum...NC with the OW (you), or you're out the door. That's pretty much BAU in these things very often. He wasn't given the chance or opportunity to give you closure without risking his marriage further. All of which also tell you where his priorities lay. At this point, you stop, recognize and admit to yourself that it's OVER...and you pick up the pieces, drive on, and focus on healing. So agree with this statement OWL!! Xmm and I had talked about if he ever got caught...His words were...we would lay low for a while..after things cleared up with W....then he would get in contact again!!!! So yes.....I think he is caught!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author imperfectangel Posted March 16, 2012 Author Share Posted March 16, 2012 i guess youre right but jm def not gonna be sat aroubd waiting anymore i just dont get how people can be so cold but then i think how he treated his wife to see me Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 And most OW don't get that during the affair. The way that he treated her can well end up being the way that he treats you. Or as the saying goes..."If he'll cheat with you, he'll cheat on you.". Past behaviors are usually indicators of future behaviors. So...time to change your focus. What are you doing to take care of YOU, IA? Link to post Share on other sites
Author imperfectangel Posted April 18, 2012 Author Share Posted April 18, 2012 I just wanted to follow up this thread - he has made contact nearly 3 weeks ago I ignored him and now he's started texting which I ignore as I'm trying my best with c The main reason I haven't responded is because I haven't heard the one thing that I thought would be a given. He hasn't even said sorry or asked how I've been just that he wasn't well but now he's alright. My first thought was really? I don't give a **** lol I still don't think he gets it Link to post Share on other sites
despicableME Posted April 18, 2012 Share Posted April 18, 2012 Keep holding strong, angel. It doesn't matter what he has to say. Don't break NC... don't break it whatsoever! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author imperfectangel Posted April 18, 2012 Author Share Posted April 18, 2012 I'm trying dm Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts