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Devastated and in need of closure


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I had an affair with a man at work. I'm a single mom and have many family issues, I am pretty much all on my own. I dated this MM for 11 months first just to fill in my gaps while going through another difficult relationship, when the other relationship ended, I placed a lot more emphasis on the MM. We were great had a great connection and it wasn't always about sex but also a friendship. I broke things up after asking him how his divorce was coming along and not seeing any action from his part. A week after the break up I found out about a baby registry with his wife who is due to have the baby next month. I am devastated and all he said after I left a voicemail about knowing about the baby was that I wouldn't of understood if he had tried to explain it to me. Nothing else no emails no phone calls just done. I'm devastated and am trying to get through this but I cry all day and think about him constantly. How could he do this? We had a talk about our future where I told him about all my struggles and I asked him that if he didn't mean any of it to leave me then not to play with me. How can someone be that cruel? I am trying to get past this but can't seem to get enough closure to stop crying.

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bentnotbroken
I had an affair with a man at work. I'm a single mom and have many family issues, I am pretty much all on my own. I dated this MM for 11 months first just to fill in my gaps while going through another difficult relationship, when the other relationship ended, I placed a lot more emphasis on the MM. We were great had a great connection and it wasn't always about sex but also a friendship. I broke things up after asking him how his divorce was coming along and not seeing any action from his part. A week after the break up I found out about a baby registry with his wife who is due to have the baby next month. I am devastated and all he said after I left a voicemail about knowing about the baby was that I wouldn't of understood if he had tried to explain it to me. Nothing else no emails no phone calls just done. I'm devastated and am trying to get through this but I cry all day and think about him constantly. How could he do this? We had a talk about our future where I told him about all my struggles and I asked him that if he didn't mean any of it to leave me then not to play with me. How can someone be that cruel? I am trying to get past this but can't seem to get enough closure to stop crying.

 

Question, why can't you be alone? Why do you have to fill one man void with another? Just for the record, you knew he was cruel. He was cheating on his wife. She is pregnant and he leveled his cruelty at her. Walk to the mirror. Look at that person staring back at you. That is where you will find your closure. Remember you are the one who opened the door, you are also the one who can close it.

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LovelyLaura

Oh dqv, im sorry u have to get through such a painful road.

I dont know ur complete story, and i am also not a perfect one to give u advice.

But from my point of view, i think u should be thankful that everything ends now. like u said, this man is very cruel. first, he cheated on his pregnant wife. its not something tolerable. and second, he just toss u away like that. like u are nothing to him.

honestly dear, maybe the truth is u are really nothing to him. he just used u while he cant get enough attention at home (bcos his wife is pregnant and cant take care of his emotional and sexual needs).

 

u must be thankful bcos now u see his ass, u dodge a bullet here sweetheart.

In the beginning, it will be very hard, a lot of "WHYs" are asking, but then with time, u will find ur peaceful moment when u can look back and say : "Thanks God, he is not mine"

 

Just keep strong dqv. God will always be with u..

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Lady grey is not that I can't be alone is that I am pretty much alone in this world with my son. I am not proud of what I did but I can't make excuses the point now is that I feel horrible and I understand I did a horrible thing but it doesnt take away from my heart being broken. I am hoping to get past it and I guess I just needed an outlet to at least let it out.

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Lovely laura thank u and you're right, it's just sooooooooooooo difficult to get through the day. Sometimes I don't even know how to get past the day I've had so many horrible things in my life that it just never seems like I will ever be happy. I am not a horrible person honest, I'm educated, have a career and a healthy child. How do I het through this?how does one change their bad luck with men? Y am I unlovable? Y am don't I have a happily ever after?

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LovelyLaura

dqv, u will get through this. for now, i suggest u to have ur mourning period first. u can cry for everything you never had, the happiness, the MM, lovely relationship with beloved one, everything. Just let it out from urself. It will take 2 weeks to 1 months normally.

 

And after that, u will see that despite of everything that u never had, u are actually having something wonderful. The mourning period will make u realize that no matter how bad the situation is, u are still a very brave and amazing mother. U have ur son, its a blessing from God, and u have to be strong for him dear. U have a great career, good education, and its just the matter of time until u find ur soulmate, who will make u his top priority.

 

Maybe the journey wont be as sweet as the fairy tale, with the happily ever after ending. But sure honey, u are the one who can create ur own ending.

Give urself a chance, keep ur head high, keep ur chin up, give ur son a smile today. he deserves it.

 

Good luck dqv, i hope u can find ur peace :)

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bentnotbroken
Lovely laura thank u and you're right, it's just sooooooooooooo difficult to get through the day. Sometimes I don't even know how to get past the day I've had so many horrible things in my life that it just never seems like I will ever be happy. I am not a horrible person honest, I'm educated, have a career and a healthy child. How do I het through this?how does one change their bad luck with men? Y am I unlovable? Y am don't I have a happily ever after?

 

 

You cannot change what you do not acknowledge. You don't have bad luck, what have is a decision to make about why you choose the men you choose. It will require that you face some things about that you probably don't want to face. Nothing will change as long as you don't change the criteria you use to acquire the luck you have. Happily ever after doesn't require you be with any man because he is male. The fairy tales that children get fed(especially girls), is just that, a fairy tale.

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. Happily ever after doesn't require you be with any man because he is male. The fairy tales that children get fed(especially girls), is just that, a fairy tale.

 

Come on bent, bu the season finale for the bachelor was on last night.

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bentnotbroken
Come on bent, bu the season finale for the bachelor was on last night.

 

 

:D:D:DWeeeeellll

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DQV....

I am sorry for your pain. It is a difficult thing, and one that you will never get the closure from someone else that you deserve. I have had the same thing happen, not knowing his W was pregnant, finding out they had a child from someone else. Its hard to process that someone who supposidly loved us so much hid this kind of information from us. It makes no sense. But, (and I know ppl with argue this) a person who as an A and doesn't tell his or her spouse that they want a D, is cowardly. So, why would he all of a sudden become a man enough to tell you that him and his W are going to be having a child????

 

One thing I have learned is that from our childhoods we repeats traumas. If you were raised with something that was traumatic to you, something in your brain tells you that this is love for you. So we will set our selves up over and over again to have these traumas continue. I agree with the others, go to IC and start working on you. Its going to be a process, and you very well might go back to his "man" at some point (I hope you don't), but I do promise you this....if you go to IC and start realizing your issues, you will be able to get to a point that you will be able to remove yourself from this. I am probably the worst of the worst with my xMM, if you would have talked to me over the last 10 years you would have never thought I would ever get out of this. It was literally like I had a spell on me. But I have and I am really at peace. Doesn't mean that I still don't love him (which no one understands, including myself), but I do, and I am okay with that. I just know I never want to be in this ever again. And that feels really good.

 

Please promise me you will try to get IC. And keep posting. You will get there, I promise.

 

Remember....you deserve to be loved and adored the way that makes you feel like a complete person. You do not have to accept a "love" that leaves you in tears. YOU ARE A BEAUTIFUL AND WONDERFUL PERSON. And God has the perfect plan for you. Don't give up on you.

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