Lolita_Sky Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 Okay so I moved to the current city I live in about 5 years ago. Since then I have only made 2 friends. I don't know what I do or say but for whatever reason people don't really want to be my friends. And making a male friend is even more challenging because all they want to do is date me/bone me. Why is it so hard for me to make friends?!! I should add that I am some what introverted....to a degree. I just would like to make some friends that I can hang out with every once in a while. Any tips guys? Link to post Share on other sites
heatherfeather Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 Try getting out in the community and volunteering. You will meet a bunch of awesome people and make new friends that way. No dating/boning involved. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lolita_Sky Posted March 13, 2012 Author Share Posted March 13, 2012 Try getting out in the community and volunteering. You will meet a bunch of awesome people and make new friends that way. No dating/boning involved. Yeah I was thinking about doing that. I will be starting back with college this fall and am a bit nervous cause I don't know what to really do to gain friends from college. ......You wouldn't have any suggestions on what I could do to at least start paving a road to a friendship with my future class mates would you?? Link to post Share on other sites
oldguy Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 List your hobbies, interests, passions & seek out like minded people. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lolita_Sky Posted March 13, 2012 Author Share Posted March 13, 2012 List your hobbies, interests, passions & seek out like minded people. Oh, I'm talking about in RL. I need some friends in real life because my social life atm is pretty....sad. lol Link to post Share on other sites
oldguy Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 Oh, I'm talking about in RL. I need some friends in real life because my social life atm is pretty....sad. lol :laugh:so am I:laugh: Join a group, something that interests you. I volunteer & have made a friend or two with other volunteers in the group. I've been involved in martial arts & have quite a few friends including 2 good friends that I share that with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lolita_Sky Posted March 13, 2012 Author Share Posted March 13, 2012 :laugh:so am I:laugh: Join a group, something that interests you. I volunteer & have made a friend or two with other volunteers in the group. I've been involved in martial arts & have quite a few friends including 2 good friends that I share that with. Oooh, okay! I think I will do that. I have a gym membership to the local YMCA gym in my city and I guess I could start there. They have a few classes there I could join in on and hopefully meet some new people there. And like you said volunteer and meet new people that way. Link to post Share on other sites
oldguy Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 Yes, find your passions & interests & seek out like minded people through groups & organizations in the the real world. "now go outside & play":D Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 The best way to make friends is to be one, they say. I agree with oldguy. Think of things you like doing, or would like to do, and start doing them. Coincidentally, you'll come into contact with other people, many of whom share your interest and who you find interesting, and that's the start of friendship... Maybe look for quirky, slightly offbeat stuff things to try, like knitting circles or cake clubs or an evening class in belly dancing. I dunno if it's the same where you are, but those sorts of things seem to be thriving here in the UK and are being set up by 20-40 year olds who want to socialise, have a natter, a giggle, and not get stuck in the dreary overpriced over-formulated pub/club-scene. Link to post Share on other sites
NotKelly Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 (edited) I think that's kind of a harsh assessment and definitely not always true. The truth is, not everyone is looking to add new friends to their lives right now. A lot of people are comfy with what they've got at the moment, and you might be unlucky enough to find yourself in a situation where everyone around you is super-busy and super-satisfied with their lives and doesn't want to make the effort to get to know you. If you're not constantly in their faces (and that may not be your personality), they don't even notice you. If they're happy with the friendships they have, you might not even register on their friend radar. Sometimes it really just is bad luck. The question is not "where can I find friends" but "where can I get the level of contact with other people that I really want right now." It sounds to me like some people are noticing you, but if they want to "bone you" rather than be friends, that's not the level of contact you want. Have a friend, be a friendThis is easy advice, but doesn't always work. I have been stuck in situations where it's impossible to "be a friend" because nobody seems to need anything from me (professionally or personally). They're surrounded by friends already, and our jobs really don't intersect much so I'm forced to spend time all day with people who really don't have much use for me. (How can you "be a friend" to people you don't know well?) Think of things you like doing, or would like to do, and start doing them.What if the things you like doing are solitary pursuits - like painting, writing or crafts? Again, another bit of easy advice that doesn't always fit the situation. I haven't found much luck in the "join a volunteer group" solution. Everyone I met at these things already had packed social and service calendars, of which that volunteer group was just engagement in their super-busy days. They weren't all that interested in the actual cause, like I was. And they weren't very friendly at the end of the meetings: they tended to split up into their existing friend groups and didn't notice me. Since they really weren't passionate about the work the group did, it was hard to engage them in meaningful conversation. I would just limp along for months until I threw in the towel and asked myself, "WHY am I wasting time here looking for people to talk to?" It seems that you have to adopt an aggressive, in-your-face approach to getting people with existing friend groups to notice you ... but that doesn't feel like the real me. Sometimes you might, by bad chance, be stuck in a social milieu where everyone is trying to compete with one another for each other's attention. You have to ask yourself how much effort is really worth it with that particular group of people. Edited March 27, 2012 by NotKelly Link to post Share on other sites
ponsettia Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 Oooh, okay! I think I will do that. I have a gym membership to the local YMCA gym in my city and I guess I could start there. They have a few classes there I could join in on and hopefully meet some new people there. And like you said volunteer and meet new people that way. Gym is a great place to start talking to people, you're all there for the same class, so it's easy to strike up a conversation. The thing is 21st Century life isn't really designed for people to make/stay friends, everyone's too busy with their own lives/families. It can be tough going, but it's do-able. Link to post Share on other sites
NotKelly Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 LOL. You quoted my entire post just to repost something you already said? Link to post Share on other sites
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