rohit Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 I do not know how to work this out, my wife thinks I am a one track pervert who wants sex all the time. The fact is we get very little time together and ours is a marriage that is 3 years only and no kids as of now. I get around her and yes I do like to make love to her however, she does not want it...she is completely non responsive and says she does not like to have sex daily. Going by her I tried to keep away however it is weeksat a stretch when she does not feel the need for it and then suddenly one fine day its okay for her and then when we are about it I finish up too soon as its been too darn long a time I have abstained from it. Is it me who is cracked up or then is there something that needs to be worked upon. We have a lot of fore play and sometimes she is done while we are at fore play and once she has had it she does not want to go through it and I am left wanting and it just dies out. Rest of the times its by the time she peaks I am done and over it and we go back to oral and masturbating till she gets around to it. However the issue is that I cannot let off and want it every day while she is not at all interested in it for weeks. ANY SOLUTIONS and ANY HELP will Really be appreciated. This is really getting to me and is affecting the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 When was the last time you romanced your wife, bought her flowers for no reason? Or just gave her a sensual massage, a food rub and a cuddle without expecting sex? She needs to feel special and cared for, feel intimate without having sex at times.. The better she feels about herself and feels your love for her, the more she'll open (her legs! LOL Sorry couldn't resist) up to you and be relaxed, want to please you. Read my advice to Z on his thread, it'll help you too. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 You could probably compromise. Every day might be too much for her, but every few weeks is definitely too little for you. Figure it out together. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Afishwithabike Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 Why do you have so very little time together? Was your sex life always like this or is this a new development? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
The Blue Knight Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 Three years married and no kids and she wants it every few weeks!!! It's the beginning of the end! Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 When the sex is good, it's 5% of a relationship. When the sex is bad, it's 95% of a relationship. This is dysfunctional. It's all you can think about, and it's all she can do her best to avoid thinking about. This goes deeper that just 'sex'. I'm telling you now, you should do some research, because women, going off sex, especially after they've had a family - is very, very, VERY common. more that you would ever believe. We're talking high percentages here, and what's more, the chances of getting back to 'normal' is low. Besides, what is normal....? A couple who are both used and happy to have sex once a month, is normal. A couple who are both used and happy to have sex three times a day - is normal. 'Normal' is frankly, what the couple are both used to, and happy with. But when a disparity like this occurs, and both partners are definitely NOT used to, and happy for the situation to go on... then, there's a problem. but I will stress: The sex may not be the problem. it may just be a symptom of deeper things. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JesseJames Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 Ah. You might need you what they call a "mistress". You can pretend she's the wife, and the wife can pretend she doesn't hear anything, see? I hear the wacky weed is good for the love-making too. Whip her up some brownies and starbursts. Link to post Share on other sites
Diamonds&Rust Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 Buy her flowers? For what? Frustrating the hell out of him? Oh honey, I think you're so beautiful and lovely when I'm not consumed by wanton depravity... You're not a pervert for wanting a healthy sex life. She's the one with the problem. If she doesn't agree, there's not much hope for a happy relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 tried to edit my post, but someone else has posted in the meanitme.... As this marriage has no children, and is only 3 years old, you have to consider your history together.... Has your sex-drive always been different to hers, or is this a recent 'fall-off' on her part? because i think - if she would be willing - you need to go see a counsellor. and there are counsellors who specialise in this kind of problem. you need to see a Psychosexual counsellor. But it's a long route, it takes work, commitment and equal dedication, from both sides, and you both have to want this to work. 100%. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
HHC Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 What a horrible situation. Based on what you've said. She is selfish, she has no interest in what you want or how you feel and it's all about her. You don't even have kids so it will only get worse. This situation makes me really mad. Some women are horrible and just plain mean Link to post Share on other sites
standtall Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 When was the last time you romanced your wife, bought her flowers for no reason? Or just gave her a sensual massage, a food rub and a cuddle without expecting sex? She needs to feel special and cared for, feel intimate without having sex at times.. Are you kidding me? This is why men stay single. I love how you infer the blame is on him. How about asking some questions about their history like this..how long they have been together, how often they had sex while dating, what has changed lately with them physically and stress related etc... Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 a wife should be ok with opening her legs for hubby - it's not like you're being cruel to her and too not in the mood for sex does not make sex unbearable unless you are doing something sexual that she hates, but a standard bang is not that hard (hehe) to take am a woman who has seen wives dumped over a NO i mean a guy has to off-load mother nature made him so Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 We have a lot of fore play and sometimes she is done while we are at fore play and once she has had it she does not want to go through it and I am left wanting and it just dies out. Canary. I'd do some financial planning right about now. It's coming. Welcome to LS. My sympathies. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 a wife should be ok with opening her legs for hubby - it's not like you're being cruel to her and too not in the mood for sex does not make sex unbearable unless you are doing something sexual that she hates, but a standard bang is not that hard (hehe) to take am a woman who has seen wives dumped over a NO i mean a guy has to off-load mother nature made him so this has to be the most puerile and unintelligent post i have seen for a long time. The fact that you believe it's a simple case of a wife 'opening her legs for hubby' (how cutesy-pie and childish that sounds...!) it's still involuntary and any decent male would be very reluctant to engage in sex with his 'wifey' if he knew it was the last thing she wanted. Rape is also illegal, even within marriage, by the way... And in a loving, sexually-healthy relationship, a standard bang may be nothing to write home about, but to an unwilling partner it's a torturous ordeal.... and contrary to your misconception, a man has no natural need to off-load, as you put it... (you're full of fluffy alternative terminology... why not say 'ejaculate'? it's allowed....!). There are thousands of men who have chosen celibacy, with no adverse or negative effects..... you really need to do some adult research before posting such immature material. I'm sorry, but it's just foolish.... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
frozensprouts Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 rohit, try and look at this from your wife's point of view. You say you don't spend a lot of time together. Is it possible ( and I am not saying that this is definitely how things are for you, i"m just putting it out there) that, that your wife may feel that you are only interested in sex because when you do get to spend time together, that is the first thing on your mind? If so, ( and I am not chastising you for feeling that way when you do get to spend time together), do you think that sitting down with her and having a very frank discussion with her would be helpful? from what I have gleaned on here, men and women tend to view sex differently. Oftentimes men view sex as a very pleasant way to show their wives love and affection, in fact, it is their main way of showing it. Explain to your wife taht you want to have sex so much because you love her and want to show that to her, and you also want to make her happy. See if she'll tell you if there is a problem for her right now with sex. Maybe there is and she's too embarrassed or afraid to tell you. Let he know that if she has a problem, you want to work on it with her because you love her. Maybe it's just that's she doesn't want to have sex every day, but you do. Try talking with her about it, explaining your point of view and why you want sex everyday. Allow her a chnace to explain her side, and hopefully the two of you can come to a solution together that makes you both happy. I hope things get better for you 3 Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 (edited) this has to be the most puerile and unintelligent post i have seen for a long time. The fact that you believe it's a simple case of a wife 'opening her legs for hubby' (how cutesy-pie and childish that sounds...!) it's still involuntary and any decent male would be very reluctant to engage in sex with his 'wifey' if he knew it was the last thing she wanted. Rape is also illegal, even within marriage, by the way... And in a loving, sexually-healthy relationship, a standard bang may be nothing to write home about, but to an unwilling partner it's a torturous ordeal.... and contrary to your misconception, a man has no natural need to off-load, as you put it... (you're full of fluffy alternative terminology... why not say 'ejaculate'? it's allowed....!). There are thousands of men who have chosen celibacy, with no adverse or negative effects..... you really need to do some adult research before posting such immature material. I'm sorry, but it's just foolish.... i pity any man you might be with, you are way too uptight, displaying the same lack of sympathy and respect for the OP that his selfish wife has, and yes i have seen men leave home thru being deprived of sex there. what is so hard about a woman opening her legs if she's not in the mood? am i missing something? explain... Edited March 13, 2012 by darkmoon Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 what is so hard about a woman opening her legs if she's not in the mood? am i missing something? oh my god, yes..... 4 Link to post Share on other sites
standtall Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 There are thousands of men who have chosen celibacy, with no adverse or negative effects..... Sure, they're called priests, monks, etc..I don't recall the OP mentioning celibacy as something he signed up for. OP, cut off from sex...the old switch and bait, false advertising, whatever you want to call it, are a reason to un-reservedly divorce a wife. Give her the choice. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 (edited) oh my god, yes..... without more insults from you (peurile unintelligent) explain it to me, what am i missing? Edited March 13, 2012 by darkmoon Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 first of all, i neither called you puerile, nor unintelligent. Check back. I'm sure you are neither. I deemed the post to be as such. there's the difference. I also called it foolish. You on the other hand, called me uptight and unsympathetic, and pitied any man i was with. which makes it personal. I will freely and happily admit that I have posted puerile, unintelligent and foolish posts - largely due to a lack of knowledge, research and understanding on my part. And that's may well be the case with you, as far as i am able to give an opinion. OK: the notion that a wife should succumb to her husband's physical desires went out last century. it is very difficult for a person to succumb to another person's desires if they really feel they don't want to, and resentment and anger can build up, because a woman gets to feel like an orifice, a sex object. And surely, if a woman is not enjoying it, that transmits to the husband, and he gets to see this? A woman can - and will - only fake it so far, before she tires of this, and resents having to do so, simply because the husband wants to get his rocks off. to use a euphemism... "A man convinced against his will, is of the same opinion still." (I use the term 'man', as a direct quotation, but it's obviously generic....) It's not just the sex. There's usually an underlying, hidden issue, a real cause manifesting as the symptom of having 'gone off sex'. and nobody should feel - or be made to feel - that they should do something, simply because someone else wants something. Once, it might be an acceptable effort, and commendable. But it can backfire, because then the other person begins to expect this more often, and then wonders why it's not going right.... the solution to this problem is not acceptable if it means one person has to compromise their principles. And i would imagine that the OP would prefer his wife to be a willing, enthusiastic and co-operative partner, who is engaging in sex because she really wants, to, not simply because he has a physical need to have sex. I completely agree that women and men view sex in different ways. And i completely agree that this issue seriously needs addressing. Once in a while, sure, we need to make the effort, if our heart's not in it... maybe just bite the bullet and get into it... but this is a long-term problem, and for his wife to just lie back and take it, isn't going to fix it... That's just like putting a sticking plaster on an amputation. not going to do the trick, is it....? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 Sure, they're called priests, monks, etc..I don't recall the OP mentioning celibacy as something he signed up for. What they're called, is irrelevant. what they go without, is, and is in direct reference to darkmoon's post. And I'm in complete agreement with your comment regarding the OP not having signed up for this. but to say that sex is a physical need, is not entirely accurate. That's all..... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 OP, if you're still reading, here's an old thread I think you might find enlightening. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PenelopeTheFaithful Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 I do not know how to work this out, my wife thinks I am a one track pervert who wants sex all the time. The fact is we get very little time together and ours is a marriage that is 3 years only and no kids as of now. I get around her and yes I do like to make love to her however, she does not want it...she is completely non responsive and says she does not like to have sex daily. Going by her I tried to keep away however it is weeksat a stretch when she does not feel the need for it and then suddenly one fine day its okay for her and then when we are about it I finish up too soon as its been too darn long a time I have abstained from it. Is it me who is cracked up or then is there something that needs to be worked upon. We have a lot of fore play and sometimes she is done while we are at fore play and once she has had it she does not want to go through it and I am left wanting and it just dies out. Rest of the times its by the time she peaks I am done and over it and we go back to oral and masturbating till she gets around to it. However the issue is that I cannot let off and want it every day while she is not at all interested in it for weeks. ANY SOLUTIONS and ANY HELP will Really be appreciated. This is really getting to me and is affecting the relationship. Have you tried couples counselling? Sexual incompatibility is one of the most common presenting symptoms counsellors encounter. Speaking with a trained professional can help both of you to establish whether you still have a relationship that is worth saving, and if so, how best to go about doing so. You should not have to live a life of marital frustration, and neither should your wife. There are many possible solutions but you need first to understand the root of the problem in order to choose which is best for you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Diamonds&Rust Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 but to say that sex is a physical need, is not entirely accurate. It's accurate enough. I don't see why monks need to be introduced into the discussion. Monks aren't in sexless marriages with selfish partners. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 @Diamond&rust, I agree.... but if you read the posts leading up to here, you may understand because of the context I put it in.... Link to post Share on other sites
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