My Wife Calls Me a pervert for wanting sex every day

[zengirl]

I second what MC said: Every day may be too much for her, every few weeks too little for you. . . this will probably require a compromise. Also, if you don't get too much time together and the time you do get is generally consumed by a discussion of or attempt for sex. . . that's a problem.

 

I don't think having sexual desire daily is bad, though I do think fussing about it could make a woman's libido disintegrate. I don't know what came first or how to diagnose what happened with your wife. It sounds like you have a lot to talk about. Sex in a relationship has a lot of psychology involved, IME. Something to be addressed, surely, but when you both start throwing blame and negative feelings around, as it sounds like you're doing, it's not likely to help the sex life.

[darkmoon]

this has to be the most puerile and unintelligent post i have seen for a long time.

The fact that you believe it's a simple case of a wife 'opening her legs for hubby' (how cutesy-pie and childish that sounds...!) it's still involuntary and any decent male would be very reluctant to engage in sex with his 'wifey' if he knew it was the last thing she wanted. Rape is also illegal, even within marriage, by the way...

And in a loving, sexually-healthy relationship, a standard bang may be nothing to write home about, but to an unwilling partner it's a torturous ordeal....

 

and contrary to your misconception, a man has no natural need to off-load, as you put it... (you're full of fluffy alternative terminology... why not say 'ejaculate'? it's allowed....!).

There are thousands of men who have chosen celibacy, with no adverse or negative effects.....

 

you really need to do some adult research before posting such immature material.

 

I'm sorry, but it's just foolish....

 

here is you TaraMaiden insulting me, first sentence - but I will say only this, if you think counsellors (post #9) are a way of keeping a man happy - can you tell me how that works in practise?

Edited March 13, 2012 by darkmoon

[TaraMaiden]

No, i didn't insult you.

Read it again:

this has to be the most puerile and unintelligent post i have seen for a long time.

 

I stated before, and will say it again:

I'm sure you are a bright and intelligent person - did you read my previous post to you?

 

first of all, i neither called you puerile, nor unintelligent.

Check back.

 

I'm sure you are neither.

 

I deemed the post to be as such. there's the difference.

I also called it foolish.

 

You on the other hand, called me uptight and unsympathetic, and pitied any man i was with.

which makes it personal.

 

I will freely and happily admit that I have posted puerile, unintelligent and foolish posts - largely due to a lack of knowledge, research and understanding on my part.

And that's may well be the case with you, as far as i am able to give an opinion.

 

OK:

the notion that a wife should succumb to her husband's physical desires went out last century.

 

it is very difficult for a person to succumb to another person's desires if they really feel they don't want to, and resentment and anger can build up, because a woman gets to feel like an orifice, a sex object.

And surely, if a woman is not enjoying it, that transmits to the husband, and he gets to see this?

A woman can - and will - only fake it so far, before she tires of this, and resents having to do so, simply because the husband wants to get his rocks off.

to use a euphemism...

"A man convinced against his will, is of the same opinion still." (I use the term 'man', as a direct quotation, but it's obviously generic....)

It's not just the sex.

There's usually an underlying, hidden issue, a real cause manifesting as the symptom of having 'gone off sex'.

and nobody should feel - or be made to feel - that they should do something, simply because someone else wants something.

Once, it might be an acceptable effort, and commendable.

 

But it can backfire, because then the other person begins to expect this more often, and then wonders why it's not going right....

 

the solution to this problem is not acceptable if it means one person has to compromise their principles.

And i would imagine that the OP would prefer his wife to be a willing, enthusiastic and co-operative partner, who is engaging in sex because she really wants, to, not simply because he has a physical need to have sex.

I completely agree that women and men view sex in different ways.

And i completely agree that this issue seriously needs addressing.

Once in a while, sure, we need to make the effort, if our heart's not in it... maybe just bite the bullet and get into it...

but this is a long-term problem, and for his wife to just lie back and take it, isn't going to fix it...

That's just like putting a sticking plaster on an amputation.

not going to do the trick, is it....?

 

 

but I will say only this, if you think principles and counsellors a way of keeing a man happy - can you tell me how that works in practise?

counselling only works if both people are ready, willing and eager to MAKE it work.

Blame, in a relationship breakdown, is proportional.

Responsibility - for the state of the relationship, for nurturing it and cultivating it, for perpetuating it and maintaining it - is equilateral.

Marriage is a 50/50 partnership, and both people have to acknowledge that, and step up to the plate to maintain it and keep it flourishing.

but both people have to equally want to make it work.

and both people have to put 100% into making it work.

One person alone cannot try fixing it for 2.

and counselling isn't there to necessarily keep people together.

it's there to provide a safe environment for them to interact on a level playing field, and to give them the protected liberty to speak their minds freely...

it's hard work, but counselling steers the boat.

they have to do the rowing.

[darkmoon]

No, i didn't insult you.

Read it again:

 

 

I stated before, and will say it again:

I'm sure you are a bright and intelligent person - did you read my previous post to you?

 

 

 

 

counselling only works if both people are ready, willing and eager to MAKE it work.

Blame, in a relationship breakdown, is proportional.

Responsibility - for the state of the relationship, for nurturing it and cultivating it, for perpetuating it and maintaining it - is equilateral.

Marriage is a 50/50 partnership, and both people have to acknowledge that, and step up to the plate to maintain it and keep it flourishing.

but both people have to equally want to make it work.

and both people have to put 100% into making it work.

One person alone cannot try fixing it for 2.

and counselling isn't there to necessarily keep people together.

it's there to provide a safe environment for them to interact on a level playing field, and to give them the protected liberty to speak their minds freely...

it's hard work, but counselling steers the boat.

they have to do the rowing.

 

i tell you, if i had to rely on a third party, a stranger at that who knows nothing about me, introduced as prescriptive, to do all that i'd be ashamed and wary

Edited March 13, 2012 by darkmoon

[TaraMaiden]

well fine, that's you.

but hundreds of people need counsellors, and counsellors see hundreds of people.

it might not be your bag, and i truly hope to goodness you really never need counselling. honestly, I do....

but many benefit from it.... and dare i say it, i'm wondering whether your opinion has changed on a wife having sex with her husband even if she really doesn't want to?

Do you see the point of my post?

[TaraMaiden]

i tell you, if i had to rely on a third party, a stranger at that who knows nothing about me, introduced as prescriptive, to do all that i'd be ashamed and wary

 

they don't need to know anything about you.

All they know, is that you need "A safe place to be able to express yourself openly" because some issues just cause massive friction between couples, that they need to have a neutral environment, with a trained 'arbiter' to help them find their way through the minefield of everything different which will surface, come up for air, and be exposed.

 

in my experience, those people needing this kind of environment, were predominantly women, because they for many different reasons - and not necessarily sinister ones - they were fearful of discussing this with their spouses/partners in private....

 

the role of a counsellor is to guide people to 'keep to topic' and to explore answers to questions raised by the general issue, or by the other person.

 

This is where i believe pre-marital workshops work so well.

it's a means of understanding and communication - before the commitment.

[darkmoon]

Tara, we are two such different ppl - i think we'll just have to agree to disagree

[carhill]

But how do we know that she's being selfish? She may have been this way all along, and he married her, thinking that things would change.

 

Maybe she is being selfish, but without all the facts, it's premature to say so.

 

I'd say that typically, when the sex was freely flowing and abruptly dried up, there are issues of resentment involved. We have no way of knowing with the facts that the OP has posted so far.

Generally, I would agree; however, one can reflect upon the quote I offered upthread in a number of ways. Traditionally, had a man achieved his orgasm and then rolled over and left his wife hanging, he would be considered, perhaps politely, to be selfish. I've heard a lot more descriptive adjectives for such men, direct from women to my ears. So, shall we apply the same criteria to the lady in question in the OP? Perhaps, or maybe we can wait for more information. I noted the dynamic as a 'canary' because life experience has taught me it's a sign that all is not synergistic in Mudville. YMMV.

[g450]

Three years married and no kids and she wants it every few weeks!!!

 

It's the beginning of the end!

 

I was thinking the same thing.

 

The OP is a HD person. She is a LD person. Question is, will the OP be happy with this for the rest of his life? Because it will slow down even more after they have children.

 

Personally, I would consider exiting the relationship at that point.

I hope that OP doesnt have chilren yet.

 

Most Low Sex drive women are high drive early in the relationship and the low drive doesnt show up until later. Usually after marriage and children which leaves a lot of HD men frustrated for the rest of their marriages.

When people get married, most men tend to mature and go from the honeymoon stage to the workerbee stage. That's perfectly natural.

 

But it is sad that he spends so much time away from her. But if he treats her well then it may be a case of bait and switch as was mentioned earlier. Some women are like that. They dont want the honeymoon phase to end and then become resentful of their husbands because he is being an adult and actually expects her to hold up her wedding vows. How dare he expect his wife to have sex with him on a normal basis. Oh the humanity!

 

Dont know all the facts here but it looks like the OPs wife is playing games. I would also wonder if she is messing around with an OM. That is usually an idication that she may be getting hers somewhere else. Sorry to say that but you see it here all the time.

[Diamonds&Rust]

What's with all this prudence in terms of knowing all the facts? This isn't a court room, of course we only know what we're told here.

[beenburned]

My H has always got me off first. I would never not return the favor of someone that is so thoughtful. How selfish is that?(whether you are a man or woman)

[The Blue Knight]

Has anyone noticed in all the unrelated fallout between one another that the OP just disappeared?

[TaraMaiden]

yup, I did.

 

which is why i'm not replying.... it's his thread, i'll answer to him now.....

[2sunny]

What a horrible situation.

 

Based on what you've said. She is selfish, she has no interest in what you want or how you feel and it's all about her.

 

You don't even have kids so it will only get worse.

 

This situation makes me really mad. Some women are horrible and just plain mean

 

He is selfish too.

 

Two selfish people - thinking only of self... Not a good recipe for a great marriage - or good sex either, for that matter.

 

Everything is backwards here. When you both stop focusing so much on self - and getting what YOU want, making sure you each get YOUR way - that is when things have a chance of getting better.

 

But if nothing changes - nothing changes - and in the meantime you have two people running through each day separately - only thinking selfishly, acting selfishly - and THAT doesn't begin to describe a healthy, loving marriage.

 

 

 

But he could be a troll... One post and now nothing...

[The Blue Knight]

 

But he could be a troll... One post and now nothing...

 

I'm leaning toward both this one and the one below being the same person or couple of persons. Both posted at the same time and both had OPs vanish into thin air.

 

I hate my sexless marriage

[norajane]

The only Rohits I've ever known are Indian, so if this is a case of an arranged marriage, it could be that his wife was never interested in sex with him in the first place.

 

So many unknowns, so little info from the OP.

[setsenia]

When was the last time you romanced your wife, bought her flowers for no reason? Or just gave her a sensual massage, a food rub and a cuddle without expecting sex? She needs to feel special and cared for, feel intimate without having sex at times.. The better she feels about herself and feels your love for her, the more she'll open (her legs! LOL Sorry couldn't resist) up to you and be relaxed, want to please you.

 

Read my advice to Z on his thread, it'll help you too.

 

EXACTLY! I have this issue with my H and I always tell him the same thing. If you want me to have sex with you, why not try doing something to help the mood. Be spontaneous, don't just come to me and ask to "do it".

[bac]

I do not know how to work this out, my wife thinks I am a one track pervert who wants sex all the time.

 

However the issue is that I cannot let off and want it every day while she is not at all interested in it for weeks.

 

ANY SOLUTIONS and ANY HELP will Really be appreciated. This is really getting to me and is affecting the relationship.

 

IMO, it is a totally unrealistic expectation that a woman is capable of daily enjoyable sex.

But, she can certainly do it mechanically with no desire. It is difficult but it might be done for some benefits and if a husband is not demanding about her sexual performance.

 

You want sex so often because she does not allow you it and because you are before 40 y.o. If she lets you have sex on daily basis, you would change your mind about pleasures of daily sex. IMO, typically, if wife allows daily sex, a husband totally loses interest in her and wants other females for sex.

 

She does not want sex with you so often because she is young and therefore have low libido. When she is in 40s, she will have much higher libido but daily sex is not something realistic anyway. A marriage for an young woman is mostly about kids and emotional connection with her husband.

[2sunny]

My thinking is that maybe your wife hasn't REALLY experienced an orgasm - ever with you!

 

Some women do fake it. Women who have an orgasm definitely are more inclined to want AND crave sex.

[The Blue Knight]

Come on guys. This posting was on March 13th and it's the only posting the OP has done. You should all have noticed that we're getting a lot of these nonsensical troll postings under various usernames. If in doubt, ignore them.

[HHC]

IMO, it is a totally unrealistic expectation that a woman is capable of daily enjoyable sex.

I disagree

[Anywhere]

Compatability in the bedroom is important that most people realize. People with differing sex drives will never truly be happy together. If it's new, have her get a physical, look into possible counseling. If it's not new then your drives don't mesh up, decide if you are okay with this for the rest of your life. If not you have a choice to make.

Or ask if she's ok with you getting a girlfriend, shockingly I know several people that have that type of arrangement. Best of luck!

[zoe_justmarried]

I do not know how to work this out, my wife thinks I am a one track pervert who wants sex all the time.

 

The fact is we get very little time together and ours is a marriage that is 3 years only and no kids as of now. I get around her and yes I do like to make love to her however, she does not want it...she is completely non responsive and says she does not like to have sex daily.

 

Going by her I tried to keep away however it is weeksat a stretch when she does not feel the need for it and then suddenly one fine day its okay for her and then when we are about it I finish up too soon as its been too darn long a time I have abstained from it.

 

Is it me who is cracked up or then is there something that needs to be worked upon.

 

We have a lot of fore play and sometimes she is done while we are at fore play and once she has had it she does not want to go through it and I am left wanting and it just dies out.

 

Rest of the times its by the time she peaks I am done and over it and we go back to oral and masturbating till she gets around to it.

 

However the issue is that I cannot let off and want it every day while she is not at all interested in it for weeks.

 

ANY SOLUTIONS and ANY HELP will Really be appreciated. This is really getting to me and is affecting the relationship.

 

do you wear clothes in bed? my husband wears no clothes so that way his penis touches me during hug/cuddling and we have sex

[musemaj11]

Next time she expects you to spend any money on her, tell her she is a gold digger. Ask her how she feels about that.

[jonydec]

I recognize it is addicting.. and just because he's doing it doesn't intended he's missing any attention in you. It's just an aid to self pleasuring.. It's not like he's going out and doing other ladies.