BMZMJ Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 I went to give her a final 'goodbye' last night and we ended on very good terms.. this morning she sent me many texts with the following: Just reminding you that my personal space is important to me right now. dont contact me because that will just confuse me more. If our lives are meant to be...then I will wait for my sign...God will be my guidance..and I believe he wants me to be happy no matter my decission...Respond yes if you understand...Whatever I decide, it will be for the best, I just know it...Thank you for your patience and understanding...I dont know how long it will take but time should not matter if love is life long..Take care... so...any thoughts? how do I properly respond? "yes, i understand"? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 If she's your ex- trust me - you absolutely, really don't need to respond at all. Keep your silence - and I guarantee she will break it. she doesn't want your presence, but she wants your attention. Ignore the text and if you can, either delete her or better still, block her off your 'phone. if she needs her space - give it to her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 You don't respond to that. If she wants space then you can give it to her. But you do not initiate contact in any way with her right now. You have more than made your intentions known. Start working on yourself and leave the ball in her court. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BMZMJ Posted March 13, 2012 Author Share Posted March 13, 2012 I was thinking about not responding but she did add the 'respond yes if you understand' Does it seem like she may still be open to trying things in the future? Link to post Share on other sites
rootless Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 If she's your ex- trust me - you absolutely, really don't need to respond at all. Keep your silence - and I guarantee she will break it. she doesn't want your presence, but she wants your attention. Ignore the text and if you can, either delete her or better still, block her off your 'phone. if she needs her space - give it to her. I'm not *quite* as convinced as TaraMaiden, but I agree, this sounds like she's protesting a little bit too much. People who truly want to be left alone don't announce it, and then reiterate it, and then follow up on it, and then ask for confirmation, and then send you a form in triplicate. They just bolt. She's either totally uncertain of what she wants, and her texts are the play-by-play of her indecision, or she's just chumming the water to see if she can get you to flip out. She might be worth waiting for-- but right now, it sounds like she's in cuckoo town. Hop off the merry-go-around and let her figure her stuff out by herself, while you work on yours. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 "Cuckoo town"... I know it well..... some might say, too well! Link to post Share on other sites
Author BMZMJ Posted March 13, 2012 Author Share Posted March 13, 2012 Honestly, she is worth waiting for. but I will do my best to avoid contact and including not responding to this message. How long is long enough time? 2 weeks to a month? longer? Link to post Share on other sites
CaliBabe Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 "Respond yes if you understand" ---> B!*ch, I can read! You do not need to be her puppy dog and respond to her commands. IGNORE, IGNORE, IGNORE. You have no idea how strong silence can be. She is telling you what to do even now that you guys are over. Stop contacting, ignore and show how powerful you really are. She wants space, give it to her 10 fold. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
pacman81 Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 You said you left things on good terms so dont do anything to jeopardize that...prove to her and yourself you are a man of your word and go no contact from here on out. If she wants to talk to you she will contact you...so just know if you are not hearing from her she is still not ready to talk and therefore there is no point in trying to initiate anything. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 For as long as it takes for her to get in touch with you and say - "breaking up was a huge mistake, I am so sorry, please forgive me, i will do whatever it takes to regain your trust, please would you let me try again?" Anything else is just small talk and breadcrumbs, and texts like - 'hi how are you?' or 'i just wanted to know if you are ok' are just fishing for a sign that you still jump when she yanks your chain. Read the No contact guide in my signature. and stick with it, 100% 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BMZMJ Posted March 13, 2012 Author Share Posted March 13, 2012 Exactly pacman. I have a very strong feeling she will come around. she is very busy training for a fitness event in April, and working full time, and I believe that after this event she will 'crash' because she will have more free time and start to wonder "where is the person that has been around me for years" Honestly, I love her so much that I am very willing to let her go and be free.... Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 Just reminding you that my personal space is important to me right now. dont contact me because that will just confuse me more. If our lives are meant to be...then I will wait for my sign...God will be my guidance..and I believe he wants me to be happy no matter my decission...Respond yes if you understand...Whatever I decide, it will be for the best, I just know it...Thank you for your patience and understanding...I dont know how long it will take but time should not matter if love is life long..Take care... This reminded me of a joke: A lady was living in her house on a river bank and it started to flood terribly. A neighbor came slooshing by and said that he came to get her so they could go to high ground. She said," No, I'll be alright. God will deliver me." and he left. Water was coming up and she had to retreat to the second story. Then firemen in a rowboat came by to get her. She said," No. I'm okay. God will deliver me." and they left. The water level got worse and she had to go to the roof of her house. Then a Coast Guard Helicopter shows up to get her and she says," No, I'm okay! God will deliver me!" and they left. The woman drowns and when she get to heaven she asks God, " I was waiting for you to deliver me, why didn't you come for me?" And God said, " What are you talking about! I sent you the neighbor, the Fire Department and the Coast Guard!" Point is, if she waiting for the light to shine down on her in the church window like it did for Jake Blues with James Brown singing to her to take that as a sign. She might be waiting a long time. God's signs are usually subtle. And if she can't see what's right in front of her then you're better off without her. Sorry to be blunt. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
rootless Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 Honestly, she is worth waiting for. but I will do my best to avoid contact and including not responding to this message. How long is long enough time? 2 weeks to a month? longer? Unfortunately, she's gonna be the one dictating the timetable, at least in terms of how long it takes her to get her crap together. How long you wait is entirely up to you. Just be real careful with your heart, regardless of how this plays out. I've been in your shoes, and it's not a good time. The best advice I can give you is to start focusing on yourself right now-- immediately. This instant. Bust your ass to improve your life. Do what makes you happy and do it often. If she comes back, she'll only love you more for the improvements you've made. And if she doesn't, you'll have a nice little stockpile of confidence and accomplishment to sustain you if things go south. Please do me a favor and give yourself that gift, k? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
pacman81 Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 I can relate with what your going (I started a thread yesterday about my situation)...to the point i bet my ex was at the same fitness expo as yours 2 weeks ago doing appearances. Its easier said than done but try and lose the mindset that she will come around after her show in April...this will just hold you back in the grieving process...and then come April and she doesnt come around its going to be even harder and you will either crack on the NC thing or find another reason to justify things and continue pushing back the grieving process. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BMZMJ Posted March 13, 2012 Author Share Posted March 13, 2012 Unfortunately, she's gonna be the one dictating the timetable, at least in terms of how long it takes her to get her crap together. How long you wait is entirely up to you. Just be real careful with your heart, regardless of how this plays out. I've been in your shoes, and it's not a good time. The best advice I can give you is to start focusing on yourself right now-- immediately. This instant. Bust your ass to improve your life. Do what makes you happy and do it often. If she comes back, she'll only love you more for the improvements you've made. And if she doesn't, you'll have a nice little stockpile of confidence and accomplishment to sustain you if things go south. Please do me a favor and give yourself that gift, k? Great advice. I have been working on myself. I already go to the gym and I have a pretty nice physique so I will continue going and more often. I have lots of things to keep me busy. I work full time and go to university part time plus gym, etc. I have been changing my attitude and being more loving and closer with my family. I have been more calmed and relaxed and funnily enough she even mentioned that she saw something different in me last night. when we said our goodbyes I was strong and calm (no tears) and as she walked away she said "so are we not talking right now?..." I left her guessing lol 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BMZMJ Posted March 13, 2012 Author Share Posted March 13, 2012 I can relate with what your going (I started a thread yesterday about my situation)...to the point i bet my ex was at the same fitness expo as yours 2 weeks ago doing appearances. Its easier said than done but try and lose the mindset that she will come around after her show in April...this will just hold you back in the grieving process...and then come April and she doesnt come around its going to be even harder and you will either crack on the NC thing or find another reason to justify things and continue pushing back the grieving process. was it the Arnolds festival in Columbus? Link to post Share on other sites
pacman81 Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 was it the Arnolds festival in Columbus? Yeah. The reason i said what i did is because i was doing the same thing...figured she had been super focused getting ready for that (gym twice a day...something to use as distraction, ect)...but now that's its past i still haven't heard from her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BMZMJ Posted March 13, 2012 Author Share Posted March 13, 2012 Too bad man - how long has it been? since the break up? Link to post Share on other sites
pacman81 Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 6 weeks since she said she needed space...4 with NC (on either side) Link to post Share on other sites
Author BMZMJ Posted March 13, 2012 Author Share Posted March 13, 2012 I ruined a chance after she got back from that show (she was presenting, not participating) she contacted me and wanted to hang out at the gym, and I did all the wrong things, Pushing, talking about the past, etc...and I pushed and she pulled. Link to post Share on other sites
pacman81 Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 Pushing or pressuring her that day didnt change anything...from what i have gathered you have been together far to long for one interaction like that to change anything...if she truly needs space it would have happened eventually no matter how you handled it that day. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BMZMJ Posted March 13, 2012 Author Share Posted March 13, 2012 It was after that she asked for space...when we first broke up I didnt contact her, and she started texting me the 3rd day and I ignored. then the 4th day she texted again and she showed up at my gym (she knows what time I work out and she gets off work too early to be going to the gym at that time so I knew she was there on purpose) we worked out that day and acted as if nothing happened. we are in canada, so I drove her to buffalo for the flight to columbus and spent the night and it was all going well... it was after she came back that I made the mistakes...and yeah we were together just under 5 years but I know her from 9 years ago Link to post Share on other sites
rootless Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 Great advice. I have been working on myself. I already go to the gym and I have a pretty nice physique so I will continue going and more often. I have lots of things to keep me busy. I work full time and go to university part time plus gym, etc. I have been changing my attitude and being more loving and closer with my family. I have been more calmed and relaxed and funnily enough she even mentioned that she saw something different in me last night. when we said our goodbyes I was strong and calm (no tears) and as she walked away she said "so are we not talking right now?..." I left her guessing lol YES! YES! YES! That, my friend, is a bad ass attitude. You are doing EXACTLY what you need to do. No matter what happens, you will NEVER regret using this time to make your life better. Never. I promise you. Keep kicking butt in school, pour yourself into your work, and keep strengthening the ties with your friends and family. Just make it about YOU. As difficult as it is, you need to remove her ENTIRELY from the equation right now. I know you love her-- but you really need to make an earnest effort to remind yourself that these efforts are yours, and yours alone. It can't be a contigency plan, or a ploy to get her back. As cheesy as it sounds, it's got to be about you investing in you. Think of it as building a bank of awesome. And everything you do right now is a deposit; a down-payment on future awesomeness. Because no matter what happens, that stuff is YOUR'S. You own it. And it follows you anywhere you go in life. Your awesomeness is portable. You simply cannot lose on an investment in yourself. Once you've done the work, it's there. Forever. And you can share it with whomever you choose. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 ..... You simply cannot lose on an investment in yourself. Once you've done the work, it's there. Forever. And you can share it with whomever you choose. This, i like....! Link to post Share on other sites
freetolove Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 did you break up with her or did she break up with you or was it mutual. if it was mutual just put, yes i understand. Link to post Share on other sites
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