taken for granted

[dede]

hi i have this promblem, the last relationship i was in everyone tells me I didnt stick up for my self. And I just went along with the flow. I did what ever he wanted. And I would never say anything. Because I felt if I said anything I would loos him. In the long run I did and now I wish I would of made him work for it and not get everything for nothing. And that is what I did. I am only 18 and still have along way to go, but I need some advice on what I should do in the next relationship. I dont feel I was doing anything wrong.what is a good way to deal with this problem. I mean how exactly do you make some work for things. PLEASE I NEED ADVICE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

thanks

[Tony T]

If you don't let your likes and dislikes be known, you are basically lying in a relationship...you are defeating the purpose of the relationship...you DO NOT have a relationship.

 

The purpose of two people coming together is to get to know each other better, to make certain decisions about a future with that person based on a truthful exchange of behaviors and information. If you sit idly by and go with the flow, as you say, without expressing your own desires you totally destroy the relationship process.

 

That's what you did. It's not a matter of making him work for anything. It's a matter of being honest with yourself and being true to the two of you as a couple.

 

In your next relationship, I suggest you not work so hard to keep the peace. If you have to do that, there are obvious incompatibilities and you need to terminate things. Just be yourself. Use effective communication to let your guy know how you feel. Learn to arrive at compromises so each of you gets your needs met from the relationship. Be assertive but at the same time learn give and take. Resolve disputes in a civil, loving way...but don't just sit idly by while you get stepped on and crushed.

 

Don't worry about losing someone. If you are honest with your feelings and someone leaves, that's your sign they were not right for you.

 

It also sounds like you weren't much of a challenge to your guy. Men like ladies who are not so easy, who are elusive, who give them a run for their money. Get some tips from your girlfriends who have been successful with men. Give guys a bit of a hard time, be unpredictable. Give a man everything he wants and surely he'll give you the boot.

 

It doesn't make a lot of sense, but that's the way it is, babe.

[Cindy]

I know how you are feeling. I am going through the same sitation with my now ex-b'f but we still have some kind of relationship I'm not sure what.

 

One thing that I always did is that if my man was it a bad mood for whatever reason whether it was me or not I would buy something for him or do something for him. Do'nt do that!! Hes a big boy and you don't have to be his mommy. He will feed off of that, be in a bad mood all the time and pair that with you, to the point where its your fault and then he'll break up with you.

 

Be cool, laid back. Act like hes last on your list. Men will try so hard to become number #1 but don't let them ever become #1, unless your sure that hes the one for you.

 

Good luck!

If you don't let your likes and dislikes be known, you are basically lying in a relationship...you are defeating the purpose of the relationship...you DO NOT have a relationship. The purpose of two people coming together is to get to know each other better, to make certain decisions about a future with that person based on a truthful exchange of behaviors and information. If you sit idly by and go with the flow, as you say, without expressing your own desires you totally destroy the relationship process. That's what you did. It's not a matter of making him work for anything. It's a matter of being honest with yourself and being true to the two of you as a couple. In your next relationship, I suggest you not work so hard to keep the peace. If you have to do that, there are obvious incompatibilities and you need to terminate things. Just be yourself. Use effective communication to let your guy know how you feel. Learn to arrive at compromises so each of you gets your needs met from the relationship. Be assertive but at the same time learn give and take. Resolve disputes in a civil, loving way...but don't just sit idly by while you get stepped on and crushed. Don't worry about losing someone. If you are honest with your feelings and someone leaves, that's your sign they were not right for you.

 

It also sounds like you weren't much of a challenge to your guy. Men like ladies who are not so easy, who are elusive, who give them a run for their money. Get some tips from your girlfriends who have been successful with men. Give guys a bit of a hard time, be unpredictable. Give a man everything he wants and surely he'll give you the boot. It doesn't make a lot of sense, but that's the way it is, babe.