Any Graduate Students/Alumni Here?

[Almond_Joy]

I'm at a loss, and am looking for perspectives from those that have been or are currently going down this path.

 

I graduated high school in '03, started community college in fall '03, transferred to a 4 yr. university in January '06, and graduated in February 2010 with my Bachelor's degree. I worked full time for 5 of those 7 years, and at least 35 hrs/wk for the other two. I made it into a Master's program in the last month of my 6 month grace period, and have been in and out of school since then.

 

Part of the spotty attendance was because of a breakup I was dealing with/recovering from for most of last year. It was also because I wasn't really sure what I wanted from continuing my continuing my education.

 

I've told my boss of a career path I intend to follow as part of my professional development. It's an achievable plan, I have support from my colleagues, friends, boyfriend, mother, and I need to get a Master's in order to progress on this path.

 

But my heart's not in school. Around my second to last year of my bachelor's program, I realized that I really didn't know what I want to do with my life, that I'd only gone to school is because it seemed the most safe, dependable, and responsible thing to do. Ever since I realized that, I haven't been able to really get motivated about being in school.

 

I went from being an A/B student to straight F's for an entire year. The saddest part is I'm not even ashamed, and I know I'm better than that because I've DONE better than that. It's now been....what...4 years that I've been taking classes and not really caring about them? The highest mark I've gotten so far in a graduate course is a B-. I'm now in a different Master's program from that one, where I am not incurring any additional debt because I work for the school I'm attending, so tuition is free. It's been two sessions now that I've been in this Master's program. I withdrew from the first class, and am considering withdrawing from one of the two I'm taking this session (at this point, I ca'nt hope to get anything more than a C in the course because I haven't done the coursework. I figured a withdrawal's better than a mark lower than a B).

 

 

I don't know what I'm looking for, really. I know that in life you have to do things you don't want to do. I've been doing that ever since my realization in 2008, mentioned above. Obviously I'm doing a poor job at what I don't want to do....because I don't want to do it.

 

It would be stupid for me not to take advantage of the opportunity to get a Master's degree for free. This is the first thing I usually think. But I look at my gradebook in my course and see a column of zeroes growing because I haven't done the work....and I just don't care anymore. That makes me so sad, because I love to learn, and I was an excellent student. I never in my life thought I'd get to this point with academics.

 

One result of my recovery from the breakup is that I clearly identified fields of interest for me, things that I want to explore. They have no relation to my current educational or professional goals. So my questions are:

 

If I can't muster the wherewithal to care about my academic career right now.....should I just walk away and take the break and follow my interests, then come back to continuing school afterwards?

 

Should I keep trying to stick it out and finish school now, possibly with horrible marks which would render the degree next to useless anyway?

 

I know ultimately the decision is mine to make......

 

Has anyone had this experience, or felt something similar in pursuing advanced education? If so, your perspective/experience would really be appreciated. I think I would like to know, right now, that I'm not the only one who's had this experience. I feel like a special brand of idiot for considering quitting school when I'm in a position to get a Master's for free right now. But I also feel s****y about the fact that I don't care whether or not I do well in this program. If my indifference has reached that extent, I shouldn't be wasting my time, right?

 

I don't know....I keep going back and forth....

 

So......yeah. Thanks for reading.