Sleepless in New England

[upatnight]

[font=arial][/font][color=black][/color]Just like the name says, I can't sleep anymore, my confusion is driving me nuts.

 

So the story is I'm married almost 10 years (w/ no kids) to a wife who is a wonderful person but I don't love anymore. She feels similar and I think we stay together because we don't know how to live apart. A few weeks ago we had a really bad discussion that bordered the 'D' word a few times. We have very little in common but seem to get along great as friends. Our love life is terrible, very methodical, infrequent, and planned.

 

The catch is I've recently disclosed my personal relationship issues to a close friend/peer (and former manager) of mine who I deeply respect. My feelings for her extend beyond that of a working relationship or even friendship. She is in a very similar situation with her husband but also has a few young children. We are very similar in our mind sets/personalities and have a great time being around each other. We've recently spent a few evenings talking with each other over a couple drinks and have become even closer.

 

I'm hoping someone out there has some experience in this arena, I have 2 questions. 1) All of her body language and discussion tells me she has some type of feelings for me, but how do I approach this subject and ensure that we stay friends no matter what? and 2) Is it right to pursue this relationship even though we are both in failing marriages?

 

Thanks,

 

UpAtNight

[dudesomewhere]

regardless if someone has experience in this matter, it is more a thing of common sense and decency

 

"1) All of her body language and discussion tells me she has some type of feelings for me, but how do I approach this subject and ensure that we stay friends no matter what? and 2) Is it right to pursue this relationship even though we are both in failing marriages?"

 

1) you don't approach it and you remain a friend...both of you. Get a divorce first and then go on.

2) It is not right to pursue it...both single, yes...failing marriages, no...still married

[zoomer]

1) All of her body language and discussion tells me she has some type of feelings for me, but how do I approach this subject and ensure that we stay friends no matter what?

 

If this relationship is pursued - you will no longer be "just friends". If the "affair" ended in failure, you certainly would not be friends any longer. Once the line is crossed, there is no tip-toeing back...the relationship (whatever it may be) will never be the same.

 

and 2) Is it right to pursue this relationship even though we are both in failing marriages?

 

Depends on your beliefs concerning infidelity. Failing marriage is no excuse for infidelity. Make a decision concerning your marriage with your wife. If you both agree there is nothing left, why in the world would either one of you stay? ESPECIALLY with no children. Life is way to short to live unhappy and miserable! Everyone deserves to be with someone who will make them happy and they love. Marriage is a tough road...even ten years out...it takes a lot of communication and work from both. If you pursue the other relationship, while being married, even unhappy as you are, are you willing to intentionally hurt and cause great pain to your wife, the other man, and their children? Because it most certainly would. You would be beginning an ordeal of pain and heartache for many. OF Course, this is only my opinion and advise is easily given, I know. Just be careful and think before acting.

 

As far as "her" situation with her husband, you know what she has told you and what she wants you to know. Make your own decisions concerning your marriage. Let her do the same without influence. It's hard to put in words exactly what I mean, without going into a long response, but hopefully you'll get it. Good Luck to you and I will keep you in my prayers.