I took her for granted and now I've lost her

[Jean27]

Hello everyone.

 

I will tell you my little sad love story. Today would have been our 2 year anniversary.

I met my girl two years ago, she was very cute and sweet, around 4 years younger then me (I was 25, she was 21). I was working , she was still a university student . I liked that she was very pretty,the only think that wasnt that ok physicly for stupid me was the height difference between us (6'2'' - 5'5''). I also liked that she was sincere, joyful and with such a good heart (loved animals very much), I didnt like that she had trouble expressing her opinions (I had to decide almost everytime what to do, where to go, what to eat...) and that she had a certain lack of general knowledge. But even that seemed very sweet.

We both lived in rented appartments, near of each other - a few blocks away, so we were basicly every day (and sometimes every night) together.

I can say that she loved me very much, she was always calling me, wanting to be with me, showing me a lot of affection. Sometimes I was tired when I came home from work, I wasn't in the mood for hanging out, I just wanted to rest. She understood me, even though it was hard for her. She understood and was by my side when I was sick, when I was complaining like an a** about my job or my health. She was always there for me.

I loved her a lot, I liked being with her, but that affected my relationship with friends. I stopped hanging out with them, they stopped calling me because they knew that I would rather spend time with my girlfriend and I would just say no to them. She also didn't have a lot of friends, spent almost all her free time with me or her laptop.

I was not content with my job, I had my job for a couple of years, it was ok on all matters except the most important- the paycheck. I wanted to buy a car, but I couldnt save the money for it, wanted to go on vacation -again the money issue.

 

After a year or so we began to have problems in our relationship, I made a BIG mistake of asking her if she wanted to move together with me, she said "yes, of course" and acted very happy. Then I thought again about the situation and realized that we didnt have the money to do it. She was dissapointed . This happenned not only once, but a couple of times , we searched for a nice place that we could afford, didnt find a decent one. Then I said "we dont need to hurry, we got all the time in the world". She agreed, but I feel she was again dissapointed. She was under stress about the final exams, worked part time during to pay for her rent. I helped her go through it, but I think this difficult situation affected her.

I have a debt on my name I took for my parents. She wasnt at all happy with it, she is obsessed over these credit issues, hates loans. I felt that she perceived it as a burden to our future together. This didnt help our relationship at all.

 

Last summer I invited her to my home city, she spent a week with me and my folks. We had an ok time, but there were a couple of times that I didnt treat her very well - I yelled once at her and my brother, maybe she felt neglected sometimes. When we went back, I found out that I didnt receive the raise I was expecting for two months. That was it for me, I quit, hoping to find something else. Very bad move. I had to stay at work for another month, and then I thought that I should move my stuff back home with my parents to not pay rent, until I find something else. Her folks couldnt help her with money anymore, she moved back home also until she was going to find a job. And she did, but in her home town. I was very happy for her at the moment, didnt think that it would mean the end of our relationship.

After a couple of months or so, I found a job too, but also in my home city. The plan was to work for three months, make some money to pay debt and keep me above water, and then move back in our city together, I was going to find a nice place, search for a job, and wait for her to clear things back home with her own job.

 

But surprise, she started to act distant. The first month of long distance relationship was ok, talked a lot, she explained to me that we should talk on the phone asa much as we can to keep our thing alive. And then she started work, she was again under stress, couldnt find a decent rental, the money were few and far between. She was not happy at all. And she was not happy with me that I couldnt find a job faster, that I didnt have the money to go see her. The phone calls got shorter, she started to say things like "Im busy" ,"we'll talk later", sometimes didnt even answer or just said "good night, kiss", our conversations began to feel like a chore to her. I wanted to go see her (after 2 months we were apart), she said "don't come yet until I find a decent rental so we can spend more time together". She started to say things like she doesnt know what she feels for me anymore, she's changed, our future together seems to be very difficult, maybe she needs a break...One night, after remembering her about how happy we were a few months ago, she snapped and said "listen, I want a break up, this isnt working out, it feels like a loss of time. I dont want to move back anymore, we didnt have a lot of friends over there, I didnt adapt very well". I felt very bad, I was home with my parents, with no friends, only her. And now to lose her it felt like the end of the world.

I asked, begged, pleaded. All in vain. I told her that we should spend the Christmas holidays together and talk, see what happens from there. At first she said yes, but then she refused. After the holidays ended, when we talked on the phone, she said "If I would have been you, I would have come regrdless of what I said ". Bummer.

So I went to see her without announcing it. She was friendly-cold at first, and then just cold. She told me she doesnt love me anymore, doesnt want me anymore. We went out with her relatives, I hugged her -she got all angry with me.

When I left the next morning, I said "I dont know when we're going to see each other again". She said "If we're going to see..." On the long road back she called me a few times, saying she's upset of how she acted.

Anyway, I acted a bit needy since, called her, texted her, she lost patience with me and even told me to "stop calling her, stop acting like a lunatic, and move on with my life". That she doesnt want to talk to me anymore.

Then in a couple of weeks time she called to tell me that she had a car crash, but she's ok, and we had a long time talk, like old friends do.

 

Its been two weeks now that I havent heard from her, I miss her like crazy and love her so much. I wake up every morning thinking of her, lost a lot of weight, cant stop thinking what can I do to get her back. I know that she might be seeing someone else, she goes out almost every weekend, has a joyful personality. She's beautiful and sweet, a lot of guys are into her.

I wish I could turn back time, but I cant. I still hope that we get back together somehow. I dont even consider dating other girls, every woman I see seems unattractive to me. When I think of her smile, sweet voice, beautiful eyes that used to look at me with love and admiration, I realize I won't meet anyone like her ever again. I know its stupid and everybody says this, but its how I feel.

 

I took her for granted and now I've lost her. She's 300 miles away and doesnt love me anymore. I still have hope though, because life is a weird thing.