separated but have to live together

[Jstub]

2sunny - at this point I don't care. My intention is get as much dirt as possible to force her to agree to my terms and the get the hell out of my life. I do not plan on having sex with her haha I will do the manipulation this time. Nothing has worked so far, tried to ignore her, make her move out, help her, not help her. It's a lost cause. 5 minutes ago she told me maybe we should stay married. I told her, not happening dear. It's done. Can't take her serious - All I know is that if I get hostile with her, I am not getting anywhere. Have to try new tactics.

[elfman]

Ok - time for bull****. This head to head crap is not working. Have to trick the monster. Have to tame the lion and then butcher it.

 

I know my wife well enough to see that going head to head against her will make things worse. Therefore, I got her a very small bunch of flowers and went home like that today. I said, these are for you - she was SHOCKED. She said for what purpose? I said, just because - she got watery eyes. I said, you know you are the mother of my children, I don't hate you. I am sorry for being so mean to you. She gave me a hug and she was crying a river. She said, they are so beautiful and cute. I said I am glad you like them.

 

Then, when the kids went to bed, I poured some wine for both of us and invited her to sit outside with me (with the voice recorder on - gotta love the apps haha) she told me how horrible her day was and that the kids drove her crazy, that she can't take care of them properly and that she almost hit our son. She said, she took too many pills and that she was not herself. BINGO ON TAPE.

 

Afterwards, she started talking about OM and that she wants my advice and that I am very good with my intuition about people (which I am) - She asked me what I think about it with all hurt aside - (I wanted to choke her at this point, but hey playing nice right?) So I explained to her that the fact that both of them are not willing to commit is very convenient for him and her. That how great it is for him not to deal with kids, bills, life, shopping and just meet once a month and have sex with a woman half his age. For her, she is just living in a fantasy, and that she knows very well if she put her every day life in his hands it will turn into ****. She said, he knows how much trouble (getting divorced is trouble i guess haha) she got into and he does not stop - I said why would he stop? Why give you up if you are willing to do the no strings attached thing with him? He would be stupid to. She said, if he really loved her, he would have left her alone and said go get your life together and I will wait for you. Then she said, she can't believe someone can be so evil to destroy a family etc. I said now, wait a second, he did not rape you.. don't blame him, this is your doing. She said she gets that - but what kind of a person does he have to be to do this. At that point, I was done - I told her I have given you my opinion, you take what you want from it and do what you want with it. I then said, do what you think is best for you - go be with him or not, I simply don't care, I just want this to be over.

 

I think with this approach, I will gather so much dirt on her that she would have no choice but to shut the eff up and get this over with.

 

What do you all think? Am I doing the right thing?

 

Damn it J... you are my hero... **** I wish I could do this... and I wish my wife would take me bringing her flowers as a sign of peace.

 

It seems you moved past the point where you think this Medusa has a hot body and you would like to shag her and love her, to the point of figuring out how to cut her damn head. (Sorry for the metaphor, but I just saw Wrath of the Titans, very bad movie btw).

 

I want to be at that point, and her attitude is slowly driving me to it. I think this was a smart move on your part BUT ONLY because your intentions are:

 

1) Gather proof.

2) Lower tension in the home where you have to spend time together.

3) Live your life a little better.

 

So this could be called a "Spy 180"? Or a "Full Contact No Contact"?

 

Cheers mate! Keep em coming, I will write this **** down, it seems like GENIUS to me, then again I am new at all this.

 

E.

[Jstub]

It seems you moved past the point where you think this Medusa has a hot body and you would like to shag her and love her, to the point of figuring out how to cut her damn head. (Sorry for the metaphor, but I just saw Wrath of the Titans, very bad movie btw).

 

So this could be called a "Spy 180"? Or a "Full Contact No Contact"?

 

Man you are hilarious. How do you come up with this ****? hahaha I was laughing so hard that my W had to come to my room and ask me why I am laughing... haha

[2sunny]

I would tell her detox is necessary if she really wants a future with her kids.

[Jstub]

I would tell her detox is necessary if she really wants a future with her kids.

 

That's a threat 2sunny I am not going to be saying anything. I have told her everything I need to say. If she does not detox, I WILL use that against her. I have proof of her e-mailing drug dealers. I have call records to a convicted drug dealer with co-relating atm transactions. This is not just pills we are talking about, there is more to it (past abuse of cocaine).

[elfman]

Meh, laughter is what we all need... and tons of it. I am glad at least my post gave you a little bit of laughs. You KNOW the Medusa thing is actually a perfect metaphor, glad I coined it... :-)

 

Let me know how it turns out after the flowers and ****, I need to know if that strategy of not locking horns works out, to keep it open for my own case.

 

E.

[Owl]

Contact your lawyer. Your use of the VAR without her permission/knowledge may be illegal or at least inadmissable in court depending on where you're at.

 

This is why I recommended the journal. Journaling is not illegal, and while it's "hearsay", it is still admissable as your viewpoint/understanding of what's gone on, and can paint the picture that you want painted.

 

Your wife's 'fantasy' view of life post divorce actually sounds very similar to my wife's during her EA.

 

It was when the reality of it hit her that her fantasy started to crumble.

 

I think you're doing an excellent job here...just offering some advice to help make sure that you steer clear of any potential legal issues, my friend. Always make sure your lawyer is in agreement with what you're doing...and that he's got the same goals you do.

[Jstub]

Meh, laughter is what we all need... and tons of it. I am glad at least my post gave you a little bit of laughs. You KNOW the Medusa thing is actually a perfect metaphor, glad I coined it... :-)

 

Let me know how it turns out after the flowers and ****, I need to know if that strategy of not locking horns works out, to keep it open for my own case.

 

E.

 

I don't know your wife, you should know her better. My strategy is working great actually. She was so nice in the morning, she said she loves the flowers, she was very respectful and asked me to come home to have lunch with her. Obviously, I will not. I keep reminding her that we are on our way to divorce. That I do not wish to spend time with her - again, in the morning, she took a shower and started running around naked in the house with a towel wrapped around her head, she then came to me when I was washing my face and then dried my face. I gave her no attention whatsoever, I was not even turned on by her, really. It's amazing. Her games have no effect on me. I have set a goal and I will accomplish that goal.

[Jstub]

Contact your lawyer. Your use of the VAR without her permission/knowledge may be illegal or at least inadmissable in court depending on where you're at.

 

This is why I recommended the journal. Journaling is not illegal, and while it's "hearsay", it is still admissable as your viewpoint/understanding of what's gone on, and can paint the picture that you want painted.

 

Your wife's 'fantasy' view of life post divorce actually sounds very similar to my wife's during her EA.

 

It was when the reality of it hit her that her fantasy started to crumble.

 

I think you're doing an excellent job here...just offering some advice to help make sure that you steer clear of any potential legal issues, my friend. Always make sure your lawyer is in agreement with what you're doing...and that he's got the same goals you do.

 

Owl, I am keeping a Journal - I talk about events and how they make me feel. I have done this once before with a case I was building against a nasty neighbor that called child support to get back at us for calling the police for his loud music.

 

As for her fantasy, I could care less. She even said, he is too old, in a few years he will be in his 60s. I said, yea, maybe if it all works out you can clean his **** and change his diapers in his 70s while you are in late 40s. Works out great for you and our children can call him grandpa at the moment. I guess she is looking for a father figure, because he father abandoned her when she was very young.

 

As for gathering proof. Recordings can be used in court based on circumstance. If it is for drug use with children involved, they can be helpful - throw in a drug test / hair test and you are done. Hair tests are very very powerful, they give you a history. I also plan on getting police records from europe - she was arrested for drug use. The thing about it all is that even if i don't use any of this against her in court, just their existence gives me so much power - she will be scared ****less. She will give in to my demands, and my demands are not selfish - they are fair, primarily for the children, then me and then her.

[elfman]

As I said... you are making me watch your steps closely... I think you are going in a great direction, and I will try to follow if I can... Of course you don't know my wife, trust me, you don't want to... a man has enough on his head with ONE crazy bitch to handle...lol

 

E.

[findingnemo]

Things are looking good, Jstub! I love the covert approach.

 

Is it possible to report her current drug use in such a way to get it on record? A record that will be acceptable in court? This could be good along with your journal.

[Jstub]

Things are looking good, Jstub! I love the covert approach.

 

Is it possible to report her current drug use in such a way to get it on record? A record that will be acceptable in court? This could be good along with your journal.

 

Not at the moment because she got a prescription for the pain med. I have no proof of the recent cocaine use.

[Jstub]

haha I am loving this. Now she thinks I have a gf. She called me, I did not answer, then I texted her saying, Sorry I made plans already - have a nice afternoon sweetie pie. She texted me back saying, say hi to your new bitch.

[jaymz]

I hope you didnt bite on that one!

 

What the human imagination thinks up is often muc,h much worse than the reality. She is putting together all the pieces and getting the wrong idea.

 

Keep it up.

[findingnemo]

haha I am loving this. Now she thinks I have a gf. She called me, I did not answer, then I texted her saying, Sorry I made plans already - have a nice afternoon sweetie pie. She texted me back saying, say hi to your new bitch.

 

:bunny:

[Owl]

haha I am loving this. Now she thinks I have a gf. She called me, I did not answer, then I texted her saying, Sorry I made plans already - have a nice afternoon sweetie pie. She texted me back saying, say hi to your new bitch.

 

See...this is where you're the better man than I.

 

My response would have been to let her know that this is where her and I differ...I wouldn't get a new bitch until I got rid of the old one first!!!

 

But...that's just me.

 

No answer is probably better.

[Jstub]

See...this is where you're the better man than I.

 

My response would have been to let her know that this is where her and I differ...I wouldn't get a new bitch until I got rid of the old one first!!!

 

But...that's just me.

 

No answer is probably better.

 

I will neither deny it or acknowledge it let her imagination do the work. Tonight, I will put a passcode on my phone and let it sit on the table while I take a shower.

[standtall]

I will neither deny it or acknowledge it let her imagination do the work. Tonight, I will put a passcode on my phone and let it sit on the table while I take a shower.

 

Awesome dude..you're owning the situation..keep it up!

[elfman]

I will neither deny it or acknowledge it let her imagination do the work. Tonight, I will put a passcode on my phone and let it sit on the table while I take a shower.

 

Hey man, I need you to come down to Venezuela and use your Kung Fu on my wife... she is driving me insane... I envy your current security and confidence in yourself... but its not a "bad" kind of envy, I feel great for you.

 

E.

[Gotti25]

Your wifey is insane sleeping with a 60 year old wth your getting on the right direction take care!

[Jstub]

Hey man, I need you to come down to Venezuela and use your Kung Fu on my wife... she is driving me insane... I envy your current security and confidence in yourself... but its not a "bad" kind of envy, I feel great for you.

 

E.

 

Have family in Venezuela actually. Maybe I'll come down there haha. Hey I have my weak moments but I just remind myself what she put me through and it gets easy as hell. **** her. Not the woman I married. She can go live on the street and I wouldn't give a crap. That's the point SHE made me reach.

[Jstub]

Your wifey is insane sleeping with a 60 year old wth your getting on the right direction take care!

 

She is 31 and he is 55. She needs a daddy figure. I have told her to call him daddy. He calls her baby girl. Now ain't that cute? Makes me sick but hey it's what she wants and she can have it.

[Jstub]

So I did put a password on my phone and left it on the table while I took a shower. I got out and the dragon attacked me by words. Haha she was yelling what's her name that bitch. She is influencing you. You are happy all of a sudden and treating me nice because she makes you happy. Let me talk to her right now. I stayed calm and said what happened sweetie? She kept yelling unlock your phone right now. I said you touching my phone? Invading my privacy?? How dare you? (back then when I went through her phone and found her text messages UNINTENTIONALLY she said I had no right and that she will never trust me). She kept yelling some more and asked for her name again. I calmly said, I am tired honey and since you are no longer my wife, I don't have to deal with your attitude. Have a good night.

 

Oh it feels good. Taste of her own medicine, even if there is no gf. Haha her imagination will kill her now. I don't get this woman, a while ago, when I slept with that woman from the park and told her about it, she didn't like it, but she didn't go crazy.

[Gotti25]

Wows! Good luck buddy!

[Jstub]

It's been a week since my last update. We had another sex filled 2 days last weekend. It was fun in the moment, but Monday morning, it didn't mean anything. She is confused as hell, one minute she says she loves me, the next minute she says she needs time to figure herself out etc. I just tell her the same thing, go figure things out, I will not be in your way nor will I be waiting for you - I can't be with someone like you. Every time I reject her, she goes nuts, brings up other women - for example, yesterday I went to get my car oil changed on my lunch break, she called and asked me if I would like to come home for lunch, I told her I can't - she flipped and said oh you seeing your bitch gf again etc. Yesterday night, I went running and when I came back she said that I am just pretending to be running and that I just wanted to leave the house to talk to my gf (I do not have a gf lol). I just ignore it. Then she said, I am making things worse, and that she is just going through a phase and I have to go flirt and date (I do not do any of that). I told her, listen sweetie, you are the one that cut me loose not the other way around. I didn't even bring up the OM.

 

She told me that she wants to cut contact with OM, because it doesn't make things easier. I told her, do what makes you happy - do not cut contact for the wrong reasons. Do not cut contact because of me, only cut contact if you think that's the right thing for you. I said, maybe he is the right person for you, you shouldn't just let him go for the wrong reasons. I could care less anyway, just found out that he is bipolar - so her EVEN considering to pursue a relationship with him, is an answer to me. Shows her priorities about our children and such.

 

She has begun detoxing. It has been 2 days now. She was having allergic reactions, so that convinced her that the pills have to go. I reminded her that the only way I will not go for full custody of the children is if she is clean.

 

I don't know what to make out of all of this, I choose not to over think, because that doesn't get me anywhere.

 

One more thing I did was to track down an old female friend, well she was more than a friend. Lots of history there. I had cut contact with her (out of respect for my wife) for many many years. After days of searching I finally found her. She is also in the divorce process and we are talking every day and helping each other out. She is far far away, it would cost $1400 to go see her (that's how far away she is lol), but I do enjoy talking to her.

 

Oh and another thing. Our lease for the house has expired and the landlord doesn't want to do month to month, so we have 3 months to get out. So there is an end in sight - no matter how long the divorce proceedings take, I don't have to live with her for much longer.

Edited April 18, 2012 by Jstub