heatherfeather Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 If so did it work or did it fail? Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 If so did it work or did it fail? For me, failed. I have yet to see one instance where it worked, although I'd genuinely love to be proven wrong and see the exception, for hope's sake. Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 For me, failed. I have yet to see one instance where it worked, although I'd genuinely love to be proven wrong and see the exception, for hope's sake. p.s. not to enhance my hope, but someone else's. Link to post Share on other sites
cookiecrumbles Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 I did one once, but never again! I think it just makes you look to smothering and desperate. You really just need to give them their space, and you have yours. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
minee Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 i wrote a letter to my ex immediately after we broke up. i told him how sorry i was for everything i've done and also told him all the things that he had done that hurt me. I sent it off and after that.. nothing. I didn't get a reply back. So naturally, I felt even more like ****. but you know what? despite all my friends telling me not to send the mail, I actually feel better because I was able to say everything I needed to say. For me, that letter was my closure regardless of whether he replied back or not. My advice is if you feel like it will help you REGARDLESS of how your bf reacts then do it. But if you're hoping for a reply back or an open door to hopefully reconcile, I'd say its best not to do it because you might set yourself up for disappointment and then you're back to feeling even more like sh**. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lis007 Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 Yes and it didn't work straight away but it did work. The letter plus actions. Have you separated amicably? do you respect each other? Was love there once? There is always a chance and to be honest if I took advice here we never would have reconciled its been a few months now and we are so happy. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
RR1 Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 Yes i'll agree with Lisa on that one. People will always tell you not to bother but i'm a give it a try type person. If it don't work out well you haven't lost anything. People who tell you not to try are those people who are afraid of failure. Fear stops us from doing lots of things but if we let fear rule us we'll never do anything so we'll never know the sweet taste of success either. What's the worst that can happen? You may not succeed and you feel a bit foolish for trying. I've long given up using such lame reasons for not trying. The best case scenario is it works out for you. Be honest and truthful and ask for a second chance. Good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author heatherfeather Posted March 16, 2012 Author Share Posted March 16, 2012 I am hopeful and am glad there are more positive people on this forum. Link to post Share on other sites
fucpcg Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 It's never wrong to declare what is in your heart. I sent the ex three letters, 6 weeks post breakup, 10 weeks post breakup, almost a year post breakup. The first was an apology for things I screwed up and felt bad about. The other two had specific reasons behind them, but was about opening communication. None of them made a dent. Whether they did or they didn't, I am glad I sent, because I know that I tried everything I could to salvage a relationship with a person that I once talked marriage and kids with. Her on the other hand, didn't try a damn thing, in fact tried all she could to run from it. Some day that will come back to weigh on her, that's my gut feeling. For me, I know I can sleep at night knowing I didn't throw this one away. I did right by Love, something she once told me she felt for me. I did right by it, she didn't. If we reap what we sew (and I believe we do), then I will gain down the road by doing right by Love. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Follower Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 Iv sent it and ill tell you 2 things that are really really important. Take your time in composition, take a few days over it, re-write and re-write it. Make sure you create it while you are feeling possitive about the breakup and yourself. Do NOT bring yourself down in the letter self suplication will only make you regret it. This letter will be a perminant item and if it goes in the no-reply path be warned there is every chance and most likely it will be brought up in your exes conversations in the future and the content will be a big factor of that conversation. I fully recomend sending it, if it is well composed and you are happy with the content. For the record, mine came to no avail, but im bloody glad i tried. Good luck whatever your choice. Link to post Share on other sites
ThatDudeXO Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 It's never wrong to declare what is in your heart. I sent the ex three letters, 6 weeks post breakup, 10 weeks post breakup, almost a year post breakup. The first was an apology for things I screwed up and felt bad about. The other two had specific reasons behind them, but was about opening communication. None of them made a dent. Whether they did or they didn't, I am glad I sent, because I know that I tried everything I could to salvage a relationship with a person that I once talked marriage and kids with. Her on the other hand, didn't try a damn thing, in fact tried all she could to run from it. Some day that will come back to weigh on her, that's my gut feeling. For me, I know I can sleep at night knowing I didn't throw this one away. I did right by Love, something she once told me she felt for me. I did right by it, she didn't. If we reap what we sew (and I believe we do), then I will gain down the road by doing right by Love. I also share this feeling in my heart. We loved like crazy before, discussed marriage and kids but now she's doing everything she can so she can be single. She claims to not be in love with me, while I'm still in love with her which is why I believe honesty is key. I sent her 2 letters after our breakup, she read both but never replied. They might have ruined any chance of immediate reconciliation but I know somewhere down the line it will be worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
fucpcg Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 Follower makes a great point. My first letter, six weeks out, was because I spent six weeks crafting this letter. It went thru many stages, and in the end I had written probably triple in text what I had actually sent, because of all the rewrites. My first letter definitely had an angry, fire back tone. What I would consider the second of the metamorphosis was a defensive letter, in defense of what I was accused of. The third and final outcome, weeks later, was a very sincere, not blame accepting where unwarranted nor blame dodging when I deserved it, very heart felt, very mature letter towards her and towards myself. Had I sent the first letter I wrote, my second letter would have been needed for an apology for my first letter! Write it, sit on it... rewrite it, sit on it..... until every ounce of your heart and gut says yes this is it. Link to post Share on other sites
RR1 Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 I could not agree more. if it's worth having then it's worth fighting for. When i look back on missed opportunities, and i'm not just talking about relationships but every aspect of life, the ones i regret the most are the ones where i know i could have tried again or tried harder. Everyone loves someone who tries, yes you open yourself up to hurt and failure but that's all part of the process. I used to be one of those people that sat around moaning why nothing good ever happened for me. Then i woke up and realised that if you want something good to happen you have to go out and make it happen yourself. Sure it may not always work out as you hoped but at least you know it didn't happen for lack of trying. I agree about taking your time with the composition though. Don't appear desperate, just outline honest reasons why you think you both failed and why it's worth trying again. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MarlaOryx Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 I wrote a second chance letter, several drafts over the two days post breakup. He got it on the night of the third day. The fourth day I received an email saying that although what we had was beautiful, what didn't work really didn't work. He thought it was a good idea to not talk for a few weeks (it's now been 4 without a word). The breakup itself came from left field and was muddied and all reaction out of fear on both our parts. I've written another long second chance letter, but I'm not going to send it. I'm still so confused. I love that men are on this forum, too. I'd love some insight from them. I'm new here. I'll write my breakup story and see what responses I get. Link to post Share on other sites
Author heatherfeather Posted March 19, 2012 Author Share Posted March 19, 2012 my ex never responded to mine. guess that means he didnt really care Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 i totally wrote one, and it worked!!!!!!!!!!!!!! we totally got back together!!!!!!!!! also i was 11 years old at the time. as an adult? no. don't count on it working, ever. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author heatherfeather Posted March 20, 2012 Author Share Posted March 20, 2012 Why is that everyone on this forum is always so negative? Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 Why is that everyone on this forum is always so negative? realistic isn't the same as negative. if everything was happy endings and rainbows, this forum wouldn't exist we could lie to you if you want though. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GaelicSoul Posted March 22, 2012 Share Posted March 22, 2012 (edited) my ex never responded to mine. guess that means he didnt really care Hi Heather, Listen, i'm not trying being mean, but since you joined the forum your first posts were "where could find a copy of TW Jackson's book Magic of making up", and straight away you wrote exactly what he said and sent it to your Ex. Look what happened! Now your running around in circles in your mind about what to do next. It hurts, and i know how you feel. We all know how you feel. That's why we are here to help, advise and prevent you from breaking your heart even more. You need to read about No Contact, take a breather and just step back and accept it....for now! We have all been there, read all those crappy ebooks, seen the vids on yourtube and read every article up and down on the Internet, trying to relate it to our own story, but it didn't bring our Ex's back. If you want to heal, feel better about yourself and also move on to bigger and better things in your life, then start reading the real stories on this site. Start in trying to understand yourself more. Why you act in way, why you make certain decisions, how can i turn a positive into a negative. Forget about books on "How to get my Ex back" buy books that will change your life for the better, make you think a little different. You are Single now. Thats not a bad thing, it's amazing! This is now your time now to heal and grow and learn from this moment in your life. Your Ex will take care of himself. Edited March 22, 2012 by GaelicSoul 2 Link to post Share on other sites
robertmathis1026 Posted March 23, 2012 Share Posted March 23, 2012 I think letter is only good for apologize but not good to get your ex back. Are you SUFFERING THE PAIN, because your ex DUMP you? Can You imagine, if you can make your ex BEGGING TO BACK WITH YOU? click here to make it HAPPEN!! Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted March 26, 2012 Share Posted March 26, 2012 umm, spambot? ^^^ Link to post Share on other sites
kkay Posted March 26, 2012 Share Posted March 26, 2012 I wrote a letter to my ex a few weeks after he moved out of our shared apartment. I asked him to come over to talk about what was going on and I read the letter to him. Basically I wanted to make sure I said everything I felt I needed to say, everything I ever wanted to say. At the end of my emotional reading, I gave him the letter to keep as a reminder of who I am, what I wanted and how I felt about him and our relationship. Did I WANT him to jump back into my arms, of course but I went into the situation knowing that it was to clear my conscious and to lift the burden off my shoulders. I wrote and re-wrote that letter a hundred times to make sure it was perfect... In reality, it was a personal exercise for myself and had nothing to do with him. I advise writing a letter but not with the intent of a 2nd chance. It should only be done to feel a sense of accomplishment and not to beg and make yourself look pathetic. I showed my true emotions and spoke the words from my heart. I spoke of where I knew I failed him... my inability to communicate, my inability to be vulnerable to anyone and my desire to become a more open person in the future. I told him that I was going to counseling (I was and still am) and that I was dealing with a lot of past issues that I was not able to admit to myself, let alone him. It was the best thing I could have done in my position as he is an individual that would just shut down when the conversation got serious, change the topic and get me flustered and off my train of thought. I don't know if he still looks at the letter or if he even still has it but I know that my heart is no longer weighed down. It was a therapeutic exercise because after 4 years together I finally had the honesty, guts and courage to say what I needed to say to him but more importantly, to myself. OH! And so I know what I said, I photocopied it for my records... I know, a little OCD Hope this helps. I still miss him everyday but everyday I get stronger, become more independent and open myself to the world a little more... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author heatherfeather Posted April 3, 2012 Author Share Posted April 3, 2012 Hi Heather, Listen, i'm not trying being mean, but since you joined the forum your first posts were "where could find a copy of TW Jackson's book Magic of making up", and straight away you wrote exactly what he said and sent it to your Ex. Look what happened! Now your running around in circles in your mind about what to do next. It hurts, and i know how you feel. We all know how you feel. That's why we are here to help, advise and prevent you from breaking your heart even more. You need to read about No Contact, take a breather and just step back and accept it....for now! We have all been there, read all those crappy ebooks, seen the vids on yourtube and read every article up and down on the Internet, trying to relate it to our own story, but it didn't bring our Ex's back. If you want to heal, feel better about yourself and also move on to bigger and better things in your life, then start reading the real stories on this site. Start in trying to understand yourself more. Why you act in way, why you make certain decisions, how can i turn a positive into a negative. Forget about books on "How to get my Ex back" buy books that will change your life for the better, make you think a little different. You are Single now. Thats not a bad thing, it's amazing! This is now your time now to heal and grow and learn from this moment in your life. Your Ex will take care of himself. I did write it, and it gave me my power back after I sent it I didn't beg for him to come back etc... BTW, it did work along with NC 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GaelicSoul Posted April 3, 2012 Share Posted April 3, 2012 Ok, we'll i'm happy for you. Best of luck in the future! Link to post Share on other sites
Snow-white Posted April 7, 2012 Share Posted April 7, 2012 I sent my ex-husband an e-mail asking him for a second chance after I was the one who initatiated the divorce (that I completey regret). I believe he does the No Contact thing. I have not heard back from him. It breaks my heart. We were together for 11 years, married for 3 1/2 years, and now my only hope is that the love we shared (and I still love him from the bottom of my heart) will bring us together again. If anyone ever had success and getting back together with your man, the 2nd Chance and reconnection was a success on the road of life, please let me know. Link to post Share on other sites
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