The Alcoholic Cousin and my Alcohol-Fueled Party

[RiverRunning]

One of my cousins is a problem drinker. He's 30-years-old, got a DUI 5 - 7 years ago (and has admitted to driving drunk at least a few other times - there was also a DUI charge against him that was dropped). Admittedly, that's been a while ago.

 

But in the last 1 - 3 years, he's gotten into a lot of trouble. He spends almost every night that he's not working (3 - 4 nights a week) drinking until he passes out, according to his brother. My cousin once showed up at a party my brother was throwing. Within an hour, he had gone from sober to so drunk he was passing out in his chair. He never asked if he could stay the night or if someone would drive him home. His friend did the same thing. My brother was furious and had to make room in his cramped apartment for the two guys. Since then, my brother has chosen not to invite him to parties where alcohol will be served, or he gets up and immediately hides the booze when my cousin walks in.

 

About two years ago, this cousin went to someone's house and got very drunk and belligerent. He started destroying their stuff - a few guys had to sit on him and restrain him until my uncle arrived to take him home (a condition the friends set, or they told my uncle they would have to call the police). Some of my cousin's friendships have eroded because of things he's said and done while drunk.

 

A year ago, I had a get-together at a local brewery with several family members and friends. I had gone to the brewery previously with this cousin, and besides having a few drinks, he was not a problem. However, that night, he had 5 - 7 drinks in the space of about an hour. He started hitting on my friends and making them very uncomfortable, along with everyone else at the table.

 

Eventually, he was preparing to leave with some of his friends, all of whom I later learned were drunk (I thought one of them was sober). I told him that I would drive him to my mom's place and he could stay the night there, but he started getting aggressive with me. His 'sober' friend insisted they should go to another bar and have even more drinks.

 

My cousin readily agreed to this. Had I known the 'sober' friend was drunk himself, I would have called the police. They went off to another bar - a bar which my cousin told me he had been BANNED from for a few months because of his previous behavior.

 

 

I am throwing a St. Patty's day party at my apartment complex's clubhouse. There will be alcohol. I have a friend who also drinks to excess, but at the least she's not destructive or mean and she has the sense to ask in advance if I will drive her or if she can stay the night, courtesies which my cousin does not extend me.

 

I purposely did not invite my cousin. He admitted in the past that he had a problem with booze and resolved to stay sober, which only lasted for a few weeks. Not only does his behavior frighten me, but I'm also worried about his health and I don't feel it's fair of me to invite someone to a party that's riddled with alcohol. Everyone else who has been invited is a fairly tame drinker.

 

My mom is throwing her weight around. She told me that my cousin has called to talk about 'something personal' and believes it's because he's heard about the party. I will tell him to his face why he was not invited if he confronts me about it. My mom insists I should invite him to maintain 'peace' in the family, then threw it in my face that my friend will be staying the night. There is a world of difference between my friend and my cousin. My mom even insisted that I should make ROOM for my cousin and God knows how many of his tag-along friends he has if they get drunk!

 

I live in a ONE-BEDROOM apartment!

 

I have invited my cousin to every other get-together where alcohol is not present. I don't feel I'm obligated to invite him. I very firmly told my mother that it was NOT her business and that the case is closed. Being the bossy witch that she is, she was none too pleased to hear it.

 

So...what do I do? I am feeling very guilty about this and part of me thinks I SHOULD invite him, but then again I don't feel like baby-sitting him. I had to pay a $350 deposit to rent this clubhouse. If he destroys anything above that cost, I could wind up paying hundreds more.

 

He has a demonstrated record of being much more than a nuisance when drunk. I can't even believe members of my family are trying to pressure me to invite him to this party. Am I being too mean or has everyone around me gone insane in the name of 'peace?'

[tomswife]

No, you don't have to invite him because if you do you are an enabler. If he has an

accident leaving your party you will regret forever.

He is 30 he should know better when, where and how much to drink

I have been a nasty drunk before and I don't ever see those people I saw in those particular parties where I caused a seen due to embarrasment. That's me and my maturity.

[CC12]

I'm also worried about his health and I don't feel it's fair of me to invite someone to a party that's riddled with alcohol.

 

If you phrase your reason for not inviting him in this way, it's going to rub people wrong.

 

If you phrase it in a more truthful way and just say, "Sorry, he's really irresponsible when he drinks and it's caused a lot of problems in the past. I want to enjoy my party instead of worrying about him getting out of hand again."

 

You're not obligated to invite him. It's understandable that you feel guilty, but it's not your fault that he can't handle himself and is rude on top of it.

 

 

 

Aaaand I just realized your party was earlier tonight so it's been resolved either way. Oh well. I wrote a bunch of words and I'm not deleting them. So, how'd it go?

[RiverRunning]

Haven't heard anything from drinky-drink cousin.