jhendricks Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 Well, I just got back from a nice date with this girl, and it was a little too nice - we get along extremely well, and had a lot of fun, but definitely platonic and not flirty. My gut feeling afterwards was that we were developing a friendship, but I clearly want something more. Although I'm not the hopeless "nice guy" I used to be, flirting just doesn't come naturally. If there's very little to no flirting on the first date, is recovery hopeless, or should I see what happens if I test the waters a little bit more? I'm thinking of disappearing for a week or so to get some distance, and look at other girls in the meantime, but I'd like to salvage the situation and seal the deal if at all possible. Any suggestions? Link to post Share on other sites
purpleafrogal Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 Oh no! Why would you want to disappear if you want to salvage the situation? if you disappear for a week then all hope is lost. It will seem like you were just being 'nice' but don't consider her proper dating material. Contact her and act a little more flirty and suggest another date where you are more romantic/lover-ish whatever so that you don't end up doing the 'lets be friends' thing. Do not entertain 'friendly' chat about exes, other boys, what you look for in a girl/boy and any other chit-chat that has nothing to do with how hot you both are and whether you are going to work together (in whatever capacity) Good Luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author jhendricks Posted March 17, 2012 Author Share Posted March 17, 2012 Alright, looks like I just need to stop overreacting and step it up a bit I always end up over-analysing this kind of thing when I should just play it cool and go for it. There were a lot of signs that may mean it wasn't actually date, or it was just a friendly get-together, or something, but the little flirting I did went over well, so I'll send out some really clear signals next time! I was kicking myself hard over some dumb things, but you don't need a perfect score to make dating work, right? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
freetolove Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 make intentions clear then disappear...until he contacts you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jhendricks Posted March 18, 2012 Author Share Posted March 18, 2012 Alright, some success We had another afternoon together, and this time felt much better - great conversation and lots of fun. But, later on we were joined by friends of hers in the park. Although some little flirtatious things I did to test the waters went by well, a few others didn't, and having her girlfriends around didn't make me feel any better about this friend-zone stuff. My gut feeling kept shifting back and forth between cutting my losses or going for it, and by the time she had to leave for an appointment, I had all but decided the battle was lost. I'd done my best, time to move on. But there was something about the way she said goodbye to me that seemed special - I'm not sure how to describe it, but it wasn't an ordinary "See you later!" I left one way, they left the other, but all of the sudden I stopped and felt like I needed to man up, put an end to these games, and take action. So, I doubled back and caught back up with her and her friends. I put my hand on her arm, told her flat-out that I'd like to go to a movie with her, just the two of us, something more private. For some reason, the word "date" never left my mouth, but I made it very clear that I wanted something more than a friendly get-together, and she said "yes" It looks like the battle isn't lost after all! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cypress25 Posted March 18, 2012 Share Posted March 18, 2012 If she finds you attractive, she will want a romantic relationship with you. If she doesn't, she won't. It's that simple. It doesn't matter how much you flirt with her on the first or second date. Yes, you will eventually have to make a move, but she's not going to instantly friend-zone you if you're not an extreme flirt. She'll only friend-zone you if she doesn't find you attractive. Link to post Share on other sites
purpleafrogal Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 If she finds you attractive, she will want a romantic relationship with you.... She'll only friend-zone you if she doesn't find you attractive. ...Or if she DOES find you attractive but you aren't making any overt moves and feels YOU don't find HER attractive enough. Damned if you do...damned if you don't. You can only but try mate! Link to post Share on other sites
Author jhendricks Posted March 19, 2012 Author Share Posted March 19, 2012 ...Or if she DOES find you attractive but you aren't making any overt moves and feels YOU don't find HER attractive enough. Damned if you do...damned if you don't. You can only but try mate!Yeah, seriously. I don't want to sound like I'm full of myself here, but I'm pretty good-looking and a good catch, so I don't have any trouble being relaxed, cool, and confident. I can keep her laughing and having a great time for sure, but I used to be REALLY shy and I'm still having trouble being physical without my nerves kicking in hard. That's not going to get better overnight, but dammit, I'm trying! In the meantime, I've been getting some mixed signals so I'm just going to play things out a bit longer. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cypress25 Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 Or if she DOES find you attractive but you aren't making any overt moves and feels YOU don't find HER attractive enough. No, she'll still want a romantic relationship, she'll just be a little frustrated that it's taking so long. Trust me, women don't friend-zone guys that they're attracted to. Ever heard of unrequited love? That's when you're interested in someone despite their lack of interest in you. You wouldn't friend-zone that person; you'd jump for joy if they finally made a move. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jhendricks Posted March 20, 2012 Author Share Posted March 20, 2012 Aaaand just got a text, it looks like nothing's going to happen after all. Bummer, huh? Oh well, was fun to think about. It's kind of a relief, honestly - all these little dating mind games stress me out, haha. I'm more confused than anything why it didn't work out... it seemed like there was a connection there, but I guess you never can tell. But hey, I got a good job offer this morning, so life is actually pretty good right now Link to post Share on other sites
Author jhendricks Posted March 21, 2012 Author Share Posted March 21, 2012 (edited) No, she'll still want a romantic relationship, she'll just be a little frustrated that it's taking so long. Trust me, women don't friend-zone guys that they're attracted to. Ever heard of unrequited love? That's when you're interested in someone despite their lack of interest in you. You wouldn't friend-zone that person; you'd jump for joy if they finally made a move.That makes a lot of sense to me. If the shoe was on the other foot, and a girl I liked didn't act interested for a long time then suddenly made a move, I'd be delighted. It can't be too long, but ONE DATE is perfectly fair. If there was an initial connection, the only way I'd lose interest after one date is if I was only interested in some fun, or I had a lot of girls on the side. So, in my case, either she just wasn't into me, or she was interested in something more shallow, which I wouldn't be into anyway. Personally, I don't feel like I screwed up a good thing, even though I definitely have some lessons to take home. Still, it's really disappointing that what felt like a strong connection turned out to be a dead-end, but if the attraction's not there, it's just not there. Edited March 21, 2012 by jhendricks Link to post Share on other sites
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