Stuck between two loves, what to do?

[Clearview]

Hi, I'm kinda stuck so I figured I would put it out there for some unbiased opinions. I'll try to be succinct as possible without leaving out too many details. It goes like this...

 

I'm currently with someone. We moved across the country together as friends (plus a little more) and due to financial constraints decided that making a go of it together made more sense than trying to strike out on our own. Over time, it's turned into much more than friends (surprise), which is not a bad thing. I love this person. The last thing I want to do is hurt them.

 

However, during that time, I started talking to a long time ex from back home that I never quite got over. Given that the living situation was still developing and in a weird kind of limbo, I came to realize that I still wanted to pursue things with this ex at some point, if only we could ever get back to being in the same city one day.

 

Anyway, one thing leads to another and now I'm in this f***ed up situation. Neither one knows about the other besides the basic info, though I don't think for a second that either one is stupid either. I guess you really can't underestimate the power of denial, huh? The ex wants to start doing the "long distance" thing and traveling out to see me and vice versa, like immediately. This won't work for obvious reasons. I've been a cheater in the past, but I just can't stomach it anymore so that's not an option. In my experience, that just leads to a bigger mess and this whole situation has gone far enough (sans physical contact) as it is.

 

So, basic problem is that I have two people in love with me that I am also in love with. I know our society says that you can only love one person at a time, but I find this to be ludicrously untrue - I know what I know in my heart. All the same, good luck trying to articulate that to anyone, let alone them. I would just move out and do my thing, but the financial situation hasn't changed so much and moving out would mean dashing both our hopes of making it in this new place on the rocks (i.e. We’d both be ****ed). As a friend, I can't do that to this person.

 

Given the tons of posts on here as example, I don't think outright telling either one is the answer as we all know that just leads to self-esteem issues. Like I said, I'm not out to hurt anyone and I didn't start this on purpose, but I can't do this double-life thing anymore either. Currently I'm leaning towards telling the "ex" that I feel like the long-distance thing won't work out (which is mostly true) and letting them move on even though I know it will hurt us both. Though this person is an "ex" because I made the decision last time, and then I feel like an ass because it will just seem that I've been leading this person on all this time.

 

So, I think that's the gist of it pretty much. Please spare the flaming about how ****ed up I am, I already feel terrible enough about this and I don't know how it got this far to be honest. I just need some good solid advice on how everyone involved (hopefully) can get out of this wacked out triangle (virtually) unscathed.

 

Thanks for your time.

[mendingmyheart04]

You have been leading the ex on. I think you should tell her that it won't work and just concentrate on the woman you're living with now. You don't want to risk losing both of them. And, your ex will get over you.