Are these signs that he is interested?

[kest]

There's this guy I've known for over a year now, and I've begun to get the feeling that he has a romantic interest in me due to things he's said or done. Yet - I am very inexperienced when it comes to relationships and guys (I've never dated) and so am unsure as to whether I'm reading these things incorrectly:

 

- I often catch him watching and observing me - particularly in class and when he makes jokes.

- When he catches my eye, he often smiles.

- He often makes observations about me or gives me compliments - about my appearance, habits, passions or intellect.

- He recently told me he makes jokes for my benefit to make me laugh (I don't know if that means anything, but I thought it was nice).

- He gave me quite an expensive birthday gift last year.

- He's asked me to events a couple of times outside of uni.

- He seems genuinely interested in what I do and in my family.

- He's mentioned me to other people - they knew who I was/knew things about me before I'd met them.

- He told me once that some people think we're dating.

 

I don't know if this is normal for guys. He's quite friendly, but doesn't seem to act this way around other girls. A few people who know us both have expressed the thought that he's interested in me romantically.

 

Does it sound like he could be interested in me? I feel myself developing feelings for him, but really would like to know if there's a chance he could feel the same way.

[somedude81]

Do you really have to ask?

 

It's completely obvious.

[kest]

Do you really have to ask?

 

It's completely obvious.

 

Yeah. As I said, I'm very inexperienced about these things and am exceptionally hopeless at understanding what they mean. I've never really had anyone interested in me before. I'm also very unsure about the situation and doubt myself a fair bit. Just when I think there's a chance he could be interested, something convinces me that he couldn't possibly find me attractive.

 

Plus I'm a bit dissuaded by the fact that he hasn't done anything. If he were interested in me romantically, wouldn't he express his feelings? I know that's probably a generalisation, but it's confusing me a little.

[spiderowl]

Sounds like he's attracted to you and also fond of you. If you like him, then these are very good signs. If you want him to be more than a friend, take the opportunity to spend time alone with him when he asks. Be warm and friendly and a little flirtatious. He's probably scared of ruining a friendship if he takes it further and so would need some strong hints from you that it's OK.

[kest]

Sounds like he's attracted to you and also fond of you. If you like him, then these are very good signs. If you want him to be more than a friend, take the opportunity to spend time alone with him when he asks. Be warm and friendly and a little flirtatious. He's probably scared of ruining a friendship if he takes it further and so would need some strong hints from you that it's OK.

 

Thank you for your advice. I do like him (and have done so for some time). But for some reason, when I'm around him I tend to get shy, so I haven't done anything about it. Plus, I do fear rejection or ruining the frienship by making any moves.

 

I have been trying to be more friendly with him. I'm fairly quiet, so have been making more of an effort to talk and smile more. We share a similar sense of humour, so he does see me joke around a bit (and he tries to make me laugh, even during class). I tease him playfully sometimes.

And for his birthday I gave him a small gift that I put a lot of thought into.

 

Are those sorts of things good to be doing? There is a chance I can spend some time alone with him next week. A couple of friends have suggested that I ask him out for coffee - is that a good idea? To be honest, I doubt I'd be able to lose enough of my nerves to do that.

[spiderowl]

He should be pleased you are being attentive to him like this. Has he asked you to spend time with just him? If he's suggested going places, just the two of you, or invited you round to his place or out for a coffee or to listen to music, then he wants to be alone with you. If he always makes plans which include other people, then either he's scared of showing his hand or he's only interested in you as a friend. He does like you though so you need to encourage him in a way that he can't miss.

 

You could bring up the subject of romance, girlfriends and suchlike, in a fun and casual way, see if you can get some sort of conversation going. Ideally he will let you know a bit more about his view of girls and whether there's anyone he's interested in at the moment. But, I have to say, if he's interested, he will be making little moves to encourage you to spend time with just him and he will be sharing more with you than with others, on an emotional level. Teasing is very convenient for shy guys too as it can often give them an opportunity to get physically closer and touch you, subtly hiding under a cloak called teasing.

 

Does he sit close to you? Does he do helpful things for you? Is he always aware of your favourite drink, the ways you prefer to do things and so on? He's paying attention if so. If you accept his offers to spend time alone, that will be a sign to him that you like him too.

[kest]

He should be pleased you are being attentive to him like this. Has he asked you to spend time with just him? If he's suggested going places, just the two of you, or invited you round to his place or out for a coffee or to listen to music, then he wants to be alone with you. If he always makes plans which include other people, then either he's scared of showing his hand or he's only interested in you as a friend. He does like you though so you need to encourage him in a way that he can't miss.

 

You could bring up the subject of romance, girlfriends and suchlike, in a fun and casual way, see if you can get some sort of conversation going. Ideally he will let you know a bit more about his view of girls and whether there's anyone he's interested in at the moment. But, I have to say, if he's interested, he will be making little moves to encourage you to spend time with just him and he will be sharing more with you than with others, on an emotional level. Teasing is very convenient for shy guys too as it can often give them an opportunity to get physically closer and touch you, subtly hiding under a cloak called teasing.

 

Does he sit close to you? Does he do helpful things for you? Is he always aware of your favourite drink, the ways you prefer to do things and so on? He's paying attention if so. If you accept his offers to spend time alone, that will be a sign to him that you like him too.

 

Thank you

Not really. We're both religious, and a couple of weeks ago he asked me if I wanted to go to church with him, but I couldn't make it. That's basically the last time he asked me to do anything, and I'm not really sure if that qualifies.

 

Last year we were both part of a comedy society, and so I would see him in a setting outside of class. We were part of a group, but even there I got the feeling that he had a special feeling or consideration for me - I would often catch him looking at me and he'd often ask for my opinion. He did bring up dating and romance a couple of times, but never spoke about being interested in anyone. I know he's dated before though.

 

He does ask me questions about myself and my family, and from time to time he does disclose things to me. I would like to spend more time with him, as we don't really get to talk a lot during class. After one particular class we do walk to the train station together, but that's not really enough time to have a conversation. But I'm not really sure if he'll ask me to spend time with him - as I keep getting this doubt.

 

We see each other three times a week in class. Sometimes he'll sit near me (but we won't always talk) and other times he'll sit next to me if there's room. He's always doing gentlemanly things, like pulling out the chair for me if I want to sit down, opening doors for me and letting me go first, and walking on the road side when we're going down the street. I've never really seen him do that with other girls, but it doesn't mean he hasn't. He seems very observant of me - he knows I'm quiet, he knows how I do things and he can tell when I find something funny. He remembers things about me and my family, which indicates that he's paying attention.

 

What do you think I should do? Should I make more of an effort to talk to him? I would like to spend as much time with him as I can - I love spending time with him - but I don't want to "come on too strong" or overwhelm him.

[spiderowl]

The last thing he asked you to do, you turned down (probably for good reasons). Nevertheless, he may have felt rejected. How many things have you turned down that he has suggested? Have a think. If there have been a few things you couldn't make, he might have thought you weren't interested.

 

Everything you say suggests he likes you very much. If you like him, talk to him, welcome his approaches with a smile, accept his invitations.

[kest]

The last thing he asked you to do, you turned down (probably for good reasons). Nevertheless, he may have felt rejected. How many things have you turned down that he has suggested? Have a think. If there have been a few things you couldn't make, he might have thought you weren't interested.

 

Everything you say suggests he likes you very much. If you like him, talk to him, welcome his approaches with a smile, accept his invitations.

 

Yeah, I turned it down because the timing meant it would have taken me about an hour to get home, by which stage it would have been dark. He understood, which I was very glad for.

 

I saw him today and he asked me to go again, but I'd been to church earlier in the day so he said it was fine. I would like to go with him sometime, so am planning it for next week or the week after.

He did ask me to do something with him in a couple of weeks' time (it is for uni, but would take place during the holidays). I accepted, which he seemed happy about.

 

Today I made more of an effort to smile at him I did catch him watching me a bit again, and every time he looked at or spoke to me he was smiling. He also complimented me a few times and said a few things that *maybe* were a bit suggestive of romantic interest.

[spiderowl]

Sounds good to me. I'd love an update if you get chance.

[JoeyArnold]

Be available to him. Make a priority. Tell him you are there for him anytime.

[kest]

Thanks guys! I haven't been back here for ages :/

 

Since then, things have progressed a bit. We worked on an assignment together recently and I went to his house a couple of times, met his family, etc. He drove me back to the train station every night, and one night when we were in the car we ended up singing together (and quite a romantic song, which he chose). He does sing to me quite a bit

 

A couple of weeks ago he came to my house to study and ended up staying for dinner with my family and hung out with us until around 11pm. He gets on well with my parents & siblings, which is great.

 

I'm leaving for a study trip overseas in about a month. When I told him, he sounded disappointed and said he would miss me. I know I'm going to miss him :/ He gave me a farewell gift, which was really sweet.

 

We've gotten to know each other better and had a few deep discussions. He knows a bit about me. I still like him loads, but am not sure how to progress with things...or even whether I should, now that I'm going overseas.

[spiderowl]

Yes, he likes you. He thinks of you, looks at you, remembers things that are important to you, gives you gifts, talks about you to his family and friends, even mentioned that others thought you were dating. The latter, I would think, is a way of sounding you out about the idea. He might have been thinking of asking you out but if you'd been horrified at what he said, he's have thought twice about it.

 

I think you only have to give him some encouragement - smile, show a particular interest in him, hug him when you get chance and tell him you really like him. If he's interested, he might then take the risk of asking you on a date. Of course you could always be direct and tell him you fancy him but I wouldn't actually recommend that because I think guys like to feel it was their decision to date a girl and not the other way round.

 

You can keep in touch with him while being overseas. If you like him enough, it could work out in the long run. Some relationships do last regardless of things like time out.

Edited July 1, 2012 by spiderowl

[kest]

Yes, he likes you. He thinks of you, looks at you, remembers things that are important to you, gives you gifts, talks about you to his family and friends, even mentioned that others thought you were dating. The latter, I would think, is a way of sounding you out about the idea. He might have been thinking of asking you out but if you'd been horrified at what he said, he's have thought twice about it.

 

I think you only have to give him some encouragement - smile, show a particular interest in him, hug him when you get chance and tell him you really like him. If he's interested, he might then take the risk of asking you on a date. Of course you could always be direct and tell him you fancy him but I wouldn't actually recommend that because I think guys like to feel it was their decision to date a girl and not the other way round.

 

You can keep in touch with him while being overseas. If you like him enough, it could work out in the long run. Some relationships do last regardless of things like time out.

 

The thing is, he's talked about other girls he's dated, so I'm not sure what that could mean (if anything). It kind of confuses me.

I don't remember being horrified, I think I just laughed

 

The other day I sent him an SMS just asking how he was going. Semester's ended and I haven't seen him for a couple of weeks. I'd like to take things slowly as I'm shy, but I just don't want things to fall apart while I'm overseas. I do like him, and I want to show him that I do, but I don't want to make a fool of myself, embarrass him or ruin the friendship.

[NateC]

The thing is, he's talked about other girls he's dated, so I'm not sure what that could mean (if anything). It kind of confuses me.

I don't remember being horrified, I think I just laughed

 

The other day I sent him an SMS just asking how he was going. Semester's ended and I haven't seen him for a couple of weeks. I'd like to take things slowly as I'm shy, but I just don't want things to fall apart while I'm overseas. I do like him, and I want to show him that I do, but I don't want to make a fool of myself, embarrass him or ruin the friendship.

 

Being cautious works for a while, but you have to give him hints that you like him...because let's face it, guys aren't exactly great at taking the subtle hints.

 

Ask him to do something with just you and him. It doesn't matter what it is...just make it something you know you'll both enjoy.

[kest]

Being cautious works for a while, but you have to give him hints that you like him...because let's face it, guys aren't exactly great at taking the subtle hints.

 

Ask him to do something with just you and him. It doesn't matter what it is...just make it something you know you'll both enjoy.

 

I get your points. I would love to do something with him, I really like spending time with him...but I'm not sure what we could do. I don't want to make it seem like a date.

[NateC]

I get your points. I would love to do something with him, I really like spending time with him...but I'm not sure what we could do. I don't want to make it seem like a date.

 

Why not make it seem like a date? If that doesn't make it obvious that you like him (you do, don't you?) then he's oblivious.

[kest]

Why not make it seem like a date? If that doesn't make it obvious that you like him (you do, don't you?) then he's oblivious.

 

I think I like him. I said this somewhere else: "I love him, I think (though in more of an emotional way). I want him to be happy and to succeed even if it means my own happiness and success is compromised. Maybe "love" is a very strong word. I do like him, and I would love to have a deeper relationship with him, but if he can seek happiness and love with another person better than he can with me, I prefer that."

 

But I'm limited by my shyness and feelings of inadequacy. Most of the time I doubt he likes me. I'm very quiet and not that physically attractive. I can tell that girls like him. So I don't want to push him into being in that kind of "date" situation with me when he could be with someone who is much more than what I am. I want him to be happy, even if it isn't with me. Though I know deep down I would regret it if I never told him how I feel. I'm very closed, so I doubt he'd be able to tell without me revealing my feelings to him.

I think I'm just scared of showing him that I like him.

 

Am I even making sense? I don't know. Spending time alone with him is great, I love doing it. When he gave me something for my trip overseas, he told me that he "didn't want to make a big deal of it". So that kind of indicated that he doesn't feel the same, that he just wants to be friends. (Maybe I'm reading too much into it)

[Shaun-Dro]

I think I like him. I said this somewhere else: "I love him, I think (though in more of an emotional way). I want him to be happy and to succeed even if it means my own happiness and success is compromised. Maybe "love" is a very strong word. I do like him, and I would love to have a deeper relationship with him, but if he can seek happiness and love with another person better than he can with me, I prefer that."

 

But I'm limited by my shyness and feelings of inadequacy. Most of the time I doubt he likes me. I'm very quiet and not that physically attractive.

 

How do you know you're not physically attractive? Why do you assume it when this guy has pretty much shown how much he is in to you without using the obvious 3 words.

[kest]

How do you know you're not physically attractive? Why do you assume it when this guy has pretty much shown how much he is in to you without using the obvious 3 words.

 

Because I have a medical condition that makes me look different to pretty much everyone else. I've been bullied for the way I look and I've been called ugly. It's made me convinced that no one will ever find me attractive, and it's especially difficult to think that this guy - who is quite attractive in my opinion - could like the way I look. That might sound really silly, but it's just how I've been made to feel.

[Beachead]

I'm going by your first post OP. Based on what you described, chances are very high that he likes you.

 

If I am right, then the only thing I can see at this point that would diminish your chances would be your lack of confidence. You need more..and you also have to get past your shyness.

 

I know girls have their own issues they go through during situations like this but I'll tell you, it's not easy from our perspective either. It's equally difficult in different ways.

 

Meet him halfway, accept his invitations when he asks you out and sit with him, be close to him. You don't really have to say much. That's really all you have to do. He'll take it from there.

 

Best of luck

[kest]

I'm going by your first post OP. Based on what you described, chances are very high that he likes you.

 

If I am right, then the only thing I can see at this point that would diminish your chances would be your lack of confidence. You need more..and you also have to get past your shyness.

 

I know girls have their own issues they go through during situations like this but I'll tell you, it's not easy from our perspective either. It's equally difficult in different ways.

 

Meet him halfway, accept his invitations when he asks you out and sit with him, be close to him. You don't really have to say much. That's really all you have to do. He'll take it from there.

 

Best of luck

 

Thank you I will work on my confidence.

 

Update: Yesterday he texted me (and a few other people) asking if we wanted to go to see a film with him tonight. I remembered what you guys said about taking every opportunity and so I replied saying yes. I'm really looking forward to seeing and spending time with him & the other people going. The film should end fairly late and I live about 45mins away, so he offered to drop me home - thought that was really kind.

[Ghisop]

I posted this on another forum but I think this is the more appropriate place. Me and this guy are really good friends. I was in a relationship that ended and we began to make out after drinking. Just friends having fun- his words. We have been doing this for a month and it's getting more intimate now. We had never had sex before because he said it changes things and made things more serious. We finally had sex and he told me he was glad we waited and it was worth it. And that he feels closer to me now. He also said he liked me. So now I'm left wondering if the month ago conversation about us being just friends is still in play. I don't want to read to much into things. This is sticky because we do work together as well, which has always been a big no no for me. Any thoughts?

[TMichaels]

This is sticky because we do work together as well, which has always been a big no no for me. Any thoughts?

 

Relationships with co-workers generally *aren't* a good idea as when they go south (and they often do) not only is your personal life affected but it can have a negative effect on your work life and livelihood as well.

 

IMO this guy is just playing you.

 

I presume he knows that your b/f recently ended your LDR. He probably figures "now that you aren't getting any" you'd be open to some action. So to test the waters he dangled the idea of making out with the caveat of "Hey, nothing serious -- just a few snogs between friends."

 

You didn't reject that advance, so naturally he's going to press on.

 

I'm willing to bet if you start "acting like a girlfriend" and putting pressure of demands on the guy, he'll be out of your life like a shot.

 

But most likely not without throwing back in your face the comment: "Hey, I told you from the beginning that I wasn't up for anything serious -- you knew that so why are you trying to make this into something it never was, now?"

 

My advice would be to tell him that though you two had some fun, you've reconsidered and do not want to be in a relationship with a work colleague -- whether that relationship be "just for fun" or something more. Just isn't a smart job or career strategy for either of you -- so before things go any farther, it's best you two end it right now.

 

Best,

TMichaels

 

 

P.S. Please tell me this guy isn't the married co-worker you spoke about before that was trying to hit you up...