easylover Posted June 10, 2004 Share Posted June 10, 2004 My boyfriend sends me an email joke yesterday and I was curious and read his emai distribution list and there are at least 4 ex-girlfriends' names there, some of which I am surprised he still talks to this many years later (and has a current email address for). I can't help but be bothered by this, but should I be bothered by this, or should I just be secure about it and assume he just keeps in touch casually and that this is no big deal? Why does it seem like only men are the ones who try to hold onto ex's so much. I don't keep in touch with ANY ex's of mine and I certainly don't send them every email joke I get. Men - please explain! Link to post Share on other sites
faux Posted June 10, 2004 Share Posted June 10, 2004 Originally posted by easylover My boyfriend sends me an email joke yesterday and I was curious and read his emai distribution list and there are at least 4 ex-girlfriends' names there, some of which I am surprised he still talks to this many years later (and has a current email address for). I can't help but be bothered by this, but should I be bothered by this, or should I just be secure about it and assume he just keeps in touch casually and that this is no big deal? Why in the world would you be bothered by this in the first place? Relationships are based on trust. You need to trust that your boyfriend is doing the right thing. If these exes were very recent, such as a month ago, I might be a bit irked. Some people have enough maturity level to let a few months or years ago by after dating, and become quite good friends. I'm friends with a few exes from years ago, and I just see them as family these days. I like to hear about how their marriages or engagements are going, how their kids are or how our mutual friend are doing. It's always good to have friends, and after a year or two you can actually just sit back and be, well, friends. Just trust that he is going to do the right thing. If he wants to be acquaintances with these women then that is his choice. If he has friendships with them after time has gone by, well, he has a right to pick his friends as well. Why does it seem like only men are the ones who try to hold onto ex's so much. I don't keep in touch with ANY ex's of mine and I certainly don't send them every email joke I get. Men - please explain! After months and years go by, sometimes exes CAN actually be friends if they are mature enough about things. A lot of time has to go by however for these things to happen, at least in my experience. I know a lot of women who are friends with their exes as well. This is not a man thing; it is a people preference thing. Link to post Share on other sites
tiger_nip Posted June 10, 2004 Share Posted June 10, 2004 yea, I once had a gf that was trying to force me to throw away all my ex-girl stuff. So she got dumped. Don't be that crazy jealous gf. Link to post Share on other sites
Bubbles Posted June 10, 2004 Share Posted June 10, 2004 I second that......! There are many of my ex's that I would like to have kept in touch with, but unfortunatly the last b/f I had made me get rid of all telephone numbers and anything else I had. That was a very selfish and insecure thing to ask me to do but I did.....because I loved him. Now as it turns out HE was the one that could not be trusted. So be absolutly sure of the reasons why you do not like this. It just may backfire on you if you ask him to get rid of them. Some people have reactons out of guilt. Be very careful approaching this. Do you know if each of these ladies were Long Term relationships? Was he deeply in love with each of them? Does it really matter? He is having a relationship with you........You Are the Lucky Lady! You are with him NOW! All I'm saying is this, many people keep in touch with their ex's (quietly) and there is nothing wrong with him keeping in touch as long as you trust him and his intentions. Bubbles Link to post Share on other sites
Pyrannaste Posted June 10, 2004 Share Posted June 10, 2004 Does he email them apart from having them on his email jokes list? Or only time they hear from him is when he forwards joke? Is the jokes distribution list big? I mean, how may e-mail addresses are there? I genuinely believe that people you don't write to, you don't call, you don't communicate with but who are in your jokes distribution list are people you don't give a damn about. This is why I hate people who never call or write but have me in their jokes list. Link to post Share on other sites
Author easylover Posted June 11, 2004 Author Share Posted June 11, 2004 Originally posted by Bubbles I second that......! There are many of my ex's that I would like to have kept in touch with, but unfortunatly the last b/f I had made me get rid of all telephone numbers and anything else I had. That was a very selfish and insecure thing to ask me to do but I did.....because I loved him. Now as it turns out HE was the one that could not be trusted. So be absolutly sure of the reasons why you do not like this. It just may backfire on you if you ask him to get rid of them. Some people have reactons out of guilt. Be very careful approaching this. Do you know if each of these ladies were Long Term relationships? Was he deeply in love with each of them? Does it really matter? He is having a relationship with you........You Are the Lucky Lady! You are with him NOW! All I'm saying is this, many people keep in touch with their ex's (quietly) and there is nothing wrong with him keeping in touch as long as you trust him and his intentions. Bubbles Thank you Everyone! I feel better now and I won't even tell him it was on my mind. Thanks!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Sundaymorning Posted June 11, 2004 Share Posted June 11, 2004 they are making you feel bad for this, and you shouldnt. Just letting you know that. if this is an issue for you, let him know. maybe you two can work something out. Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted June 11, 2004 Share Posted June 11, 2004 It would partially bother me too - just being honest. I have guys on my joke list, but no exes. That's why they're an "ex"....the relationship ended. Ex meaning previous, prior, OVER! Confront him about it. Or give him a dose of his own medicine and see what he has to say about that. How would he feel if you were emailing your exes? I feel ya and can see where you'd be a little bothered by this. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyrannaste Posted June 11, 2004 Share Posted June 11, 2004 I feel better now and I won't even tell him it was on my mind. Thanks!!! Wait, tell him! It is perfectly okay to let him know about your worries. It is okay to ask if they are still in contact (jokes list are not really'being in contact IMO). And if he says that they don't actually hear from each other except when they forward jokes or other stuff, and he reassures you, you'll feel even better. He might even decide to remove them from the joke list once he as a clue it bothers you. Link to post Share on other sites
niko1999 Posted June 11, 2004 Share Posted June 11, 2004 Guys seem to have a different view about the whole ex thing. It seems a lot of women have the view, theyre ex's for a reason. And guys dont have that view(speaking in generalities here, from my own experience and what I have read on here). Perhaps theyre less bitter about breaking up? Women have a tendency to hold grudges. Anyway, as people mentioned, it may just be he sends them forwards. I have peoples email addresses that I havent spoken to in quite some time, but I send them forwards. Just ask him about it. You werent snooping, bc thier email lists were available to you through the fowards.There is a difference between occasional contact, and talking all the time too. Link to post Share on other sites
Samantha16 Posted June 11, 2004 Share Posted June 11, 2004 I too would ask him about it if it bothers you. You have every right to be reassured. And he probably WILL reassure you and you'll feel better. I've done this, and my bf reassured me and all was good. on another note, neither of us talk to our ex's. 'Hello's' yeah, but no contact besides that. I have no reason to talk to my ex's. They're not my friends, they're ex's. and it's out of respect for my bf. but the fw's seem pretty harmless, but i totally know where you're coming from. Link to post Share on other sites
Author easylover Posted June 11, 2004 Author Share Posted June 11, 2004 Originally posted by Samantha16 I too would ask him about it if it bothers you. You have every right to be reassured. And he probably WILL reassure you and you'll feel better. I've done this, and my bf reassured me and all was good. on another note, neither of us talk to our ex's. 'Hello's' yeah, but no contact besides that. I have no reason to talk to my ex's. They're not my friends, they're ex's. and it's out of respect for my bf. but the fw's seem pretty harmless, but i totally know where you're coming from. "Out of respect" is exactly it. Why is he putting this in my face? Why wouldn't it bother me? Really...imagine you never knew he kept in touch with any ex girlfriends and then all of a sudden you read the list and theres 4 names you know are his ex's? I guess I'm just in shock and did not know how to react. That's why I post here. We all need sense put in us at times. Link to post Share on other sites
XDOR Posted June 12, 2004 Share Posted June 12, 2004 It´s good to know many people think that writting with exboyfriends is not bad. My girlfriend also gets and sends "distribution e-mails" from an ex-boyfriend, and I was very jealous. Now, in her case, there is personal e-mails also, which makes me more jealous, though I know that "confidence is based on trust"... Even if I know she won´t, sometimes I think she will cheat. Jelously. It´s so destroying for myself!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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