What a mess

[Neveah90]

Sorry if this is long, but I figure I''d try to explain everything.

I met my boyfriend in November on a website. I honestly don't even remember how we hooked up. I'm guessing it was a day I was crying over my ex and he was saying if I want someone who could treat me better and all this stuff so I must've just kept saying yes which somehow ended up to me being his girl. We live in different states so we talk on yahoo webcam 3-4 times a day, but I could never see him, he only saw me. He did send me one picture and I wasn't attracted to him at all but he was really nice and always complimented me on how beautiful and perfect I was so I didn't want to break up with him just cause I thought he was ugly. I would tell myself looks aren't important, and since he was nice that maybe one day I would catch feelings. Though I was worried what my family and friends would say about how he looked.

 

He told me he was gonna come see me in January which is when I started to take it seriously and stopped the chatting with other guys on the site and letting them know I have a man now and telling my best friend and cousin who were the only two people I showed his picture to, that I was gonna be with him seriously and see what happens. When he calls my house, the number is always private or unavailable on the caller ID but one time he called my house phone and the last name on the caller ID was different then the last name he told me so I asked him who's phone are you using and he said my cell. I wanted to say then why is the name different but I stayed quiet and pushed it out my head. One day he said something and joking around I said 'yes master' and he said he liked that and said he wanted to be my master. I said are you serious? He said yes so I figured well he lives in a different state how bad can it be to just to say he is and make him happy. So I said okay. Even though he never stopped complimenting me and being all sweet, that's when he started saying things like U R MINE!! and that he and owns me and no one can have me but him. That I have to obey him and I said yes to it all. It started to get in my head. On the site we met he had me write on my page that my Master doesn't want me accepting anymore friend requests because he owns me and also put on my status OWNED. He checked my page everyday to see if I went over his set friend limit or put up pictures without asking him first. I figured it was okay as long as he stayed away from my facebook page cause that's where my friends and family are. One time I was hanging out with a guy at my house and I told him I was with him cause I didn't think it was a big deal since we were just friends and he flipped and said to take him home now and that's a ORDER! And I got up and said you gotta go home and I took him. If he gets on yahoo and I'm not on, he starts blowing my phone up asking where I'm at and I didn't ask him if I could go out and I would say I'm sorry and had to tell him everything I was doing and with who. He would say he's doing it because I need to be protected from guys that wanna just use me for sex.

 

I think it was two days before he was supposed to be here, he still hadn't told me anything about the trip and I was kind of upset and googled the name on the caller ID and I found one match in his city. It didn't show a picture but it said the age and it was ten yrs older then what he told me. I was upset cause I started thinking he lied just so I wouldn't think he was old and maybe hes some old perv who wants to have sex with me cause I look like I'm still in high school, but like always I push the thoughts out of my head and find excuses for them and thought I'd find out everything when we met. Anyway, he didn't come on January 17 like he said he would and then he said he'd be down in February. I said ok fine.

 

About a few days after that this guy I went to school with requests me on facebook. We never spoke in school, I just seen him around but he didn't live here anymore but he was still flirting and I told him I had a man. He said he respected that but he'd still say things like he wishes I was his girl. He was starting to catch my attention but I kept fighting it telling him I couldn't be with him cause I had to be good. Eventually I started opening up to him that I wasn't happy with my man and I felt like he was playing games with me. That he always calls me from work, never from home and he always gets online at night around the same time and that I was suspicious that he's married. Also that I never see him on webcam and only seen one picture this whole time so it's like talking to some mystery man and I even told him about me being owned and that I was disobeying by liking and talking to him and he said that was bullsh*t and my man doesn't own anything of me and my man was fake and that I need a real man like him and he was gonna get me out of that and be my superman.

 

Days went on, he requested my cousin & best friend on facebook and was talking to them about how much he liked me and they would tell me to dump the old guy and get with him. He would tell me things like I'm his beautiful latin queen and this is how love starts and what he have is special and he can't get me out of his head. He would comment on my statuses and we would talk to each other like we were together and I was just liking him more and more and finally gave in and told him I would choose. All day it would be stressing me cause I knew who I wanted but was thinking what if it don't work out with him and what if my man really cared about me like he said and I didn't want to hurt him in case he did, plus that whole ''owned'' thing was still in the back of my mind. He knew that my man was supposed to come at the end of February and one day he said if he comes and I sleep with my man then me and him won't be together when he came down and will just be friends. I told him I knew that and I won't have sex with my man.

 

It was already almost the end of February and he never came down and I told the guy from school that I wanted to be with him and I would end it with my man. He said no rush and do it when I'm ready. My man noticed I wasn't smiling anymore and looked sad so he asked me whats wrong. I lied and said I was sad about not seeing him. He finally He even one day said he had a dream I was talking to someone else and asked me if I was cause if I am I have to tell him. I lied again and said no I wasn't with anyone else. That's when he started telling me loved me. Then if the guy from school asked me if I spoke to him, I would tell him everything my man said, he would say f*** that ni66a and come to a real man. I would say I am gonna b yours. Beginning of this month, he asked me if I ended it yet and I said no but I would that night. I wanted to so bad cause I didn't want to lie to the new guy but I decided to lie for now and somehow figure out how to get out of being with my man later on since he lived far away and I had time on that. It became all about the new guy and I started counting the days til he got here. Last week everything was good, he told me his trip plans and mon & tues we would be together all day. My friends moved up my bday party to tuesday so he could go cause he was leaving back home on wednesday and he told them he was going.

 

He got here Thursday night called me that he was here safe. I didn't hear from him fri, sat or sun. I was kind of upset that he couldn't even say hi in a text or pass by for a few, but made up excuses for him in my head. Monday, I woke up and had a text that he was coming so I got up, showered and got ready. He comes and he meets my mom and we hung out in the porch until she left for work and then went straight to my room. After we had sex, which was nothing like the ''love making'' he would always talk about we were gonna do, he got dressed and said he'd be right back. He left and never came back. Maybe about three hours after he left, I saw pictures of him hanging out with his family being tagged on facebook & he was wearing the same clothes he had on that day. Tuesday I texted him and said u r f*cked up, thx for hurting me for my birthday. No answer. He didn't show up for the party. Yesterday I texted him again and said so its over just like that? No answer. It freaking pisses me off cause I can't even get a answer on what happened and he's being a little b*tch hiding from me. We live 18 hours apart, wth am I gonna do, blow up his facebook wall writing what a d*ck he is. That's not my style and I know me, I would feel bad and delete it off his wall anyway. I feel I can't seem to let it go until I speak to him about it. I know I probably deserved what I got cause I was sneaky but it still freaking hurts. My man keeps asking what's wrong with me and why am i so depressed. I keep lying and saying it's cause we haven't met yet. When he says I'm his and no one will touch me but him and as I'm typing ''I know'' I'm thinking someone already did and I start thinking about him and get sad cause I was happy with him. My friends say he's a coward and will never give me a answer, but I feel like trying one last time and leaving him a message on facebook telling him to man up, keep it real and stop hiding like a little b*tch

 

Sorry again if it's really long & I left out stuff too

Edited March 16, 2012 by Neveah90

[MissBee]

I tried to read....but I got lost.

 

Is there a condensed version? In 10 sentences or less?

 

The truth is, the longer and more elaborate the story doesn't make the point any clearer often. It helps for you and for us as well to cut out all the extra detail and get down to the meat of the matter and take home point, or else one can get lost in unnecessary "stuff" that doesn't really affect the bottom line.

 

Sooo if you only had 30 seconds to explain your problem, what is it?

[2sunny]

That is waaaaaay too much lying and too much energy focused on men.

 

Learn to be happy without needing a man.

 

Is the one older guy married? Looks like it. And you wonder what his REAL name is?

 

Do a background search on him!

 

And do NOT have sex with men! Your choices are very poor for yourself.

 

Start working and/or go to school! Become a gal that you are proud of - proud of your accomplishments.

 

Men seem to be thinking they OWN you! That's messed up! No one OWNS another person! RUN from these men!

 

More than that - get counseling to find out why you would even give any of these guys the time of day. The old dude is completely abusive and controlling!

 

RUN!!!!!!!!

[Neveah90]

I tried to read....but I got lost.

 

Is there a condensed version? In 10 sentences or less?

 

The truth is, the longer and more elaborate the story doesn't make the point any clearer often. It helps for you and for us as well to cut out all the extra detail and get down to the meat of the matter and take home point, or else one can get lost in unnecessary "stuff" that doesn't really affect the bottom line.

 

Sooo if you only had 30 seconds to explain your problem, what is it?

 

lol ok, my so called new boyfriend talk all this stuff about how we were gonna be together when we finally met, we had sex, he left right after and now he's ignoring me.

[Neveah90]

That is waaaaaay too much lying and too much energy focused on men.

 

Learn to be happy without needing a man.

 

Is the one older guy married? Looks like it. And you wonder what his REAL name is?

 

 

Do a background search on him!

 

And do NOT have sex with men! Your choices are very poor for yourself.

 

Start working and/or go to school! Become a gal that you are proud of - proud of your accomplishments.

 

Men seem to be thinking they OWN you! That's messed up! No one OWNS another person! RUN from these men!

 

More than that - get counseling to find out why you would even give any of these guys the time of day. The old dude is completely abusive and controlling!

 

RUN!!!!!!!!

 

I have a feeling he is married, not sure though. I know it's stupid but I feel stuck with him. Which is why I was so happy to meet this other guy and I'm back right where I started with him thinking about another

[2sunny]

I have a feeling he is married, not sure though. I know it's stupid but I feel stuck with him. Which is why I was so happy to meet this other guy and I'm back right where I started with him thinking about another

 

Dump all the men. You have work to do on yourself.

[2sunny]

lol ok, my so called new boyfriend talk all this stuff about how we were gonna be together when we finally met, we had sex, he left right after and now he's ignoring me.

 

You are allowing men to use you for sex.

 

He's ignoring you because he can!

 

Why would you have sex with someone you've barely seen? Sheez, I hope you didn't get an std or are pregnant...

 

You really need to make better choices for yourself.

 

And stop LYING! You can't have any relationship if your basing it on lies!

[Neveah90]

You are allowing men to use you for sex.

 

He's ignoring you because he can!

 

Why would you have sex with someone you've barely seen? Sheez, I hope you didn't get an std or are pregnant...

 

You really need to make better choices for yourself.

 

And stop LYING! You can't have any relationship if your basing it on lies!

 

 

I had sex with him because I believed him when he said he cared. He had me fooled and my friends. I thought he was serious.

 

I had trouble reading it to but from what I gathered, there are so many things wrong with this man and your choices. You seem to be really young and naive.

 

First, you put yourself out there to some pervert on the internet who is highly likely to be married. He lies and promises you stuff and didn't follow up. He is in to S&M and wants you to call him master and he wants to own you. This is some sick and dangerous stuff you are falling into with someone you DON'T know at all. There were SO MANY warning signs and you have disregarded them all and still you met him and had sex with him on the 1st meeting at your house, your mothers house? Damn......it's a wonder you aren't dead girl. What the hell are you thinking? And you still want answers from this pos???

 

Seriously......you lying to him about some other guy is the least of your worries. Hooking up with some perv on yahoo chat and inviting him to come see you and having sex with him is the biggie here. You need to get yourself tested for stds, never speak to him again and figure out how to make healthy sane choices in regards to men.

 

Lecture from the old woman.........over.

No, I haven't met the one from yahoo yet. The one who came here is the guy I went to school with. I had sex with him not the yahoo guy.

[Neveah90]

OK........are you done with the yahoo guy? The one who is a perv and who is married?

 

How old are you?

 

No, he's still around. Part of me was tempted to tell him everything on tuesday when he called me to talk to me about why I was so sad on camera, but my problem is I put everybodys feelings and happiness before mine and he was so nice and sounded like he cared all I could think of is what if he does care and I hurt him. So I didn't tell him what I did. If he gets on at home, it's always after 10:30.

 

I just turned 22

[MissBee]

lol ok, my so called new boyfriend talk all this stuff about how we were gonna be together when we finally met, we had sex, he left right after and now he's ignoring me.

 

Thanks! So what part of this is about being the OW?

 

Well the truth about your "so called new boyfriend" is that he is not that into you. I am sorry to say. This disappearing act is all too frequent and it usually means nothing mysterious and there is usually no excuse or hope except the plain truth that this person is shady and not that into you. Especially with online/long distance situations, it is not uncommon for you to plan this whole fantasy, meet up, have sex and realize you're not into that person.

 

You also didn't seem to be that into him and convinced yourself into liking him despite not being attracted etc....didn't sound like a good idea to begin with. It sucks when you convince yourself into liking a man and then you end up feeling like how dare he leave me when I forced myself to like him...you feel even more swindled.

 

Anyway...don't message him telling him to man up. Manning up would mean him doing it on his own, not you coercing him. You don't need to beg him to treat you right. I KNOW it is difficult and you want answers and for the person to say something...but the relentless chase of a man running away from you and avoiding you is so draining and not worth it. It's difficult...but ignoring him is best. I'd write fake emails to him and not send it, just to get it out of my system.

 

He is a complete douche and what answer do you think he will give you besides what you already know or some BS lies. He does not seem like a great guy at all and all that stuff about him "owning you" and basically future-faking and talking up a storm was complete smoke and BS! It's called being a player hon and spitting game....hype without substance. Learn to spot it, it will help you in the future! A man who tries to own me or comes on super heavy or starts discussing our future and so forth when he barely knows me...RED FLAG! I run from that...as usually they are building up some fantasy and get a thrill out of it and there is no substance there. Also...online relationships...it is best when you meet sooner rather than later, as there is less time to build up fantasies over a screen and over the phone. So many times people are more into this person's online and long distance persona and in real flesh and blood it does not translate and sometimes people don't know what to do....they go through the motions of the meet-up-weekend as if you live far apart you usually can't just turn around and say bye...then they disappear.

 

Whatever the deal...he is a jerk, he won't reply with a decent answer and you are better off counting your losses and finding closure within yourself instead of from him.

Edited March 17, 2012 by MissBee

[2sunny]

Start taking care of YOU first!

 

Your happiness isn't dependent upon another man.

 

So stop trying to get attention from other men.

 

The lies... They will NEVER help ANY relationship!

 

Tell men no! The answer is no until YOU get yourself healthy!