Author ThoughtfulRaven Posted March 17, 2012 Author Share Posted March 17, 2012 She cried out of guilt. That's what it was. No one decent wants to hurt someone and it was hard for her. If she wanted to be with you, she would be with you. period. I've contemplated the idea that she would be with me if she wanted already. I think the idea about guilt is way off base though. Link to post Share on other sites
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 I've contemplated the idea that she would be with me if she wanted already. I think the idea about guilt is way off base though. she feels guilty for dumping you. She saw you face to face on Skype; no one wants to see the person who they are dumping. It was guilt or she would be with you and there would not be an issue. What's keeping her from you truly? is she trapped under something heavy and therefore can't get to you? Did aliens abduct her? Seriously. she didn't want to dump a nice guy and it upset her, plain and simple. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ThoughtfulRaven Posted March 17, 2012 Author Share Posted March 17, 2012 You can most certainly be in love with someone who is not attractive. true love comes from within and can make them beautiful. so if this lady gained weight and wasn't as physically attractive, you wouldn't be in love. What you have just described is true lust. You don't know what you're talking about. Lust is a physical desire for someone based solely on sex. I don't need to have sex with her to be with her. It is a straight fact that it is nearly impossible to have a healthy relationship with someone you aren't physically attracted to. You can love someone like that but it'll be the same way you love a very good friend. Link to post Share on other sites
M2155 Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 What would that have to do with it? Are people more fake to you when you're older or something? No, you're just more likely to realize it and have experienced the post-honeymoon before. Doesn't mean your feelings were not valid, just may not have been what you thought it was at the time. IME you do get to know people better when the physical isn't there, one of my best relationships ever was a LDR (before Skype!). But I also think you will look back and see this hasn't reached that level ove love. But you will be the judge of that one day when you can look back Agree don't send the letter. She already knows where you stand. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ThoughtfulRaven Posted March 17, 2012 Author Share Posted March 17, 2012 she feels guilty for dumping you. She saw you face to face on Skype; no one wants to see the person who they are dumping. It was guilt or she would be with you and there would not be an issue. What's keeping her from you truly? is she trapped under something heavy and therefore can't get to you? Did aliens abduct her? Seriously. she didn't want to dump a nice guy and it upset her, plain and simple. There were financial reasons keeping her from me. I visited her multiple times and she didn't cry then about being guilty or anything so I don't think the idea holds water. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ThoughtfulRaven Posted March 17, 2012 Author Share Posted March 17, 2012 No, you're just more likely to realize it and have experienced the post-honeymoon before. Doesn't mean your feelings were not valid, just may not have been what you thought it was at the time. IME you do get to know people better when the physical isn't there, one of my best relationships ever was a LDR (before Skype!). But I also think you will look back and see this hasn't reached that level ove love. But you will be the judge of that one day when you can look back Agree don't send the letter. She already knows where you stand. I had a 1 and a half year LDR that transitioned to living with them before. My feelings in the current relationship are as pure and far reaching as they were in that relationship. We got to know each other for a while before we ever skyped or visited. Link to post Share on other sites
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 "Not only is your analogy and advice terrible but you seem like a ****. " That was out of line==do you normally call people names like that,especially people trying to help shed some light on things for you? I have been there; at 42, I venture to say I have a lot of years of experience and have seen much more than you have in your young lifetime. I am telling it like it is from a female's standpoint. I was her age and yes, I too, cried when I dumped a fellow i no longer wanted to be with because I was crushing on someone else. I didn't want to have to do that dirty work nor see his face. Of course she cried. If it was true love, she would be with you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 You don't know what you're talking about. Lust is a physical desire for someone based solely on sex. I don't need to have sex with her to be with her. It is a straight fact that it is nearly impossible to have a healthy relationship with someone you aren't physically attracted to. You can love someone like that but it'll be the same way you love a very good friend. How old are you again, young man?? Impossible to have a healthy relationship with someone you are not physically attracted to? That is a shallow remark. A person shines from WITHIN and if they have a dynamic personality and mesh well with you, true love can certainly develop. The looks do not matter, that is just an outer shell. You have some serious growing up to do. you are basing love on a person's appearance. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mike588 Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 Read the thread.....Do you agree with these words of wisdom 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mississippimom Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 I had a 1 and a half year LDR that transitioned to living with them before. My feelings in the current relationship are as pure and far reaching as they were in that relationship. We got to know each other for a while before we ever skyped or visited. um..ok honey, we were all your age once.....there will be plenty of relationships that r going to be heading your way before you get the "right" one....enjoy your young life, there will be another one that will come along, trust me... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ThoughtfulRaven Posted March 17, 2012 Author Share Posted March 17, 2012 How old are you again, young man?? Impossible to have a healthy relationship with someone you are not physically attracted to? That is a shallow remark. A person shines from WITHIN and if they have a dynamic personality and mesh well with you, true love can certainly develop. The looks do not matter, that is just an outer shell. You have some serious growing up to do. you are basing love on a person's appearance. I'm speaking from a scientific standpoint. If you are not physically attracted to someone then you do not love them in a true romantic sense. That is just a fact. Yes, you can love people that aren't attractive but it is not real love. Real romantic love includes the desire to be physically intimate with them and that is non-existent if you aren't physically attracted to them. As for calling someone names, I feel it was warranted given that their first and only comment was to immediately jump to the idea that the person I care about had shallow and fickle motives driving their decisions. I know you are older and have more experience but that does not override thousands of years of accumulated knowledge on how and why people love each other. Just because you feel you have more experience does not mean that you suddenly know the difference between love and infatuation better than a younger person based on an arguably sparse description of the situation. @Mike Yes, I appreciate and agree with the advice on the letter. Most of the other advice here is questionable at best and naive at the worst. There is no other guy and she wasn't sad about wanting to dump me earlier. She never does long distance relationships and it was hard on her because we care so much about each other. She got out of it because she couldn't handle the stress of LDR, we had an argument that made her more insecure about the relationship, and she wanted to get out before she had to go through months to years of a difficult and demanding relationship full of "I miss you"s and "I wish you were here"s. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ThoughtfulRaven Posted March 17, 2012 Author Share Posted March 17, 2012 um..ok honey, we were all your age once.....there will be plenty of relationships that r going to be heading your way before you get the "right" one....enjoy your young life, there will be another one that will come along, trust me... I know. I just don't want anyone else. When you meet that person that you connect so perfectly with and it ends before it really begins due to situational reasons rather than a lack of affection it isn't something you throw away lightly. Of all the relationships I've been in I haven't connected with someone so well and I don't feel like going through a half dozen more before I meet another person like her Link to post Share on other sites
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 I'm speaking from a scientific standpoint. If you are not physically attracted to someone then you do not love them in a true romantic sense. That is just a fact. Yes, you can love people that aren't attractive but it is not real love. Real romantic love includes the desire to be physically intimate with them and that is non-existent if you aren't physically attracted to them. As for calling someone names, I feel it was warranted given that their first and only comment was to immediately jump to the idea that the person I care about had shallow and fickle motives driving their decisions. I know you are older and have more experience but that does not override thousands of years of accumulated knowledge on how and why people love each other. Just because you feel you have more experience does not mean that you suddenly know the difference between love and infatuation better than a younger person based on an arguably sparse description of the situation. @Mike Yes, I appreciate and agree with the advice on the letter. Most of the other advice here is questionable at best and naive at the worst. There is no other guy and she wasn't sad about wanting to dump me earlier. She never does long distance relationships and it was hard on her because we care so much about each other. She got out of it because she couldn't handle the stress of LDR, we had an argument that made her more insecure about the relationship, and she wanted to get out before she had to go through months to years of a difficult and demanding relationship full of "I miss you"s and "I wish you were here"s. please cite your scientific sources. I fell in love with an overweight dude with a gap in his front teeth. At first, no , I wasn't physically attracted, but he was charming and I fell for that personality--his mind was beautiful. his looks did not matter after that. the more we talked, the more attractive he became. You have a lot to learn. looks like the prerequisite for having true love for a person is that she fit the physical criteria. Shallow. you are young, you will find out in time. Link to post Share on other sites
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 I know. I just don't want anyone else. When you meet that person that you connect so perfectly with and it ends before it really begins due to situational reasons rather than a lack of affection it isn't something you throw away lightly. Of all the relationships I've been in I haven't connected with someone so well and I don't feel like going through a half dozen more before I meet another person like her You are only, what one hour away from each other? Something just doesn't add up on her part. you won't meet a person like her, you will meet someone better. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ThoughtfulRaven Posted March 17, 2012 Author Share Posted March 17, 2012 please cite your scientific sources. I fell in love with an overweight dude with a gap in his front teeth. At first, no , I wasn't physically attracted, but he was charming and I fell for that personality--his mind was beautiful. his looks did not matter after that. the more we talked, the more attractive he became. You have a lot to learn. looks like the prerequisite for having true love for a person is that she fit the physical criteria. Shallow. you are young, you will find out in time. Women develop attraction based on more personality types. Physical attraction is lower on the list for them. Men develop attraction primarily from physical characteristics due to love being an impulse fabricated by your mind to further the propagation of the species. Men needed to find women who could bear children which relies on mostly physical attributes related to health, youth, and specific ability to bear children. Women needed to find men who could care for the children so that relies more on confidence and charisma as well as some physical characteristics. The scientific things are anthropology and psychology. Other factors include history and philosophy. Bottom line is that women develop physical attraction through personality and a bit of physical characteristics while men develop physical attraction based on physical characteristics first. I could go on for hours but like I said, I didn't wish to protract a tangent Link to post Share on other sites
Author ThoughtfulRaven Posted March 17, 2012 Author Share Posted March 17, 2012 You are only, what one hour away from each other? Something just doesn't add up on her part. you won't meet a person like her, you will meet someone better. It had to do with finances involving schooling and work. She barely had gas money to get to work at one point and my housing situation isn't very accommodating right now so she wanted to use a hotel. Like I said, there are many details missing from which people are drawing conclusions on things I didn't even ask advice on. Link to post Share on other sites
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 Women develop attraction based on more personality types. Physical attraction is lower on the list for them. Men develop attraction primarily from physical characteristics due to love being an impulse fabricated by your mind to further the propagation of the species. Men needed to find women who could bear children which relies on mostly physical attributes related to health, youth, and specific ability to bear children. Women needed to find men who could care for the children so that relies more on confidence and charisma as well as some physical characteristics. The scientific things are anthropology and psychology. Other factors include history and philosophy. Bottom line is that women develop physical attraction through personality and a bit of physical characteristics while men develop physical attraction based on physical characteristics first. I could go on for hours but like I said, I didn't wish to protract a tangent Author please. you are still confusing the two. if the object of your desire right now were to change after you haven't seen her for awhile; her physical attributes change and she wasn't as beautiful on the outside, but her personality is still the same, would you still be in love with her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ThoughtfulRaven Posted March 17, 2012 Author Share Posted March 17, 2012 Author please. It's been postulated by numerous anthropological scholars. You could probably just look it up yourself. I don't have any single author's name on hand right this second. That specific theory is derived from numerous psychological studies done on the subject so it's really multiple authors Link to post Share on other sites
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 It's been postulated by numerous anthropological scholars. You could probably just look it up yourself. I don't have any single author's name on hand right this second. That specific theory is derived from numerous psychological studies done on the subject so it's really multiple authors they are probably a bunch of lonely dudes with no personalities wishing they could get some because postulating is all they do with their time. and you haven't answered my question. Link to post Share on other sites
mike588 Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 I'm outta here...he will learn in time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ThoughtfulRaven Posted March 17, 2012 Author Share Posted March 17, 2012 they are probably a bunch of lonely dudes with no personalities wishing they could get some because postulating is all they do with their time. and you haven't answered my question. That's because you edited your post and the forum wouldn't allow me to edit mine. Also many people who study the science of love are women too. You act as though your relatively small amount of experience in the grand scheme of all the relationships ever makes you know more than everyone. I would still love her but not in the same way because the relationship would not be a fulfilling romantic relationship due to a lack of sexual and intimate drive Link to post Share on other sites
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 That's because you edited your post and the forum wouldn't allow me to edit mine. Also many people who study the science of love are women too. You act as though your relatively small amount of experience in the grand scheme of all the relationships ever makes you know more than everyone. I would still love her but not in the same way because the relationship would not be a fulfilling romantic relationship due to a lack of sexual and intimate drive Then that makes you incredibly shallow. she would still have the same personality. Tells me all you are after are her looks. I would dump you as well in that case. Call her when you have grown up. No woman needs that crap. where have I said I know more than everyone? You are the only issue here and you know so little about women it is scary. get your nose out of the archaic science books and into the real world. there is life out there. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mississippimom Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 I know. I just don't want anyone else. When you meet that person that you connect so perfectly with and it ends before it really begins due to situational reasons rather than a lack of affection it isn't something you throw away lightly. Of all the relationships I've been in I haven't connected with someone so well and I don't feel like going through a half dozen more before I meet another person like her When I was 22, I was engaged to my 21 yr old bf. It didn't work out. We went our seperate ways, I moved on, settled down, had kids...etc...He went his way. We were young, like you, he got cold feet, broke off the engagement. I was crushed. I'm glad 20 years later, to know that his life turned out for the better, so has mine. All I'm saying is this, there will be plenty of time for you to experience life, don't settle for less. Link to post Share on other sites
mike588 Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 Were just giving you the...Cold Hard Truth.. Like your picture Bewitched.lol. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 Were just giving you the...Cold Hard Truth.. Like your picture Bewitched.lol. Hey there, Mike!! The picture made me chuckle; brought back fun memories of my childhood, had to post it:) Any little thing to bring a smile:) Link to post Share on other sites
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