nature Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 So I haven't been on here for a few months. I wrote on here back in January because I had received an email from my ex telling me he was sorry I obviously disliked him. I hadn't talked to him in 2 years when I received the email. Here is the link to that thread http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/312351-got-email-my-ex-out-blue I have been dealing with my dad very sick with cancer so put all my focus on that the last few months. The other night my ex called. I decided to answer. He was calling to tell me how sorry he was for how he treated me. Told me he had been a total "**** up" and had "****ed everything up", that he "should have stood by me", "had put his friends before me", treated me badly, and he was very sorry. I agreed with him that he had been an ass. I also told him it was hurtful that he'd treated me that way and eventually just told me he had wanted to be single and that he didn't want to be engaged to me anymore, he didn't want kids, and so we broke up. And then he'd turned right around and within 8 months got himself involved in a relationship with a woman who has kids.He said, "he knows and he can't explain it" and he's sorry, but that he doesn't try to rub anything in my face or her in my face. He told me how much he cares for my family and that my parents are amazing people and that he's so sorry about my dad's cancer. And told me his mom has cancer too. He told me he cares so much about me and if there is anything he can do to help me, that he is there for me. I just listened and didn't let him off the hook, he sounded nervous, is obviously still with his girlfriend. When i hung up the phone I thought, how would his girlfriend feel about him telling me he cares about me and is there for me if I need anything. All too weird. And upsetting. He just wanted to relieve his guilt. Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 Your ex is in gigs. You and everyone else are focused on one single thing from your last thread. "The Girlfriend" The girlfriend doesn't matter. They are a placeholder for you. I was trying to explain this to you in your last thread when he was doing all the things you and him use to do and go to the places you are. He's subconsciously recreating life with you with her and it DOESNT WORK! They get treated like pure **** in a relationship while the other person is in gigs. Your ex did you a favor when he broke up with you and rebounded with her. Its hard for you to see and understand if you have never done it. Watch, soon enough hes going to burn her into the ground if he's reaching out to you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
rootless Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 (edited) So I haven't been on here for a few months. I wrote on here back in January because I had received an email from my ex telling me he was sorry I obviously disliked him. I hadn't talked to him in 2 years when I received the email. Here is the link to that thread http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/312351-got-email-my-ex-out-blue I have been dealing with my dad very sick with cancer so put all my focus on that the last few months. The other night my ex called. I decided to answer. He was calling to tell me how sorry he was for how he treated me. Told me he had been a total "**** up" and had "****ed everything up", that he "should have stood by me", "had put his friends before me", treated me badly, and he was very sorry. I agreed with him that he had been an ass. I also told him it was hurtful that he'd treated me that way and eventually just told me he had wanted to be single and that he didn't want to be engaged to me anymore, he didn't want kids, and so we broke up. And then he'd turned right around and within 8 months got himself involved in a relationship with a woman who has kids.He said, "he knows and he can't explain it" and he's sorry, but that he doesn't try to rub anything in my face or her in my face. He told me how much he cares for my family and that my parents are amazing people and that he's so sorry about my dad's cancer. And told me his mom has cancer too. He told me he cares so much about me and if there is anything he can do to help me, that he is there for me. I just listened and didn't let him off the hook, he sounded nervous, is obviously still with his girlfriend. When i hung up the phone I thought, how would his girlfriend feel about him telling me he cares about me and is there for me if I need anything. All too weird. And upsetting. He just wanted to relieve his guilt. Oh, lady... sounds you like you have a whole lot on your plate. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with all that. That's got to be a heavy burden. And it sounds like this little phonecall was probably the last thing you needed heaped on top of everything else. I dunno what it is... but ex-partners seem to have an uncanny ability to look up their former partner at *the* most inopportune moment. It's always when you've just started to regain your footing and have barely established a shaky peace with things, or when you're dealing with other stress that's far more important and significant than their little dramas are. Ugh. There could be any number of reasons for his contacting you... Maybe there's trouble in paradise with his new ladyfriend. Maybe he's a decent guy, and genuinely acted out of good conscience to offer you support about your Dad. Maybe he's just looking to vent some back-pressure from his guilt, as you said. Who knows? People do goofy stuff. If it were me, I'd try and take some positive away from it-- that he cared about you and your father, and then I'd leave it at that. No need to follow up on it, or exhaust too much effort speculating about his motives. You have real concerns that supersede a 10 minute phonecall. Don't let it get to you. And for whatever it's worth, I think you'll discover that everyone here will offer whatever well-wishes and support they're able to. I know I do. Hang in there!!! EDIT -- after reading your original thread, I think I may have given this guy way too much credit. I'd like to think no human decent being would attempt to serve his own petty interests when there's serious illness involved, but if that's truly the case... man, I just have no idea what to say to that. Honestly -- that's just BEYOND awful. Whether he was just being stupid and inconsiderate, or whether he calculatedly called you when he knows you have so much to deal with, that's a TOTAL dirt-bag move. I really don't like this dude. At all. Edited March 17, 2012 by rootless 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 All too weird. And upsetting. He just wanted to relieve his guilt. BINGO!!! Good girl! You're smart enough to realize this. If that's what he need to get off his chest, then fine. NOW, you can get on with your life and hopefully, he leaves you alone to find your own happiness. And sending out thoughts and prayers about your father. I hope he gets well soon. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author nature Posted March 17, 2012 Author Share Posted March 17, 2012 Thank you everyone for taking the time to reply. I will not let my thoughts or any sad feelings I have from him take precedence over my father. That will never happen. Wilson thank you for your words and for remembering my message from a few months ago. It's so hard to make any sense of it when I am grieving over my dad. And after your words I can see that I shouldn't try to make sense of it. I should just keep focusing on what I need to right now. Wilson you may be right, altho he didn't make any mention of his girlfriend and it not being the way it was with me. But i guess someone doesn't come out and say it. He wouldn't say her name, and just called her "someone" when he addressed it (ie. I don't try to rub someone in your face). Anyhow, I do so appreciate you all for replying and being supportive to me right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nature Posted March 27, 2012 Author Share Posted March 27, 2012 Update: I was up at a ski resort for the weekend and ran into my ex there with a few of his buddies in the happening nightspot there, and they were partying up a storm. Mind you so was I with my friends. But his girlfriend was not around, he was definately having a good time and he was with the boys he took up with when he went GIGS on me. He talked to me several times over the night and kept apologizing again, telling me how much he loves my parents, my family, how he ****ed up, gave me hugs, was so sorry about my dad, what I'm going thru, if he could help at all, etc. Totally nice to me compared to the jerky jerk who rubbed his gf in my face the last 2 years and blatantly snubbed and ignored me if he saw me. The thing that got me, is I was ok with him this weekend. I go up to the ski resort all the time with friends to snowboard and am always up there. He and i used to go up together. But he told me when I ran into him Sat night that this was his first time up all year. But I am soooo relieved that I was okay. I had a fun night with friends. Caught him looking at me a few times, as I couldn't help it. But all in all, I was okay and have been okay since. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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