7 Years Later - He Finally Petitioned for Divorce

[Eighty8]

I have been coming to this site for years. It's time I posted.

 

He did it. He is finally divorcing her. She went to his attorney and had herself served on Wednesday. She wants out, too. There are kids involved, which is why it took them 9 years to finally end it. There has been annimosity and resentment since they accidently got pregnant early in their dating relationship. They married out of some perceived sense of obligation. The worst reason to marry.

 

Ironically, I married for the exact same reason and ended with the exact same result. I have been divorced since 2008.

 

I have not waited these 7 years for him. I have dated others. There were months where we did not speak. There were 5 years were we did not see each other.

 

We have never stopped loving each other.

 

Ten months ago we met for the first time since December 2006. It was at that point when we realized we needed to be together and both of us began to put ourselves in a position to make it happen.

 

His soon-to-be-ex-wife has had an OM throughout most of their 9 years as he has had me for the last 7.

 

It's entirely surreal. When I heard she was finally served, I was numb.

 

I have waited for this day for years; not sure if it would ever come. It did.

 

They're finally speaking to each other calmly and with consideration as the impending divorce has seemed to relieve them both.

 

I am glad for them and the kids there is finally an amicable situation as in the past she has been violently abusive to him not only mentally, but physically, and emotionally.

 

Even if he and I were not planning a future life together, I would be happy for him that he is finally taking the steps to leave that horrible situation.

 

He is a great father and his kids love him very much. They deserve to see him happy, even if he was with someone other than me; as long as he is treated like he deserves.

 

I can't believe it... by the end of this year, I am going to be able to tell the world he is MINE! Finally!!!

[Eighty8]

If you've been reading here, then you are realistically looking at the future?

 

You are going to have certain challenges that having being in an affair prior to this that others don't face, you know that right?

 

Also......even though he wanted out, he still has to grieve the end and adjust to a different life.

 

I wish you a healthy happy future.

 

Of course I am realistcally looking at the future. I am full aware of challenges and grief. I have divorced, and though the relationship was caustic and toxic on my soul, the loss required a process of grief. It's going to be a day by day thing. There will be ups and downs; but I am certain we have what it takes to make sure we take the steps to turn it in to a healthy, loving environment for our children.

 

I am not going into this blind. I know where we have come from.

[whichwayisup]

I'm going to continue posting to you on here so we don't threadjack on sour's thread..

 

You say you've seen the police reports/write up.. If she was so abusive and has mental health issues, is she 1)getting help for it and 2)was it physical abuse too? Just wondering as if it was that bad, ALL those kids would be taken away and put into foster care, or at best, the step kids would be with their other parent.

[jwi71]

From what I read 88 it sounds like you have a good head on your shoulder and good perspective on it all.

 

Sounds like lots of drama and hurt. All involved will need time, space and therapy - perhaps years worth. If you have been apart this long, you can wait longer while they heal and adjust.

 

Good luck, I hope you all can find happiness.

 

OK, now its in the right thread as I posted this on the wrong one just seconds ago.

 

doh!

[Eighty8]

I'm going to continue posting to you on here so we don't threadjack on sour's thread..

 

You say you've seen the police reports/write up.. If she was so abusive and has mental health issues, is she 1)getting help for it and 2)was it physical abuse too? Just wondering as if it was that bad, ALL those kids would be taken away and put into foster care, or at best, the step kids would be with their other parent.

 

1. She refuses to believe she has any problems. So, no she is not seeking treatment for her issues.

 

2. She was physically abusive towards him, yes.

 

3. Police were called when kids were not present in the home.

 

4. The other parents are not part of either kids' lives.

[Eighty8]

From what I read 88 it sounds like you have a good head on your shoulder and good perspective on it all.

 

Sounds like lots of drama and hurt. All involved will need time, space and therapy - perhaps years worth. If you have been apart this long, you can wait longer while they heal and adjust.

 

Good luck, I hope you all can find happiness.

 

OK, now its in the right thread as I posted this on the wrong one just seconds ago.

 

doh!

 

Yes, I am logical, rational, and sane. Thank you for recognizing that.

 

There is A LOT of hurt and healing needed to be done. He has already begun his steps towards healing years ago, actually. I think that was another reason why he waited so long. He had to make peace with things his way. I do agree that there should be post work done, no matter how much he feels he has prepared for it.

 

Thank you for your well wishes.