ResilientX Posted June 10, 2004 Posted June 10, 2004 Need advice! My wife and I are separating after 10 years together. She has started a "flirting" relationship with her boss. She has told me that she has feelings for him. We were barely "separated" that this thing got off the ground. Here is my dilemma. Due to financial constraints, we are forced to live together for a while and while I can deal with this to some extent, she needs to talk to this man for business purposes, interlaced with intimacy. I had originally set some bounderies that she has now called "stupid" concerning her behavior around the house. One of our agreed rules was to not introduce this man into the home we were both sharing as it was disruptive to me in particular. This appears to be impractical as mentioned above. I cannot move out, nor can she.......HELP! How do I resolve this?
TempSain Posted June 10, 2004 Posted June 10, 2004 The only solutions is either one of you move out or you wife honor your request not to bring the boss to the house. Really no other solution. DO you think the wife may have had this flirting thing going on before the sepreration? Maybe it was the trigger that caused it?
tiger_nip Posted June 10, 2004 Posted June 10, 2004 you can always resort to beating the other man down if he comes to your house....jk you can try to force the financial problems on the new guy also.
Author ResilientX Posted June 10, 2004 Author Posted June 10, 2004 Appreciate the feedback. What I didn't mention was that this was strictly phone conversations with the boss. Am I being unreasonable?
KANSAN Posted June 10, 2004 Posted June 10, 2004 HELLO , YOU'RE NOT BEING UNREASONABLE, IF YOU OR YOUR RELATIONSHIP MEANT ANYTHING TO HER SHE WOULD NOT TALK TO THE GUY AT THE HOME YOU BOTH SHARE. THE FLING MIGHT HAVE BEEN GOING ON FOR A WHILE BEFORE BUT THAT DOES'NT MATTER DO WHAT'S BEST FOR YOUR MENTAL HEALTH AND TRY TO GET YOUR LIVES SEPREATE. TRY TO TAKE TIGERS ADVICE I THINK IT'S GOOD TO SEE IF THE OTHER GUY WILL HELP HER OUT AND YOU TOO AT THE SAME TIME BY HELPING HER FINICALLY OR BY LETTING HER MOVE IN WITH HIM, IT WILL ALSO BE A WAY TO CHECK OUT WHAT HE'S ABOUT TOO. PROTECT YA NECK (WU TANG)
TempSain Posted June 10, 2004 Posted June 10, 2004 Originally posted by ResilientX Appreciate the feedback. What I didn't mention was that this was strictly phone conversations with the boss. Am I being unreasonable? Well, I would forget about what she does with her personal life. She may even do that to make you feel jealous. If I were you , I would focus on getting out of the living arrangement and focus on yourself. Ignoring her and what she does privately will make it easier for you to forget her. You did want to divorce her right? You never mentioned that. If you want to get back together, the best thing do to is to make her jealous. Be busy with the guys or go out on dates and show her that you dont need her. Show her that you are desirable to other women and she will want you back.
Wolvesbaned Posted June 10, 2004 Posted June 10, 2004 Watch out the jealousy thing doesn't work for everybody. I know for sure it wouldn't work for me --it'll actually do the exact opposite.
Author ResilientX Posted June 10, 2004 Author Posted June 10, 2004 TempSain...I am seeking a divorce and there will be no going back. I think she really does not want to be with me anymore since we have had so many problems, and I cannot disagree, although she has not mentioned divorce yet...I do want to remain friends in the long run if we can get through this without too much bitterness, might not happen right away...but....
TempSain Posted June 11, 2004 Posted June 11, 2004 Originally posted by ResilientX TempSain...I am seeking a divorce and there will be no going back. I think she really does not want to be with me anymore since we have had so many problems, and I cannot disagree, although she has not mentioned divorce yet...I do want to remain friends in the long run if we can get through this without too much bitterness, might not happen right away...but.... If that is the case, by all means, move on. If your emotionally detached from your wife, go meet other women. If not, work on yourself. Go to the gym and get your body ready to look its best and look forward to the future. I know I would. So many things to do in this world, so little time.
brashgal Posted June 11, 2004 Posted June 11, 2004 What's wrong with her going to his house? Or is he cheating on his wife? If so, she's in for a train wreck...
Yikes Posted June 18, 2004 Posted June 18, 2004 That sounds like last summer for me... I'm sorry but it was hell on wheels. Just try not to be in the house at the same time. If you have a friend with a cottage and you can visit on the weekend try that. I did that for four months and I know it's not easy. I feel your pain.
Author ResilientX Posted June 19, 2004 Author Posted June 19, 2004 She is actually spending time with him over the next few weeks but always wants to come "home" after seeing him since he lives overseas. It is hard for me to cope with this, knowing that she has been intimate with him, but we do not have the means to live separately until some of the details are ironed out financially. So, I am trying to cope and take care of myself in the meantime. I do not wish what I am feeling on anyone, it is the most painful thing that has ever happened to me. The problem is that whenever I see her, I seem to forgive and be nice and helpful, and she always says she wants to "keep" me in her life. Is this a tactic to manipulate until our divorce is final, or am I being treated as a "backup" in case this other thing fails months or years from now? I sure am not waiting to find out! Thanks for all the replies! it is much appreciated.
Yikes Posted June 19, 2004 Posted June 19, 2004 My situation was somewhat similar to yours. You are not in an enviable position for sure. I always tried to keep things light. While I was hurting and I was extremely angry, I tried not to let it show. I did my best not to inflame the situation because that would surely wind up costing me money. I wanted to be sure we both could live comfortably after the separation was final but I had no intention of taking it up the hoop if at all possible. I am actually paying my ex a little more than I am required to by law, but then again so far she is not coming back for any extras. Both of us were reasonable. I am still wrestling with other issues with her. If it was me, I'd just try not have much contact at all with her. Be polite, be respectful, but there is no need to kiss her butt afterall, she's making your life hell. Good Luck.
Author ResilientX Posted June 19, 2004 Author Posted June 19, 2004 Thanks for the advice. You are absolutely right!
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