Long post. After three years, is it time?

[LosingMyReligion]

I've lurked around here reading posts, and I thought that, perhaps, I could find some help here. This is long, so scroll down for a tl;dr

 

When I was sixteen years old, I had a relationship with an older man. I realize now how inappropriate it was, but it happened. I loved him, and I thought he loved me. This went on for a little over 14 months, when he left me and met someone online.

 

I was really messed up after this. I had no idea how to judge a mans character, and I didn't know if I could even cope. You know how seventeen year olds are during a breakup; it's the end of the world.

 

At this time, my best friend, who I will call M, came over to my house for a visit. I had no idea why she was here (she lived in a different area of the state from me). I found out it was because she had just started dating my brother. She was seventeen, my brother was nineteen.

 

This ended our friendship. She knew how much I hated the fact that every female friend I ever had dated my brother.

 

Several days later, I was on Facebook (yes, I know...) when I noticed that, even though I removed M, I had yet to remove M's ex boyfriend. This was the boy that she had broken up with to be with my brother. They had dated for over two years.

 

He had posted a status about something we had a similar interest in; comic books. I commented on this status (it was around 4pm at the time...perhaps a bit later). We wound up talking on AIM. He was hurt that M cheated on him and left him...I was hurt that M chose being with my brother over being friends with me. We commiserated together.

 

Our conversation lasted from that afternoon until 8am the next morning when I had to go to class (I was still in high school at the time). At the end of our conversation, he asked me to go on a date with him. I obviously said yes...who wouldn't after a 14 hour long conversation? I was happy...finally. I had spent so much time being miserable over my older man, I had no idea I could actually get along with someone my own age.

 

I told my parents about him (I'll call him S). They immediately said that I could not go on a date with S. (They did not know about the older man. I kept that hidden, and, at the time, was tired of having to sneak around). They said that since he was not in college, worked in a particular profession, and was not Jewish (the biggest reason), that we would not be a good fit. I protested, and eventually my father said "do what you want, but don't live here if you do it."

 

When M found out that I was attempting to go on a date with S, she told my parents a lie about him (which she later admitted was a lie, but they still hold that against him). It was heartbreaking, but I decided to just stay friends with S.

 

S and I continued to be online friends (we had never met). We continued to have great conversations online, but that was the end of it. Fast forward a bit to my second semester of college, where I met G. G and I had some things in common. He was two years older than me, and adorably shy...he had never even kissed a girl. He asked me out for Valentines day, and we fell head over heels for each other...at least..I thought.

 

After two years and one month, G up and broke up with me the other day. We had been planning a future together, and suddenly he decided one day that he didn't love me anymore. You might say there were signs I missed, but there weren't. We were perfectly fine....but he decided that he didn't love me, he blocked my number, blocked me on AIM, and blocked me on Facebook. I walked into my class the other day and found a box of my things at the desk I always sit at. It really had me confused.

 

Throughout my whole relationship with G, S warned me about him. G did things to manipulate me, to make me feel bad so that I'd stay with him...every time G hurt me, I'd go running to S, and S would beg me to leave him because he was not right for me. S tried to convince me that G was emotionally abusive, but I ignored it. G was sweet to me...kind, funny, intelligent...he was absolutely perfect. So what if he insulted me from time to time, or made me feel really bad about things that weren't my fault, or had me pay his credit card...he never had a girlfriend before, what could he possibly know?

 

While I was with G, S had a steady girlfriend for a year, that had eventually moved in with him. They had a bad breakup, and long story short, S decided to join the military. It was a huge shock for me...I had never expected anyone I was close to, especially someone who was as liberally minded as S, to join the military.

 

For the past few months, S has gone through a slew of women...six, to be exact. he was too hurt from his past steady girlfriends, and just wanted to have fun. This was entirely understandable to me, but in the back of my mind, it still hurt to see someone I cared about so much to just off and be with random women.

 

When G suddenly decided to break up with me, I didn't know what to do. I moped for a few days, constantly talking to S online. Again, we had conversations like we did the first time....we basically had one long conversation from last Friday (when G broke up with me) to yesterday, save for breaks to eat, sleep and go to class.

 

Since S was helping me so much, I decided to throw caution to the wind and hang out with him yesterday. It wasn't hard to do..I told my parents I needed some me time, and I headed into the city.

 

Needless to say, it was the most fun I had in a long time. S came with me to get a new dog tag for my dog (G and I had a dog together), we had lunch at a Japanese place, walked around the park, and talked a lot. It was so easy to get along with S. We went to a movie together, where he put his arm around me. I hesitated, but he said "we're just two friends watching a movie, there's no harm in us cuddling". I gave in, and allowed him to put his arm around me.

 

We walked around the city some more...I did some grocery shopping, I bought a book, we went to the comic book store and spoke about that first time we met online, three years prior. I was hurt from G breaking up from me, and it was nice to be with a friend like this.

 

Before we went to dinner, he turned to me and said "would you like to go to the Museum with me?" I shrugged and said "sure". I love this particular museum, even though it is where G and I went for our two year anniversary.

 

S looked down at me (he's over six foot, and I'm barely five foot) with his piercing blue eyes and said "well, hypothetically, if a friend was asking you to the museum, and wanted it to be a date, what would you say?"

 

We spent the next few hours discussing this. I told him how much I cared for him, after all these years, but I was still very much so hurt from G dumping me. It almost turned into a scene from a movie...we were sitting in the park, freezing cold, huddled for warmth, talking about whether or not we should try a relationship. S knows things about me that NO ONE knows, such as that relationship with the older man. I trust him with everything, and I consider him to be my best friend.

 

I didn't want to have yet another relationship where I would have to sneak around and some would say it was much too soon to think about dating someone else after a two year relationship, but it just felt so...right. After much debating, I agreed to a date, and he leaned in and kissed me.

 

Now, I've kissed plenty of guys before, trust me, but this was the first time I felt "fireworks" as one would commonly call it.

 

After the kiss, we parted ways, and I've been thinking about it ever since. Am I crazy for wanting this, so soon after ending a relationship with a man that I was planning my life with? Even if I did decide to do this, I'm graduating college in May, so AT LEAST until then I'm still living at home, with parents who don't want me dating non Jewish guys, ESPECIALLY S.

 

So I guess what I'm asking is...should I continue being the bookish law abiding daughter our should I rebel for once in my life and risk the security I have at home? Note...he is leaving in two months for boot camp.

 

The Tl;dr is...

 

I've been friends with a guy online for three years, we have great chemistry together. I recently was in a serious relationship that lasted two years, but was dumped. I am deeply considering being with the guy I met online, but if I did, it would have to be a secret because he is my brothers' girlfriends' ex boyfriend, he isn't Jewish (I consider myself atheist, but my parents don't want me with non Jewish boys), he didn't go to college (they want me with someone college educated), and they think he's awful due to lies told about him. Not only would I have to keep him secret...but he joined the military and is leaving for boot camp soon.

 

I consider myself to be an intellectual, and I have always dated intellectual guys...who have always, in turn, hurt me. I never thought, in a million years, that I'd fall for a guy who, while intelligent, is in the military, and does physical labor.

 

I don't know what to do...help!

Edited March 17, 2012 by LosingMyReligion

[Axee]

Follow your heart girl , go for it..

 

The long distance military part is just the part that should concern you ..

[LosingMyReligion]

The thing is though....it really doesn't. After the emotional roller coaster of my last relationship, I think a quiet, romantic thing through letters would be much more my pace.

 

I'm still worried about my parents though. If they find out...I'd be in a whole lot of trouble.

[freetolove]

i think you should go for it. you've been there for each other for some long!