2sunny Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 Sticking to one word answers - or none at all - will allow you to see how silly she will get in order to seek attention from you. Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 She just cant leave me alone! Two texts today about nothing special! Just wrote OK! back! My Ic gave me the same advice you guys have told me when it comes to answering her! Hopefully shell get it in the end! We train people how to treat us. Train her that she isn't to bother you about HER life - do that by ignoring those topics. If she has a legitimate need to talk about the kids, clearly reply and engage. Be cordial, nice even. You both have a signed binding legal custody agreement. Stick to it. Exceptions are emergencies only. Another exception might be a long pre-planned vacation that "breaks" custody schedule. Keep up the IC...your kids will be fine. You will be fine. And she is no longer your concern. Link to post Share on other sites
Author petterr Posted June 11, 2012 Author Share Posted June 11, 2012 So! Today I told her we had to sign the papers. That I wanted less contact than before and that she needed to back of! She totaly lost it! Both her sisters called wondering what happened! I told them that I couldnt take anymore of her confusion and that it was high time to look out for myself. Perhaps now she will get it! Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 So! Today I told her we had to sign the papers. That I wanted less contact than before and that she needed to back of! She totaly lost it! Both her sisters called wondering what happened! I told them that I couldnt take anymore of her confusion and that it was high time to look out for myself. Perhaps now she will get it! Stop taking calls from HER family! This only keeps you MORE connected to her crazy life! Shutting down info on what she is or isn't doing will help you have more clarity on what's best for YOU! She's a mess - but no longer your concern! She wanted it this way - you gave it to her. You are no longer HER safety net!!! Get busy living! Link to post Share on other sites
Author petterr Posted June 11, 2012 Author Share Posted June 11, 2012 Think thats what I just did! Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 SHE created it this way by HER choices! Let HER live with it all. Any info "others" attempt to tell YOU about HER is simply trying to get YOU to keep her on YOUR mind - which is exactly what you're trying to get rid of. Do not ALLOW it - it takes a strong will and courage to tell people to buzz off when they constantly want to get you involved. Stay strong! Link to post Share on other sites
Author petterr Posted June 15, 2012 Author Share Posted June 15, 2012 Wonderful week! Nc until today! She texted me that she picked up her last stuff! Great! More space! But... Told her monday we needed to sign the divorce papers one last time to make it official. I expected she would leave them here for me to sign today. But nothing! She hasnt said anything this week about it and didnt leave them today! What should I do? Remind her or leave it at that! I do not speculate over the reasons! Only need advice! What to do! Link to post Share on other sites
Author petterr Posted June 15, 2012 Author Share Posted June 15, 2012 Laughing at my own post now! I know what I should do! Just go over there and make it happen! Simple right! Sorry to say wrong... Yep! Guess I still have some thinking to do! Maby its because its not that important for me anymore. But the label " divorced" is. Dont really know. Dont really care whats going on in her brain. Have to get mine in order first! Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 Simply and calmly state what you expect! No "asking"! Maybe sounds like: "I'll be by at 3 to have you sign those papers". Need it done today. Link to post Share on other sites
Author petterr Posted June 17, 2012 Author Share Posted June 17, 2012 Going on a holiday with the kids! Like we did as a family for the past 10 years. Had to call her to informher because I needed to borrow a couple of days when she has the kids. She cried during our conversation. I didnt say anything about anything other then the facts of the holiday. I did good. She cant afford something like that and I think its important for the kids to know that even if our lives have totally changed we can still do some of the fun stuff we did before this whole thing started. Creating new memories! With or without her life goes on! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted June 17, 2012 Share Posted June 17, 2012 Going on a holiday with the kids! Like we did as a family for the past 10 years. Had to call her to informher because I needed to borrow a couple of days when she has the kids. She cried during our conversation. I didnt say anything about anything other then the facts of the holiday. I did good. She cant afford something like that and I think its important for the kids to know that even if our lives have totally changed we can still do some of the fun stuff we did before this whole thing started. Creating new memories! With or without her life goes on! Man - THIS is good progress in moving FORWARD! Good work!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author petterr Posted June 19, 2012 Author Share Posted June 19, 2012 Got a letter from court today! Will be divorced in a months time! About time! Link to post Share on other sites
The Blue Knight Posted June 29, 2012 Share Posted June 29, 2012 Going on a holiday with the kids! Like we did as a family for the past 10 years. Had to call her to informher because I needed to borrow a couple of days when she has the kids. She cried during our conversation. I didnt say anything about anything other then the facts of the holiday. I did good. She cant afford something like that and I think its important for the kids to know that even if our lives have totally changed we can still do some of the fun stuff we did before this whole thing started. Creating new memories! With or without her life goes on! You've got it Pete. Create good solid positive memories with the kids. They need that and you do too. It's tough starting out after divorce, but when it's officially over, you get yourself marketed to a deserving woman who will appreciate you and your kids, and you'll realize life goes on and new love is entirely possible. Link to post Share on other sites
Author petterr Posted June 30, 2012 Author Share Posted June 30, 2012 Thanks BN! Still in italy! Met a single mom with D and we have been out eating several times this week. No romance, just company! Still good to get confirmation that I have something! Great holiday! Best thing to have done at this point. Speaking of points... Divorce is at a point of no return. Will recieve a letter back home any day now that its finalized. Fells ok under the circumstances! Link to post Share on other sites
Author petterr Posted July 11, 2012 Author Share Posted July 11, 2012 8 months post BD! Today im divorced! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author petterr Posted July 12, 2012 Author Share Posted July 12, 2012 Thanks! Its a strange feeling! I honored my vows! She *** up! Flipped out! Lost herself! She will never find herself again! Searching for comfort on Facebook and on the dance floor! Sooo destructive! As for me! I invested in my kids! Filled their life with meaning and comfort! Im not perfect but I know whats right and whats wrong! Im not the most important man in the world. But I have loved and lost! And now my kids will get everything thats important in their lifes! Proud of myself! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author petterr Posted July 14, 2012 Author Share Posted July 14, 2012 Today im so mad I could hit something! My now diverced wife called me and wanted to talk to D. She was drunk and at a consert. " Their playing Ds song" Wtf! It was way passed Ds bed time! I just told ex she was asleep and hung up! She has really lost herself! I wanted to take my stepson and D on another vacation this summer but he didnt want to go. He said it felt strange. I know for a fact that his father didnt want him to go on our first vacation. He said to S that he was jealous of our relationship. What a stupid man! S told his dad that he is his father but I am his best friend. So mature! Proud of him! Think my ex projects sandess and frustration to S so he feels guilt. That he has to choose! Ex and I agree that he really would enjoy vacation 2. But he wont change his mind. What a compleye mess! We are just learning the hard way all the consecuenses of ex decision to leave! But hey! As long as she is happy, right! Stupid woman! Link to post Share on other sites
Alice2012 Posted July 14, 2012 Share Posted July 14, 2012 She was drunk and at a consert. " Make sure you speak with your child about her time spent with your ex. It won't be long before she's drunk around D, if she's not already. Link to post Share on other sites
Author petterr Posted July 15, 2012 Author Share Posted July 15, 2012 Thanks! Sure hope she doesnt walk down that path aswell! But in her crisis nothing would surprise me anymore! Walked past her car yesterday! Have been trying to avoid her place but I had to walk past it yesterday! She jad a bumper sticker on her car: " yes im a bitch! Im just not your bitch!" So I guess some people strive for being just that! A bitch! It spoke to me! I was both sad and happy! She can be someone elses bitch from now on! Link to post Share on other sites
Alice2012 Posted July 15, 2012 Share Posted July 15, 2012 She jad a bumper sticker on her car: "yes im a bitch! Im just not your bitch!" Drunk dialing, inappropriate bumper stickers on her vehicle (the same vehicle that probably picks up your kid at school) . . . . Classy lady. Link to post Share on other sites
Author petterr Posted July 16, 2012 Author Share Posted July 16, 2012 Rant! I just dont get it and I feel so damn hurt everytime we talk! Shes gunning for me and I dont understand why! Left D at her place this morning! Had plans on going on another vacation with D on exes weekend. She was fine with it. But the trip was canselled! Ex asked me if it was on and I told her than it wasnt. So she has D for the weekend! Ten minutes after I left she texted me that she needed to know if the trip was on. I didnt see the text and she texted me again six hours later and told me that I was rude for not answering her. I texted her back and told her I didnt see her first text and that I told her this morning that the trip was off! Ex told me: Yes! But I had to ask you and you were halfway down the stairs when you told me! I just said I was sorry if she misunderstood! But seriously! I freaking told her! Shes so strange! Like she wants conflict! Like she has to be angry at me. And to be honest her nonsense hurts! Shes sooo confused! Havent really talked to her for several weeks hoping she would carlm the f down! But no!* I feel I can never have a good co- parenting relationship with her if shes just so confused! Insane! Link to post Share on other sites
Tryin Hard 2 Make It Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 petterr, i know its hard, i know man, I was there.... You HAVE to gain the strength and go full force with Limited Contact or No Contact but after reading all these posts NC may not be possible. I was lucky because my family was able communicate with my Ex for me when picking up and dropping off my daughter. i learned A LOT from this site especially from Carhill and from reading posts from Gunny376. If you havent read this post: Do you really think contacting your ex is going to help you? Guide for the long walk - LoveShack.org Community Forums take the time to read, it helped me tremendously. I read it everyday and printed it as well to keep in my journal. You are healing right now and it will take some time BUT you have to hurt to feel better. I have a lot of material i can give to you that may or may not help but YOU have to be willing to do the work and read and understand. Listen, you CANNOT be in her company and you CANNOT talk to her on the phone, that only sets you back. You have to start living YOUR LIFE and think about your future with your beautiful daughter. your ex is no longer part of your future. here is another: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/separation-divorce/309150-finding-old-post-about-moving We are here for you, Brother. STRENGTH AND HONOR 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author petterr Posted July 16, 2012 Author Share Posted July 16, 2012 Thanks Tryin! Have read alot and learns so much! But Nc with this woman seem impossible! Just got another text from her reguarding D. Nothing important. The exact same conversation we had a week ago reguarding a rash on Ds leg! She wants me around... When she doesnt get it she gets mad. Thats my take on it. She really doesnt understand what shes done and how shes treated me. Im getting better and better to just let go of her nonsense! She will probably always be like this! Have learned so much about Nc by people posting here. Still learning as I go along. But so does she! Even though she has no clue whats going on! Link to post Share on other sites
Author petterr Posted July 18, 2012 Author Share Posted July 18, 2012 Wounded individuals experience, sometimes accurately, the necessity to remain unconscious of certain traumas and of their Shadow in order to preserve a level of stability. In order to maintain the illusion of self-respect and the integrity of the false self they have come to depend on, they may similarly need to remain unaware of their responsibility for the impact of past hurtful or destructive actions or non-actions that their defenses have driven them to commit or omit, about which they would otherwise feel deeply ashamed or guilty. While ultimate resolution will eventually require consciousness and healing of such wounds, reintegration of exiled parts, and acceptance of responsibility, some may, either temporarily or indefinitely, lack the strength and support to undergo this process. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted July 18, 2012 Share Posted July 18, 2012 Are you referring to yourself or her? Link to post Share on other sites
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