Author petterr Posted May 26, 2012 Author Share Posted May 26, 2012 Talked to a friend! She said I have all the answers to my questions already! The trick is to come to terms with the answers even if I disagree with them. Accepting the truth for what it is. This is my last challenge! Just accepting what shes become! In my book shes INSANE! Makes it easier to think of her like that I guess! Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted May 26, 2012 Share Posted May 26, 2012 Stop checking on her. Don't talk to friends about her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author petterr Posted May 27, 2012 Author Share Posted May 27, 2012 Had a good laugh! Ex texted me and asked if I had medicin bc D has a temperature. I went to her place and she met me outside. Just said thanks and that was that! It would have taken her five minutes to go to the store and buy medicin. Still she called me. Well! Im a idiot according to her on FB! She should be ashamed of herself! Link to post Share on other sites
Author petterr Posted May 29, 2012 Author Share Posted May 29, 2012 Im so mad I could explode today! She texted me today and asked if I could take the kids and if they could spend the night at my place. She said she would have a hard time picking up the kids and make it in time for a relative party. So she wouldnt make an effort bringing her own kids to a party with their own family. Its just crazy behavior right now. I have plans so I just said im sorry and that I hope she could solve it herself. Once again... Last week I was an idiot. This week she needs me. This will never end will it? Link to post Share on other sites
The Blue Knight Posted May 29, 2012 Share Posted May 29, 2012 Im so mad I could explode today! She texted me today and asked if I could take the kids and if they could spend the night at my place. She said she would have a hard time picking up the kids and make it in time for a relative party. So she wouldnt make an effort bringing her own kids to a party with their own family. Its just crazy behavior right now. I have plans so I just said im sorry and that I hope she could solve it herself. Once again... Last week I was an idiot. This week she needs me. This will never end will it? Probably not Pete. She's engulfed in her own life and what makes for her convenience is all that matters. She's not in this for anyone but herself. The sad reality is that someday, maybe 10 years down the road when she's a burned-out party whore (sorry, just calling it like it I see it Pete) she may reflect back and realize that she gave up a loving and stable husband, and kids who adored her, and for what? To rediscover her lost youth for a fleeting few years? You pulled her from a lifestyle that could have eventually killed her, but the sad reality of it is, she probably missed it for longer than she ever would admit to you. Some individuals are drawn toward destructive lifestyles like a moth to the flame. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted May 29, 2012 Share Posted May 29, 2012 Im so mad I could explode today! She texted me today and asked if I could take the kids and if they could spend the night at my place. She said she would have a hard time picking up the kids and make it in time for a relative party. So she wouldnt make an effort bringing her own kids to a party with their own family. Its just crazy behavior right now. I have plans so I just said im sorry and that I hope she could solve it herself. Once again... Last week I was an idiot. This week she needs me. This will never end will it? It's good that you put it back on her. When the kids are expected to be with her - she should be making plans that include them. It's obvious she wanted to do something on her own - but that doesn't mean you need to make it easy for her to bail on her plans with the kids. She's going to ask - because then she MAY have a chance IF you say yes. Just tell her no every time. Stay consistent when YOU have the kids. Let them know they an rely on you by being dependable and predictable. Link to post Share on other sites
jaymz Posted May 29, 2012 Share Posted May 29, 2012 Im so mad I could explode today! She texted me today and asked if I could take the kids and if they could spend the night at my place. She said she would have a hard time picking up the kids and make it in time for a relative party. So she wouldnt make an effort bringing her own kids to a party with their own family. Its just crazy behavior right now. I have plans so I just said im sorry and that I hope she could solve it herself. Once again... Last week I was an idiot. This week she needs me. This will never end will it? Perfect responce. When she has the kids she needs to look after them. It is hard choice, extra time with the kids is golden but needs to be on your terms otherwise all you ever will be is a baby sitter & cash machine... Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted May 29, 2012 Share Posted May 29, 2012 Pertaining to the medicine you delivered - The issue as I see it is with each of you maintains separate households then each of you need to do just that. And that means if her place doesn't have children's Tylenol then she can get herself to the store and buy them. After all, each residence is going to need a supply of those on hand. I would refuse all such deliveries on that. If you deliver the supply at your place, you will have to repurchase it when needed. Obviously, prescriptions and other unique and individual items (like a stuffed toy) should be handled on a case by case basis. Which, btw, is how I recommend you handle these baby sitting requests. Case by case with reasonable circumstances. Clearly, emergencies trump all. Herfamily's party does not. The key difference, to me, is reasonable foresight. Can your xW, with reasonable foresight, anticipate (or should have anticipated) an event? If she can or should have I refuse the request. It is NOT your job to help HER out because she failed to plan. Simply refuse with a apology - you can't because you have plans, the event on question is NOT a surprise/emergency. She'll learn this in time. Pertaining to Facebook. I would have nothing to do with her on it. And make the same requests of my friends and family. There should be a way to do that - I'm not on Facebook so I don't know much about it. I would practice not replying to her baiting. Just speak about your daughter and that's that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author petterr Posted May 29, 2012 Author Share Posted May 29, 2012 So greatful for your advice! No, theres really nothing else I can do but to keep bein civil but clear when it comes to my bounderies for the sake of the kids. A friend told me I should really talk to her and explain how I want this to work but I told her its no use. It will only add to the drama since she doesnt understand her own behavior. I agree that she has to learn by seeing that im not there anymore. Only on my terms at least. Yes we have two homes now and the funny thing is that I would never ake her for anything. A little word called PRIDE! Dont need her but our children does. Will absolutely respect that but nothing more. She left me... Im gone... Later then sooner she will realise that. If she hasnt already and this is a way of trying to still have a part of me. Sorry, but eighter all of me or nothing. She didnt want me in her life so I will do my best to honer her wish! Appreciate your support! Link to post Share on other sites
Author petterr Posted June 1, 2012 Author Share Posted June 1, 2012 Should be divorced within ten days! Signing papers next week, I think! Havent talked to ex about it what so ever and I guess she will contact me when its time to sign the papers. Have no clue what to do? Question! When signing and I think we have to do it togeher should I keep my mouth shut? Thinking of printing a t-shirt with her own words from her letter on it. " Lifes too short not to enjoy it to the fullest". I know, I know... Would never stoop that low but it would be kind of funny! No! Will avoid any kind of drama. Feel like I have already " won" because I can leave this marriage without feeling that I made any mistakes. Enjoy your weekend! Me and D sure will! Link to post Share on other sites
jaymz Posted June 1, 2012 Share Posted June 1, 2012 Probably a bad idea.... I bought this t-shirt for when I sign my papers with the STBXW and scumbag: t-shirt Link to post Share on other sites
Author petterr Posted June 1, 2012 Author Share Posted June 1, 2012 ! Really funny t- shirt! Probably made her furious! The best thing would probably be to say nothing. It leaves more to think about with the ex... Even though we all know the thinking part is some what scrambled right now! Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted June 1, 2012 Share Posted June 1, 2012 Should be divorced within ten days! Signing papers next week, I think! Havent talked to ex about it what so ever and I guess she will contact me when its time to sign the papers. Have no clue what to do? Question! When signing and I think we have to do it togeher should I keep my mouth shut? Thinking of printing a t-shirt with her own words from her letter on it. " Lifes too short not to enjoy it to the fullest". I know, I know... Would never stoop that low but it would be kind of funny! No! Will avoid any kind of drama. Feel like I have already " won" because I can leave this marriage without feeling that I made any mistakes. Enjoy your weekend! Me and D sure will! In my state of Texas only one of us had to be present at the prove up - so her signature had been notarized. Ask your lawyer if something like this is acceptable in your area. If she does go, dress in suit and tie and be cordial to her as required. Being nice, happy, gracious and thankful. It's not only the proper way to behave it'll also give her fits. Nothing is more aggravating than being happy (and not taking any of her bait). Link to post Share on other sites
Author petterr Posted June 1, 2012 Author Share Posted June 1, 2012 Jwi71 Was thinking of something along that line! Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Author petterr Posted June 6, 2012 Author Share Posted June 6, 2012 I am NC... I swear I am! So why does she text me seven times about nothing of importance in a week? Link to post Share on other sites
The Blue Knight Posted June 6, 2012 Share Posted June 6, 2012 I am NC... I swear I am! So why does she text me seven times about nothing of importance in a week? There could be a number of reasons Pete. She wants to keep it cool between the two of you for the sake of the kids. She wants to keep you on the hook in case this "party life" gets old. She doesn't want you to feel anymore hurt than she's already dished out. Or, if she's the control type, it could be about control. It's really hard to say without knowing her better. What do your instincts tell you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author petterr Posted June 6, 2012 Author Share Posted June 6, 2012 Well... She knows shes made so many mistakes so I think shes afraid of loosing me. Twisted... But she hasnt texted this much in four months. I answe her texts but keep it short! Reality bites, perhaps! Shouldnt analyze it really! Havent texted her in over two months exepp for replying. Maby shes just bored! Link to post Share on other sites
The Blue Knight Posted June 6, 2012 Share Posted June 6, 2012 Well... She knows shes made so many mistakes so I think shes afraid of loosing me. Twisted... But she hasnt texted this much in four months. I answe her texts but keep it short! Reality bites, perhaps! Shouldnt analyze it really! Havent texted her in over two months exepp for replying. Maby shes just bored! Well, if you think it's weird now, just introduce someone into your life of the female persuasion and see how she reacts. Once the "commodity factor" sets in, there's no telling how the ex will act. The party life that she's experiencing currently was probably a real attraction to her for some of those years she was married and had kids. We always want what we don't have. It's a human condition. Those of us who are mature realize that part of life is not being able to have all that we want and not having what someone else has. We also realize that we have to make choices and then to stick with them. The immature individuals struggle in this area. So even though the party life was attractive to your ex when she didn't have it, now that she has it again full time without any ties to you or something or someone holding her back, it's probably not all that enticing and will burn itself out in due time. She'll likely grow tired of it, meet someone and then want to re-domesticate again. At any rate, she made her bed and she needs to lie in it. She took a man who treated her well and helped to pull her from a lousy lifestyle and a pretty bad street existence, and dumped him for what? A life of partying as a middle-aged woman? Get on one or two of those dating sites Pete and get back in the game. It's the best way to deal with a relationship ending. Once you discover that there are women out there who are thankful for decent and good men, who can hold a job, and care for their family, you'll wonder why you even cared about your past situation. The last thing that I wanted to do after my divorce was to date. But I knew that sitting around thinking about her was not healthy for me. So I dated, and that was after 14 years of marriage so admittedly, it felt a little bit weird. But it helped a lot because after someone you love wants to move on and leave you, you need that boost . . . that self-esteem enhancer. I met my second wife just weeks after my divorce and I've never looked back with any regrets. And we just hit 15 years of marriage together! Don't pass the time thinking about the ex or her texts. Get out there and make yourself available. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author petterr Posted June 6, 2012 Author Share Posted June 6, 2012 Thanks MR Knight! Will respect my wedding vows but it should be over any day now! We are supposed to sign tomorrow but ex hasnt said anything and because this is her divorce she can initiate the final as well! Dont really feel like dating yet though! Been out a couple of times and it sure is a meat market out there. That type of scene doesnt do it for me at all. Perhaps Ill take your advice sometime this summer. Im the mean time Im struggeling to enjoy the company of me when D is at her mothers. Link to post Share on other sites
The Blue Knight Posted June 6, 2012 Share Posted June 6, 2012 Thanks MR Knight! Will respect my wedding vows but it should be over any day now! We are supposed to sign tomorrow but ex hasnt said anything and because this is her divorce she can initiate the final as well! Dont really feel like dating yet though! Been out a couple of times and it sure is a meat market out there. That type of scene doesnt do it for me at all. Perhaps Ill take your advice sometime this summer. Im the mean time Im struggeling to enjoy the company of me when D is at her mothers. Sorry Pete. I may have confused you with one of the other recent posters with your situation and assumed your divorce was finalized. I meant when it's finalized, then get out there. I would expect you to keep you vows at this point despite what she's doing. The "meat market" wasn't really what I was referring too, although it's certainly there. I was never looking for that either so perhaps we are very much the same. Even when I dated as a young guy, I was always more interested in finding the "right girl" over just some shallow and senseless relationship. Find someone who is authentic and looking for the right person. I've heard good things about some of the dating sites online. Have no firsthand experience but seems to me to be a way to sort through the nonsense and read profiles of what you're looking for. Welcome to the 21st Century Despite what you choose to do, stay busy on the days your daughter isn't around. That's key. Develop new friendships. Hold onto to the old ones. Workout at a club to deal with stress. And get back into the dating game soon. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted June 6, 2012 Share Posted June 6, 2012 Checkout some art therapy! It's very useful in getting your emotions out and onto something else besides keeping it all inside your head. It's amazing what comes out that one can learn from - and just "let it go"... Link to post Share on other sites
Author petterr Posted June 7, 2012 Author Share Posted June 7, 2012 Going slightly mad! Had to call her today because of matters with D. She mixes up dates and gives an impression if being very confused. I asked her how she was doing. She said she was ok. I heard she was mad and cold. I asked her why she was angry with me. She said shes angry at everything about me. I asked her to be specific but she couldnt. Brought up the fact that I couldnt have anything to do with her as long as shes angry. She slammed the phone on me. Think shes on her way down even further. And everythings my fault. Havent done anything to hurt her. Hope she gets the NC now! Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted June 7, 2012 Share Posted June 7, 2012 Going slightly mad! Had to call her today because of matters with D. She mixes up dates and gives an impression if being very confused. I asked her how she was doing. She said she was ok. I heard she was mad and cold. I asked her why she was angry with me. She said shes angry at everything about me. I asked her to be specific but she couldnt. Brought up the fact that I couldnt have anything to do with her as long as shes angry. She slammed the phone on me. Think shes on her way down even further. And everythings my fault. Havent done anything to hurt her. Hope she gets the NC now! No - you didn't HAVE to call her - but you did... You weren't required to ask her how she was doing - but you chose to do that too... Keep stepping in the firing line - you're bound to get shot down... The only one creating this is YOU - at this point! You asked for it - and actually gave her an open invitation to be even more mean to you. Nothing changes if nothing changes. Be the change you wish to see... Link to post Share on other sites
Author petterr Posted June 7, 2012 Author Share Posted June 7, 2012 I get it! I get it! I get! Just a remindre that shes F.... Up! Wont touch the stove again! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted June 7, 2012 Share Posted June 7, 2012 She's not been one to accept HER part in it - why would you expect her to now? Link to post Share on other sites
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