freetolove Posted March 18, 2012 Share Posted March 18, 2012 Can men and women really be just friends. I use to argue with my friends about this. I find that I can be friends with a guy if we worked together but if we met on other terms, things are tricker. I think a man and woman can be friends, what do you think? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sabian Posted March 18, 2012 Share Posted March 18, 2012 I don't believe so. My girlfriend says otherwise, but her hanging out with with this other guy has been an issue for awhile now.... If you like someone enough to be friends, sooner or later you're going to start comparing them to whatever other man/woman you have in your life. It's natural, men and women are attracted to each other. The only time I've ever heard of a guy and a girl being friends is when they were unable to explore things further due to being tied down somewhere else. So even though I guess they are technically friends, if both were available things would be different. Even if you have a friend of the opposite sex who you feel no attraction to at all, chances are they are attracted to you. My girlfriend seems to think that these guys just come up and talk to her randomly because she just seems like a nice person.....I know better, yet get yelled at when I stop it or complain about it. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted March 18, 2012 Share Posted March 18, 2012 Absolutely. The bulk of my closest friends are men -- some for many, many years. I have had them be close to me through various relationships and be confidants. I think it can only happen with mature, honest people though. My boyfriend has met the bulk of my friends and vice-versa. Some are too far away but they all know about each other. It is not a big deal if there is complete transparency. With one friend (known each other 12 years), we even talked about why we never got together and agreed, there simply is not enough chemistry. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Blackfrost Posted March 18, 2012 Share Posted March 18, 2012 Yes, but for me, there has to be some kind of glitch/flaw that causes me to not even remotely consider you as an option: ever. Then we could easily be friends, and I would treat you just like I treat my male friends Link to post Share on other sites
The Outlaw Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 Very easily. It just doesn't happen in my case. Link to post Share on other sites
Forever Learning Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 Yes, but for me, there has to be some kind of glitch/flaw that causes me to not even remotely consider you as an option: ever. Then we could easily be friends, and I would treat you just like I treat my male friends Now by this, do you mean not an option as a girlfriend? Or not even an option for friends with benefits? Just curious on your mindset on this. Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 Can men and women really be just friends. I use to argue with my friends about this. I find that I can be friends with a guy if we worked together but if we met on other terms, things are tricker. I think a man and woman can be friends, what do you think? The woman's perspective (which you have) doesn't even cover how generally impossible this is. Males simply have zero interest in making mere "friends" with women when not simultaneously seeing themselves as being "in line" to get into their pants. In such situations, it doesn't matter what the woman thinks, or whether the woman deems the guy not to be a serious romantic candidate. Indeed there are coworkers, neighbors, people on the bus every day, and family members who are exceptions for one reason or another, but, generally, no!! Link to post Share on other sites
Samara11 Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 You know, I have wondered about this question for a long time. I used to think yes, men and women can indeed be merely platonic friends.. However, a recently ended 5 year friendship with my best guy friend makes me wonder... This friend and I were together all the time.. we shared many secrets/personal information, we were there for each other during the worst times. However, we were always platonic, although I knew that he thought I was attractive, and vice versa. Recently, I got engaged, and he reacted very badly, and I had to end the friendship (it's a long story). Ironically enough, he was the ONLY friend of mine who reacted negatively when I got engaged.. I started to question whether or not he had feelings for me, and perhaps that was one underlying reason why he didn't approve of my engagement. Who really knows. I think under the right circumstances, men and woman can be friends.. However, in most real-life situations that I am aware of, something usually goes wrong- either the woman or the man falls for the other, jealousy arises, the new boyfriend/girlfriend is disliked by the "friend.." The jury is still out on this one. Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 You know... Who really knows. I think you answered your own question. Everyone else here knows... Link to post Share on other sites
brokenTom Posted March 23, 2012 Share Posted March 23, 2012 Women and men can be friends if neither has strong romantic feelings towards one another. Also true with homosexuals. I had a couple close guy friends who came out to me and wanted to be with me, but I didn't feel that way towards them and, like the women in my life who've admitted feelings for me, it got awkward and the friendship eventually collapsed. So, IMO, it's not about men vs women, it's more about having a mutual interest in each other. Link to post Share on other sites
sweetsmmr91 Posted March 23, 2012 Share Posted March 23, 2012 I think there's an issue here almost always, so you'd think "well if a guy has a girlfriend he can't have allll his female friends any more" and same for women. But I don't know that that's really true. Like, for me, when I'm dating a guy if he has a close friend that's a girl... I question it a bit but I'm not going to be too freaked out. But I am dating someone right now who texted his friend who's a girl while we were in his car having a talk about previous relationships.. I mean he just texted her to ask "what's up" but still? Have your girl friend at a certain time haha.. not during a conversation or even really when you're out on a date with me.. at least in the beginning. Then I realized she has a boyfriend, lives in another state, I neeeeed to stop being a psycho path and moved on haha. Although, a guy who meets a girl at his job? Gets her number and starts being "just friends" with her while you've already been dating... I don't like that. It's like a grandfather clause. If they're there before you, sure. But if they're coming in after you? No thank you! That can change though! But I know I wouldn't want to make my boyfriend jealous by suddenly texting new guys from work or class. I mean, befriend them but keep it an in person friendship only. Link to post Share on other sites
Teal Posted March 23, 2012 Share Posted March 23, 2012 (edited) In my offline peer groups, the ones who don't have mixed-gender social circles and longtime friends of both genders are the odd ones out. It takes awareness and management of one's own emotions, and let's face it... far too many people are clueless on that front. Friends will occasionally have feelings for friends, that's true, but since I bat for both teams and know many others who do, too, I've long since stopped viewing friendships between two people who could technically be attracted to each other as something volatile enough to be avoided or doubted as a rule. It's just something to be prepared for, and drama is a people thing, not a people-who-might-wind-up-attracted-to-each-other thing. Edited March 23, 2012 by Teal Link to post Share on other sites
verhrzn Posted March 23, 2012 Share Posted March 23, 2012 Girls and guys can be friends, but there is a risk of developing feelings on either side. I've found the most platonic situation is when the girl is ugly. The girl knows she has no chance with her male friends, and her male friends sees her as not-a-girl (because she's ugly.) Perfect platonic friendships ensue.* *This is my situation, has worked out well; I have tons of guy friends who would never touch me with a 10 foot pole romantically. Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyLady13 Posted March 24, 2012 Share Posted March 24, 2012 My best friend for the past 20 years is a guy and more toward the beginning of our friendship, my other best friend (I almost always have two) was a guy also. The one I was best friends with for 8 years woke up one day and decided he wanted to be with me. That friendship ended. Especially since he was dating someone at the time he decided this. But the guy who's hung in there for 20 years? He dates alot. I am a long term relationship type. We always are dating someone and have no chemistry with each other. It just isn't there. We go to each other for advice with our relationships all the time which is nice to be able to do. But friendship-wise? You need a certain type of chemistry for that too and that's the chemistry we do have. Women aren't at all a mystery to my best friend and men aren't a mystery to me at all because we've had so much time around each other. I think really...it's best if people do try to be friends with the opposite sex. Clears up a lot of confusion and misconceptions and better prepares people for relationships and/or marriage! Link to post Share on other sites
ponsettia Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 I'm a woman and have loads of men friends - none of them every want to be anything other than friends with me, even when I shamelessly flirt with them! I must smell funny or something... I do have men friends who are married, I'm also friends with their wives, but I was friends with the man first. I've never had a problem with an angry wife! (I do have men coming on to me, but they're always men I wouldn't touch with a bargepole!) Link to post Share on other sites
zoe_justmarried Posted March 31, 2012 Share Posted March 31, 2012 Can men and women really be just friends. I use to argue with my friends about this. I find that I can be friends with a guy if we worked together but if we met on other terms, things are tricker. I think a man and woman can be friends, what do you think? if the friend finds you sexy its ok as long as they don't try to kiss you 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 31, 2012 Share Posted March 31, 2012 I can be friends with men and always have had guy friends. Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted March 31, 2012 Share Posted March 31, 2012 my male friends have all asked for sex, it's when the SO has gone and i was no substitute for a posh woman or leggy girl or woman with cash which is what they each liked i knew that i was a diversion never did fancy them and for ages two of them were like me about it, brother snd sister, and one had wanted a fling while his cash-spending was his SO and one had a girl who he preferred to me but she went but i am not his fill-in/part-timer i would be worried now to have a male friend as a waste of time cuz they all changed the brother-sister deal and got snarky with me my world has shrunk now but that's ok too, no more editing who i am in order to play tomboy and a chance for the right guy instead Link to post Share on other sites
Rapport Posted April 1, 2012 Share Posted April 1, 2012 In my experience, no. One or both will always fall for the other. Link to post Share on other sites
Greekman Posted April 1, 2012 Share Posted April 1, 2012 Yes it's very possible. I have many female friends. Though to be honest I've also lost a couple when they decided to 'see what happens'. Ironically each time the friendship ended because I fell for them and they didn't fall for me. Then they couldn't be friends anymore. Very disappointing and never again. Link to post Share on other sites
brokenTom Posted April 2, 2012 Share Posted April 2, 2012 (edited) I don't like hanging out with guys, in general, so I've always been attracted to women friends and have had plenty. Unfortunately, most eventually ask me out, then walk away when I tell them I never wanted more. The only women friend that has lasted (over 20 years now) shares similar feelings for me as I do for her. She is also not so attracted to women as friends, and her guy friends eventually make a move on her then move on, so we're kinda in the same boat in that sense. So, yes it's possible and I think it simply depends on shared feelings and maturity. Not just maturity between you and the friend, but also maturity in any significant others that may become confused or jealous. My recent EX and plenty of my friend's EXs have had huge issue with the fact that we are close friends, thinking there might be more going on between us. It's pretty frustrating and I'm not sure either of us will meet someone who is truly cool with it. We both often wish we were gay or something, to avoid the issue in the future. It's just so silly, and often impossible to convince others that we aren't "in love" with each other. I suppose there is a chance we are both in denial about how we feel towards each other. But when I look at her I just don't feel it, I don't feel the need to want more. She also tends to go out with guys that aren't like me at all, so I assume I'm not her type. It gets tricky at times but we both talk about it openly and things are then good again. Yeah, it sometimes takes some work to keep everything in order, what relationship doesn't? Edited April 2, 2012 by brokenTom Link to post Share on other sites
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