how do you deal with someone's anger

[deb]

my b'f has a tendency to get mad at me and blow up and or yell then act as if nothing has happened. i don't get it. is this normal? i've only met one other person like that in my whole life! how should one respond? should you just go along with it too and drop it, or drag it out and fight about it?

 

when my b'f does this i feel confused and angry that he turns from angry to nice just like that, and i am suppoe to act like all is well too or the fight will continue.

 

i have the power, ability, or control to decide to end the fight and drop it too or let it go on. i have this because once he drops it then i have to or it keeps going.

 

this is frustrating to me cause i don't know how to deal with it. one minute he will yell at me as if i am a child then the next he is talking to me about "what ever" that is so weird. should i just appreciate this in him or is this weird? i'm confused.

[Tony T]

I'd say in the scheme of things, you are pretty damned lucky. The alternative is for him to stay angry for long periods of time and eventually blow up your home.

 

There are many personalities out there who get hot quickly, let off steam, and go back to simmer and cool rapidly. This seems to me to be the best way for a person disposed towards anger to deal with it. Rather than hold it in and get ulcers and other stress diseases, it is better to vent the anger, get it off the chest, and move on. There really is no purpose whatsoever to hold on to anger and your boyfriend gets an A-plus from me for his style.

 

Of course, it would be better if he seldom if ever got angry at all, but then it would also be great if I could win the lottery.

 

If this really bothers you, there are many effective ways he can be taught to deal with anger so these episodes aren't so explosive and not nearly so often. A good counsellor, workshop, of just a book on the subject might do well with him. There are also excellent anger management tapes in good bookstores that might make the "perfect" gift for him.

 

Also, don't engage him. When you get down with the dogs you get up with fleas...when you sling mud you lose ground. Never get in a pissing match with a skunk. Just let him get over his thing without getting personally involved. (Not implying your bf is a skunk, that's just a saying I remembered from long ago)

 

If you know he's going to get over it quickly and he keeps his current personality, what the hell!!! Let him have his flings with anger and just see it as a positive.

 

Also, try to avoid doing things that piss him off. Maybe he likes getting pissed off. Maybe he does it because he's bored. Who knows?