Hopeful story

[BlueLP]

Here's a positive update for people looking for hope.

 

After a couple months apart, my girlfriend and I are in the process of getting back together....and we both used the time apart to work on ourselves and reflect upon what we had. The feelings are back for us now, and all the stronger for having gone through this. I don't think we would have made it if we had continued down the same path as before. God, how amazing it is to hear her tell me now that she only wants to be with me. She's very serious about me, the time apart made her certain of that (me too). It makes me feel that so much of the advice people have given me was right on target. I thought I might never see her again, I thought that all those sayings about giving her time and space were not going to apply for me. And yet we both have changed in the same ways, and have the same more trusting, comfortable view of our new relationship. It did work. We let it go, and sure enough it came back when the time was right

 

Chalk up a point for having a period of no contact, for letting the other person go when it is necessary...I don't think it always works, but in my case with the right person it was the absolute right thing to do.

 

Every painful day and night of missing her (and month of no contact) was cleansing in way, because I eventually discovered two things which started to make me peaceful and ready for whatever came:

 

1. I could live without her. As much as I loved her, I decided to pay more attention to simply being happy with myself and where I was at. I always held onto hope with her, but I started letting the idea of being on my own again creep in. I remembered the things I like about being single...I worked out more, immersed myself in going out at night and then having lazy weekend days where I stayed in and read, etc. I had fun seeing what was out there, and feeling that I still had the same confidence and ability to attact girls as before I met her.

 

2. I figured out that I really loved her, my love was true. It carried through all the confusion, all the bad feelings of sadness and anger. When we broke up, it felt like a huge building collapsed on top of my heart, lots of wood, brick and dust combining to make a huge heap over it. A big mess to clean up and wade through for weeks, surveying the wreckage. And when I finally cleared away all the bad feelings and all the grief, the tiny little heart was still beating below. It amazed me actually. Every time I had been through this before my heart had changed. This was a test that was beyond my control, and somehow the love beyond my control sustained. She was special, she was different.

 

 

Once I figured out these things, being apart from her wasn't as bad anymore. It wasn't very fun, but it was bearable. Either she would come back and I would be ready for her, or I would fondly look back at her as "the one who got away." But either way, how lucky I felt to know that I really loved someone so deeply. What a wonderful capability we all have! If nothing else, I had given it my best and learned lessons about myself that would last a long time. Someday, we will all lose the person we love (whether tomorrow or in fifty years from now). There's something valuable about being part of this process at all, of having the experience of being in love with someone for a moment or any period of time. When we sign up for love, we sign up for the possible grief too. And man, it's sh*tty. But look at all the hundreds of people trying to make it work just on this board...clearly it is something we all value enough to keep plugging along despite the missteps and broken hearts.

 

So the journey back will take months I'm sure...there is a lot to repair, and trust to regain. But now there is an unspoken understanding, an underlying strength that wasn't there before. I think it is partly awe at the paths that hearts can follow...they aren't logical, you can't control them. And when you finally let them go, it's amazing the directions they'll take. Despite all that has happened, ours still belong to each other.

 

Thanks for reading my overly-sappy story. I know that not all stories end happily, and it's easy to feel good feelings when things are going well. Well, that's where I'm at right now. Who knows if mine will end up well...but I wanted to post now to encourage people to keep fighting, to keep struggling. I'm so glad that I did.

[sid3]

It's nice to see that someone decided not to give up hope and things worked out for you. Unfortunately your right it won't work out for everyone, but the no contact policy is the best way in order to have hope, if you don't let go or set them free as the sayings go, there is no time to experience what was lost, and to miss the good qualities.....I have hope, your story is encouraging.

[depresso43]

No contact is fine, the question is how much no contact. I have been in no contact for 2.4 weeks now, first every day seemed like hell, then it was every two days, now it is about every three days. How long did your "no-contact" last.

 

Did you have absolutely no contact or did you email / call once in a while?

[BlueLP]

We didn't talk to each other for about a month, didn't see each other for 2....during the month we didn't talk and the time preceding it when we were building up to no contact, we emailed occasionally but generally went at least a week or two between each one. And just short, "hey, how's it going?" emails, nothing more. I was actually expecting no contact to last a little longer, from what I've seen it usually take maybe 1.5- 3 months or so for people to figure things out, good or bad. It varies, but do anyone else's experiences back that up?

[lost_in_chgo]

Could be longer given the circumstances.

I've been separated 9 mos.

She still reaches out occassionally and we talk, but she isn't ready yet.

Time will tell

 

 

or it wont

[cutie_cat]

Hi BlueLP - Thx 4 the story - good 2 know that things can change for the best eventually..

If you don't mind my asking, why did u guys break up? Seems like you had alot going 4 u both.

 

I have split from my bf because he says he has lost faith in our relationship and does not know if we can get back to how we were - work, new house etc just caused us to drift apart, argue more etc.

 

I'm only on day 3 of no contact (see my other post) and it's killing me..

 

I hope I have a positive story for this board 1 day[color=darkred][/color]

[sally1530]

Its been 6 weeks with no contact, well no talking to each other on the phone and no seeing each other. He emailed me 3 days ago and said he had no want or desire to pursue a relationship with me anymore and we have nothing to talk about and to move on with my life. Pretty harsh, considering I caught him on the interenet with a profile and picture emailing naked pictures of himself to many gals. He cancelled the wedding 28 days before the date with myself to be the last one to know. He minipulated the ring back from me and then havent seen him again. I dont think there is hope for us. I think I fell in love with a person who didnt exist, the person he wanted me to see, no who he really was , the person he was hiding. As soon as I found out the truth, well some of the truth , the game was over in his mind and it was time to move on to the next girl. Maybe it was the thrill of the cheating that excited him, not getting caught. I dont know Either way, I cant believe I almost married a guy like that. I mean he must have never loved me, cause he dosent even want me to exist in his world anymore. Out of sight /out of mind I guess. Anyway, Live and learn I guess. I am dating other people now, and getting back my self esteem, he really made me feel insuffient with all of his verbal abuse for the past 5 months. Now I know I can find someone else, I am very attractive, fit , loving and deserve better. I want a person who I can trust and count on. Obviously he proved he was not the one for me. Anyway love is blind.... Im not blind anymore... I finally see the light! and Moving on!!!

[BlueLP]

Cutie Cat, basically there were a lot of major life stressors in her life and we've been dealing with long-distance....she just started feeling numb for no reason and things went downhill from there. It felt very out of the blue. If you're interested, here's the story:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?threadid=38664

 

Sally1530, you sound great, like you've learned a lot from what you went through! No offense, but he sounds like he was a jerk and that you are moving on exactly like you should be. Keep looking and feeling confident about yourself, you'll find better guys in no time

[Buzz200532]

Did either of yall date anybody else during this process? If you did, could you please talk about it a little. Thanks!!

[sportsloving]

BlueLP : Thank you for sharing your happy "ending" and I wish you both continued happiness. Good luck to you both

[BlueLP]

Thank you kindly, I appreciate it

 

 

Neither of us did date others during the break....we could have, and we did talk with some other people, but neither of us chose to pursue anything. It was a little scary knowing that it was a possibility for her (I'm sure she felt the same about me), but it was part of the whole breaking up, something we both had to deal with. And it made it better when we came back that each of us had the freedom to do so, but chose not to out of our own accords. Honestly, I could have envisioned this turning out differently for me if she had, I probably would have not been able to feel the same way about her, or wanted to be with her again. But that's just me and where my heart tends to draw the line in past experience.