HopelessRomantic76 Posted March 18, 2012 Share Posted March 18, 2012 I dont want to come off as stuck up or a bitch its just that when unattractive Men approach me i feel like i cant be that attractive if an ugly guy thinks he has a chance with me I know its not the pc thing to say or maybe a little insensitive but its how i feel,i am not mean to these guys i treat them as people and let them down as nice as i can but at times i lashed out because deep down i was hurt by them approaching me i know its not right but its what i feel 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jane2011 Posted March 18, 2012 Share Posted March 18, 2012 I dont want to come off as stuck up or a bitch its just that when unattractive Men approach me i feel like i cant be that attractive if an ugly guy thinks he has a chance with me I know its not the pc thing to say or maybe a little insensitive but its how i feel,i am not mean to these guys i treat them as people and let them down as nice as i can but at times i lashed out because deep down i was hurt by them approaching me i know its not right but its what i feel I don't think it's an indicator of how attractive you are. All kinds of men will attempt to hit on you, no matter what your "league." I used to think the same thing, like...only unattractive men ever talk to me and look at me. But I've realized that, in all fairness, attractive men talk to me, too. I've heard someone say that the best way to assess your league is not who talks to you or looks at you, though. But by assessing who is the best-looking person (not just their looks, though, their general background and level of charmingness as well) who has wanted a serious relationship with you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AD1980 Posted March 18, 2012 Share Posted March 18, 2012 Dont worry i dont approach women so im doing you a favor Link to post Share on other sites
ThaWholigan Posted March 18, 2012 Share Posted March 18, 2012 I dont want to come off as stuck up or a bitch its just that when unattractive Men approach me i feel like i cant be that attractive if an ugly guy thinks he has a chance with me I know its not the pc thing to say or maybe a little insensitive but its how i feel,i am not mean to these guys i treat them as people and let them down as nice as i can but at times i lashed out because deep down i was hurt by them approaching me i know its not right but its what i feel Same for men too. Unattractive women (or more appropriately women who I find unattractive) approach me more often than women I like. I used to feel annoyed about it too, but I was never rude and I learned that people will generally gravitate towards whomever they like regardless of whether they are attractive themselves or not. Generally, you should be more self-aware and realize that beauty will always be in the eye of the beholder and people will gravitate towards you regardless of what you may think of them. Link to post Share on other sites
Ninjainpajamas Posted March 18, 2012 Share Posted March 18, 2012 No, I understand what you mean but this is more like self-doubt, insecurity within yourself. Sometimes I get approached by some extremely unattractive women...I'll admit that I am on the picky side, what a normal guy considers a 10 I'll likely consider an 8 or so, I just generally don't find myself in awe over most women...honestly it takes more than that and a particular look to make me feel really attracted, so I might find someone very attractive that doesn't meet the typical standard definition of beauty, it's guess its just my own taste. However, don't take this personally. Less attractive people or even just people who are more assertive that you happen to find very unattractive are just aggressive because that's what their personality is or they have to be. Pretty girls get hit on by all kinds, I've also known very attractive women who hardly get hit on, and attractive men or just most men in general seem to have a have hard initiating conversation...attractive men don't always know when they are attractive like women can tell, and they don't necessarily have the confidence that you'll be interested in them. So bottom line is there is probably a lot of guys that would want to approach you that are attractive but don't for one reason or another, and coincidentally the less attractive people have to be more aggressive, they're doing the right thing though and increasing their chances of trying to find someone (considering they are respectful and gentlemen about it). So go easy on and respectfully decline and don't take it personal, a lot of guys just don't know you'd find them that unattractive. On the flip-side I can't tell you how many women think they're hot and they're pretty unattractive, I can't for the life of me tell what they're seeing in the mirror, however I think you need to feel that way about yourself in order to maintain confidence. It only bothers me when ugly thinks she deserves a super hot guy because she's so beautiful...I can't comment on what a super hot guy is...all look the same to me, but I can tell If she's beautiful or not! 6 Link to post Share on other sites
MrNate 2.0 Posted March 18, 2012 Share Posted March 18, 2012 No, I understand what you mean but this is more like self-doubt, insecurity within yourself. Sometimes I get approached by some extremely unattractive women...I'll admit that I am on the picky side, what a normal guy considers a 10 I'll likely consider an 8 or so, I just generally don't find myself in awe over most women...honestly it takes more than that and a particular look to make me feel really attracted, so I might find someone very attractive that doesn't meet the typical standard definition of beauty, it's guess its just my own taste. However, don't take this personally. Less attractive people or even just people who are more assertive that you happen to find very unattractive are just aggressive because that's what their personality is or they have to be. Pretty girls get hit on by all kinds, I've also known very attractive women who hardly get hit on, and attractive men or just most men in general seem to have a have hard initiating conversation...attractive men don't always know when they are attractive like women can tell, and they don't necessarily have the confidence that you'll be interested in them. So bottom line is there is probably a lot of guys that would want to approach you that are attractive but don't for one reason or another, and coincidentally the less attractive people have to be more aggressive, they're doing the right thing though and increasing their chances of trying to find someone (considering they are respectful and gentlemen about it). So go easy on and respectfully decline and don't take it personal, a lot of guys just don't know you'd find them that unattractive. On the flip-side I can't tell you how many women think they're hot and they're pretty unattractive, I can't for the life of me tell what they're seeing in the mirror, however I think you need to feel that way about yourself in order to maintain confidence. It only bothers me when ugly thinks she deserves a super hot guy because she's so beautiful...I can't comment on what a super hot guy is...all look the same to me, but I can tell If she's beautiful or not! This guy brings an air of freshness to this site. Link to post Share on other sites
Hetzer Posted March 18, 2012 Share Posted March 18, 2012 I think it's a tragedy, we need harsher sexual harassment policies that prevent unattractive men hitting on women. Here's a secret: men hit on everything and everyone. Ugly, hot, fat, skinny, tall , short, etc. Because men have to throw out a net. So it doesn't mean you're attractive or unattractive, it just means you're an unaccompanied woman. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 18, 2012 Share Posted March 18, 2012 For the OP, IMO something to examine is why you feel hurt when another human being exhibits like, attraction or interest in you. I can understand a range of emotions possible in this dynamic but genuine hurt has me intrigued. Hurt is a pretty powerful emotion, indicating care on some level. Care to elaborate? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jobaba Posted March 18, 2012 Share Posted March 18, 2012 Imagine this ... You're in a car driving home with some friends and you get into a horrible accident. Your face is scarred noticeably and it takes some plastic surgery to correct a broken nose and cheekbones. Or how about this? You develop a rare form of cancer and the tumor makes it's way through your nasal extremities, majorly disfiguring your face. Major plastic surgery is required. Would your attitude today stay the same as it is ... or would it change? Don't say it couldn't happen because it could. And then YOU would be the UGLY person to 95% of the populace. And only that 5% who can see beyond your skin beauty might give you a chance. Why not be that 5% today? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Professor X Posted March 18, 2012 Share Posted March 18, 2012 I dont want to come off as stuck up or a bitch its just that when unattractive Men approach me i feel like i cant be that attractive if an ugly guy thinks he has a chance with me I know its not the pc thing to say or maybe a little insensitive but its how i feel,i am not mean to these guys i treat them as people and let them down as nice as i can but at times i lashed out because deep down i was hurt by them approaching me i know its not right but its what i feel You were actually hurt by them merely talking to you? Please tell me you are joking, or tell me you missed some vital info like they had a knife in their hand or something. Link to post Share on other sites
westrock Posted March 18, 2012 Share Posted March 18, 2012 I dont want to come off as stuck up or a bitch its just that when unattractive Men approach me i feel like i cant be that attractive if an ugly guy thinks he has a chance with me You should feel flattered that you are "attractive" to so many people. It is interesting that you equate unattractive/ugly men approaching you as meaning that you are not attractive. To me that sounds like you may have self-esteem issues, looking for external validation instead of a healthy internal assessment of yourself. Besides, why do you judge these men as being unattractive/ugly? They are afterall interested in you. Maybe if you were to give them a chance you would find they are not ugly/unattractive at all. You should view those guys as much better for you than the guys who don't show you any interest. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HopelessRomantic76 Posted March 18, 2012 Author Share Posted March 18, 2012 Besides, why do you judge these men as being unattractive/ugly? They are afterall interested in you. Maybe if you were to give them a chance you would find they are not ugly/unattractive at all. You should view those guys as much better for you than the guys who don't show you any interest. Im sorry but there needs to be some physical attraction to sustain a relationship otehrwise its just a friendship If i cant even picture making out with him without throwing up then its not gonna work 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Jane2011 Posted March 18, 2012 Share Posted March 18, 2012 Im sorry but there needs to be some physical attraction to sustain a relationship otehrwise its just a friendship If i cant even picture making out with him without throwing up then its not gonna work I agree - you shouldn't have to force yourself to like someone, or look past their appearance altogether. People do need to be open-minded, but to me that means giving someone a chance if you're on the fence about them, or think they're 'kinda cute' but not sold just yet. However, if you're definitely not physically attracted to them, there's no point in forcing things just because you want to conquer all traces of human superficiality. Link to post Share on other sites
dasein Posted March 18, 2012 Share Posted March 18, 2012 I can understand a range of emotions possible in this dynamic but genuine hurt has me intrigued. Hurt is a pretty powerful emotion, indicating care on some level. Care to elaborate? IME it's that the undesirable approacher may be preventing or hindering attention of more desirable, that may be part of what OP is talking about. I realize she puts it in the context of feeling devalued though also. OP, it's natural to get annoyed when people approach and flirt obviously whom we don't find attractive if they are inconveniencing us in some way. The measure of character is being able to remain courteous while politely disengaging and not insulting them. Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted March 18, 2012 Share Posted March 18, 2012 I dont want to come off as stuck up or a bitch its just that when unattractive Men approach me i feel like i cant be that attractive if an ugly guy thinks he has a chance with me I know its not the pc thing to say or maybe a little insensitive but its how i feel,i am not mean to these guys i treat them as people and let them down as nice as i can but at times i lashed out because deep down i was hurt by them approaching me i know its not right but its what i feelWorry less about others and worry more about building and grounding your inner self, therefore increasing your confidence. The more you allow external factors to impact on your self-esteem, the more you'll get pushed around by others, running to and fro, trying to please everyone else. Link to post Share on other sites
jobaba Posted March 18, 2012 Share Posted March 18, 2012 I dont want to come off as stuck up or a bitch its just that when unattractive Men approach me i feel like i cant be that attractive if an ugly guy thinks he has a chance with me I know its not the pc thing to say or maybe a little insensitive but its how i feel,i am not mean to these guys i treat them as people and let them down as nice as i can but at times i lashed out because deep down i was hurt by them approaching me i know its not right but its what i feel Im sorry but there needs to be some physical attraction to sustain a relationship otehrwise its just a friendship If i cant even picture making out with him without throwing up then its not gonna work You don't get it. I'm sure 95% of the people on here would never date someone they had no physical attraction to. Fine. Norm for the course... It's your presentation of the matter that exudes arrogance. You imply that you are offended when somebody 'uglier' than you hits on you. That you deserve someone in your 'league' or above. and that making out with an unattractive man makes you want to 'throw up'. Very arrogant and immature. How about, "He just doesn't do it for me." And THAT'S THAT. I would also like to add that men are not shy creatures. If you were hot, you'd have hot guys hitting on you. Maybe you're average after all. OH THE HORROR! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Professor X Posted March 18, 2012 Share Posted March 18, 2012 OP, it's natural to get annoyed when people approach and flirt obviously whom we don't find attractive if they are inconveniencing us in some way. No it's not natural. When it happens I just say no thanks and move on as if nothing happened, you know why? Cause nothing actually happened Shocking, I know! She actually feels bad, to the point where she's not only thinking she's ugly, but she's also finding it offensive and wanting to throw up, and according to her, she even lashed out a few times. That is, by all means, not normal nor natural. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
PlumPrincess Posted March 18, 2012 Share Posted March 18, 2012 I don't think it's an indicator of how attractive you are. All kinds of men will attempt to hit on you, no matter what your "league." I used to think the same thing, like...only unattractive men ever talk to me and look at me. But I've realized that, in all fairness, attractive men talk to me, too. I've heard someone say that the best way to assess your league is not who talks to you or looks at you, though. But by assessing who is the best-looking person (not just their looks, though, their general background and level of charmingness as well) who has wanted a serious relationship with you. That just made me feel so much better!! Link to post Share on other sites
Jane2011 Posted March 18, 2012 Share Posted March 18, 2012 That just made me feel so much better!! Why? Did a great-looking, fantastic guy want to be in a serious relationship with you? (awesome, if so...) Link to post Share on other sites
Untouchable_Fire Posted March 18, 2012 Share Posted March 18, 2012 I dont want to come off as stuck up or a bitch its just that when unattractive Men approach me i feel like i cant be that attractive if an ugly guy thinks he has a chance with me I know its not the pc thing to say or maybe a little insensitive but its how i feel,i am not mean to these guys i treat them as people and let them down as nice as i can but at times i lashed out because deep down i was hurt by them approaching me i know its not right but its what i feel When I was in highschool I was pretty much a fat chick magnet. I took it pretty much the same way you do right now. However, once I got to college I realized what was really going on. Fat girls didn't like me because they thought I was easy for them to get. They liked me because I was a good person. See, the other guys tended to treat them like dog crap... but I treated them like everybody else. I have a good personality... and they see that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dasein Posted March 18, 2012 Share Posted March 18, 2012 No it's not natural. When it happens I just say no thanks and move on as if nothing happened, you know why? Cause nothing actually happened Shocking, I know! She actually feels bad, to the point where she's not only thinking she's ugly, but she's also finding it offensive and wanting to throw up, and according to her, she even lashed out a few times. That is, by all means, not normal nor natural. I didn't say it was natural to feel like throwing up or lashing out though, I said it was natural to be annoyed... and qualified that annoyance on inconvenience, not merely on being approached. Link to post Share on other sites
PlumPrincess Posted March 18, 2012 Share Posted March 18, 2012 (edited) Why? Did a great-looking, fantastic guy want to be in a serious relationship with you? (awesome, if so...) Not recently. The one I really, really wanted dumped me, but I knew other guys who were nice, good-looking and smart who were interested in me. I had so many guys approach me lately whom I wasn't interested in that I was wondering if my expectations were not too high. It always seems that of these guys there are more I find unattractive than attractive. But all hope is not lost. Edited March 18, 2012 by PlumPrincess Link to post Share on other sites
Jane2011 Posted March 18, 2012 Share Posted March 18, 2012 Not recently. The one I really, really wanted dumped me, but I knew other guys who were nice, good-looking and smart who were interested in me. I had so many guys approach me lately whom I wasn't interested in that I was wondering if my expectations were not too high. It always seems that of these guys there are more I find unattractive than attractive. But all hope is not lost. I often question that, too, because it is a common belief that women over-estimate their league. I've wondered if I do, too. It's hard to tell, really, because I've had such a wide variety of experiences, guys who were interested in me, and varying "intentions" on their part. If I do go by the criteria I listed in my above post, I've had a very good-looking, pretty high-caliber guy want to be in a serious relationship with me. Yet, I don't think for sure that that means that's my league. He was awesome, but I feel like nine out ten other guys like him would want/expect someone "better" than me. I just happened to get lucky with him. Beauty/attractiveness truly is in the eye of the beholder, and that's a good thing. Another thing you can do, and I'm thinking of doing myself with a good male friend of mine who gives me straight-talk advice all the time, is ask him to name a few men we know who he would consider a male "equivalent" of me. Then I will get an idea of what league I am in. Should be interesting to hear what he says, lol. Link to post Share on other sites
kaylan Posted March 18, 2012 Share Posted March 18, 2012 (edited) OP I totally know what you mean. I sometimes doubt myself when women I am not interested in, show interest in me. I start to wonder if Im all that attractive. It passes once I realize I need to create my own confidence and not rely on others to give it to me. Do that. This guy brings an air of freshness to this site. Agree. Easily one of the sites better posters. Probably my fave male poster to read. Always in depth, blunt, and to the point with his analysis. Edited March 18, 2012 by kaylan Link to post Share on other sites
Professor X Posted March 18, 2012 Share Posted March 18, 2012 Of course it's natural, and who are you to say what isn't natural for others? And who are you to say? And no, it's not of course. Link to post Share on other sites
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