paloma22 Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 I dont want to come off as stuck up or a bitch its just that when unattractive Men approach me i feel like i cant be that attractive if an ugly guy thinks he has a chance with me I know its not the pc thing to say or maybe a little insensitive but its how i feel,i am not mean to these guys i treat them as people and let them down as nice as i can but at times i lashed out because deep down i was hurt by them approaching me i know its not right but its what i feel This has been a trend for me recently, mainly when I am out at bars. THE most unattractive men approach me. And I'm thinking, seriously?! not to be totally vain, but I am way out of this persons league, what are they thinking even talking to me? Guys who I know that seem to show interest in me are usually more Ok, because they like me for my intelligence or personality, which I think might shine more than my looks in guys views. The thing is, women call me beautiful all the time, but I feel I may not attract the kinds of guys I want to be attracting, because I have a very harsh/ maybe exotic looking beauty that may not be described as 'girl next door'. but i feel i want the guys that want that girl next door. So what gives?? Plus, I was recently rejected from a guy I was dating, and just feel pretty down on myself. So thank you for posting this. Its good to know Im not the only one. Link to post Share on other sites
Jane2011 Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 I feel like I get a good variety who show interest in me. I don't really think in terms of leagues either. I just respond to who I'm attracted to. I'm quite sure I've rebuffed the interest of guys who were in my league or higher just because I wasn't attracted. There's a guy I know right now who likes me who is 6'1", handsome, athletic, and owns his own business. He could get with a 5'8" blonde woman with big boobs if he wanted to; I know he could. I don't know why the f*ck he is interested in me (and I'm not saying he's in love with me, but he's interested). But I'm not interested in him; I don't know why. Also, I've wanted a guy who was 5'6" and handsome but a big dork in lots of ways. I guess I haven't wanted many (or any) guys who were clearly in a lower league than me. But I've definitely not wanted plenty who were in the same league or higher. Link to post Share on other sites
Jane2011 Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 That said, I have to warn you, the girls that were considered the "hottest" in high school/college, many of them go on to lose that "hotness" over the next 5, 10, or 15 years. On the opposite side of the spectrum, many of those who were "fat" or "ugly" or "just average" become pretty damn attractive (Dare I say, more attractive than the "hottest" girls from high school/college). I enjoyed going to my high school reunion because I looked better and was 10 X more outgoing. I wouldn't say I flirted with any of the men, but I flashed a bunch of them big smiles that I never would have done when I was 17 and a senior in high school. I was painfully shy then and dressed as frumpy as humanly possible. That being said, most of my classmates looked pretty good, too. I can think of one guy who had gotten way fatter, but surprisingly, most of the men and women alike still looked pretty good at 28. I hear the 20 year reunion is the one where you see the drastic weight changes. Link to post Share on other sites
ScreamingTrees Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 This has been a trend for me recently, mainly when I am out at bars. THE most unattractive men approach me. And I'm thinking, seriously?! not to be totally vain, but I am way out of this persons league, what are they thinking even talking to me? The thing is, women call me beautiful all the time, but I feel I may not attract the kinds of guys I want to be attracting, because I have a very harsh/ maybe exotic looking beauty that may not be described as 'girl next door'. but i feel i want the guys that want that girl next door. So what gives?? Plus, I was recently rejected from a guy I was dating, and just feel pretty down on myself. So thank you for posting this. Its good to know Im not the only one. Maybe you think too highly of yourself to be thinking you're above someone else simply because of how you look? Actions speak louder than words and thoughts.. And you can't get with who you want. Maybe you should take a real hard look in the mirror? It's a bit odd that you can talk the talk (or maybe other women do), but you can't walk the walk. Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 (edited) I've never felt hurt when any man approached me, no matter what he looked like. If he had a pleasant demeanor, I was happy for the interaction. The only times I've been freaked out was after periods in my life where I suffered a trauma or felt more vulnerable. For some bizarre reason, men were coming out of the woodwork. Coming down from power poles to enter a shoe store I was in was my favorite. Asking me out in the grocery store line. The fact that they did that wasn't what bothered me. It was the timing. I was petrified that I was giving off 'weak girl' vibes... like a wounded gazelle or a bloody fish... and was attracting the lions and sharks. It just occurred to me why I don't mind approaching men or initiating... I don't want a lion or a shark or someone who is going to be attracted to what I feel is the 'weak' me. Edited March 19, 2012 by RedRobin Link to post Share on other sites
sid3 Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 I've never felt hurt when any man approached me, no matter what he looked like. If he had a pleasant demeanor, I was happy for the interaction. The only times I've been freaked out was after periods in my life where I suffered a trauma or felt more vulnerable. For some bizarre reason, men were coming out of the woodwork. Coming down from power poles to enter a shoe store I was in was my favorite. Asking me out in the grocery store line. The fact that they did that wasn't what bothered me. It was the timing. I was petrified that I was giving off 'weak girl' vibes... like a wounded gazelle or a bloody fish... d was attracting the lions and sharks. It just occurred to me why I don't mind approaching men or initiating... I don't want a lion or a shark or someone who is going to be attracted to what I feel is the 'weak' me. Climbing down the power poles you say? Huh! Link to post Share on other sites
AD1980 Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 What golden rule? So she should date people she finds unattractive? Come on now. And guys need to stop bitterly wishing comeuppance on women. You have no idea what her life will be like one day. If anything you should hope she finds someone she finds attractive and who is a good guy to have a relationship with. No one should date someone they find unattractive. Thats just asking for a bad relationship. What about if you cant get someone you find attractive? I myself agree with you i still cant do it,im 31 and never been in a relationship and probably never will but id rather be alone the rest of my life then with someone im not attracted to just because its all i can get Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 VEGGIRL is right.... If a few unnatractive looking men approach you , more power to them! I would admire them for having the guts, and would probably get their numbers and agree on a date, if they were not physically repulsive. Few people are drastically below average to the point of being too much to look at. On the other hand, if only unnattractive guys looked at me, and no average or attractive men approached me, ever.. it would mean that yes, I am obviously not attractive, and need to seek out average or below average looking men. Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 What about if you cant get someone you find attractive? I myself agree with you i still cant do it,im 31 and never been in a relationship and probably never will but id rather be alone the rest of my life then with someone im not attracted to just because its all i can get I did not find my boyfriend that attractive at all when I met him, but now I can see that he is a very good looking man to me. It could be my the fact I love him, or maybe he always was good looking. If your in love, an average or below average guy become very attractive to YOU. Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 Climbing down the power poles you say? Huh! In the urban 'jungle' of Atlanta, apparently Tarzan spends his time up on power poles. All kidding aside... he was a lineman and saw me walk into the shoe repair place. Came down to ask me out. About two days later, a man in the grocery store aisle asked for my phone #. This was within just a few months after my divorce. Part of the reason I found LS is because I seem to be going through a similar phase in my life. I'm feeling vulnerable and frightened about my impending home sale and relocation... and feel I must be giving off that vibe. That 'prey' vibe. I feel like I have a big 'loser' stamp on my forehead... not because 'ugly' men approach me. But because it feels like not nice men are approaching me. I would NEVER judge someone based on their looks. If they appeared to be unpleasant, skeevy, or dishonest... then I worry about my 'aura'. But to the OP... I'm concerned about her criteria. To me, ugly is as ugly does. Not how they were born. Although, I have to admit I have my moments of 'ugly' myself. Working on that... Link to post Share on other sites
verhrzn Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 Better than no men at all hitting on you. Link to post Share on other sites
PJKino Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 This is why i never approach women im tired of that look on their face like oh my god i hope this ugly guy isnt gonna hit on me Link to post Share on other sites
udolipixie Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 It's not illegal or hurts children or animals so it's not wrong to me. If you need to feel better just think that often men feel bad if they can only attract women they find unattractive. but at times i lashed out because deep down i was hurt by them approaching me i know its not right but its what i feel Probably best suited to not let others incur your wrath for your emotions. Link to post Share on other sites
udolipixie Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 Probably best suited not to let the attractiveness of who approach you affect your self-esteem. This may likely be difficult to achieve as many people think what they attract or who is attracted to them is what they are. It's similar to some guys getting told repeatedly "let's just be friends" don't appreciate that gals wants to be his friend but focus on that this means gals don't find him attractive or that he's not date/bf/husband material. Link to post Share on other sites
paloma22 Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 Maybe you think too highly of yourself to be thinking you're above someone else simply because of how you look? Actions speak louder than words and thoughts.. And you can't get with who you want. Maybe you should take a real hard look in the mirror? It's a bit odd that you can talk the talk (or maybe other women do), but you can't walk the walk. sure, you're right, which is why it makes me wonder ! at the same time, I'm a smart girl, and most guys who approach me at bars, are complete idiots, let alone unattractive. I'm not saying I'm stunningly beautiful because that is subjective, I'm just saying it seems i attract exactly what i don't want! Link to post Share on other sites
Whisky1981 Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 I dont want to come off as stuck up or a bitch its just that when unattractive Men approach me i feel like i cant be that attractive if an ugly guy thinks he has a chance with me I know its not the pc thing to say or maybe a little insensitive but its how i feel,i am not mean to these guys i treat them as people and let them down as nice as i can but at times i lashed out because deep down i was hurt by them approaching me i know its not right but its what i feel Yes it is wrong. They eat, talk, walk, lough, cry, feel just like you. They are human beings you know? If they approach you that means they like you. And you are hurt because they like you? I am sorry but I think that your post sounds shallow. Yeah and you treat them like people you almighty godess. Link to post Share on other sites
Anela Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 OP is a shallow, self entitled bitch! ....wait...is it FrustratedStandards? You were such a big fan the other day. Her love of porn and video games had you all excited over her. What happened? Link to post Share on other sites
Professor X Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 I thought for a moment...and becoming a playboy millionaire just to have hot chick under my arm..did not feel worth it....besides..even though I am cute...i can be a jerk at times...and she seems so shallow and naive...i would feel bad for her..... Are you becoming... soft????:confused: Like Sponge Bob?????? Link to post Share on other sites
Anela Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 Maybe my true self comes out here and there in my trolling...can't keep the act up all the time i guess....will do better professor X! Please don't. RedP the human being, is more palatable. Link to post Share on other sites
Chubbi Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 Sometimes, OP, when people have such strong reactions to people it's because of Repressed Sexual Attraction. Maybe in your subconscious, you do find those men attractive, but for some reason, repress your sexual emotions because you are either fearful of them because of something in your past or because you aspire to higher social status and therefore subconsciously weed out the riffraff. It's in Freud. Look it up. Just something to think about. Link to post Share on other sites
dasein Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 It's not illegal or hurts children or animals so it's not wrong to me. That's a very interesting ethical standard you have there, but one I find quite common among women, until they themselves are exposed to rude or offensive conduct that is completely legal, then seem to take a different tack. Link to post Share on other sites
udolipixie Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 That's a very interesting ethical standard you have there, but one I find quite common among women, Different experiences. I haven't found my ethical standard common in people. I've found a few women who had something similar it was: It's not illegal or hurts children, animals, my family, or women so it's not wrong to me. I've found a few men who had something similar it was: It's not illegal or hurts children, animals, or me so it's not wrong to me. until they themselves are exposed to rude or offensive conduct that is completely legal, then seem to take a different tack. By take a different tack do you mean these women stop believing in their standard? Or do you mean they take an issue with it? Link to post Share on other sites
ScreamingTrees Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 sure, you're right, which is why it makes me wonder ! at the same time, I'm a smart girl, and most guys who approach me at bars, are complete idiots, let alone unattractive. I'm not saying I'm stunningly beautiful because that is subjective, I'm just saying it seems i attract exactly what i don't want! Well, figure out how to attract them. Even if it's just once, go after someone you find attractive and see how he reacts. If he thinks you're attractive, he probably wouldn't have a problem with you taking the lead just to start things off.. Then he can take control from there. I also can't be sure of how intelligent you are, especially when you claim to know where you're sitting on the totem pole of intellect. How can you be sure that the guys are total idiots? Because they might have been drinking? Perhaps they could present an entirely different demeanor and level of self awareness while sober? You'd never know, either way. Maybe a club isn't the best place to be looking for intelligent people? (Unless it's an actual club.. Y'know, a gathering for a specific interest.) You could always expand your circle, and then send green lights to the ones you're most attracted to as you scope out the scene for potentials.. Pretty standard, I'd say. Link to post Share on other sites
paloma22 Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 (edited) Well, figure out how to attract them. Even if it's just once, go after someone you find attractive and see how he reacts. If he thinks you're attractive, he probably wouldn't have a problem with you taking the lead just to start things off.. Then he can take control from there. I also can't be sure of how intelligent you are, especially when you claim to know where you're sitting on the totem pole of intellect. How can you be sure that the guys are total idiots? Because they might have been drinking? Perhaps they could present an entirely different demeanor and level of self awareness while sober? You'd never know, either way. Maybe a club isn't the best place to be looking for intelligent people? (Unless it's an actual club.. Y'know, a gathering for a specific interest.) You could always expand your circle, and then send green lights to the ones you're most attracted to as you scope out the scene for potentials.. Pretty standard, I'd say. with regard to the 'totem pole of intellect' (which i quite like btw good job), i would say i can carry on a stimulating conversation with a man, and generally men find me 'smart', more than anything. i read a lot, follow the news, know basic vocabulary, blabla i don't know. maybe I'm actually a super big idiot and I'm kidding myself in thinking I'm an intellectual. we can only try. as for your suggestions, definitely standard, and fair. bars are not the best place to look. which leads me to wonder.. where is the best place to look? because i am out of ideas. I'm a grad student currently, and besides my limited faculty, it seems everywhere i look guys are younger than me. i want to date an older guy, but i feel like I'm always at school and its hard to find these 'types', other than say, at a bar (which isn't even a viable option), or the gym (also not exactly viable either).. hmmmm Edited March 20, 2012 by paloma22 Link to post Share on other sites
louise_23 Posted April 13, 2012 Share Posted April 13, 2012 I dont want to come off as stuck up or a bitch its just that when unattractive Men approach me i feel like i cant be that attractive if an ugly guy thinks he has a chance with me I know its not the pc thing to say or maybe a little insensitive but its how i feel,i am not mean to these guys i treat them as people and let them down as nice as i can but at times i lashed out because deep down i was hurt by them approaching me i know its not right but its what i feel i 100% feel the exact same way. i feel offended more than hurt to be honest. this generally happens to me in drinking environments though, i blame the overinflated self confidence of the pursuer on alcohol. Link to post Share on other sites
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